@poster.

so many things have been said and most are good advices worthy of note, but the fundamental truth that has not been emphasized is that, you cant get the "right" spouse for you by your own efforts. Believe me, you need eyes sharper and a wisdom higher yours and you can only get that by involving God intelligently in your search. This means its not only you or only Him, but a joint effort.

My wife was one of the least qualified of all the friends i had, but there was this cosistent tug in my heart towards her especially when am on my knees asking for help. It takes that much effort dear cos its a permanent contract. After yielding and we started daing, then courting, i discovered that indeed shes an awesomely rare personalty. Now married to her, every day is just a glorious experience.

Pls Note: I didnt say let God do it all, but involve Him intelligently in your search.

Alll the best

@ poster

Permit me to correct you, 'The Wrong Men are Choosing You'
I guess there is something in you that is attractive to the 'wrong' men.

The way out is to make change, start doing somethings (like where you meet men, the way you dress/make your hair, your view to life, how you relate to peers, what you do on a first date etc.) differently and you'll be suprised at the power behind change. This could be a few things or a combination of some of the few things mentioned above.

Trust me, it works.

@Kaypinchi,
u must be a guru. i met a gal who had abt 5 ear rings on each of her ears. she must be a charlygirl and if anyone outside the charlyboys family comes to her, she must not expect much.


@poster,
pls dress as you wld want to be addressed. u must start this journey with telling urself the bitter truths. criticize urself on areas u know u slack. something in u is chasing gud guys away and attracting bad guys to u.
in most cases, they come with sweet songs promising to make water available in deserts because they believe that is what u want to hear.
be informed that even the insane men go sane when they meet the right gal. in a normal situation, every man is a radical but the presence of a woman makes the difference. you can carry urself in such a manner that ur man will not like to offend u for no just course.
men of these days are terrible but women, so i wish u luck as long as you are ready to tell urself the truth.

Naturally ladies are attracted to 'bad' guys.  This is nice when we are just having fun but for a serious relationship find yourself a nice, dependable, serious minded and hardworking guy to settle with.  These should be your criteria when chosing whom to date, any guy who does not have them should not be given a second glance except you just wanna have fun!    Take my advice and you will be in a good and solid relationship in weeks!  Leave the losers for fun ONLY!!!!

I have no real idea how to help you. but from what I have heard people say. Stop looking and the right one will come to you. thats how I married my husband. I just stopped thinking of going to church to find a man. I stopped using force to step outside the house and go to parties in hopes of finding one. I became myself and I dont like going to parties. My husband was brought to me. My car broke down in the middle of a town I did not even know and he helped me.

The church we married in is even adjacent to the place we first met. Stop looking. and also I heard somewhere that if you find yourself always complaining that everyone around you is a jerk, maybe you need to look in the mirror and you will see the real jerk. but I am not calling you any names because the guys you have described are every woman's nightmare.

But nkan ti mo fe ki o fa yo ni be ni wipe,, change your lifestyle. stop going to the same places you used to. go to a different market to buy your eggs. etc your man may come.

To get the 'right' guy, learn how to get ur thighs/legs widely opened.

maybe you should try me first!

.

my dear, it's tough. i chose a lot of wrong girls for a long time.
try to look more closely at little details and u wil c people's
character flaws. dont rush into relationships or else u'l get hurt.

SEXY logan,

that is the worse advice you can give anyone. to always look out for flaws, like you dont have any. why dont you whip out the lie detector while you are at it? it will help to save a lot of time.

Have you heard the saying "wa pe nibe" it means you will be waiting a while. You get to know people through courtship. their flaws will reveal themselves eventually. I have flaws,but my husband still loves me. He has flaws too and I still love him. I saw his flaws before I married him and loved him inspite of them.

Yes one needs to be careful, but Mother Theresa is dead and Jesus is not trying to physically marry any woman right now, so we all imperfect.

i guess its all up to you.you know what you want in a man.but bear in mind people do have flaws. cheers!

If you are a true believer of Jesus Christ and you know the truth. Do what the Word says. Pray to God to give you the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh. You are Bless that you have not made the decision between those two guys. If you do not know Jesus Christ yet, then give your life to Him and Cast your yoke upon Him. You have to ask Him with your mouth what you want, but for you to be able to ask Him, you have to know Him as your Lord and Saviour. May the Spirit of Truth shine light on you . Amen

god, god, god, pray, pray, pray. If these were the solutions to our problems, Nigeria would be better than these western countries we all run to for refuge.  We are deluded. Religion gone crazy. I have a running stomach, the advice u will get from our brothers would be just pray to god. I have an exam, niger person would tell u, pray to god to pass. We have lost the ability to reason. Country of prayers and God talk, going down the drain.

@Ezinne 1212

Be open and honest, no need to hide things as simple as email address. The world isn`t just about us, think of others. Me me attitude can scare off potential partners. Ur nairaland profile speaks volumes. I like ur name, what does it mean and in which language?

your case is not different from other men's experience. i don't mean you are not a nice person but it takes two to tangle and whereby the other party sees the opposite party as an unqualified condidate, both can't tangle. i think in all, what matters is the ability to recuperate,vegetate and indemnify your life style. there are not wrong or right men or women, what we share is different understanding amongst one another. be quick to study your lover and try to aggregate your self of the same proximity. to be honest with you, thats all it takes.

I believe to get the right man,you have to be the right woman. Search and better yourself and I assure you that you will attract the right kind of men to yourself. And don't forget that you need prayers too.

Young women gotta stop thinking that if they expose some parts of their body they will be

able to attract some "good" men. The really good men do not like women wearing revealing clothes. They see them as traps.

Now to the question. You as a young woman must be a good judge of character when choosing a male partner.

Good people attract good people. Bad people attract bad people. If you are good you will not have too much of a problem finding a

good partner. Pray to the YHVH God if you believe.

Good things come to good people, hope you can figure out the rest yourself

@ezinne1212
i believe u have not told the house the whole truth,u have not in any way revealed your flaws,if u must do an appraisal on any man to determine whether he is the one,then u have to spare quality time to work on yourself.just like someone rightly pointed out.make yourself right and leave the rest to God.

stop looking at they pockets, shikena!!

a lot of people have said it, stop searching, i say true words, some women are always in rlnships, one fails, weekss later, they r in anor, it doent giv one time to grow as a person, also, most of the time, we date that next guy on the rebound. try and b patient, and know that men too are mortals

i also believe wat spoilt said.
i like my kind of person(straightforward and principled, )those r good traits, do not belif otherwise.u are also one vulnerable person, eager to help d downtrodden guys who turn around to take advantage of u,like spoilt, said those kain of guys r badnews, believe it, b careful
i believe that a guy shd struggle, with good prospects, it will work

Thanks for all your feedback. This is a forum, it's the beauty of the internet. I'm amused that some guys think cash is involved, really! if i were looking for someone with dough, would it have been those two? Please don't let your insecurity answer for you, God knows I've been doing it for too long, else i wouldn't have given those losers the time of day.

@ Redfox, i believe I've stated my flaws, i neva said i was a saint, my description of those guys was to show that i wasn't looking for anything in particular but in effect there ended up being a pattern. I wont reduce myself to choosing based on cash, but i wont let my standards down again, everyone is entitled to their own. I thought being God fearing that it was necessary to keep an open mind. What i expected from each of them was honesty, but what i saw was conniving deceit, it was quite scary. It will amaze you how some  guys will act out the role of good guy if they feel it would pull in an unsuspecting victim, for the life of me i cant understand what drives someone to be so mean. All said and done, i'm still learning but not searching, there's much more to life right now than relationships with men. We're all equal, but some people give human nature a bad name! So i'm working on being the right me, cause i do believe good things will eventually happen to good people. So far, life  has been fair, i have faith.

to be honest? stop searching.
No matter how old you re. Just believe, be yourself and focus on your life goals.
The right guy will come along sooner or later,

Ladies you will definitely grow old on your own if you listen to this, the chances are (one in a gigzillion!!!)

Its ok gal, I believe you know what you want and you can tell when you've found it. Just be patient and the best will come your way.

@sexyleanon!!! i really liked what you said and i hope some sisters who are bent on dating a guy just bicos he is hands or rich cause when your heart is broken, don't come here narrating the issues for solution.

The first thing that a girl should be looking at from a guy is if trully the guy loves her and not if he is hands or rich. the hands can come much later, you can even make him to be hands to ur taste and as for the richness, when the two of u come together, you can build an empire.

But no wayyyyyy!!!!! the kind of sisters we now have is money for hand back for ground. why wont randy men play wit ur intel? and one thing abot it is that, they still will not learn.

My Dear Sister Look Before You Leap. Stop chasing Money or Luxury, try to be diligent in your dealings and your Right Man will sure come your way.

Lets put it this way, i think you've been a free giver all this while.Guys will most times cling 2 u if u refuse to give him his demands.As soon as u dance to his gallery ,he goes hunting for another rat to devour.So,try to be very stingy. ok. Though as they say "body no be fire wood" u'll sure fall pree someday.Let him get to suffer for it. Take care and be smart.

THis the key;

Look for a man that has a stable style of doing things.

AS SIMPLE AS IT SOUNDS, ITS THE ONLY FILTER I KNOW OF.

NO STYLE = NO CLASS = NO STABILITY = ANYTHING (I MEAN ANYTHING) CAN HAPPEN

Once you see a stable man with style, check the way he does things and the things he does and see if it makes you think of who you are and what you have to offer in love and life (and a future); IF makes you feel that way then he is your mark, if not - BOUNCE.

No man changes - only growth happens, look well, if he is an idiot today, he will be worse tomorrow. If he tells you he was a "redeem" and now is "deeper life"; then tomorrow he will take you and your kids to a shrine to "swear".

Always remember, look for a style (NO STYLE - RUN AWAY!!), if he has, then check them and yourself, IF you can picture, GO AHEAD, IF you cant, BOUNCE NICELY.

AND YOU YOURSELF BETTER BE WORTH IT!!

sir t:

@ JJYOU,

How does this affects you?

it was a joke oga.

Start looking in the right places.
Abandon the night clubs, beer parlours, et al

The answer is not as complicated as you may think. Actually the answer is simple. You don't have to choose. Let God do it for you.

na wa o,may be yu need to go see some spiritualist for check up.

A wise fisherman once said 'If you are consistently catching the wrong type of fish, the problem can be easily fixed by changing the bait', A word is enough for the wise!

Relationship is a matter of good feasibility study. If you study a person very well befor entering into a relationship with such you will definitely have a little regret