Demmocrats:
OP all you said sounded funny but forgot to mention the most important quality in a wife, You said they met in Church, she is a Choir member but you failed to explain how Godly she is because a woman that fears God is more important than a woman that buys ceramics plates.

Besides OP you failed to mention her age, i guess she is still in her early twenties and may be from a well to do family, you don't expect her to be mature enough to know all those things you know and all you what her to do.

OP if your brother truly love her and she has the fear of God, i don't see anything wrong with the lady besides nobody is perfect including him that want's to marry the girl.

Hhahaha! Choir member indeed.

From where i come from kitchen wares, furniture and food stuff for a new couple is usually provided by bride's family to the level they can afford. Traditionally, the reason is because a new bride is supposed to be shy and cannot resort to borrowing anything from her inlaws atleast to such a time they become very familiar usually after birth. Bride can share specific items to her relatives who can afford it. In particular, the brides father is responsible for their bed.

Some years ago, my cousin married a guy from another state, the guy was able to build a house. My uncle furnished it to even the DSTV subscription for a year. My uncle could afford it and its a thing of pride for the brides family as a parting gift.

However, this is no excuse for any bride not to make her own arrangements especially knowing the family she comes from. That means no working bride can tell her groom months before their wedding that kitchen wares is the grooms responsibilty. Its a very direct message that she is not planning to settle anytime soon or doesnt plan to be a life companion to the groom.

ogawisdom:


Christian n dts wat d faith teaches

apologies bro. Your advice would have made good hearing to most northerners/muslims‚ most peeps here are from the south. I am a Christian too by the way.

Orisirisi! Wetin person no go hear o! He should do whatever he pleases!

kessel:

Love is not the issue but from her response when questioned, it appears she doesn't take corrections and now, that is a big problem.

Serving a man meal anyhow especially a soon to be is a sure sign that you have not recognized his kingship over you and you have not recognized your place as a queen.. Now considering the fact that she rarely takes correction how do you pass this across to her

This is not about marriage or a man sef

How can you not have ceramics in your own house? How would you serve your friends or yourself?

ogawisdom:
Op he has nt married her yet so can't demand she uses her money to buy stuff for their future kitchen, it is at d lady's discretion. What he can do is to b buying d kitchen stuff himself or give d lady money to buy n bring to his house. It is his responsibility really . Marriage is nt a partnership its abt a provider n a helper, dts y d woman's total submission to d man's leadership/authority is nt negotiable

She is moving into ur house as d man, when she moves in she must then support u. It is good sha to see her making plans towards ur future together, dt shows commitment but at this stage it's at her discretion.

By d way wat kinda of man will allow a woman move into his house with properties, she should nt move in into ur house with things beyond her clothing's, personal effects n d likes but nt gas cooker, microwave etc


U kw her well, do wat u think u shld do

a lizard in Nigeria cant become a crocodie in America. Mind u d guy talkd to her abt planning for d future lik buying stuffs dt wud be used in deir home. Instead of taking correction she wz saying its d man's responsiblity. She is workin n earnin money so why not start buyin things now. In marriage wot u dnt hv u cnt give. She lacks financial management. My cousin b4 she got married wz doin business n d moni she made, she bought d tins dey are using in deir kitchen now including a big generator plus a washin machine and a gas cooker with oven. Marriage is for meeting needs.

Let him take his decision now pls , if after all the plans on the way , she still in jewelries and what have you, them she is not a grown up lady and needs to grow up. By the time she starts getting old , her eyes will clear and she will begin to look for prophets !pls allow your cousin to move on, there are lots of ladies who will cope with him and support him big time. Some of this church [fake] ladies can be difficult t manage or control pls .[ i speak from personal encounter o!let him in search for another nicer lady who will understand economy. This one na big time spend thrift.her mates can even support her fiancee and pay even for most bills required.but she is still in to frivolities

wwwkaycom:
I felt the same way, I even asked him to come to my house and pick as many of the kitchen things as he wanted but he refused saying his fiancee must learn how to be responsible, it was at this time he told me he had bought quite a number of kitchen wares, micro wave, cooker etc Well, I love responsible ladies but they can still talk things over

ogawisdom:
Op he has nt married her yet so can't demand she uses her money to buy stuff for their future kitchen, it is at d lady's discretion. What he can do is to b buying d kitchen stuff himself or give d lady money to buy n bring to his house. It is his responsibility really . Marriage is nt a partnership its abt a provider n a helper, dts y d woman's total submission to d man's leadership/authority is nt negotiable

Low-self esteem alert!

Total submission ko total submission ni. I hope you have started searching for that mo..ronic low self esteemed idi.ot that would be your wife.

She is moving into ur house as d man, when she moves in she must then support u. It is good sha to see her making plans towards ur future together, dt shows commitment but at this stage it's at her discretion.

By d way wat kinda of man will allow a woman move into his house with properties, she should nt move in into ur house with things beyond her clothing's, personal effects n d likes but nt gas cooker, microwave etc

Once she moves into the house. The house becomes their house, as in the man and the woman's house. I don't care what he had to do to build their that house


Like you could afford any of those things. If you don't have it or if hers are better than the pangolos you have. She MUST move in with them.

rite decision by ur cousin! such a lady can never make a good wife! he should dump her ASAP

there's nothing wrong in having a change of heart , remember that this is marriage and its a life long journey so he needs to make the right choice. all the best.

therapistmrs..com

wwwkaycom:
I felt the same way, I even asked him to come to my house and pick as many of the kitchen things as he wanted but he refused saying his fiancee must learn how to be responsible, it was at this time he told me he had bought quite a number of kitchen wares, micro wave, cooker etc Well, I love responsible ladies but they can still talk things over

My brother, your friend is very right calling off the relationship as this is not a flimsy excuse as the sign the lady is exhibiting now, is how the future is going to be.


For her to start saying at this early stage that it was the guy's responsibility to provide for those items goes to show how she is going to display her attitude in future.Are you telling me now that if by tomorrow if they are married and the guy has no money for the home, she cannot help out?

For me. the guy is right and should look for someone he can build his life with.

wwwkaycom:
I felt the same way, I even asked him to come to my house and pick as many of the kitchen things as he wanted but he refused saying his fiancee must learn how to be responsible, it was at this time he told me he had bought quite a number of kitchen wares, micro wave, cooker etc Well, I love responsible ladies but they can still talk things over

bro don't u get it. its not about the plates issues only its also about her reply... ABOUT IT BEING HIS RESPONSIBILITY. who does thatwho wants to marry an unrepentant money over spending wife who doesn't even see reasons with her soon to be husband that her actions is bad. anyway..... apart from all that i suggest you leave him. if he marries her based on ur advise and things dont go as planned you will be blamed. so just back out.
peace

kessel:

Am still saying it, it's not her not buying house things that is the problem from my understanding of the issue, she is not making adjustments to suit her soon to be status. The guy in question used not buying this things to drive his point home. Ask me how I know.. .i have found myself with this kind of ladies severally.

You understand the situation, and it aligns with mine.
It is easy to want to trivialise the situation and try to make a superficial assessment of the situation, but Op's cousin is reading the body language of the lady , which is a good predictor of future things to come.

kweenkong:







In as much as I agree with you, the lady needs to show a bit of commitment to the relationship. It's not about her money, even if she doesn't want to use her she can collect from the guy and buy for the house. There are many ways to skin a cat.
I know a couple and that was how the woman started and it continued into the marriage. Four years after marriage she collected money for blender she bought while her husband was away and still inflated the price.

Marriage is our thing, the house, the property, everything inside is ours so it is a joint effort. Investments is not only, time and effort. I think the issue is she is not showing any signs of preparing for a married life.

Before I got married I didn't have any money to buy stuffs but I was always excited to window shop send my husband the pictures and price and wish we could get it.
When he got my husband went behind my back bought some and surprised me. It just showed to him that I was preparing for a life with him but I was hindered by money.

Just maybe he should talk to her one more time for the sake of there love.

Merry Christmas

I need a spouse that reasons to some extent like you, and not a cosmetic one.

The babe never ready to marry.

blaise26abj:
Shoes, clothes and Jewellery ? i'm sure say she no get savings. Can u imagine her saying " it is his responsibility". Stainless steel plates for that matter oooo. Financial management is a critical aspect of a marriage. Op, it seems your cousin sees things deeper than you can imagine. He is on the right track and his head is very correct ( landed property is an investment he will never regret unlike marrying a money sinkhole who prefers the way she looks in public than investing in their future together)

100000 likes

op, u haven't told us how many tyms ur brother has been 4king her o

VampireeM:


Everyone has their priorities though am not saying what the lady is doing is good. Most of the time most ladies dont feel the need to buy all those gadgets.. I for example cant get a microwave and co for myself as a single lady unless I need it.. I buy what I need.. Men are different esp the ones that wants to settle down soon.. they start buying those things they will need in the home/marriage. Your friend should talk to her cause to me a lady not buying those things aint a sign she is not ready for marriage.

Oh really? But she needs all the clothes and shoes and can't afford a decent and classy China plate or dining set for meals?

Op, tell your cousin to move on. She's not physically ready. When i was single, I know how many kitchen gadgets i bought and kept to take along to hubby's house.

daretodiffer:


Low-self esteem alert!

Total submission ko total submission ni. I hope you have started searching for that mo..ronic low self esteemed idi.ot that would be your wife.





Once she moves into the house. The house becomes their house, as in the man and the woman's house. I don't care what he had to do to build their that house


Like you could afford any of those things. If you don't have it or if hers are better than the pangolos you have. She MUST move in with them.

Sorry dts a divine injunction, deal with dt my little daughter, submission to ur husband is total n non negotiable

Segadem:
There's no perfect man or woman out there, you are the one u will make her what you want her to be,

what if u can't make her to be what u want?
don't u think it will be better to let her go?

End time men, waiting for their wives to carry pots from their fathers' house to his. Tell your cousin that he is really funny .

ogawisdom:


Sorry dts a divine injunction, deal with dt my little daughter, submission to ur husband is total n non negotiable

My dear low self esteemed man. The divine injunction does not say ‘total submission'. Please fix yourself before your try to lead others.

Who am I kidding, you can never be good enough to lead

jabojafa:
a lizard in Nigeria cant become a crocodie in America. Mind u d guy talkd to her abt planning for d future lik buying stuffs dt wudnt be used in deir home. Instead of taking correction she wz saying its d man's responsiblity. She is workin n earnin money so why not start buyin things now. In marriage wot u dnt hv u cnt give. She lacks financial management. My cousin b4 she got married wz doin business n d moni she made, she bought d tins dey are using in deir kitchen now including a big generator plus a washin machine and a gas cooker with oven. Marriage is for meeting needs.

She is right its d man's responsibility, d woman can help at her discretion

Junior66:
apologies bro. Your advice would have made good hearing to most northerners/muslims‚ most peeps here are from the south. I am a Christian too by the way.

So what did ur bible tell u abt marriage if nt d man being d provider n d woman d helper.

Now wat we dnt understand is dt to help is discretionary

daretodiffer:


My dear low self esteemed man. The divine injunction does not say ‘total submission'. Please fix yourself before your try to lead others.

Who am I kidding, you can never be good enough to lead

Lol u can't engage me in a debate smallie jst feel good with ur name calling BC dts all u got.
Morbid fool

Why try to lead the guy down the road of misery? He is seeing the signs... danger ahead.. and you are still trying to convince him it is safe? Bro...it seems that you like the girl for whatever reason and should he marry her .. you would always get to see her. I see no other reason why you would encourage him to marry this strong headed pretensive no class materialistic babe that still be using steel plates because ware plates too fragile for her.

A broken relationship iz far better than a broken marriage.When choosing a life partner, B more logical about......

wwwkaycom:
He met his fiancee in their school, she's one of the choir sisters in their fellowship choir. They started their love affairs in 2014 and would like to get married mid-2016. The big issue according to him is that the lady don't seem to be prepared for marriage, even though she's working, she hasn't gotten anything to show that she's working towards marriage in 2 years not to talk of the next 6 months.

He said she spends her money on clothes, shoes and jewelries but recently served him and one of his friends food with the stainless plate that they use in her home, he said he felt humbled when his friend politely turned down the food.

This guy believes that his fiancee by now ought to have invested on kitchen wares, plates, cutleries etc. He said he had actually started buying these stuffs without informing her but is now of the opinion that the lady may not change in marriage. I have asked him to talk it over with his fiancee which he did but he said she told him point blank that that is his responsibility. He has already diverted the money he was saving for the wedding to landed property, saying he will begin to look out for another lady. My plea fell on his deaf ears.

My take dear nairalanders is that the issue is just too flimsy to warrant separation at this stage, what do you think about it?

. Broken relationship better than broken marriage. Do your thing my man.

A brother's got brain and a heart, let him put it to use. If he knows he can't handle a sister, he better walk away and quit making her feel guilty!

daretodiffer:


He is not so narrow-minded

What type of human being will not have at least 5 pieces of ceramics for hospitality purpose? A working woman for goodness sake. You think she is educated sef

Wow....

mira4u:
How does her refusal to buy cutleries portray her as a bad wife or one who isn't ready for marriage?


He is so narrow minded. He reasons on a thin line.

Did you take your time to read and understand the thread? Ask misspicy to break it down to your level of understanding.

He is narrow minded, he is this, he is that.. ..some people sha

passionate88:
your cousin is wise. Such girls are not wifey material at all. They are the type that reason like this 'my husband's money is our money while my money is mine alone' our girls are just too narrow minded

correct