Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,152,991 members, 7,817,916 topics. Date: Saturday, 04 May 2024 at 10:53 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person (2837 Views)
10 Signs To Know You Are Dating The Wrong Person / .10 Signs You Are Dating The Wrong Person. / She's getting married to the wrong person. Pls, advice. (2) (3) (4)
11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bamibor: 4:44pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Many people have gone into marriage seeking fulfilment only to find that they soon become dissatisfied and even disillusioned. Most of the people in this category made the wrong from the onset. Below are 11 reasons why people end up with the wrong choice of life partners. The post is quite long but please take the pains of going through you may well need it. ××××××××××××××××××××××××××× #1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after they're married... for the worse!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now. ××××××××××××××××××××××××× #2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Get great Jewish content – FREE! Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Here are four character traits to definitely check for: Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort? Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/ he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity? Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do? Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her? ×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××× #3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't "get it." Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved -- to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the intimate needs of his wife. Intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal- oriented, especially when it comes this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience- oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen. ×××××××××××××××××××××××××××× #4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person: 1. chemistry and compatibility 2. share common interests 3. share common life goal Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're "living for," while you're single -- and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a "soul mate." A soul mate is a goal mate -- two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals. ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××× #5. You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly. Intimacy before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Physical involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to take a "test drive" in order to find out if a couple is physically compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about it. Of all the studies done on divorce, incompatibility in the intimate arena is almost never cited as a main reason why people divorce. ×××××××××××××××××××××××××××× #6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person. To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc. Also ask: "Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her? ×××××××××××××××××××××××××××× #7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There's a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit. ×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××× #8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, then you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand. ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××× #9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you. ××××××××××××××××××××××××××× #10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that's no basis for a marriage. ****************************** #11. Faith and Religion However you choose to look at it, and on whichever side of the divide you stand, it is undeniable that for many people who have and profess "faith", it is an integral part of their lives. Hence in any relationship, issues of faith must be properly dealt with as it could prove a major agent of discord in marriage if not wisely and properly handled. The saying goes, "Can two work together except they agree?" 1 Like
|
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by ibrams(m): 4:45pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
..... |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bilabong(m): 4:47pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Una list don tire me joor 1 Like |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Nobody: 4:51pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Aarrhhh...all this list every day,wetin sef ...op are you with the right person? |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Cutehector(m): 4:55pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Though long buh its educative.. Op thanks for this piece... 1 Like |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bamibor: 4:59pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Sassybae:Well... I guess I'll just say the I haven't tied the knot yet... So the chance is still there to get it right. |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Poochai354: 5:00pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
You can only change someone that is willing and ready to change. |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bamibor: 5:01pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Cutehector:You are welcome... Though I can't claim the copyright for all of the ideas therein, I borrowed some knowledge too. |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by misreal(m): 5:01pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
True. |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by crispberry(f): 5:02pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Nicey |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by tomsniel(m): 5:03pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
A home that is not built on love and Jesus Christ will fail 1 Like |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bamibor: 5:08pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
tomsniel:True |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Cutehector(m): 5:08pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Bamibor:its all good . As long as someone out thr gets inspired... Like me nw, I may like a gurl very much, buh most times I'd be askn myself, hw will she react wen a conflict happens.. Hw will she handle d situation and all that.. Some ladies just find it difficult to say they are sorry and at that point u just begin to imajin if dats d person u wana spend d rest of ur life with |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bamibor: 5:12pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Cutehector:Indeed character is as important as love in any relationship... And anyone who wants to get married must be ready for a continual character "adjustment" where necessary... |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by DJ2HOT(m): 5:34pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
#7 |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bamibor: 5:45pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
DJ2HOT:Yeah... What's with the number 7? |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Olami90: 7:17pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Dis is so deep. Though it is long buh I took my time to digest it all nd I feel refreshed. Op, thankz. I knw most of dis finz bfor buh it feels gud wen somone else givs u/break it down from another perspective nd in smaller bits.tnkz once again. |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Olami90: 7:37pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Cutehector: Tnkz bro! I av experienced dis twice @ diff times. Even wit pple dat are good frnds. One of d reasons I withdrawn frm my last relationship is her heady habit. I can't remember wen she actually acknowledged her flaws within two good years even wen it is was so glaring(neva said sorry). She is prepared to giv 101 reasons why wot she did is justified.Got to a stage I cld no longer tell her somfinz. She also knws too much nd not teachable. I analysed who I am nd wot I want in my relationship then I concluded she doesn't worth it/deserve me. I stand to b corrected, there are more ladies in nowadays that ego/pride has eaten dem deep or I shld say has bin finished by it. They raises head anyhow (seen dat frm female frnds) 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by DJ2HOT(m): 7:58pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Bamibor:looks like I have nd hav had issues with it [size=8pt][/size] did I answer you Well I only meant the content in the number 7 of the context #peace# |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bamibor: 9:02pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
DJ2HOT:Alright... I get it now |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by DJ2HOT(m): 11:43pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Bamibor:ok ooooooooo |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bamibor: 9:47am On Jul 15, 2015 |
Olami90: That's why everyone in a relationship (both male and female) must have their eyes peeled to look beyond the 'veil' of emotions and deal with issues practically |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by moyosore27384(m): 1:41pm On Jul 15, 2015 |
i found myself in getting d wrong fellow n i no longer belif love exist |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by peterpaulis(m): 2:26pm On Jul 15, 2015 |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Remilekun101: 3:11pm On Jul 15, 2015 |
Space yah work |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bamibor: 2:36pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
moyosore27384:While I empathize with your ordeal, I like to say that shutting off your heart because of one or even two bad experiences is not the right way to go. Give yourself time to recoup, then take stock of what you have learnt as a person as well as what you truly want in a relationship and I'm sure the right person will come your way soon. Cheers! 1 Like |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bamibor: 2:47pm On Jul 18, 2015 |
Remilekun101:Noted... |
Re: 11 Reasons Why People Marry The Wrong Person by Bamibor: 10:27pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Bilabong: You know the problem, is that people keep repeating the same mistakes over and over hence educating our minds must be a continuous process |
(1) (Reply)
Women Are Devils / For Men Only : How To Approach A Group Of Girls. / Important Slangs That Rep Your States
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 52 |