Nurry:


And to you its because she deals in cars that she's 44 and single?
The way some people think sha

help me ask o, when the Aunty was younger and didnt have cars why didnt she get a man then if the cars was the problem

Tolatutu:


Someone who's employed will end up getting intimidated by her anyway either sooner or later if he doesn't quickly get a job

nothing stops a rich guy from being intimidated too o. we don hear plenty o. insecure guy is insecure, rich or poor

Tolatutu:


There are many single women with no car, it has nothing to do with car. This Op has been single for the past 3 years despite not having a car

agreed but just Saying she improves her odds is all I'm saying

omotohdarajugbogbolo

mikolo80:
and that's the first thing you should have asked. what if her potential is defined by marriage. abi na all of una go become diezani, Beyonce or Genevieve.? most girls have traditional expectations to be queens and not kings

One can have both with a supportive husband who is not intimidated by a successful woman and that is the key. The Op is already doing well at a multinational company so clearly her career means much to her and she will keep getting wealthier. Women like Okonjo were able to get to this level because they didn't tie themselves to intimidated men. No point getting unevenly yoked, let her get a man that sees her with her car and a already knows her worth. That will only man a smart man to even sit up more rather than a woman having to live below her standards to get a man who will eventually still be intimidated by her as she keeps rising in her career

Tolatutu:


One can have both with a supportive husband who is not intimidated by a successful woman and that is the key. The Op is already doing well at a multinational company so clearly her career means much to her and she will keep getting wealthier. Women like Okonjo were able to get to this level because they didn't tie themselves to intimidated men. No point getting unevenly yoked, let her get a man that sees her with her car and a already knows her worth. That will only man a smart man to even sit up more rather than a woman having to live below her standards to get a man who will eventually still be intimidated by her as she keeps rising in her career

most non intimidated guys are guys with practice and experience (players )okonjo met and grew with her husband. Nigeria not smiling on boys and easier for girls now so can't compare with okonjo time
we're just talking statistically here
she only needs one guy out of 85 million
why limit the pool to only 'secure' guys
that's all we're saying
if women only wanted secure guys
very few will get married
just as if men only wanted Beyonce type chicks very few would get married.
life is give and take
all the oyinbo looking for career,how many remain married,
I'm not forcing on you
just saying look at the statistics

omotohdarajugbogbolo:
Good day fam,

I really need your advice on something.

I am a lady in my late twenties and I work with a multinational company here in Lagos.
This is my third year on the job and I know I need a car now.

Now here's the issue; my siblings think that getting a car is a bad idea. Why? Cos am single.

My beloved brother said it would push men away from me

Please does this not sound myopic? I really don't get it.

House how do you see this cos I feel down right now.

go ahead and get yourself car joor, it's a necessity not luxury, the stress of jumping public transportation no be for here for naija. But as your are single and searching Naa, whenevery you see a man you fancy at your leisure timeand at a safe place.pretend that your car broke down and accept lift, your brother can go pick the car.

mikolo80:
10 to 15% girls with cars versus 5% balled up guys leaves 50 to 33% guys not to talk of competition from non car women who are easier targets for the guys. the odds not in her favor
omotohdarajugbogbolo :

Baba u know every, so need to talk plenty....

mikolo80:
how many Ferrari Hollywood stars remain married happily.
cars are necessary in Yankee
not in Nigeria
omotohdarajugbogbolo

Their reasons for not being married is not the cars they own or drive! You can have a private jet and be a single lady or happily married or divorced, no one give a rat ass. Fyi cars can or should be necessity every where even though Blackman turned it to luxury especially in 3rd world. Would you also ask a lady not to be successful or climb in position bcox one insecure man is afraid to marry a successful woman? Gone are those days my guy!

CFCman:

Ha! In every part Yankee, guys toast ladies that own cars.
I stay in Cali

normal now. The new trick abroad is to gym up & look cute. There are tons of white girls that are independent so some sharp guys are just like predators waiting to pounce on them. Who want suffer. Again Africa is not there yet, but we're getting there gradually.

princeonx:

Their reasons for not being married is not the cars they own or drive! You can have a private jet and be a single lady or happily married or divorced, no one give a rat ass. Fyi cars can or should be necessity every where even though Blackman turned it to luxury especially in 3rd world. Would you also ask a lady not to be successful or climb in position bcox one insecure man is afraid to marry a successful woman? Gone are those days my guy!

the black man din do shiii. economics did.
and yes if she values being married more than 'successful '(rich)
we all have definitions of success
to some it's marriage
to others being masters of the universe
op is worried about marriage

OP. Never feel intimidated by how men will feel about your success.

A man that will be intimidated by you or your success should be the one you're not interested In.

Get your car and live your life. In as much purchasing the car won't make you live above your ego or status.

mikolo80:
the black man din do shiii. economics did.
and yes if she values being married more than 'successful '(rich)
we all have definitions of success
to some it's marriage
to others being masters of the universe
op is worried about marriage

Well I won't bet myself debating this topic especially where the op didn't say if the car was fun or necessity but regardless of what the car is for, no sane guy should judge the woman he want to marry bcox she own a car. Cars are over rated in Africa, ppl have 2 phone sets or watches that will buy a car.

Tolatutu:
Wow Nigeria is backwards sha, so they want you as a woman to be suffering with public transport while you can afford a car? If one of theses days you enter one chance bus nko, God forbid. All these years you didn't have a car you didn't get a Mr. Right showing that it's not about car. Any man who will be intimidated about you having a car will still be intimidated about you owning lands and such. That means for the rest of your life with such a man you will always have to live under the standard that you can actually afford just so he won't feel intimidated. Is that the type of life you want?

If you don't buy the car now and you marry then later it will become you can't buy a bigger car than your husband you can't own more lands than your husband and so on . For the rest of your life you won't be able to live to your full potential, this is why many women never get to their full potential in Nigeria

"Nigeria is backward" you say? Well then, see the trend in other parts of the world.

http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2011/10/for-chinas-educated-single-ladies-finding-love-is-often-a-struggle/246892/

here is also a story from Latin America.

http://www.dallasobserver.com/news/a-good-educated-latino-man-is-hard-to-find-6419120

princeonx:

Well I won't bet myself debating this topic especially where the op didn't say if the car was fun or necessity but regardless of what the car is for, no sane guy should judge the woman he want to marry bcox she own a car. Cars are over rated in Africa, ppl have 2 phone sets or watches that will buy a car.

cars are rated just the right amount. value is relative. your meat may be my poison. and only the insane will not judge for it is human to judge.

mikolo80:
most cars are liabilities

I agree

Op trust me, don't get a car, just be patient

DWJOBScom:

I agree

most people don't.

@Op...To d glory of God,I built my house,had my first car before i got married 2 one of d best man last year.Pls go ahead,God bless

AlhajiAbdul:
as

You are simply a gold digger and a social climber. There are no two ways about it. Your earnings can barely sustain you but you went to look for a girl on a very high social standing

I can easily sniff your type from a kilometre. All your earnings go into buying flashy clothes and trying to look rich. You better amend your ways before you die in poverty. Bloody gold-digger. You are even proud to come here and post this rubbish.

Gold digger my foot and besides do you even know me, quit saying bullshit. so because my bae is richer than me at the moment that makes me GD, FYI, i don't depend on anybody except God, i think you are trying to transfer your GD personality into my free being...i guess you are a LL who always think dating a big girl makes you a gold digger..capiche.

Op i can see you are very active in dating and meet up section which may portray you are not yet in any relationship and buttressed by your brother's fears https://www.nairaland.com/omotohdarajugbogbolo

However you want to up your personality by a car so you must also up your choice of guys that approach you or those you give greenlight

Life is a choice

ronald4lif:
Absolute bunkum. Any man who would feel intimidated coz you own a car has self-esteem issues and you don't need such a man in your life. They are usually vicious, aggressive and potential women beaters. So I say, if getting one will distance such men from you then go for it.

Your relatives are living in the past and are yet to come to terms that career driven independent woman is the new sexy and indeed every real man's dream.

when d carrier driven woman starts keeping late night, attending interstate meetings and conferences, if not international, I Hope u can cope with that... When she puts her carrier before u and d home, barely have time for d kids, worships her boss and relegates you, Hope u can cope with that... My brother, it's better to get urself an educated, purposeful, beautiful and intelligent lady, who understands d values of a home, who will b a team player with u, who will support u, and love u, yet be resourceful. Not d "haywire" type! Thanks

bukatyne:


Man-hate is the word you need.

I see the definition of feminism and identified with it. Man-hate? count me out.

But again, some people talk without in-depth thought. I know someone who has achieved so much and is feared/respected company wide yet she 'believes' men are superior to women.

Yet, when she is giving assignments, she expects same results

i am sure you can understand why some of us will mistaken man-hating for feminism. Most man-haters identify as feminist. People who insult male psychology identify as feminist. Chimamanda goes about the same way.
I can give you links to some memes she generated sometime ago and i as a man, find it extreemly offensive!

Back to the issue of "men are intimedated..." i want you to listen to our side of the story and maybe, you among other women, can begin to understand differently and the human being will be helped better. The truth is...the man is not going anywhere and the earlier we allow him to express himself about this issue, the better for the society at large and most especially, the "highly achieving woman".

Are men intimedated by successful women? In my opinion, i would say the word "intimedate" is the wrong choice of word. May be uncomfortable is a better one.

The point is, when you use the word intimedate and especially with the tone we hear people say it, then you shame his psychology, a thing that will never go away no matter the culture and civilization. On this thread, you hear people say "oh, it is the Nigerian backward mentality....it is the primitive African way". These people have never being to other parts of the world, yet, they think they can say the first thing about how other people behave. But i am sure by now, you know it is not an African thing as i have posted links to foreign websites where this same issue is being discussed. If it were an African thing, why then do we have people abroad still discuss it?

Like i said before: if a man is not going for a 'superior' woman, then maybe it is because he has had experiences with 'superior' ladies who outrightly snub him in a disrespectful manner, when he tried to strike a relationship with them.

Aslo, we know ladies are hypergamous in nature. That is...they tend to date/marry up along the lines of age, social and economic standing etc. If this is the female behaviour, which i think is natural, i wonder why we want the man to still go and waste his time? It is about efficiency of decision, and that he is intimedated.

So, instead of blaming men, i think they, women, should look at themselves and see they they also have cocroaches in their cupboard.

I believe men and women can still have a good and fulfiling relationships. But the shaming of men and their psychological behaviour, which is done by the likes of Chimamanda as nothing but just a line to make themselves feel good for not nailing the man they want, is just not helping matters. When you shame him, then, he just cannot admit it, like you've already seen on this thread. Many men are claiming "only 'low' men are intimedated" while they themselves are like that in reality. If he doesn't admit it, how then can he manage it? You just cannot manage what you claim doesn't exist, can you? Admiting it is first step forward.

He is not intimedated, he's only uncomfortable; just as a lady would feel uncomfortable around a guy she is significantly taller than. Should we shame her?

You need a car? Get a blood.y car. Most guys who are particular about theirs' don't want anyone ( including bae) to drive them. If a guy is avoiding you because you have a car....he's not the ONE.
For those that say suitors will run away....biko, all these babe wey no get car but still dey single nko?
Abegi...

Here is the link, @bukatyne
i am not against all the things in the memes, i am more offended by the first.
http://www.thelmathinks.com/2014/04/chimamanda-meme-on-feminism-sparks.html?m=1

CFCman:

Lol. Why

you sound like a kid young guy with lesser experience. Most men like to be in charge in a relationship, and they dont like feeling intimidated. Buy a car and they will approach you less. She is almost 30 and (biologically,) time is ticking for her to settle down. She needs a man ASAP.

babe i will advice u scale "a man in ur life vs a car" b4 goin down tht road. thts d african factor; dnt forget tht. my advc get a man 1st

obie206:

Yeah di*khead, I suppose you'll supply her with a husband when she enters voicemail! STFU, all you can say is sorry and even gossip! Let her marry Nigerian specs, not your fantasy specs!

Even if she got the car and end up marrying a man of your so called "Nigerian standard", As long as she still got her job the man will definitely realized she is richer/independent. What else will happen after then? Soon she would be told to give up her job and manage with a man earning 50k monthly. We all know how that sort of relationship will end. She should get her car and chase men with inferiority complex like you.

Yea

from what i see the op should be around 28 and she has been searching for a man since 2012 when she was 25 and am sure the op does not have a car then and still she did not get a man even with her hookup and meetup thread on nairaland.

My advice to the op is forget about car and invest the money on something else (e.g building a house of her own) till when she is married.

craziebone:
Hahaaha!

Ok, i don't get certain things here. But before i go on, i would like to reiterate my point to the op that she should do as it pleases her.

But op, i want you to take not of that which you might not be taking note of.

Alot of the men here suddenly are now 'real' men who are not intimedated by successful women hence they speak in such condescending tone against 'inferior' men and in support of 'modern' civilization. But if these men are not intimedated and are now 'modern', who then are those men out there who are not intimedated? Are the men here not the same ones out there? If they are now 'modern' like they are now claiming to be, why then are the likes of Genevieve not married? Oh, they don't like Genevieve?

So the question now is....why do these men come online and say something, but when they go out there, they behave differently? The answer is: feminist shaming and attacking of male psychology. No body wants to be seen as a non real man.

From your assertion, the likes of Genevieve aren't married because they are successful? In other words every other woman her age that hasn't had a very successful career is happily married? You can't think of any woman at all who doesn't have a car at 35 and still isn't married?

There will always be men like you who are scared of successful women, and the there will always be others for whom self made successful women are a huge turn on.