MMotimo:



At least 13 issues, if not more, from the 20 above can be tied into your choice of male partner (boyfriend or spouse), read and analyze carefully. Dear women, that is 100% your responsibility! Do not go and settle for someone who disparages you or treats you as inferior in any way.

With over 50% of the list under your control as a woman, be wise in your choice of association and marriage. To start with, place value on yourself, do nothing out of desperation nor frustration. Take your time in courtship, that is the time to know your man and learn if he truly complements you and if you can spend the rest of your life with his character. If you take your time in courtship, you will save yourself a lot of future heartache. Very few people will change after marriage, don't deceive yourself.

As for the other societal mumblings about don't buy a car or expensive things before you marry, that is typical Naja interference after all we love to mind other people's business. I doubt that a girl who really needs a car and can afford it would take that advice.

Since forever, Naija women have purchased expensive things even if they have to go aborrowing so still not sure where that came from?

As for loose women staying in hotels, that is the point at which I start to wonder about that Writer's location? Which part of Nigeria exactly? Perhaps in the North where it is a more conservative society? There has to be context to these generalizations. Naija women should not get all riled up and adopt a cloak of victimhood because someone wakes up and starts to make sweeping statements about their lives. A write up like this is just to wind women up and apparently, it is succeeding.

More importantly, Nairalanders, how are you helping with these issues?

How many women here would be open to contributing to a fund to educate village girls whose parents deny an education because of affordability (not because of cultural values)?

When a girl dumps an overbearing, domineering boyfriend, are you giving her encouragement or are you telling her she should have endured because she's getting old or because the guy is rich?

When your sister is aging before your eyes because her husband won't assist with chores and they can't afford a housekeeper, are you offering free childcare to her on the weekends? Can you take her money and help buy her groceries when you go and buy yours since she already married the "monster"

Or is it easier to just post on threads about the plight of the victimized Naija woman then logout and forget about it


#howareyouhelping

Beautiful

tyconcepts:
This piece should interest you coming from a man


Some times, being a woman in Nigeria is quite a
task. You are subjected to absurd societal
norms, by men…. and other women. Many times,
men, even those that ‘love and care about’ their
women can’t see these absurdities as what they
are. Onuora Ikechukwu Onianwa see these
absurdities, and he has written a Facebook note
about them. His note his getting plenty likes
from women, and some men.

Onuora Ikechukwu Onianwa’s note :

I want to make a general, sweeping statement. I
know it will sound unfair and rude, and I’m sorry.
I truly mean no insult. It is just me expressing
my view on a long list of issues.

So, here we go…

Sometimes I am grateful to God I am not a
woman...

* I can’t have an education or it will make me lord
it over my man, and tempt me to be the head of
the home.

* I can’t have a job because I will become proud
and un-submissive.

* I can’t have a job that pays more than my
husband’s because it is an insult to his manhood
and he will be emasculated. One day I will even
use it to rubbish him outside.

* I can’t be single at 25, and unmarried at 30, or
without a single child at 35. It means I am
cursed, have a spirit husband or have a bad
character and no man wants to be with me.

* Any achievement of mine is a waste and useless
if I have no boyfriend or husband, and it will only
make me more arrogant and unattractive to
men.

* Heaven forbid I own a car or a house for the
same aforementioned reasons. The only place I
can live till I marry, is my parent’s home.

* Only loose women stay in hotels. If my job
requires I travel, I must stay with older people,
friends or an elderly couple who can talk to me
about this my job that won’t allow me settle in
one place and marry.

* Expensive things are not allowed. I can’t marry
quick with them.

* I can’t speak about anything under the sun
without a ring on my finger and babies who have
suckled my breasts.

* If my boyfriend/husband cheats on me, I must
endure it and manage. All men are the same.
There are no good ones around any more.

* Whatever my husband says (even common
pangolo boyfriend that doesn’t know his left
from right) I must agree. The moment we got
together, I lost my sense of reasoning and
purpose in life. his word, even if foolish, is law
and I must die to please him and obey.

* How dare I expect my husband to hire a maid or
ask anyone asides me to clean? What did he
marry me for?

* My husband, cook and clean? Am I mad? Is that
not witchcraft?

* Why should he take care of the kids while I
sleep, travel or go out? Is he my mate or my
servant? Am I a fool?

* Oh, so I don’t know I must cook fresh soup
everyday? I must be an idiot.

* So, I don’t know I must wear make-up , heels
and sexy dresses or be naked all day? Do I want
him to go out and cheat?

* The home falls apart because I’m a useless and
stupid woman.

* The marriage ends because I am a useless and
stupid woman.

* My husband cheats on me and beats me
because I am a useless and stupid woman.

* The children grow up horrible because I am a
useless and stupid woman.

* I am a useless and stupid woman…because I am
a useless and stupid woman.


Its bad enough men think this way. To see
women do it too, and fight men like me who
have been carrying women’s rights on our head
like we are the next Malcolm X, Luther or
Madiba, is shocking and sad. Maybe one day
things will get better.
I pray it does, because anyone who says the
aforementioned trash to my baby girl(s) will hear
from me, and they won’t forget me in a hurry.
Sometimes I am grateful to God I am not a
woman. I might have killed someone by now…


PS : Coming from a man, this shocked me walahi

lalasticlala, ishilove.....Please let's hear what the general public thinks.

Being a Man in Nigeria
Is many times more harder







Women should stop complaining
Cause if they're allowed to be a man in Nigeria for just a day
Many will probably collapse

Stillfire:
Of course I expect you to fight against feminism and its gender equality stance . I would have done so, fought tooth and nail, build barricades to protect myself so that my PRIVILEGES would not be taken away from me. You are allowed. It is a normal human response.

Me fight against feminism !

The "gender-equality" stance of feminism, is no less controlling then the "Patriarchy" they claim to be fighting. Social morés were agreed and enforced by both men and women. And men were for the most part chivalrous and protective towards women.

At best, "gender equality" - especially the way feminism articulates it - is a consideration, not the main driver of policy. Doing that presents odd notions such as over/under representation. This flags differences in strengths and choices as "issues", and demands false solutions (re-engineering)

All feminists want is to ensure that a wierd kind of sameness prevails, but yet be the ones who dictate what is permissable. All that has done is create an atmosphere of confusion and bewilderment - for men and women.

Privilege ! I laugh - with that comes great responsibility. Which is another way feminism gets it glaringly wrong. They seek what they perceive to be the power and privilege, but actively reject the burden and responsibility.

I am, I would imagine, typical of many men. I work and sacrifice to provide for my wife and children. I carry a burden she does not want, but appreciate she does things I cannot do. A harmonious whole. Not both demanding to do the same things or half of everything

Feminism will eat itself


TV

people who are yet to leave the comfort of their house find it easy to type rubbish... i study in india and what 9ja seems to be experiencing in rape case is little. there is a state in india where you go to minimum of 5years imprisonment if you rape a lady but dem go kill you instanta if you kill a cow.... the caste system in india is so terrible that poor can only marry poor and rich walk with the rich... the total number of homeless people in india is more than 9ja population yet dem no go internet go dey cast their male... i tire for some nairaland ladies...

Where did I stop?

TV01:

Me fight against feminism !

The "gender-equality" stance of feminism, is no less controlling then the "Patriarchy" they claim to be fighting. Social morés were agreed and enforced by both men and women. And men were for the most part chivalrous and protective towards women.

At best, "gender equality" - especially the way feminism articulates it - is a consideration, not the main driver of policy. Doing that presents odd notions such as over/under representation. This flags differences in strengths and choices as "issues", and demands false solutions (re-engineering)

All feminists want is to ensure that a wierd kind of sameness prevails, but yet be the ones who dictate what is permissable. All that has done is create an atmosphere of confusion and bewilderment - for men and women.

Privilege ! I laugh - with that comes great responsibility. Which is another way feminism gets it glaringly wrong. They seek what they percieve to be the power and privilege, but actively reject the burden and responsibility.

I am, I would imagine, typical of many men. I work and sacrifice to provide for my wife and children. I carry a burden she does not want, but appreciate she does things I cannot do. A harmonius whole. Not both demanding to do the same things or half of everything

Feminsim will eat itself


TV

Naa gender equality is not seeking to impose itself on the other gender. That is you 'patriarchs' mode of operation . Gender equality recognizes our biological difference but that women’s and men’s rights, responsibilities and opportunities will not depend on whether they are born male or female. A man can now aspire to be a cook, a nurse, a hair dresser without being discriminated against.
Also because you Patriarchs took the piss by bastardizing the powers you had, that is why Feminism is here to stay as a check and balance system before you people take us back to the days of boys study science, women study home economics. Not under my watch.

Stillfire:
Where did I stop?
Naa gender equality is not seeking to impose itself on the other gender. That is you 'patriarchs' mode of operation . Gender equality recognizes our biological difference but that women’s and men’s rights, responsibilities and opportunities will not depend on whether they are born male or female. A man can now aspire to be a cook, a nurse, a hair dresser without being discriminated against.
Also because you Patriarchs took the piss by bastardizing the powers you had, that is why Feminism is here to stay as a check and balance system before you people take us back to the days of boys study science, women study home economics. Not under my watch.

Stilly, look, we both know Patriarchy is an accord between men and women. It's simply what women prefer and it's what works best . And if rights, responsibilities and opportunities are "gender neutral", choices will not be - and biology, sorry to say, drives a lot of choices.

Patriarchy bastardised? Nah! That's akin to saying "marriage is abusive". It's not the institution, it's how it is implemented. And I agree some males, some societies abuse it somewhat. True Patriarchy is benign, protective, selfless - sacrificial even. But it leads, it is bold. Some men need to understand that better.

But feminism is no the key to righting any wrongs with Patriarchy - it is in itself a wrong. Don't fight it, encourage it in it's purest sense . With our women in support, we'll get there !

Lots of women want to study and excel in home economics - allow jor! And last time I looked, the best cooks and hairdresser where all men !


TV

crackhaus:

Carefreewannabe will always expose her inherent bias against Nigeria and Africa as a whole, such that even when confronted with superior counter argument, she sticks firmly to her bias.

Girl, people will have issues with other people and their life choices...it isn't a Nigerian or African thing.
The reason I (speaking for myself) will always seek out threads like this to refute, counter, and make out to be nothing but tissue-paper fit only for wiping azz, is because their intent is never pure.
While you're hell bent on painting topics like this as an avenue to talk about issues, the truth is that topics like this are only created to vilify society and men.
Don't worry, you needn't admit it...we all know that you and your crew of pseudo feminists will seek out and grow feathers over any topic that totally exaggerates female discrimination in Nigeria.

Also, it isn't news that Nigeria is behind in years when compared to the west which is quite logical considering how the US has being an independent country far longer than nigeria -not an excuse maybe, but still worth mentioning.

Meanwhile, something was typed about women already holding various political positions and the best reply your friend here could come up with was that these women are doing nothing with these positions.
Please, help us ask her why she is not there doing what those women are obviously not doing.
Surely girls as educated, intelligent, fierce, and full of enthusiasm as yous can at least win a seat to represent your constituencies (that's if y'all know how to go about it seeing as they don't teach street-smarts in the university).

Are you still denying being carefreewannabe?

I am Mindfulness.

crackhaus:

Honestly, I believe she is.

From asking roundabout questions, to trying too hard to come off as classy, to the obvious dislike and talking down of anything Nigerian/African, to always making sure she reminds readers where she lives...the similarities are too bold to just be mere coincidence

Mindfulness, what country in Europe do you reside?

Never trying hard, doing everything and anything with ease, always have and always will. Life is good.

I reside in the land of milk and honey, paradise.

Stillfire:


I pride myself in being very reasonable for each topic, except Naija men topics of course and that is just for banter purposes.
What I cannot stand is the disingenuous approach TooNoisy has taken just to argue and in turn decry the importance of what these discrimination do in society. The base of the argument is since because Asians were also being discriminated on in the Americas, black people should have sat back under the silly argument that everyone is being discriminated against so let us not 'whine'?
Black people fought for civil liberties and everyone blue, black, white, yellow is benefiting from these policies today.
Yes, I always put in historical incidences to emphasize there's nothing wrong in women 'whining' about changing the status quo in their societies. How do policies and legislation come into place - through dialogue, debates to weed out all the potential ignorance that ensues here.
I am not fighting, I'm only weeding out ignorance.

I. Know d argument is over buttttiiii... I no fit allow dis one fly

The base of the argument was that those things were not worth making noise about... the fact that everybody suffers from one form of it, being one of the reasons...
Black people's balls were used for hockey dammit
We could not attend same school as whites
We could not be elected into congress
We were made to work in plantations...
Dat is discrimination...
Note that, we were actually forced not to do these things, we weren't just told they were wrong which would have made it no more than an opinion..
Now if people say you shouldn't own a house because you are single, do they go as far as beating you up if you do so?
Does your mom use soldering iron on ur ar'se if u buy a car against her advice?
Talking about some isolated opinions held by some isolated individuals is actually an indication of cluelessness, its one of the excuses underachievers give for their shortcomings...
STOP IT...



But I know you won't

Mindfulness:


I am Mindfulness.

Okay , will take your words for it.

njokusboy:



I. Know d argument is over buttttiiii... I no fit allow dis one fly

The base of the argument was that those things were not worth making noise about... the fact that everybody suffers from one form of it, being one of the reasons...
Black people's balls were used for hockey dammit
We could not attend same school as whites
We could not be elected into congress
We were made to work in plantations...
Dat is discrimination...
Note that, we were actually forced not to do these things, we weren't just told they were wrong which would have made it no more than an opinion..

During the middle of the 20th century we see a series of discrimination to different groups of people. For example Anti-Japanese paranoia increased because of a large Japanese presence on the West Coast as a result of World war II. President Roosevelt signed an executive order in February 1942 ordering the relocation of all Americans of Japanese ancestry to concentration camps in the interior of the United States. Now this is not dampening the experiences of black people but to highlight the basis of your argument that for the reason other groups suffer discrimination, then no group should make the effort of challenging the status-quo otherwise it will be described as 'victim-mentality'. Someone just highlighted the ra.pe incidences in India, on the basis 'Nigeria' having it better. How about telling blacks they have it better since their experiences being used as subjects for illegitimate medical research cannot be compared to the lengths Nazi Germany took to perform experiments on Polish prisoners of war in the name of medical research. Well I am glad black people did not have njokusboy mentality.

Now if people say you shouldn't own a house because you are single, do they go as far as beating you up if you do so?
Does your mom use soldering iron on ur ar'se if u buy a car against her advice?
Talking about some isolated opinions held by some isolated individuals is actually an indication of cluelessness, its one of the excuses underachievers give for their shortcomings...
STOP IT...



But I know you won't

Oga I have already given this advice to the girl that did not buy a car cos of her parents.
I'm all for breeding strong, defiant girls where necessary.
But will it stop us from discussing these issues? Absolutely not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahaha

[quote author=TV01 post=39892410]
Stilly, look, we both know Patriarchy is an accord between men and women. It's simply what women prefer and it's what works best [/b]. And if rights, responsibilities and opportunities are "gender neutral", choices will not be - and biology, sorry to say, drives a lot of choices.

Patriarchy bastardised? Nah! That's akin to saying "marriage is abusive". It's not the institution, it's how it is implemented. A[b]nd I agree some males, some societies abuse it somewhat. True Patriarchy is benign, protective, selfless - sacrificial even. But it leads, it is bold. Some men need to understand that better.

Hehehe...When marriage turn abusive, we have regulatory arms that deal with the offending party. You guessed right Feminism dealt with the offending party.
So because Patriarchy took the piss and was going on a path of tyranny across culture, Feminism rose up and righted some of the wrongs.
Patriarchy made the rules but made it one sided.
Right now this is how it exists until we reach our utmost balance...
Patriarchy is the executive arm, Feminism - legislative arm. We will co-exist to checking each other.

But feminism is no the key to righting any wrongs with Patriarchy - it is in itself a wrong. Don't fight it, encourage it in it's purest sense . With our women in support, we'll get there !

Lots of women want to study and excel in home economics - allow jor! And last time I looked, the best cooks and hairdresser where all men !


TV

Yeah they can excel in home economics, but this should not now be the definition of what womanhood stands for.
In the past when these roles were assigned to the genders, our forefathers subsequently interpreted it as taboo for a gender to do the other role. And that is how some people are still operating in the 21st century.
In Igbo land it was taboo for men to cook, due to gender equality we can boast of men cooking and no one raising eye-brows. You think it just came like that? Naa.
So TV it is here to stay to protect, check patriarchy.
Consider us your overseersssssss!

Stillfire:


During the middle of the 20th century we see a series of discrimination to different groups of people. For example Anti-Japanese paranoia increased because of a large Japanese presence on the West Coast as a result of World war II. President Roosevelt signed an executive order in February 1942 ordering the relocation of all Americans of Japanese ancestry to concentration camps in the interior of the United States. Now this is not dampening the experiences of black people but to highlight the basis of your argument that for the reason other groups suffer discrimination, then no group should make the effort of challenging the status-quo otherwise it will be described as 'victim-mentality'. Someone just highlighted the ra.pe incidences in India, on the basis 'Nigeria' having it better. How about telling blacks they have it better since their experiences being used as subjects for illegitimate medical research cannot be compared to the lengths Nazi Germany took to perform experiments on Polish prisoners of war in the name of medical research. Well I am glad black people did not have njokusboy mentality.

Lol, see dodging, I doubt my point flew over your head, I believe you are deliberately dancing around it... lemme put it in bold.

The base of the argument was that those things were not worth making noise about... the fact that everybody suffers from one form of it, being one of the reasons...
Black people's balls were used for hockey dammit
We could not attend same school as whites
We could not be elected into congress
We were made to work in plantations...
Dat is discrimination...
Note that, we were actually forced not to do these things, we weren't just told they were wrong which would have made it no more than an opinion..

Now if people say you shouldn't own a house because you are single, do they go as far as beating you up if you do so?
Does your mom use soldering iron on ur ar'se if u buy a car against her advice?
Talking about some isolated opinions held by some isolated individuals is actually an indication of cluelessness, its one of the excuses underachievers give for their shortcomings...

If you still don't get my point, then no hope be dat

Oga I have already given this advice to the girl that did not buy a car cos of her parents.
I'm all for breeding strong, defiant girls where necessary.
But will it stop us from discussing these issues? Absolutely not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahaha

Continue wasting your time on baseless ventures.... as for me and my house, we'd take Nigeria to the promised land inspite of the many stereotypes....

njokusboy:


Lol, see dodging, I doubt my point flew over your head, I believe you are deliberately dancing around it... lemme put it in bold.






If you still don't get my point, then no hope be dat



Continue wasting your time on baseless ventures.... as for me and my house, we'd take Nigeria to the promised land inspite of the many stereotypes....

I did not dodge. I answered your questions perfectly well. I should get an award for that, hehehe.

The way people are tackling this thread and relating it to, "women and whyning", one would think that it was a woman that wrote the original post.

Instead of some people to tackle original posts, they will be searching for threads to vent their frustration and incite a gender war.

Stillfire:
Hehehe...When marriage turn abusive, we have regulatory arms that deal with the offending party. You guessed right Feminism dealt with the offending party.
So because Patriarchy took the piss and was going on a path of tyranny across culture, Feminism rose up and righted some of the wrongs.
Patriarchy made the rules but made it one sided.
Right now this is how it exists until we reach our utmost balance...
Patriarchy is the executive arm, Feminism - legislative arm. We will co-exist to checking each other.

Yeah they can excel in home economics, but this should not now be the definition of what womanhood stands for.
In the past when these roles were assigned to the genders, our forefathers subsequently interpreted it as taboo for a gender to do the other role. And that is how some people are still operating in the 21st century.
In Igbo land it was taboo for men to cook, due to gender equality we can boast of men cooking and no one raising eye-brows. You think it just came like that? Naa.
So TV it is here to stay to protect, check patriarchy.
Consider us your overseersssssss!

This is to intentionally mis-read what feminism is and is about, or to demonstrate you simply don't know .

Although termed Patriarchy, it was a consensus betwixt male and female. Feminism is not after a regulatory role, it wants to rule. Not oversee, but completely take over. It's not about righting - mostly imaginary - wrongs, it wants to reign.

Feminism is by it's very nature intolerent and unbalanced - fascistic! What you describe - regardless of it's pros and cons - is not feminsim. In fact, it's a tacit agreement that Patriarchy is inherently good, but just requires checking occassionally - that is not anywhere like true feminism.

Either you don't properly grasp it or are trying to sweeten the pill by spinning it - we ain't swallowing !

Decent enough effort though. Lets call it a day for now. Here's a peace offering !


TV

Mindfulness:


Never trying hard, doing everything and anything with ease, always have and always will. Life is good.

I reside in the land of milk and honey, paradise.

Na so...

TV01:

This is to intentionally mis-read what feminism is and is about, or to demonstrate you simply don't know .

Although termed Patriarchy, it was a consensus betwixt male and female. Feminism is not after a regulatory role, it wants to rule. Not oversee, but completely take over. It's not about righting - mostly imaginary - wrongs, it wants to reign.

Feminism is by it's very nature intolerent and unbalanced - fascistic! What you describe - regardless of it's pros and cons - is not feminsim. In fact, it's a tacit agreement that Patriarchy is inherently good, but just requires checking occassionally - that is not anywhere like true feminism.

Either you don't properly grasp it or are trying to sweeten the pill by spinning it - we ain't swallowing !

Decent enough effort though. Lets call it a day for now. Here's a peace offering !


TV

I couldn't read what you wrote well. That picture was a tactic to distract me and you suceeded. Truce!

Bump

www.nairaland.com/attachments/3094994_wpss201511190005_pngd1145691195c60e68a18c0df1eab73c5