Sholeyb:

I would start by saying that if this is the true version of events you are a victim of domestic violence/ abuse and you are not at fault no matter what anybody says. The person who abuses another is the one at fault, is it ok for me to kill somebody because they abused my mother? No, I will be sent to jail for it, or is it right to defraud someone of their money because they are greedy or have too much money anyhow? Wrong. So please do not let anyone tell you that it is your fault, that is rubbish.

I deal with victims of DV and it always starts with one incident and escalates further. I do not advocate that you divorce your husband, however you must recognise that this is a serous matter.
I am not of the opinion that you apologise and leave it at that, if you are a Christian apologise for the way you spoke to him but insist that he seeks counselling either from a professional or the church.

There must have been traces of this in his character before you got married but you probably ignored it, I am telling you for a fact that unless the Holy Spirit gets a hold of him, this will continue.

Please start to pray and seek help from a TRUSTED CHRISTIAN( no need confiding in someone who will tell the whole world your biz or does not have faith in God that he can heal your marriage)

God bless

JustGood:

Women need to understand that the make up of man is such that he wants to know that he has authority and he doesn't like to be made to feel unimportant or to feel that he has no authority.

Thats when battery comes in handy. Bravo!

My Husband Has Not Been Talking To Me For Three Days Now Please Help Me

Hello Nairalanders, im in serious stress and i need your advice, my husband slapped me twice when i was lying on bed because i asked him why he is sleeping without taking his bath, i got so angry and insulted him,  he  has not been talking to me for three days now.I over reacted and said some unpleasant things to him cos i never expected him to ever slap me as he use to say when  we were dating that he can never lay his finger on a woman, what annoys me most is that  im pregnant and i don't expect him to slap me in this condition. Now he will not give me food money, he will not talk to me he sleeps and turns his back on me, i feel like telling him im sorry but something tells me not to, he has a very stiff heart, i think of terminating the pregnancy and quiting the marriage, he has a tough heart and im afraid i may not be able to live the rest of my life with him, he is not willing to apologise for slapping me please Nairalanders help me handle this matter

janedoe:

@ topic, don't know much about marriage but this much I can say,cardinal rule of being in an abusive relationship-Leave on your own 2 feet or you might leave in a body bag.

**osisi:

exactly!
no woman under what guise sould accept any sort of pushing or shoving around let alone hot slaps on her face
Only a father has a right to spank a kid and that's to a certain age
The kind of thing I'm reading here scares me.
looks like our men are beasts

As far as i am concerned, under no circumstance in this world, should a man lay a finger on his wife. That is not acceptable. I dont care whether he is or was going through a tough patch or whether he lost his job - he should never, NEVER slap you, his wife, regardless of what you do. Once a man slaps or lays a finger on his wife and there are no repercussions, HE WILL CONTINUE TO DO IT. Prepare yourself for more beatings - if you dont stand your ground now.

I would advice you to STOP apologizing to him (since you have already done so) and do what you can to maintain and take care of yourself an honest way. Start praying about it (if you are a prayerful person) and ignore him. If there is a little food in the house, feed him. Clean the house, make the beds etc etc - continue doing your wifely duties for as long as you can. If money finish for house and there is no food, THEN THERE IS NO FOOD UNTIL HE GIVES YOU MONEY!

Haba! To be a woman does not mean that you should be a slave or that you should be foolish. If na oyibo land here, that man for dey cell by now - and will still be forced by law, to take care of you and the baby!

I am a man and can never even verbally insult my wife, talkless of beating her. If i have a sister that any man touches, God help me, i fit kill that guy o. I dont care if they are married or not.  

can't believe folk are telling Delly to apologise.
What does she have to apologise for? She's the one that got slapped!
Regardless, there's no acceptable reason why a man would hit his wife, just so wrong!
A man that hits a woman is nothing short of a bully, a coward.

As for the silent treatment, that's typical of a childish man that's feeling sorry for himself.[/b]Delly, just take things easy, let your man apologise to you!

Fhemmmy:

Na wa for you oh, the woman never said, the slap was hot oh, she said she was slap, now you are adding "hot" to qualify am.
Jokes apart, no woman deserves such treatment, however, the woman needs to learn how to talk to the man as well, and not even only to talk to the man, but how to even talk to the kids, respect is a 2 way street, let's all walk it.

*Hauwa*:

lol at Fhemmy we will assume the slap is hot in this case so osisi is correct.

why should a guy come to bed smelling? unbath? on my bed, no way. you all complain women smell, woman pussy smell, a woman works so hard to keep clean, so she has every right to request her husband to go have his bath. like busibody20 said, you should have the freedom to communicate freely with you man. ah men sef!

Justgood, authority umm eh, then he should bath himself and not wait to be reminded. simple thing !

Like i suggested earlier, the woman could find a better way to deal with the wahala.
Tell the man you want a new form of sex for that night, that you wanna do it in the shower, and by so doing, he will shower and you will get a lil some some as well, so you all win.

**osisi link=topic=254174.msg3651117#msg3651117 date=1238164842:

every slap is a hot one
was he petting her face?
she has done no wrong if all she did was ask him to  go take a bath.
even if she said,Femi you're smelling,go baff abeg he would have gone jejely to clean up his stinking self or just ignored her
That's what a normal male would do.
Every other thing she said  or did after the slap,he deserved it and more

If my woman told me say i dey smell, i shd go baff, no wahala now, i will tell the woman that they only place i wanna bath na inside her *****.
Jokes apart, The man went too far, but then, the poster said " she said some horrible things, she shouldnt have said to the man" so what are those things.
Most men in jail are nice men, but turn of events makes them into what they cant even explain.
Please, i am not supporting the man at all, but we all needs to respect one another.

sholasys:

Action brings Reaction. It is very bad that your Husband slaped you. I totally detest it. I am happly married and i hv never and will never hit my wife no mater what the situation. There are some cases that your huby most first apologies to you but in this case i think you realy need to applogies to him for tongue lashing him and then let him apologies tooo to you. A good woman will follow this advice and other gd once. Sm pple are jst bad advicer with primitive point of view

Tinkin_guy:

@ Osisi,

Thats not a very good way of resolving issues, While I dont condole a Man raising his hands agaist the wife, I also doesn't condole a woman ranting or raising her mouth as the case maybe.

if the parents of the lady call her back to their house, and possibly request for their in-law to come and collect their bride prize, then what next??, she will hook up with another man and wait for similar case to happen so she can run back to her parents?

Character with maturity is what builds a home, , if you are not ready to use wise words when conversing, then consider not getting involve  into any relationship whatsover.

running away from your marriage over any issue will not grantee that the next man or woman will not bring similar issue to board.

Everyone married or wishing to married should learn the act of ttoleranceand apply wisdom when needed to make their home a lasting and eexemplaryone.

She should work out her home with Gods grace, no matter how bad it seems.

@ Poster, unless you re not really seeking for advice to bbetteryour home, a gentle aanswerquitens a rough and angry mind.