Confussion2:


Bros I tire. That statement really shocked me. I had to put it down on ma phone to remind of me of what she said. Maybe it will jolt me back to reality.

That's life. You can't be soft with any female, especially black women.

Lolzz slow down guy it's not like she's dumping u.. I think she is nice enough to point u in the right direction not all ladies can do that. Some girls don't need u to be overly sensitive like that's some gay ish no offence while some want u all sensitive and sh1t like that.. I think she needs a man's man, can u be that man cos if u can't she will have to find someone who can and come up with that fckd up its not u it's me line to break up what u got.. No matter what u do if u aren't compatible just admit to urself and save u heart a lot of trouble LET HER GO

runnazz:
Lolzz slow down guy it's not like she's dumping u.. I think she is nice enough to point u in the right direction not all ladies can do that. Some girls don't need u to be overly sensitive like that's some gay ish no offence while some want u all sensitive and sh1t like that.. I think she needs a man's man, can u be that man cos if u can't she will have to find someone who can and come up with that fckd up its not u it's me line to break up what u got.. No matter what u do if u aren't compatible just admit to urself and save u heart a lot of trouble LET HER GO

Seriously some women's brain is pretty messed up. I remember wen I felt I was showing her too much love, I back tracked a little .stoped sending text messages as I used to. Guess what, she complained how I hv changed. How I don't send her those texts that brightens her day. At a point sef she accused me of not always ending our calls with " I love you" like I used to.

How do u reconcile all that with dis her lastest yarn. Geeezz

Confussion2:


Seriously some women's brain is pretty messed up. I remember wen I felt I was showing her too much love, I back tracked a little .stoped sending text messages as I used to. Guess what, she complained how I hv changed. How I don't send her those texts that brightens her day. At a point sef she accused me of not always ending our calls with " I love you" like I used to.

How do u reconcile all that with dis her lastest yarn. Geeezz

I might be wrong but I still think u got a good gal just try to a little spontaneous and unpredictable..maybe ur love is getting a bit boring & if she wasn't good she could get the bad guy out there and come back to u after having her fill..i will advise you to just be real with her don't act all lovey dovey even when u aren't maybe she likes the u she fell for in the first place I don't know..just don't be boring I think that's what's she's trying to say or not If this doesn't work both of u will have to come for separate counselling ....seriously tho no jokes

Lets assume your story is true then.

#1 you are a jew man

#2 you are not observant

#3 there is no sex involved in the relationship

#4 your not financially capable.

#5 your not outspoken

#6 your boring

#7 she is with you out of sympathy

#8 she feels she deserves better and does not want to end up with your type.

#9 for u to come up to nairaland for solution, you are boring and dont have friends.

the guy in red fonts might be right after all. your dumb Niggu.

You are lucky she could even put into words what she finds lacking in the relationship. Many times women just stop feeling a certain way around a man or start feeling a certain way then leave.

Maybe you come across to her as indecisive and a yes man without personal control, someone who will go along to get along.

andromida:
You are lucky she could even put into words what she finds lacking in the relationship. Many times women just stop feeling a certain way around a man or start feeling a certain way then leave.

Maybe you come across to her as indecisive and a yes man without personal control, someone who will go along to get along.

Lol. Nah, the guy is just ya typical effeminate sucker for love and ya typical sweet boy.

Most chics prefer tough love and a guy who's in control.

Shymm3x:


Lol. Nah, the guy is just ya typical effeminate sucker for love and ya typical sweet boy.

Most chics prefer tough love and a guy who's in control.

Shymm3x, Shymm3x I guess you are the tough love type.

Yep a guy who has personal control is good to be with. They are easier to be with anyway.

mekaboy:
Lets assume your story is true then.

#1 you are a jew man

#2 you are not observant

#3 there is no sex involved in the relationship

#4 your not financially capable.

#5 your not outspoken

#6 your boring

#7 she is with you out of sympathy

#8 she feels she deserves better and does not want to end up with your type.

#9 for u to come up to nairaland for solution, you are boring and dont have friends.

the guy in red fonts might be right after all. your dumb Niggu.

U need a lobotomy to think straight. Whaz d fuss about man.

andromida:
You are lucky she could even put into words what she finds lacking in the relationship. Many times women just stop feeling a certain way around a man or start feeling a certain way then leave.

Maybe you come across to her as indecisive and a yes man without personal control, someone who will go along to get along.

Thanks papi. Am an extreme kind of guy and daz my fear cuz if I want to be what she wants me to be she will be crying everyday. Yea am very gud at that game but I never brought it up cuz I felt this relationship is real. I feel there is no point pretending I don't give a fvck when in actual fact I do. What I feel is maybe bcuz we don't see often. I work in a state far frm hers. Soo we see like once in 3 months and z always brief as I hv to go back to ma state 4 work. Meeeen am at a loss as to why she sees me dat way man.

Women really are very difficult to understand.

Masterclass32:
Nothing more to it. Just BE tHE MAN you're supposed to be. The FASTEST way to loose a woman is by being ridiculosly nice. Everything she does is 'okay'. If she shit for your room, you go ask am say whether she drink perfume because the shit smells so good. Some people call this kind of man - a jerk.

Women want their men to be men. Not an over-emotional boy. Just as men want a woman in a woman, no a manly woman. We are made to compliment each other. If one leaves their role, the boat won't sail well. Women want to be proud of their men and the things that epitomizes a real man - at least in the eyes of a woman in most cases are leadership, ability to make decisions, protection, provision, love. I've seen crude men that beat their women, yet the women keep coming back, ready to fight other women off to keep the man. I've also seen men that their 'niceness' is the stuff of legends, loose their women with the speed of light.

Beating a woman is not good, barbaric in fact. Its never adviced. There are other ways to handle issues.

A woman wants her man to be her prince, her knight in shining amour. She wants to be able to respect you. But this won't come if the man has a permanent residence in the fantasy world. It frustrates the woman. Sooner or later, she might have to look elsewhere.

A man should be all lovey dovey and at the same time, firm.

Oboy! U be poet?

His name is confusion, don't get him more confused with all these beautiful advises.

Guy, my solution is simple.

Just tell her u no do again . Whatever she tells u, just come back here and tell us. We'll tell u d next thing to do uhn?

Confussion2:


Thanks papi. Am an extreme kind of guy and daz my fear cuz if I want to be what she wants me to be she will be crying everyday. Yea am very gud at that game but I never brought it up cuz I felt this relationship is real. I feel there is no point pretending I don't give a fvck when in actual fact I do.

I don't think she wants you to be what she wants you to be she likely prefers you to be who you are and who you are has no need for games.

There really is no point in pretending you don't care when you do and I am sure she appreciates your care and love so don't go and mess that up she likes to be treated well but maybe you also act like you are afraid of losing her this makes you look insecure.

She did good telling you this and you are lucky to have a woman who wants you to be a better man some women won't tell you this but will take advantage of your insecurities and use you for whatever or say nothing until the relationship dies or they will be afraid to lose you if you become better but she trusts you enough to tell you this so I think you should work on improving your confidence.

I think she did you a huge favor by telling you this if this relationship works out or not you will have increased confidence either way a win win for you.

Hi bro, i used to be in ur shoes, i am way above my bae in all areas(education, age, exposure, appearance etc.) I brought maself down to her level to make tins work btw us, i keep quiet to every rongs she does, nt to freek her out, bt she didnt appreciate dat, she told me somfin similar to wat ur bae said to u, bt i knew wat i was doing, gradually i changed from dat patient guy to a fairly harsh guy, now she gives me mo respect by d day............my advice, u need to change, do as if u didnt hear wat she said to U, dnt show dat u found it painful, u need to change bt dnt make it too sudden, let d changes be gradual, dnt always seek her consent befor taking decision(u may tell her later) deny her of somtin, if she tells u somfin, go against it dat moment(bt u can later do wat she said). Dnt be too predictable, once a man is completely predictable fo a woman, believe me, d man is doomed already! Be firm and stand on ur feet, dats hw to handle a woman bro....................... My opinion tho, guess dat works...........cheers!!!

andromida:

Shymm3x, Shymm3x I guess you are the tough love type.

Yep a guy who has personal control is good to be with. They are easier to be with anyway.

You guessed...that's what you learn from early from growing in a household with an ex-military dad and an environment where spreading unnecessary love can be counterproductive.

That said, women are mostly emotional beings and do have a lot of prepubescent...so when dealing with them, you need to exhibit tough love similar to "carrot and stick" approach, so as to maintain control. When you're all lovey-dovey with that sucker-for-love shyte, you won't get the respect you deserve as a man - and it will be lucky to maintain control. Then you have got a case whereby trying too hard, by showing unnecessary excessive love can give out the energy that makes you look phoney/fake.

He's lucky he's with a chic who understands what a real man should be like and could be brave enough to ask him to be one. It's about being yourself and representing the alpha status the society bestowed on you as a guy. A lot of guys these days are just as effeminate as the ultra skinny jeans and blouses they wear around...looking like a product of copulation between Kanye West and Young Thug.

Shymm3x:

You guessed...that's what you learn from early from growing in a household with an ex-military dad and an environment where spreading unnecessary love can be counterproductive.
That said, women are mostly emotional beings and do have a lot of prepubescent...so when dealing with them, you need to exhibit tough love similar to "carrot and stick" approach, so as to maintain control. When you're all lovey-dovey with that sucker-for-love shyte, you won't get the respect you deserve as a man - and it will be lucky to maintain control. Then you have got a case whereby trying too hard, by showing unnecessary excessive love can give out the energy that makes you look phoney/fake.
He's lucky he's with a chic who understands what a real man should be like and could be brave enough to ask him to be one. It's about being yourself and representing the alpha status the society bestowed on you as a guy. A lot of guys these days are just as effeminate as the ultra skinny jeans and blouses they wear around...looking like a product of copulation between Kanye West and Young Thug.

I don't know about tough love but I get the unnecessary excessive love that looks phoney. Its like you can't see the real person.

andromida:


I don't know about tough love but I get the unnecessary excessive love that looks phoney. Its like you can't see the real person.

Lol.

Well, the middle ground between unnecessary excessive love and hate is tough love...it helps on the long run, to put folks in check.

You know the type a dad shows kids, so as to get them in line. That's the type of love women need cos they're emotional beings and most never tend to really grow - apart from the facade to put on to mask it.

andromida:


I don't think she wants you to be what she wants you to be she likely prefers you to be who you are and who you are has no need for games.

There really is no point in pretending you don't care when you do and I am sure she appreciates your care and love so don't go and mess that up she likes to be treated well but maybe you also act like you are afraid of losing her this makes you look insecure.

She did good telling you this and you are lucky to have a woman who wants you to be a better man some women won't tell you this but will take advantage of your insecurities and use you for whatever or say nothing until the relationship dies or they will be afraid to lose you if you become better but she trusts you enough to tell you this so I think you should work on improving your confidence.

I think she did you a huge favor by telling you this if this relationship works out or not you will have increased confidence either way a win win for you.

Thanks. Daz a good one.

Dahyormine:
Hi bro, i used to be in ur shoes, i am way above my bae in all areas(education, age, exposure, appearance etc.) I brought maself down to her level to make tins work btw us, i keep quiet to every rongs she does, nt to freek her out, bt she didnt appreciate dat, she told me somfin similar to wat ur bae said to u, bt i knew wat i was doing, gradually i changed from dat patient guy to a fairly harsh guy, now she gives me mo respect by d day............my advice, u need to change, do as if u didnt hear wat she said to U, dnt show dat u found it painful, u need to change bt dnt make it too sudden, let d changes be gradual, dnt always seek her consent befor taking decision(u may tell her later) deny her of somtin, if she tells u somfin, go against it dat moment(bt u can later do wat she said). Dnt be too predictable, once a man is completely predictable fo a woman, believe me, d man is doomed already! Be firm and stand on ur feet, dats hw to handle a woman bro....................... My opinion tho, guess dat works...........cheers!!!

Good to hear from someone with similar experience.

Everybody, including your girlfriend is asking you to change and be all bossy now.

And when you eventually become that bossy guy, few years down the marriage lane; she will be the one up here complaining how you (her hubby) turned from a loving and respectful boyfriend to a beast of a husband.

NEVER change your good and loving behavior just to please ANYONE!!! When she gets tired of this behavior, she will leave. Then that girl who will appreciate every bit of this characteristics will show up.

Just so you know too, most black girls grow up or date guys who don't care about them and therefore see your love as abnormal.

Just get ready to move on, but never ever change from good to bad.

Women.

Confussion2:
Guyz there is this lady av been dating for like a year + . We have been going soo well, planed for marriage next year. Well from the look of things we both love each other. Shez a very nice person.The issue is that my babe told me something that kept me awake till dis time. Imagin !! 1.05am and am still awake.

She blotted that I loose myself whenever shez around me. Like WTF. She said I act like shez way above me, like shez too beautiful for me. She actually said I shudnt take it d wrong way but she just has to let me know cuz it might make her loose her head. Walahi I swear down it got to my bone marrow. Thing is av always tried to be a good person to her.Treated her like rare gem she really is. She actually said it that I luv her more than she loves me. I know how to play this game of not showing ur woman hw u love her but I felt since this is not some hit and run relationship there shud be no holds barred in terms of showing her love.

Av been ruminating over this issue since we ended our call.I feel like a wimp. Av dated somebody more beautiful than her soo is not like av never met someone like her. Guyz how do I handle this. My pride is soo wounded here even though I acted like all is well as she was dropping those yarns. How do I get my mojo back without coming off like a jack.

You get luck say somebody never dey lash her already. Ur mumu level still dey bsc but no carry am go masters ooo otherwise, ur name na sorry. If u care, read every nonsense of the blog in my signature...and u go say wow.

Shymm3x:


Lol.

Well, the middle ground between unnecessary excessive love and hate is tough love...it helps on the long run, to put folks in check.

You know the type a dad shows kids, so as to get them in line. That's the type of love women need cos they're emotional beings and most never tend to really grow - apart from the facade to put on to mask it.

Ahhh You like playing Dad to your girl. lol.

Emotional beings does not mean childish beings that need parenting.

andromida:


Ahhh You like playing Dad to your girl. lol.

Emotional beings does not mean childish beings that need parenting.

Ha! That is why they all call me Papi Chulo the Mac Daddy. Don't worry, when I lay my hands on ya vanilla - you will start singing the same tune.

They might not need the traditional parenting but they need to be put in check under the control/supervision of a guardian, before they lose their heads lol.

Confussion2:


Thanks papi. Am an extreme kind of guy and daz my fear cuz if I want to be what she wants me to be she will be crying everyday. Yea am very gud at that game but I never brought it up cuz I felt this relationship is real. I feel there is no point pretending I don't give a fvck when in actual fact I do. What I feel is maybe bcuz we don't see often. I work in a state far frm hers. Soo we see like once in 3 months and z always brief as I hv to go back to ma state 4 work. Meeeen am at a loss as to why she sees me dat way man.

Women really are very difficult to understand.

bro dont let Andromida and her fellow ladies confuse you, one thing have noticed is most ladies support themselves here on NL even when they know that what the lady been reported did is wrong. Your babe doesn't deserve you, the distance is killing her and as at the time of typing this comment she could be in the arms of a strange man. Brace your self for the inevitable

cbrass:


bro dont let Andromida and her fellow ladies confuse you, one thing have noticed is most ladies support themselves here on NL even when they know that what the lady been reported did is wrong. Your babe doesn't deserve you, the distance is killing her and as at the time of typing this comment she could be in the arms of a strange man. Brace your self for the inevitable

No one is supporting the lady they are in a relationship and she just told him what she finds lacking how is that confusing him? Tell me what this lady has done wrong that she does not deserve him. I get that he feels criticized but what else could she have done? You see why some other women will prefer to just opt out of the relationship and find someone more suitable rather than be blamed for expressing their feelings.

Masterclass32:
Nothing more to it. Just BE tHE MAN you're supposed to be. The FASTEST way to loose a woman is by being ridiculosly nice. Everything she does is 'okay'. If she shit for your room, you go ask am say whether she drink perfume because the shit smells so good. Some people call this kind of man - a jerk.

Women want their men to be men. Not an over-emotional boy. Just as men want a woman in a woman, no a manly woman. We are made to compliment each other. If one leaves their role, the boat won't sail well. Women want to be proud of their men and the things that epitomizes a real man - at least in the eyes of a woman in most cases are leadership, ability to make decisions, protection, provision, love. I've seen crude men that beat their women, yet the women keep coming back, ready to fight other women off to keep the man. I've also seen men that their 'niceness' is the stuff of legends, loose their women with the speed of light.

Beating a woman is not good, barbaric in fact. Its never adviced. There are other ways to handle issues.

A woman wants her man to be her prince, her knight in shining amour. She wants to be able to respect you. But this won't come if the man has a permanent residence in the fantasy world. It frustrates the woman. Sooner or later, she might have to look elsewhere.

A man should be all lovey dovey and at the same time, firm.

word

Shymm3x:


Ha! That is why they all call me Papi Chulo the Mac Daddy. Don't worry, when I lay my hands on ya vanilla - you will start singing the same tune.

Hehehehehe dream on.

Shymm3x:


They might not need the traditional parenting but they need to be put in check under the control/supervision of a guardian, before they lose their heads lol.

Now looks like jail. I think a man should worry more about being in control of himself rather than control of the woman in his life seems many men are afraid of being with a woman they cannot control.

andromida:


No one is supporting the lady they are in a relationship and she just told him what she finds lacking how is that confusing him? Tell me what this lady has done wrong that she does not deserve him. I get that he feels criticized but what else could she have done? You see why some other women will prefer to just opt out of the relationship and find someone more suitable rather than be blamed for expressing their feelings.

The excuse is not tenable. Completely irrelevant, read the ops post again now love, if she had complained about the distance we would have understood that but what I read up there is totally unconnected to any feelings. She wants out and that's it. If the op decides to play the bad guy script which I know he is capable of doing it's you ladies that will come here crying again now he is Mr good guy and you want to use that to cheat on him again. Well I believe that if you are determined to hang your dog any rope will do

cbrass:


The excuse is not tenable. Completely irrelevant, read the ops post again now love, if she had complained about the distance we would have understood that but what I read up there is totally unconnected to any feelings. She wants out and that's it. If the op decides to play the bad guy script which I know he is capable of doing it's you ladies that will come here crying again now he is Mr good guy and you want to use that to cheat on him again. Well I believe that if you are determined to hang your dog any rope will do

I didn't see any excuse she only told him he acts like he is not good enough for her.

andromida:


I didn't see any excuse she only told him he acts like he is not good enough for her.

And that's the rope she wants to use to hang him

cbrass:


And that's the rope she wants to use to hang him

You don't know this. You are just choosing to believe in the worst case scenario. What do you suggest she should have done if she feels uncomfortable with the way he acts around her?