**osisi:


I predicted right when I made this statement

The average Nigerian born  male marries in his mid thirties and those of them in America married in their late 30's to early 40's so when you said you married him at 17,I knew he had to be at least 38.
There are many Nigerian wives in that situation.
Is this man abusive, overly controlling and suspecting your every move?
That is the situation usually when a young man marries a much older man.

sparta:

@ Poster,

I really feel for you, whao, your parents gave you out in marriage at the tender age of seventeen  You were just a child still trying to find the woman in you and all they could think of was marriage.

I think we african children push this issue of parental consent and respect for them. At seventeen my father could not even choose a course for me to study let alone choose a man for me. What the heck?

Anyway sweety, the deed is done, i feel you have been cheated but i stiill do not believe in divorce because the other guy may even be worse if not why do we have people who have been married for 3, 4 or five times. Please for your child, reconsider, Pray for God's guidance and help, he cares about every litle detail of our lives. Talk to your ma about it too, am sure as a woman she will understand.

Its good to respect our parents but we have a right also to be happy.

sparta:

I wonder what JJYOU means.

spikedcylinder:

She has been with him for 6 years and the love did not grow. When will it grow? When she's quarter to heaven?

nj11:

Thank you guys so much for your advise,you guys are awesome,i am finally able to talk to somebody about what has be en eating me up for years. I am very much trying to find something to love in my husband,all there is,is that he loves me genuinely,which is hard to find now and he is a very kind individual.

My thing is the attraction,when you are not attracted to somebody is hard to enjoy being around them,intimacy is a problem,when it comes to that am still withdrawn, feels like being raped,waiting for it to be over.

I don't trust my ex 100% ,but am happy when am around him can be myself,i think he feels thesame way too,at-least he showes to be so into me,has that energy I've been longing for.

My only pain in it all is my child,don't want to hurt him,but i want to be happy.

That is the situation usually when a young man marries a much older man.

spikedcylinder:

She has been with him for 6 years and the love did not grow. When will it grow? When she's quarter to heaven?

spikedcylinder:

@ OP

You shouldn't sacrifice your happiness. You only live once.

I have been married for six years to a man that am not inlove with,
been trying to work it out so far,but this past Christmas holiday i went
home to visit my family and met my first boyfriend,all the feelings i had
for him came rushing back,he tells me he feels thesame way too.Now
that am back i can't stop thinking about him and its causing lot of strain
in my marriage,can't stand my husband anymore.So am thinking the best
is for me to leave the marriage.

I need help,advise pls!!!

**osisi:

let this be a warning to those young girls in Naija looking to marry an "americana"  or "abroad husband"
Love just doesn't begin to flow because he lives in the UK
You may be signing onto a life of misery
.

That's the sad aspect.
In arranged marriages that survive,at least the woman comes around and starts to find love in the husband
but 6 years is a very long time
Many marriages that eventually hit the rocks at some point started with both indivuals crazily in love
I cannot imagine a situation where yone arrives at JFK airport and meets the spouse for the first time  and exclaims "oh my goodness" under her breath and yet you're expected to be a happy bride.

I heard of a woman who fell in love (over the phone) with this Nigerian man .
handsome,well built,great career
but when they met,the man had "quarter past 4 eyes" and she backed out.
Imagine[b] if she had arrived from Naija and she'll be stuck with a man  turned to the east and beholding things on the west[/b]
I don't have anything against people with strabismus but a woman should make that choice if she can deal with that.
Physical attraction can't be undermined

You cannot live the rest of your life paying for someone else's mistake. Telling a 23 year old girl to love a 40+ year old man? She says she still feels as if she is being raped during sex for goodness sake.

I suggest you leave the man as soon as possible. A loving single parent is definitely better than a loveless marriage. Kindness is good, but you need to enter into marriage on your OWN terms - YOU decide to go into it, so if anything goes wrong within, YOU deal with it without blaming anyone.

DeReloaded:

wetin be quarter past 4 eyes

okpunor:

[color=#990000]Madam,mistakes are bound to occur.And if I may say,you are the cause of it all.

nj11:

@ okpunor

I'm sorry you don't understand how it all went down,but one thing i know i refuse to blame myself for anything. My father did not lure me into marriage,he threatened me into it, when i told him that if he made me get married that i was going to run away,what came out of his mouth more than once was, if you do not get married to this man he will go to the next village and see that i am dead in just a few days,he said that in front of my mother and other family members i called to help me plead with him that i wasn't ready for marriage. My choice was get married or die,and my dear i choose marriage. You know come to think of it i would have gone for death.

My ex is not the only reason i'm leaving,i want to be happy,want freedom,tired of being taking care of by people much older. Left my parent house into marriage,never being by my self. If i do go back to my ex let it be my choice.

You said something about daughters of celebrities getting married to older men,that was their choice, i wasn't giving one. 

benincitys:

i hope you have money to take care of youself and boyfriend ? going to nigerian to mit up with your ex was not the best to do .

Sky-walker:

Just pray ur husband does not catch you with ur lost lost boyfriend.You are married with kids.No excuse.Do u think your lost lost boyfriend is a fool.Beta b careful the guy is not using you to collect money from you.after u got kids,u think he will be ready to take u in his home
I feel u not opening ur heart to ur husband to love him.there are things that he does that u would not apprciate now bcuz u feel u were forced into the marriage.You said he is very nice.How many nice men do u see out there.Love him for being nice.You know this man beta than ur long lost boyfriend.

Dont ruin ur future.Dont let any1 deceive you with divorce stuff and shits.those things are gonna affect u later on.Stick to ur husband .at least u have lovely kids u have to love him 4

michelin89:

Does having kids mean not having a choice anymore?

Sky-walker:

She got into it herself.got kids.do u know wot happen to most kids would parents are divorced? Besides how sure are u her former boyfirned would marry her after kids.Lets Be real here. What do u think would happen if her nice husband finds out she is seeing her ex.She never complained her husband cheated or sumthing.Did she? she said he is very nice. The way she got married is affecting her.she need to see the beta side of her husband.
and apprciate it now.