JamaicanQT:

I personally dont have a problem if a black woman have a white partner however i HATE to see a black man with a white woman especially when he acts as if she is his greatest achievement 

lol. . .True!

JamaicanQT:

I personally dont have a problem if a black woman have a white partner however i HATE to see a black man with a white woman[b] especially when he acts as if she is his greatest achievement [/b]

one reason i believe a black man is safer staying away from them.

its your choice - sadly some parents still hold stereotypical views like that - prove them wrong

dont try to allienate them - do you best to include them and let them see how wonderful you and this guy are and how he makes you happy!

after eveyrthing if they are not very stubborn - seeng that you are happy is enough reason for any parent's heart to soften - just be patient with them and pray over it.

Nothing wrong with white men - they have their own style and brothers to ahve theirs - depends on what tickles your fancy

Romeo4real:

Hey Sasha,
There is nothing wrong with dating ppl from different races(i've done it myself), The real issue is with the motives.

Some Naija women date white guys b'cos they are less stressful, more compliant, and generally take more bullshit (my observation based on mixed race couples i know). Hell, i even know one chick whose white BF carries her handbag and follows her around like a puppy.

Other Naija babes date white guys due to frustration with black dudes after being messed around so many times, and believe a white dud will generally treat u better.

Some Naija guys date white chicks b'cos they are less stressful and less argumentative than Naija chicks and they generally take more nonsense b'cos of their compliant nature (again, my observation based on experience).

The question is: Why do you find White dudes attractive enough to date?
It is important to know why you do anything. It may be based on the exposure you had when young (school,or first boyfriend, or your upbringing, or just your location growing up).

You say the skin colour does not matter, but you have always been attracted to white dudes, so it obviously does matter to you.
It MUST matter - as its a big, obvious, unchangeable part of the person, and therefore cannot be inconsequential in the decision you always seem to take.
Also we are not the same inside, due to upbringing, values, exposure, principles, culture etc. It may be that you find the "White" culture more appealing than the African culture (nothing really wrong with this)

You should endeavour to find out why you find white guys attractive, and when you know why, then you can start the journey to convince your family about the integrity of your decisions and why they should accept it.

Well done to Romeo4real, you nailed the question!


And to the poster: @Shasha009, relationship or marriage is complicated enough and having to deal with colour issue make it more complicated but your happiness is the most important thing, regardless the colour of the guy skin. So dont take that for granted!

You already cleared where I would have had an issue with you by saying that ‘'Does the skin color matter so much? To me it doesn't really matter because I believe we’re all the same inside’’- Well said! White or black guy, we are all the same, believe it or not, they can’t treat girls better than us, we are as romantic and caring as them too and some of them are just as bad as any black guys will be, not just black Nigerians. Because I believe you are not only referring to black Nigerians in this post and whichever part of the world you are, there must have been some born and bred blacks there too that would probably have the same background and culture with these white blokes in question, (except if you are in Eastern Europe, LOL ) I have seen the way some white blokes treat their girls and I said to myself, not even my old man would do that. I’ve seen both sides of a coin and I can clearly understand your plight but just try not to restrict yourself to your comfort zone.

With your families not supporting you, it’s a big issue but maybe you will take an inspiration from this that it might not really be because he’s white but just the fact that our parents just find it very difficult to cope with the fact that we are going out with someone of totally different culture to ours. I have a friend who moved to London with her parent more than 25yrs ago. Her father was a lecturer in one of London Universities and her mum was a nurse but they are threatening to disown her now if she marries an Ibo guy that she has been with for more than 5yrs against their wish. They are both black Nigerian-British citizen professionals (so no paper issues ) but still, her well educated parent, (now retired back to Lagos) are still insisting she marries a Yoruba guy. It can be as bad as that with our parents, so with time, if your families see how much happy you are with your choice, they’ll accept it.

Good luck!

JamaicanQT:

I personally dont have a problem if a black woman have a white partner however i HATE to see a black man with a white woman especially when he acts as if she is his greatest achievement

Nice one!

@ jamaicanqt

UMMM, why do you think its better for a black girl to date a white guy and not the other way round?
As you said black guys always act as if the white girls re the best achievement they have had so far in their lives, I dont know if this is true, at least not from where I live.
Is that how the black guys act around white girls in nigeria

thanks LUXOIRE!

@ TAYO-UK

Thanks for the wonderful insertion! That was brilliant.
I hope our parents will loosen up. Its both ways, some white parents are not comfortable with their children marrying outside their race as well, I guess its just cause of the way our parents were all brought up. They have failed to realize that this is 21st century and things re changing, not the way they used to be.

All in all, I guess one's happiness matters most

White is just a colour nothing wrong with white people

nothing wrong with it just go for the good ones

YEEEHHHAAAWWW!!!
IM motivated again.
Thanks y'all!!!

welcome so which part of Australia are you staying?

Topic.

@sexyleamonn

I'm in melbourne

why do you care what our opinions are?
I think you should be more concerned about your parents' and relatives' opinions.

@ oyinda,

I have taken a lot of nice advise from people on this forum, so I do care what others opinions are. Anyone who is not interested in giving an opinion should not bother to write anything rather than wasting the space.

@topic since you are obviously a lady, the truth is that i can't really give you an opinion of whether or not White Male partners are the way to go or not. I am only in a position to advise you on Nigerian men.

However i wish you success in your search.

later.

Poster, I undertsand how you feel cause Ive been through it before. AM Asian and I date a Naija guy. His parents got very mad when their first born daughter (my bf's elder sister) wanted to get married to a guy from another tribe but also a Nigerian. So iof they could not accept another tribe, what more from another country or another race. And my parents only wanted me to be with a Malaysian so it was hard but because both me and my bf are stubborn bulls. . . Both born in May so obviously we are hard headed and stubborn, it did not stop us from dating. Than one day it was my bf's mother's birthday and both of us were so broke that time and still we try and come out with some money to send over to her as a birthday present. We managed to collect about 500USD (not much but still its sumthin) and as soon as she receive it, she ask my bf how did he get the money cause she knows that he is broke and he told her that both I and him came out with the money and she should not speak after that. She was shocked. She mentioned that most Naija kids whom left their country and end up marrying to a foreignor would usually forget about where they come from and forget abou their family and thats why she herself does not like that to happen to her.

As for my parents particularly my father, he does not like me being with a foreignor despite id he is black, white or brown. He just feel that I will run away from hgim one day and thats just the main reason. I might leave him one day but I will never forget about him.

So gurl, if you love this guy, just follow your instint and u dont necessarily have to follow what your elders tell you to do cause when one day they are gone, U might regret not following what you actually want to do in life.

@ gabry,

Im sending you lots of kisses right now!!!
You re amazing. Thanks for your story and the advice. I was born in may too, so I'm quite hard headed in regards to what I believe is right concerning my happiness.
Thanks again and I won't let go. With time, they will understand why.

xoxo

Awww. . . Thanks dearie and Im glad u like the story/advice.

Make wise decisions in life and always remember where you come from. Good luck and all the best.

having lived in the US, I really do not see anything wrong with dating/marrying different races. I just won't do it becuase I have a passion to have a full blooded africans as my children

slimfine:

having lived in the US, I really do not see anything wrong with dating/marrying different races. I just won't do it becuase I have a passion to have a full blooded africans as my children

Yea, I agree. I feel the same.

JamaicanQT:

I personally dont have a problem if a black woman have a white partner however i HATE to see a black man with a white woman especially when he acts as if she is his greatest achievement

That sounds a bit hyporitical, but I do know what you mean that some black men see a white woman as a prize. However, I've also seen some black girls who think they are high and mighty. b/c they have a white boyfriend. I think it's just that some black people feel special when they are with a white person. You can love who you love, but don't act like they are better than everyone else.

humbleboy:

This is my first time replying to a post.@ poster I believe that if you are happy with someone, that is where you belong. Nevertheless I find it strange that, given what you said, if you have both a black and a white man that treat you equally nice you would still prefer the white. In other words, it means that a black man should do more to get your attention and that is usually the sign that you are not totally fair.

When I was just a kid (around 10), I used to dream about women with long flowing hair (not necessarily white but with distinct traits) but, having an African mother I noticed in my teen years that I always went after African women with traditional values and that has never changed. I now realise that even unconsciously (TV, peer groups) we seem to interiorize certain ideas/concepts. I wish you the very best anyway and hope that I could be of a little help.

This was a very honest account. Plus, even though she does not say anything negative about black guys, she does imply that it would be easier for a white guy to win her over.

@Sasha:

Did you ever ask your parents why they don't want you with a white guy? You might have an easier time dating them, but maybe that could be b/c white men are usually known to be more romantic PUBLICLY. You might have an easier time DATING a white guy, but you might have an easier time being MARRIED to a black guy, especially a nigerian guy since you are nigerian. But if what guys are what you like then go for it, but just keep in mind that dating is not the same as marriage.

LadyT:

White is just a colour nothing wrong with white people

I think most parents are usually against it b/c our cultures are very different, not really the color.

@nene1

Your last reply is awesome! Well said!
If some black people feel that having white partners re their greatest achievements, then those people need to check their lives well, and maybe need more security, self esteem and self-worth within themselves. Its just wrong, because we are all worthy at the same level no mater what. the only thing that differentiates us is the skin color.

That's why I marvel and just stare dumbstruck at racists  because they place too much emphasis on skin color due to their ignorance and close minds.

By the way, everyone (white black, Asians or whatever) all originated from AFRICA!

I didnt post here initially for personal reasons but lets be entirely honest . . . the OP probably has an unconscious preference for whites over blacks . . . humbleboy's post hit home to me.

nene1 also has a point, dating isnt the same as marriage. Its easy to have a rosy time as long as you dont have to live with your partner and actually be forced to compromise yourself to adapt to him/her. One of the things i seriously think about is this - family . . . what will the experience be long term when we're married? Its frankly easier to relate to nigerian in-laws than white in-laws.

To date yes . . . but when it comes to marriage . . . pls think deeply.

@nene,
In regards to your questions,
Yes I did ask my parents, but they just insisted they would feel more comfortable seeing me married to a Nigerian Yoruba guy. They have tried unsuccessfully to hook me up with lots of family friends, potential black yoruba guys who re ding really well, but I always turn down their offer politely. This upsets my dad a lot, and he is even more strict and more inclined to making sure I still end up with a black guy.

But I always counter his words, and try to say good things about white guys too. My dad uses an old example which probably due to what they hear and watch in the media.

One day he said " If you upset a white guy, one day he could just shoot you in the head, and then you re gone" Like that . They seem to believe white men have temper or a case of slight mentality, lol that they tend to do bad things if you upset them, which is soooooooooo not true.

Also, he thinks once i get married to a white guy, then he will keep me away from Africa, and not allow me to visit them anymore. But again i tried to make them understand this is also not true (in my case), because my bf is very interested in africa

Sasha009:

@nene,
In regards to your questions,
Yes I did ask my parents, but they just insisted they would feel more comfortable seeing me married to a Nigerian Yoruba guy. They have tried unsuccessfully to hook me up with lots of family friends, potential black yoruba guys who re ding really well, but I always turn down their offer politely. This upsets my dad a lot, and he is even more strict and more inclined to making sure I still end up with a black guy.

But I always counter his words, and try to say good things about white guys too. My dad uses an old example which probably due to what they hear and watch in the media.

One day he said " If you upset a white guy, one day he could just shoot you in the head, and then you re gone" Like that . They seem to believe white men have temper or a case of slight mentality, lol that they tend to do bad things if you upset them, which is soooooooooo not true.

Also, he thinks once i get married to a white guy, then he will keep me away from Africa, and not allow me to visit them anymore. But again i tried to make them understand this is also not true (in my case), because my bf is very interested in africa

all of them are at first. Get married then see if the "interest" is still there. Your dad is probably right.

@davidylan

What if you have been with that 'white' partner for several years and you get on really well with each other, and you live with each other

Don't generalize all interracial relationships like that. Every relationship has their ups and downs, but I don't think that if two people fall in love, regardless of their skin color, their should be any major problem for them in future.

all of them are at first. Get married then see if the "interest" is still there.  Grin Your dad is probably right
@davidylan

I was taught one thing as a child. "if you have nothing pleasant or nice to say to someone, better not to say anything at all"

Id mainly adhere to that quote here, but you talk like some black men don't beat up their women, or even murder them. If anything, white men re still more patient and understanding. I was never one to compare black men and white men  because both are great in their own way, but please, people re all different.

what do you mean his interest will change once you re married. you obviously have no idea what a great relationship/love means. getting married is just further sealing your commitment to each other, i dont think marriage will change the way we have always interacted with each other

Sasha009:

all of them are at first. Get married then see if the "interest" is still there.  Grin Your dad is probably right
@davidylan

I was taught one thing as a child. "if you have nothing pleasant or nice to say to someone, better not to say anything at all"

LOL!!!!! Girl, if U ask for opinions on a forum , be ready to take some nice posts as well as some that are critical.

Actually, if I were U, I do be more interested in the posts that are skeptical since some of the issues that are raised in those posts are the ones U would be ultimately facing.
Every marriage would have its ups and downs (dont let noone tell U different) and in ur own case, I can see a whole lot that can be a potential source of worry and if U are aware of them , then the better U would be equipped to handle them.