stonecoldcafe:


Nowhere in my earlier post did I advocate 50\50 but I believe a woman should help. Are you married mister? I take it you are not or you can provide ALL your family needs; if that is the case good for you.

But allow me tell you the reality of the AVERAGE Nigerian man today. Unless your hubby is very wealthy, most men expect some sort of help. Each household would vary; it could be 20%, 10%, 30%. Can a man be earning 100k with 3kids in a place like Lagos and the wife is earning 70 -80k and refuses to lift a finger? Like really would that be fair? Do you know how much rent is in Lag?

Whatever it is, its not too much helping out your own husband even if its just feeding. That's my take and that does not make me less a man.

I agree but the husband needs to play a part in keeping the home and care of the kids and not just when he feels like it.

fem29:


I agree but the husband needs to play a part in keeping the home and care of the kids and not just when he feels like it.

Again read my post again. I never encouraged or said that was right. What I am saying is it is not feasible in this day and age for a working woman not to contribute a pin to her house hold especially when her husband needs the help and is simply an average earning guy.

Please all you people quoting me, its crystal clear you aint married or you don't know what obtains in a typical Nigerian society today. I'm allergic to bullshitttt so please so quoting me and saying op.

Segadem:
There's no perfect man or woman out there, you are the one u will make her what you want her to be,

Agent of change! Better listen to sound advice from real men

mira4u:


What has education got to do with cutleries? Have you taken your time to ponder over possible reasons that made her not to buy them? What if she didn't see any serious commitment from the man? It's obvious he wasn't committed, else, he will not come up with such flimsy excuse for breakup. He is very narrow minded for breaking up a relationship just because she didn't buy plates. Prior to my wedding, I didn't buy a single item for the house. It was when I parked into my husband's house, I saw the need for some necessary things. Why didn't he break up with me cos of that? Different strokes for different folks you will say. Except he has a substantial reason for separation, else, such silly reason as low as 'refusal to buy plates to show you are serious' can never be a yardstick for separation. You don't judge a case from just one side.

Btw, don't tell me, you fall into the category of women who cast stone on their fellow women just to support the excesses of men. That's one reason why african men will never stop such attitude towards women. Everything that goes wrong in a relationship is the fault of a woman. It's never their fault and then you see women showing 'holier than thou' attitude, in support of the men(which men can never do to their fellow men) and you expect these men to act right towards women.

Education has everything to do with it. Educayion brings a level of refinement you wouldnt have unless you mingled with educated people or you are educated. It is meant to open you eyes to certain things you might dismiss if you were not educated. Most uneducated people will not even serve you with stainless plates nonchalantly.

I don't care about the man. I don't care about the marriage. I care about her mental health. Can you seriosuly ask yourself why a working woman cannot afford ceramic plates for herself. Be it a man or a woman, the idea of not having ceramic plates is inconceivable to me.

Don't turn this into a blame fame. It is purely common sense. I am not stupid to know that there is nothing wrong in buying/planning towards marriage if I plan to get married someday. If she thinks it reduces self-worth, then she does not have any to begin with. As others have mentioned, as a single woman whether you like it or not, it is paramount that she should know how to plate dishes. Frankly, I don't know of any one who would like to be served like a madman. Besides, most men appreciate it a well-served/plated meal. Also, She is likely to do most of the cooking and I do not know a right-thinking emplyed woman that would be comfortable with asking her man for everything to equip her kitchen.

Assuming that she thinks that he is not serious with her, what about buying for herself? Does she have to wait for marriage before improving herself and making her guests comfortable in her house? Heck! As a lady I won't even bother eating from those plates.

jopretty:
my thought exactly.

this shows what many girls consider to be tangible in marriage.. what a pity!

kessel:

My dear I will ask if u are a just Christian or a Christian who believes in the Bible. If yes then that same Bible has said that total submission is the only way no two ways about it.. U can't change it.

Bla bla bla

Don't quote me

ElDaIllest:
let them have a heart to heart discussion, it's funny how one person make up his/her mind towards break up when it took both consent to get engaged, in my opinion I think the best break up is if you both agree that the relationship is taking you guys no where and call it quits.... like I said "IN MY OWN OPINION"... goodluck and merry Christmas

I like your opinion,it shows u have an indept understanding of what relationship is all about

[quote author=daretodiffer post=41333202][/quote]I love this girl!

mira4u:


What has education got to do with cutleries? Have you taken your time to ponder over possible reasons that made her not to buy them? What if she didn't see any serious commitment from the man? It's obvious he wasn't committed, else, he will not come up with such flimsy excuse for breakup. He is very narrow minded for breaking up a relationship just because she didn't buy plates. Prior to my wedding, I didn't buy a single item for the house. It was when I parked into my husband's house, I saw the need for some necessary things. Why didn't he break up with me cos of that? Different strokes for different folks you will say. Except he has a substantial reason for separation, else, such silly reason as low as 'refusal to buy plates to show you are serious' can never be a yardstick for separation. You don't judge a case from just one side.

Btw, don't tell me, you fall into the category of women who cast stone on their fellow women just to support the excesses of men. That's one reason why african men will never stop such attitude towards women. Everything that goes wrong in a relationship is the fault of a woman. It's never their fault and then you see women showing 'holier than thou' attitude, in support of the men(which men can never do to their fellow men) and you expect these men to act right towards women.

Did you serve your husband with iron plate when he visited you with his buddy?

daretodiffer:


Education has everything to do with it. Educayion brings a level of refinement you wouldnt have unless you mingled with educated people or you are educated. It is meant to open you eyes to certain things you might dismiss if you were not educated. Most uneducated people will not even serve you with stainless plates nonchalantly.

I don't care about the man. I don't care about the marriage. I care about her mental health. Can you seriosuly ask yourself why a working woman cannot afford ceramic plates for herself. Be it a man or a woman, the idea of not having ceramic plates is inconceivable to me.

Don't turn this into a blame fame. It is purely common sense. I am not stupid to know that there is nothing wrong in buying/planning towards marriage if I plan to get married someday. If she thinks it reduces self-worth, then she does not have any to begin with. As others have mentioned, as a single woman whether you like it or not, it is paramount that she should know how to plate dishes. Frankly, I don't know of any one who would like to be served like a madman. Besides, most men appreciate it a well-served/plated meal. Also, She is likely to do most of the cooking and I do not know a right-thinking emplyed woman that would be comfortable with asking her man for everything to equip her kitchen.

Assuming that she thinks that he is not serious with her, what about buying for herself? Does she have to wait for marriage before improving herself and making her guests comfortable in her house? Heck! As a lady I won't even bother eating from those plates.

Like I said before, this has nothing to do with education cos even an uneducated person can buy as much plates they want. It has everything to do with personal concept and probably the attitude of the man towards the relationship. No sane man/woman with common sense will judge or condemn the woman or a case without listening to the other side of a story. Am sure the woman has her reasons why she didn't buy the plates. Mind you, read my post very well. I never said its wrong to buy plates for the home but totally wrong to call it quits for flimsy excuse as 'because you didn't buy plates it shows you are not ready'. He wasn't ready himself. Did he take his time to find out her reasons for not buying them before jumping to conclusion? The fault could even be his, you never can tell. Why will she buy plates for herself when she was living with her parents? I never bought a single item myself for the house prior to my wedding. It was when I parked into my husband's house I saw the need for them. How does that show I wasn't ready?

Well, I have made my point. M done with this baseless argument.

mira4u:


Like I said before, this has nothing to do with education cos even an uneducated person can buy as much plates they want. It has everything to do with personal concept and probably the attitude of the man towards the relationship. No sane man/woman with common sense will judge or condemn the woman or a case without listening to the other side of a story. Am sure the woman has her reasons why she didn't buy the plates. Mind you, read my post very well. I never said its wrong to buy plates for the home but totally wrong to call it quits for flimsy excuse as 'because you didn't buy plates it shows you are not ready'. He wasn't ready himself. Did he take his time to find out her reasons for not buying them before jumping to conclusion? The fault could even be his, you never can tell. Why will she buy plates for herself when she was living with her parents? I never bought a single item myself for the house prior to my wedding. It was when I parked into my husband's house I saw the need for them. How does that show I wasn't ready?

Well, I have made my point. M done with this baseless argument.

To hell with personal concept, it is common sense to buy proper plates to serve your guests. And if that common sense is lacking, this is where your education should be helpful.

Your argument is so baseless. I stay with my parents during the holiday and I have had to use my money to buy some things like a weighing scale, mirror etc because I realised that we needed them. If you had read my initial post, you would notice that my main problem was not her lack of preparation but the ft that she couldn't buy herself ceramic plates. Regardless of whom she is staying with, if her mother cannot afford to buy proper plates(which I doubt) It becomes her responsibility to get her parents some! I bet you wait for your hubby to raise every issue before using your initiative

Very baseless argument!!!

Sam32:

Did you serve your husband with iron plate when he visited you with his buddy?

You dey mind her

Imagine!

daretodiffer:


To hell with personal concept, it is common sense to buy proper plates to serve your guests. And if that common sense is lacking, this is where your education should be helpful.

Your argument is so baseless. I stay with my parents during the holiday and I have had to use my money to buy some things like a weighing scale, mirror etc because I realised that we needed them. If you had read my initial post, you would notice that my main problem was not her lack of preparation but the ft that she couldn't buy herself ceramic plates. Regardless of whom she is staying with, if her mother cannot afford to buy proper plates(which I doubt) It becomes her responsibility to get her parents some! I bet you wait for your hubby to raise every issue before using your initiative

Very baseless argument!!!

It is common sense to buy plates cos u think so. What makes you think what you think or believe works for everyone? You reason from your mouth not brain. While I was with my parents I never bought a single plate cos there was no need for it but you did cos you had need for it. How does that make you any better than me? lol you bet my husband takes initiative for me? Well, miss, your bet is as empty as your opinion cos that's one reason my husband holds me to high esteem.


It's people like you that does worse things other than refusal to buy plates yet will still cast stones on people with very minor offense. Hypocrite!!!!


Now dive------> and never quote me again.

Sam32:

Did you serve your husband with iron plate when he visited you with his buddy?

Whatever plate I used to serve my husband wasn't a problem to him cos he knows we were not in our home yet. When we start living together, and am still using a plate that he has insistently condemned, then you can tell me something is wrong with me and I will believe you.


Don't know when y'all will get it to your heads that your opinion doesn't work for everyone, and as such shouldn't condemn anyone for acting differently from you. Everyone has a reason for their actions. You can't just condemn her without getting to know her reasons. That's biased judgement n m not a party to tha shii.


Breaking up for stu.pid reason as.... You didn't buy the right plate, therefore, you are not ready... Is even a blessing in disguise to the woman cos that kind man will divorce her for cheap reason in future. That will even b worse for her. Men like that always end up with a woman who does worse things like insulting him verbally, infidelity and the rest. That's when he will go back to look for the other one he jilted for stu.pid reason, realizing that she was actually a saint compared to others. If m that lady I will never reconsider him cos he's not deserving.

mira4u:


Whatever plate I used to serve my husband wasn't a problem to him cos he knows we were not in our home yet. When we start living together, and am still using a plate that he has insistently condemned, then you can tell me something is wrong with me and I will believe you.


Don't know when y'all will get it to your heads that your opinion doesn't work for everyone, and as such shouldn't condemn anyone for acting differently from you. Everyone has a reason for their actions. You can't just condemn her without getting to know her reasons. That's biased judgement n m not a party to tha shii.


Breaking up for stu.pid reason as.... You didn't buy the right plate, therefore, you are not ready... Is even a blessing in disguise to the woman cos that kind man will divorce her for cheap reason in future. That will even b worse for her. Men like that always end up with a woman who does worse things like insulting him verbally, infidelity and the rest. That's when he will go back to look for the other one he jilted for stu.pid reason, realizing that she was actually a saint compared to others. If m that lady I will never reconsider him cos he's not deserving.

maybe you didn't read the post or choosed not to see her. "reasons "

mira4u:


It is common sense to buy plates cos u think so. What makes you think what you think or believe works for everyone? You reason from your mouth not brain. While I was with my parents I never bought a single plate cos there was no need for it but you did cos you had need for it. How does that make you any better than me? lol you bet my husband takes initiative for me? Well, miss, your bet is as empty as your opinion cos that's one reason my husband holds me to high esteem.


It's people like you that does worse things other than refusal to buy plates yet will still cast stones on people with very minor offense. Hypocrite!!!!


Now dive------> and never quote me again.

Bla bla bla

I am not focused on the man but the woman as an individual. Damn it!

He wants to cancel his wedding cos he was served food with a stainless plate. Is the girl staying alone? If she's with her family then maybe that's the kind of plate they use, also if she has bought kitchen equipment wud she bring them out cos u and ur friend came visiting. How do u knw she isn't planning towards her marriage? Except me I hear 4rm her, this is just a very flimsy excuse. Cancel ur wedding if u like cos anything we say here doesn't make a difference but make sure u are cancelling it 4 a very good reason and nt sunthing like dis.