I was not a regular visitor of nairaland until my friend brought my case to the platform weeks ago. He told me to visit the site to see the response of people on my case.

I met a girl way back at school. I grow to love her and finally got engaged with her. My parents went to a pastor who said she is not the right woman for me. I told them that I will never leave her for anything. Ever since then my parents has been very helpful on the relationship despite the fact that a pastor warned them on the relationship. Except for my mum who in one on two occassions pointed to me that this girl will be in total control of your life if I am not careful, that she has seen it in her.Late last we travelled to Ghana to go see her mum (because she is seperated with the dad and now base in Ghana). The arrangement for the wedding has reached it finally stage and now.

Early this month, she handed me the list of people she do not want me to associate with and the list of those she did not want to see in the house anymore (my cousins and friends inclusive). She said that they could be a threat to our marriage. Honestly she has her good side which I admire everday. She is a hardworking lady who quickly rise to the top management position in her coy. Her attitude towards my folks and her temper this days is something I cant bear. I have spoken to her on this issue and she has refused to change

I am always the one who try to understand her whenever she do something wrong but if i go wrong for anything she can rake till thy kingdom come.She was not like this when we first met at school. Now what do I do to change her . I am thinking of pulling out of the relationship. What do I do good people of Nairaland?

Matured response please.

A stitch in time saves nine. . .better now than when its too late. . .don't get the idea she's gona change. . .so use your head. . .as we naija people say. . .

continue at ur own risk, she look like danger bride to me

I have been in her shoes before with my b/f (now husband), i can't compare the type of temper i had to anyones,

Yes, i advised him against SOME friends though i didn't go as far as handing out a list to him

Now i am as cool as ice, i realised it's all to do with age. Speak to her, don't give up

what makes you think the next girl will be better than her.

Every girl have their own issue at least hers is not sleeping around and stuff its temper which i believe can be controllled

Brother this is just the beginning,you have seen it all of what your parents envisaged regarding your wife to be. Initially she was pretending, now she can no longer hold her breath when the stakes are high; hence she is revealing her true self. Sincerely i could have urge you to go for some sort of deliverance, but that is not going to help you in the long run so long it is her "evil instincts".Dear brother you should back out of the mariage and kiss the relationship GOODBYE. A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE.

how long did u guys court b4 gettin to this level?i am actual against this "lookin into the future" things done by alfas and pastors cos it scares me.havin said that,i dont think u need a clairvoyant to tell u more cos she is already showin u signs now.any woman that tries to cut me off my family is a witch!mothers no best and see a lot cos they are women too.if it is still possible to shift the weddin do it and try court again for say 1yr and pay attention more to her ways.am not married or thinkin of it but i smell pepper once this babe enters ur house.aint too spiritual but i beieve i God and prayer so PRAY HARD.God bless and goodluck bro


FOOTNOTE:as am growin older,am beginin to get scared of women and see why men atimes dont wanna marry.my gf is makin me see more too.

How close are you to the wedding?

How old are you?

How old is she?

How long have you dated?

marry her quickly. after the marriage, buy her some anger and temper tablet. make sure she takes them 3 times a day for 50yrs. i you will have peace if she stick to it religiously.

this is the reason God gaeve you too running legs. RUN ABROTHER run

@sistawoman

We are planning to go to the alter next month (by end of May)
I am 31 while she is 26
We have courted for three years (we got engaged last December)

Like some naira landers wil say: a broken relationship (courtship) is beta dan a broken marriage.
I suggest u sit back and re-evaluate things. It's a life-long union.

Early this month, she handed me the list of people she do not want me to associate with and the list of those she did not want to see in the house anymore (my cousins and friends inclusive). She said that they could be a threat to our marriage. Honestly she has her good side which I admire everday. She is a hardworking lady who quickly rise to the top management position in her coy. Her attitude towards my folks and her temper this days is something I cant bear. I have spoken to her on this issue and she has refused to change

what sort of woman is this you want to marry. sounds like a control freak to me. but according to you, you said she was not like this before. Abi is this the stress of marriage preparation? i fear for you sha, person when don dey hand you list.

can you postpone the marriage or . seriously begin to ask ur self questions now oh, can she change before marriage, will she change at all, and CAN YOU COPE.

@Poster,
The Hand writtings are on the wall already pick a clue from them and sit her down for serious talk.
Make your stand known and hear from her too, If both of you can reach a LASTING Compromise then I'll advise you stick with the arrangement.
If not,Count your Gains and Move On with your Life.

i dont think u shuld marry her. its 2 early 2 start tolerating things which will obviously be a major problem in ur relationship

Run homie, run!

things are not looking good 4 u,
my advice is 4 u to give it more time, a yr or so, things go become clear er,
dont rush n marry her,
some women change after marriage, i hv a friend///the first few mnths of her marriage, she saw marriage as a battle of wills , winner n looser thingy, n was alwyas seeking 2 be in control,
but luckily she now knows beta,,,n is more well behaved now, those first few mnths were pure hell 4 the couple, n they hv been friends 4 like 5yrs oh!!,
n the woman changed by her own free will, hv always wondered what wud hv happened if she didnt realise her mistakes on time 2 change?

thats why u shud marry some 1 with a teachable spirit, n who is God fearing, both in deed and words

n if all fail;s!!, RRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!,
Thats why God gave u 2 legs, 1 4 running, n the other 4 running even faster!!!!!!!

Let her be.

Too many stories to start narrating.

Think abt yur life 20yrs down the road with her as yur wife n the mother of yur kids, when you now hardly see beyond your nose.

first of all is she a born again christian?if yes then go ahead n marry her,again bros remember no perfect man on earth,noone is better but all you need  is understand .if u think you can live with her ,then go ahead and get married to her.

Can you imagine being a 'captive' in your own home? Well, one of the signs is when you get handed a 'list' (of instructions on who you can and cannot associate with) for all your married life (put that at 60 years??) and you have an idea of the 'consequence' when you do something she doesn't quite agree with!

The only thing you mentioned about her is: she is "hardworking lady who quickly rise to the top management position in her coy". Maybe you missed some more attributes: beauty, good sex, money, etc. Well, all these will be of no consequence if you are to be subservient to her in a marriage. She supposedly 'makes' the rules and you obey. Baring any 'wrongs' you do, she gets mad at you! If she is indeed like that, I am sorry, but I think the relationship may be heading for the rocks. . .even before the marriage happens. . .and these are some of the signs.

If she is like this now, never imagine that you can 'change' her or she will 'change'. This may be a one way-street into marital captivity!

What are you waiting for DISENGAGE!!!

Remove the financial log from ypour eye. Then you will see clearly.

@ Slyben - May the Lord HELP you. Amen.

~ U should know her better than anyone else. ~ If u can 'modify' her behaviour, do so but if U can't, u av two more choices. ~


~ I like Bossy Babies. ~

kemisuga:

@ Slyben - May the Lord HELP you. Amen.

and AMEN!

Thank you all for your care, concern and love.

I have learnt from all your post and my mind is made.

How can I go about a clean disengagement? It`s obvious that she wouldn`t give me this without a fight (because she will fell hurt and dumped). And I wouldn`t want this to bring problems to the two families especially now that they are expecting the best from us.

Please help.

Thank you all for your care, concern and love.

I have learnt from all your post and my mind is made.

How can I go about a clean disengagement? It`s obvious that she wouldn`t give me this without a fight (because she will fell hurt and dumped). And I wouldn`t want this to bring problems to the two families especially now that they are expecting the best from us.

Please help.

There are no 2 ways to it. Arrange a meeting with her somewhere romantic would even do. Tell her how much you care about her and how much you wish to live almost happily for the rest of your live.

You tell her that having weighed the pros and cons of your relationship and its possible future implications, you've decided to disengage for both of your good.

Twud also be nice to give her your reasons (list of what not, intentional unfriendliness with your family n likes) to help improve her disposition in her next relationship.

If u're ok wit the list,stay,if u're not ok,stay too,so when u get married,n things go wrong,there's still time for divorce.Afterall,u saw it comin.No sensible man will go ahead,so @poster,be d sensible man

Sorry i didn't c d clean disengagement stuff.Here's how it goes,sit her down n tell her that no matter what,the people that means so much to you like your friends and family cannot be cut off just like that, just because u want to marry,n u know its goin to hurt her so bad seein u going against her wish(since she's d man) so it'd be better if u both go your seperate ways n have d chance to meet our other half that fits us best,cos its obvious u guys are incompactible.If she starts to cry,give her that white hanky u came with thats in your pocket,n let her know thats best for the two of u

At this stage of your relationship to break-up won't be that easy just as mine.
It took me another two months to plan the break-up strategically after not yielding to what my Pastor told me too.
And another two months to get over the hell unleashed on me after the breakup. I receive calls both local and international calls, mails, my facebook walls. I got more haters (even my own people). Dont let me scare you much. but one thing i will say SLY is BRACE YOURSELF cos ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

My Brother i can be very nasty and un serious wen it coms to reply,But i am very serious wen it come to anything that involve life.
Any woman that can seperate u frm ur Family [/[/color]b] and friends is nt worth being with.
U can see the response of the mejority
I tell u one thing as long as the pastor is involved,do not conclude any marriage arrangement,also do nt negociate with her,otherwise she go back into her shell pretending to b good just for the marriage to take place,then u ll see her real colour.
Get me right,we here are nt trying to seperate u,but just as some one has said b ready for a stiff battle.More so if u still make up ur mind to be with her,Never near a court or registry,becos that is where u will b finally hanging ur self.
[b] ADVICE[color=#000099][/color][color=#990000]Pray about this
dont rush to quit
go back to the drawing board to re strategise ur next plan of action
Be the Man ALWAYS and b Control
Listen to ur parents, they see far ahead of u
A word is enough, make the best decision.mean while Gd luck

I was not a regular visitor of nairaland until my friend brought my case to the platform weeks ago. He told me to visit the site to see the response of people on my case.

what was the original thread?