I have a cousin. A girl. We have a very special r/shp. We're family,but what we hav is more than that. We're rily close because we're both very alike;we're both cynics,we're both critics and we're both very wary if not distrustful of life's sappier emotions,we're smart as a whip,witty,etc. These similarities make me closer to her than i've been to a lot of relatives even though she's just a teenager(i mean,how many teenagers can have a logical argument with u over,4 xample the Israeli/Palestine crisis or the causes of the 1st n 2nd world wars?). She's more mature than her years;she thinks,speaks n acts with an insight that never fails to surprise me. She has problems relating with her parents,her dad especially,mayb its because he's the typical authoritarian Benin father(lol). She also has anger issues. I think i'm an outlet for a lot of her shit,but that's okay. She needs a friend,and i'm there for her. I always will be. Anyway,ydai she was at my place,she just branchd there from skul. She was doin sumn inside when her phone rang with one of those flash messages. I didnt knw what it was until i'd read it. It was 4rm a guy who said sumn like,'where were you? You knw i dnt like it when u dont pick my calls'. So i was curious. I went thru her fone n read some sappy(ok so mayb some of 'em were original)love texts 4rm the guy. I xpected her to diss him right away-except she didnt. She sounded confused,like she was actually considerin his proposal(there wasnt an actual proposal in any of the txts,i just got the feelin that there was an underlyin proposal of some sort underneath that crap). The more i read,the clearer it became to me that they were in a r/shp of some sort,or at least they were abt to get into one. Normally i'd go to her dad or mom,but that doesnt seem like a viable option. I just cant wrap my mind around that she might have a bf. I mean,for cryin out loud,she's just 14!(she'l be 15 this year,bt that's inconsequential-she's still a kid!). So i need insightful,practical advice on what to do.

Are u dating her? Have u asked her about the texts? do u feel any jealousy or anger? It all looks like u're in love with your cousin, u need to find out why u feel this attachment to her to the extent that it hurts to see her end up with someone else. I think u need to ask her about the texts though before taking it up more seriously.

na wa o

cousin-cousin

@whitelexi,Eew! That is so gross man. She's my cousin! Not we're-all-from-Benin cousins,but blood cousins. She's a kid. A 14 year old kid,and i'm a full-grown man. Yeah,i love her,but i sure as hell am not in love with my cousin. That'd be so sick n wrong. I guess i feel so close to her because she's like the little sister i never had. I dont feel any jealousy or anger or anythin. I'm not hurt by the possibility that she might b involved with som1,i just think that at 14,she's gat no business bein romantically involved with som1 of the opposite sex. She shld b focusing on her studies. Just imagin how u'd feel if ur 14 yr old junior sister was havin a bf at her age.

u should not even think of telling her parents cos u'll betray d trust she she has in u.
wat u ought to do is to sit her down and tell her about the
dangers of her goin into a relationship at this age and state instance
of wat might become of her outcome if she continues with relationship

Except i'm not good at advicing people. Then,she'l b angry at me 4 going thru her messages(though i dnt see what the big deal is). What if she gets all emotional on me,or God forbid,starts cryin? I wouldnt know what to do.

b/f at 14 it is really jet age.

Tell me about it. At that age,we were all planning for waec and reading till our eyes burned. Who had time for girls?

Dude, if i were in your shoes, i should be able to talk to her about it, she is your cousin and as well a good friend of yours, you should speak to her first, she might have so many things she is confused about,
dont rush off to her parents,
btw, i had a girlfriend in secondary school

@poster

are you still in the room? i want to have a weave with you on this matter

bros cousin how ur own be sef. wat u av to do now is just sit ur little cousin down and tell her wat to do and wat not to do in a relationship cos if u tell her parents ur little girl will still date the guy and u'll lose her trust

you are gone i guess but then, 14 years is not too bad for a gal. one thing is sure, you don't have the right words of advice her or have you one? listen, experience is the best teacher. allow her to experience what affair is all about, by the time she sees it all at a tender age, she will be able to figure out the rights and wrongs in it and thereafter vegetate. if she should go into it at the age you presume, it might be too late for her to figure out right and wrongs in it. my advise is that you let her be, ignore her but once in a while, discuss issue pertaining the pains in affairs and ways to indemnify, period.

na wah o

ohaechesi:

14 years is not too bad for a gal.

were you sleeping when you posted your comment or what

ohaechesi:

one thing is sure, you don't have the right words of advice her or have you one? listen, experience is the best teacher.

experience is not necessary the best teacher.
why not learn from people that have seen and been through it all

ohaechesi:

my advise is that you let her be, ignore her but once in a while, discuss issue pertaining the pains in affairs and ways to indemnify, period.

I'm sure when the unexpected happens it will not only be her business
including the older consin will be involve especially now that he knows watup with her.

@ohaechesi,i was out. Duty called. And abeg o,experience is not the best teacher. Some experiences r better not had. I cant imagin her pregnant o! @the other poster,being in a r/ship with someone is all well n good for a guy n not a girl.

@poster
sit her down and talk some sense into her like a loving cousin you are.tell her the dangers involved in it but as for going to her parents i dont think that is wise.

talk to her
dont let her know u read her texts
she'll go preacher's wife on u
just talk like normal
gradually ask her wat she thinks about rlnsps n stuff then u give ur advice i the form of an advice



but wat i dont understand is how u will read a text n it wont show that its been read

The flash mesg thin doesnt stay in the inbox,it just appears on the screen. Mayb she thought i or herself touchd it by mistake. I dont think she knws i read it because if she did,she go vex o! She'd b like i was invading her privacy,blah,blah,blah. @bluespice,the thing is,we hardly ever talk abt things like r/shps,so how can i introduce the subj casually?

bluespice:

talk to her
dont let her know u read her texts
she'll go preacher's wife on u
just talk like normal
gradually ask her wat she thinks about rlnsps n stuff then u give ur advice i the form of an advice



but wat i dont understand is how u will read a text n it wont show that its been read

Bluespice is correct here.

With children you have to find a way to talk about w/o letting them know how you found out.
Dont make it a formal conversation. Just talk to her about r/s in a very playful way.
Find out what she knows and correct any misnomers she has.
Kids now a days know more than we adults would like to admit.
If she feels like you are preaching to her then she will shut down and it will go in one ear and out the other.
Bring up examples, make them up if you have to, of youngsters in r/s. Since she likes to debate she will take this as an opportunity to debate you on the issue with her personal spin to it.

U've got 2 start because she ought to know what to do and what nt to do,and pls don't tl her parents,dts nt d best and won't gv d best either,presently,im in luv wt a matured 14-yr old girl but im ashamed 2 tl her just because of her age.

you're a full grown man? then you should be able to sit her down talk to her like her father will, slap her if she says shit and hold a belt while talking to her . serioulsly you should be able to talk to her if you're a full grown man.simple.

I keep posting a website for him to review but it keeps getting deleted. Why is my post being deleted?

@segzi cres,i wont deny that givin her a good whuppin' hasnt crossed my mind,but there are some children that just cant b handled with the cane. She's one of those ultra-stubborn kids(she reminds me of myself,at that age my dad use'd to flog me almost everyday). @sista,d thing 'bout gettin her into a debate rily makes sense for her kind of person. Thanks.

U've got 2 start because she ought to know what to do and what nt to do,and pls don't tl her parents,dts nt d best and won't gv d best either,presently,im in luv wt a matured 14-yr old girl but im ashamed 2 tl her just because of her age.

clap for yourself. y wont u be ashamed. how old are you?

Since you seem to be close to her. . .I think you would be in a better position to be able to talk to her and also her willingness to open up to you.

@ I think u also need to let her know that u are not just a friend but also a big brother. U are older, more matured and certainly more experienced than her. If she truly respects u, then she should @ least listen to u. Have the debate with her and advise her afterwards, though I kinda prefer u calling a spade a spade.

Guys make una continue ds thread now,@atreus,how far,av u tolkd 2 her?

Indentation should be enforced

no you do `t need to

:p:p