₦airaland Forum

I do not like talking about my personal life.

I am an extremely private person.

When I was younger, I was not extremely private - and in the end, people often extracted information about my life, and used it against me or even worse used it to gossip about me.

I am from an African background and boy do they like to gossip! Aunties (not blood aunties, just family friends) will come to my face and ask me what I am studying, where I work, when I am getting married, what my family is up to etc - and I know for sure that they are only asking this because they want to compare their lives to mine or compare their own children's progress to my progress.

Or even if they are not, why do they feel so entitled to get information about my life. My parents are NEVER the type to go to someone else child and ask their child what their child is doing with their personal life, so why should someone come to me and my siblings?

I don't mind so much if the person is my age, but when it is someone old enough to be my mother it makes me feel uncomfortable.

A woman asked me the other day "where do I work" so I asked her "where do your children work" and she told me, and then still asked me where I work and I said "don't worry about it"

Me personally, it is not that I am ashamed about my life - it is just that I do not want people knowing my person life as I do not want people to know my whole business, and people often use this information against your or to gossip about you or to compare their lives to yours.

I only talk about my private life with close friends/family, I hate it when I speak to someone I have to divulge information about my personal life - why can't we just talk about general things such as the weather, celebrities, hobbies, food?

Am I being too sensitive? How much do you share?

I do not like talking about my personal life.

I am an extremely private person.

When I was younger, I was not extremely private - and in the end, people often extracted information about my life, and used it against me or even worse used it to gossip about me.

I am from an African background and boy do they like to gossip! Aunties (not blood aunties, just family friends) will come to my face and ask me what I am studying, where I work, when I am getting married, what my family is up to etc - and I know for sure that they are only asking this because they want to compare their lives to mine or compare their own children's progress to my progress.

Or even if they are not, why do they feel so entitled to get information about my life. My parents are NEVER the type to go to someone else child and ask their child what their child is doing with their personal life, so why should someone come to me and my siblings?

I don't mind so much if the person is my age, but when it is someone old enough to be my mother it makes me feel uncomfortable.

A woman asked me the other day "where do I work" so I asked her "where do your children work" and she told me, and then still asked me where I work and I said "don't worry about it"

Me personally, it is not that I am ashamed about my life - it is just that I do not want people knowing my person life as I do not want people to know my whole business, and people often use this information against your or to gossip about you or to compare their lives to yours.

I only talk about my private life with close friends/family, I hate it when I speak to someone I have to divulge information about my personal life - why can't we just talk about general things such as the weather, celebrities, hobbies, food?

Am I being too sensitive? How much do you share?

I do not like talking about my personal life.

I am an extremely private person.

When I was younger, I was not extremely private - and in the end, people often extracted information about my life, and used it against me or even worse used it to gossip about me.

I am from an African background and boy do they like to gossip! Aunties (not blood aunties, just family friends) will come to my face and ask me what I am studying, where I work, when I am getting married, what my family is up to etc - and I know for sure that they are only asking this because they want to compare their lives to mine or compare their own children's progress to my progress.

Or even if they are not, why do they feel so entitled to get information about my life. My parents are NEVER the type to go to someone else child and ask their child what their child is doing with their personal life, so why should someone come to me and my siblings?

I don't mind so much if the person is my age, but when it is someone old enough to be my mother it makes me feel uncomfortable.

A woman asked me the other day "where do I work" so I asked her "where do your children work" and she told me, and then still asked me where I work and I said "don't worry about it"

Me personally, it is not that I am ashamed about my life - it is just that I do not want people knowing my person life as I do not want people to know my whole business, and people often use this information against your or to gossip about you or to compare their lives to yours.

I only talk about my private life with close friends/family, I hate it when I speak to someone I have to divulge information about my personal life - why can't we just talk about general things such as the weather, celebrities, hobbies, food?

Am I being too sensitive? How much do you share?

I do not like talking about my personal life.

I am an extremely private person.

When I was younger, I was not extremely private - and in the end, people often extracted information about my life, and used it against me or even worse used it to gossip about me.

I am from an African background and boy do they like to gossip! Aunties (not blood aunties, just family friends) will come to my face and ask me what I am studying, where I work, when I am getting married, what my family is up to etc - and I know for sure that they are only asking this because they want to compare their lives to mine or compare their own children's progress to my progress.

Or even if they are not, why do they feel so entitled to get information about my life. My parents are NEVER the type to go to someone else child and ask their child what their child is doing with their personal life, so why should someone come to me and my siblings?

I don't mind so much if the person is my age, but when it is someone old enough to be my mother it makes me feel uncomfortable.

A woman asked me the other day "where do I work" so I asked her "where do your children work" and she told me, and then still asked me where I work and I said "don't worry about it"

Me personally, it is not that I am ashamed about my life - it is just that I do not want people knowing my person life as I do not want people to know my whole business, and people often use this information against your or to gossip about you or to compare their lives to yours.

I only talk about my private life with close friends/family, I hate it when I speak to someone I have to divulge information about my personal life - why can't we just talk about general things such as the weather, celebrities, hobbies, food?

Am I being too sensitive? How much do you share?

I do not like talking about my personal life.

I am an extremely private person.

When I was younger, I was not extremely private - and in the end, people often extracted information about my life, and used it against me or even worse used it to gossip about me.

I am from an African background and boy do they like to gossip! Aunties (not blood aunties, just family friends) will come to my face and ask me what I am studying, where I work, when I am getting married, what my family is up to etc - and I know for sure that they are only asking this because they want to compare their lives to mine or compare their own children's progress to my progress.

Or even if they are not, why do they feel so entitled to get information about my life. My parents are NEVER the type to go to someone else child and ask their child what their child is doing with their personal life, so why should someone come to me and my siblings?

I don't mind so much if the person is my age, but when it is someone old enough to be my mother it makes me feel uncomfortable.

A woman asked me the other day "where do I work" so I asked her "where do your children work" and she told me, and then still asked me where I work and I said "don't worry about it"

Me personally, it is not that I am ashamed about my life - it is just that I do not want people knowing my person life as I do not want people to know my whole business, and people often use this information against your or to gossip about you or to compare their lives to yours.

I only talk about my private life with close friends/family, I hate it when I speak to someone I have to divulge information about my personal life - why can't we just talk about general things such as the weather, celebrities, hobbies, food?

Am I being too sensitive? How much do you share?

I do not like talking about my personal life.

I am an extremely private person.

When I was younger, I was not extremely private - and in the end, people often extracted information about my life, and used it against me or even worse used it to gossip about me.

I am from an African background and boy do they like to gossip! Aunties (not blood aunties, just family friends) will come to my face and ask me what I am studying, where I work, when I am getting married, what my family is up to etc - and I know for sure that they are only asking this because they want to compare their lives to mine or compare their own children's progress to my progress.

Or even if they are not, why do they feel so entitled to get information about my life. My parents are NEVER the type to go to someone else child and ask their child what their child is doing with their personal life, so why should someone come to me and my siblings?

I don't mind so much if the person is my age, but when it is someone old enough to be my mother it makes me feel uncomfortable.

A woman asked me the other day "where do I work" so I asked her "where do your children work" and she told me, and then still asked me where I work and I said "don't worry about it"

Me personally, it is not that I am ashamed about my life - it is just that I do not want people knowing my person life as I do not want people to know my whole business, and people often use this information against your or to gossip about you or to compare their lives to yours.

I only talk about my private life with close friends/family, I hate it when I speak to someone I have to divulge information about my personal life - why can't we just talk about general things such as the weather, celebrities, hobbies, food?

Am I being too sensitive? How much do you share?

useless woman

look at d two commentin

tiwa savage divorcee jompin from man to man

toke makinwa divorcee still single age 33

no responsible woman can do soch or sopport anoda

what made u not be religious anymore

kio052001:
yes, she had stroke
talking about religious, I won't say I'm but am a kind of person who believes in doing what is right because it feels right

help

are u saying your mum died because she was thinking of her late husband?

also are u religious?

kio052001:
shuuwu




my dad's death was a hit and run, mum kept thinking about him
I can't really say this is the reason for there death but why I was growing, I kept hear things about their death that is enough to fuel a war world

all I can say to you is to be strong and never let anyone or anything influence you and your decisions in life

kio052001:
I was 2 when my dad died then 18 years later I lost my mum, now I've a family of my own

what a crazy world

what do u think caused their death?

why did you have to go through that?

my dad is stil here, my mum died when i was 23 and everyday i wake up and wonder what i did to deserve this

what did u ever do to deserve such?

are u jealous because you are enjoying bad road that will lead to car crash, with no ambulance or good hospital facilities?

whilst im enjoying good road... any small trouble i can call 999 ambulance, police will come on the express... with good facilities

oh im enjoying my uk oh

Ekiseme:
you dull Sha

enjoying naija money whilst we are suffering
oh no not me, im in the UK enjoying good tinz whilst you people have no light hahahaha

I had a good family, holidays, family time, trips, etc - it was fine.

However, my parents did have marriage problems at times i.e. verbal/physical fights (who doesn't!) and my mother would sometimes blame me! (as a child)

Also, my mother used to always compare me to everyone else which had a negative effect on my self - esteem and often did not support my dreams.

However, when I turned 18, basically in 2012 that is when everything went downhill.

As a result of my failure in my first year of A Levels, I blamed my mother for pushing me into doing sciences as she wanted me to be a doctor, when I felt I could have done better academically in art subjects.

Also, my mother became jealous towards me and would often try to sabotage me, and put me down - believe it or not, I am not making this up - mothers can become jealous of their daughters.

I also caught my dad looking at my bottom when I turned around (twice!) and once I was in the bathroom on the toilet, he opened the door and saw I was there and then opened it again.

And my parents both made life difficult for me, they would antagonise me and beat me but I would also antagonise and beat them. We were fighting every single day.

I had a lot of self hate and asked them to burn all of my baby photographs and certificates etc, and they did - they burnt everything.

I then proceeded to have a mental break down in which I became paranoid, depressed, to the extent I thought my parents were trying to poison me. My anxiety was severe.

This happened from age 18-22, but reduced when my mother got ill with cancer and stopped completely when she died.

My dad makes me sick, he is so affectionate towards my other siblings but is so cold towards me.

I remember when my mother was ill, he refused once to tell me about her health but would freely tell other people about her health condition.

So much has happened in this family.

I am worried that I caused my mother to get cancer and die. When I went through a mental health break down, I told my mother in anger and frustration that I want her to get cancer and die. I also told her she won't see my future kids. Also, I bullied a woman who I believed would have bullied me, and I did not like her behaviour - so I told her that her mother would die young, as well as bullying her. Two of my past school mates who bullied me, I sent them a message saying that one will die young, and the other one should be ashamed of herself for how she treated me and that her dead father would be ashamed of her. Also, because I hated Rihanna the popstar at the time - when her grandmother died I tweeted her a horrible message saying "she is dead, she won't have to see your ugly face anymore". Also, a horrible man was harassing me as I did not sleep with him so I told him that it is good that his dad is dead, so he would not have to see his disappointment of a son. But I did apologise to my mother, I truly did not mean what I said. Furthermore, I regret all that bad things I did during the break down - that is not me and no one in real life would believe I could have done such. I did all of that in 2 years that I had a mental health break down and ended in a psychiatric hospital When my mother got cancer, I BEGGED God. I pleaded and repented. I had faith that she would be healed. I BEGGED God, constantly crying, fasting, begging, going to prayer services and so on When I said those mean things to my mother it was out of anger, I did not really want that.. but when I said by faith she will be healed and will not die it was out of truth and what I truly wanted, I BEGGED God. I repented, i fasted, I used anointing oil, I prayed, I went to different churches, we saw a herbalist, we saw doctors , we did everything... yet she still died. I feel like it is my fault. The girl I told her that her mother would die young is alive, healthy and having a great time with her daughter and granddaughter, and her daughter (the girl I told her that her mother would die young) is succeeding a lot and keeps making jokes about illness and death. Like she is trying to rub it in, she always posts images of her and her mother (but she does not know that my mother died) Please don't judge me, just advise me

the guy in the first pic, where is his head?

Probz:
Anything’s got to be better than you asking the same questions on here and putting yourself up for exploitation. This thing you’re doing ain’t the answer and you know it.

my mum is gone

how did u celebrate mothers day today

my mum is gone

just tell me

1. did i kill my mum

2. how am i meant to go through my whole life without my mum

3. im traumatised by seeing my mother get ill, suffer and die

it wont allow me to email, and i have not seen the email you sent me?

please it would be nice to talk

email me faridaije@gmail.com

please

apprentist:
There's a lot you can do on your own dear, but much more you'd achieve with people around.
Don't be a closed island, and stop trying to force yourself in anyone no matter how important they seem.

From your story it appears you've stayed at a place for long. I'd suggest you try relocating. Give life a new chance, meet new people, try not repeating the same mistakes as you might have made.

About your academics, if it appears sponsors are not coming, try other means like trade or skills and the even if u still wish to go through school, you would be able to afford afterwards.

The bottom line is that you don't give up. I lost my mum the same day I was to return home after service. And my dad married another woman even before my mum past. So trust me, it could have been worse.

We could talk more. Mail me via my Nairaland and we'd get on from there if you want. Happy Sunday.

you just want to sedate me with drugs

Probz:
Bloody hell.

How many more times do I need to tell you to let people who can actually help you help?

Or are you just gonna say you’re just “mourning my mum’s death”? You’re ill. You need professional help.

im 24

a christian

still a virgin

lived according to the bible, and appreciated her

she got cancer and died

this was not planned, she was only 52

how could this happen to us?

we are now a source of pity, and our enemies are laughing at us.

help.

Some girls that I had problems with when I was in secondary school, they just stopped talking to me and did not want to be friends again.

Now, my mother died they all came one by one and offered condolence.

I told a mututal friend that my mother died, I told her not to tell anyone.. turns out she did. And guess what, I invited her to my mothers funeral and she did not come? I am now wondering whether she was my friend at all, and if all what I told her in confidence - she went to go and tell others?

I am 24, and today - I who was the one shining, is now rock bottom. No job, no degree. Dead mother, no friends just in a low place and I feel that they know that I, who was once the one ambitious and succeeding most, has no degree, no job and now a dead mother - so the only reason they are coming to offer condolence to me is because they see my life is not good and they are happy, and it makes them feel better about themselves.. because if my mother did not die, would they have spoke to me at all?

There are people who are nice to you etc, when they see you doing bad - it makes them feel better about themselves "it could be worse, I could be [my name] '


Even, another girl I told her that my mum was ill - she NEVER asked me what was her illness. Even, she never asked me whether I work/study .. I thought, what a nice girl she does not pry. However, I realised she is dating my family friend .. and most likely he was the one who gave her the info about my mother's illness, work/study history.

I do not know who to trust.

I feel like everyone is talking about me and laughing at me.
There was this girl who was the perfect girl in my opinion.

GORGEOUS! Intelligent (went to Harvard to study law), seemed like the perfect daughter, well behaved etc..

She is almost 5 years older than me, so I always admired her from a far.

She was my role model I even had her picture as my screensaver at one point.

I one day plucked up the courage to message her on Facebook, I told her congrats for graduating university and I sent her a friend request.

After a long time of waiting my request was DECLINED and message ignored.

I was confused, so I added her again.

After a long time of waiting my request was again DECLINED.

I was confused, I did not have a profile picture at the time but we had mutual friends, and to be fair she did not really know me she saw me once at a party, but still if you have mutual friends with someone and they send you a congratulations message surely you will reply or something?

I moved on with my life.

A few years later she got married and her mom wanted me to be one of the people who help at the wedding. She introduced me to her daughter (the girl I am talking about), and her daughter was really friendly and smile-y and wanted to hug me but I did not go in for the hug so it was a bit awkward ... The reason I acted how I did because I was like, why am I going to hug you when you can not even accept my friend request or reply to my message.

Nonetheless, after reflection I was like let me give her the benefit of the doubt and I was friendly etc there after.

The next time I saw her was at her wedding, she seemed so so stuck up. The people (us black girls) she did not acknowledge us at all, whereas all her white friends she was so loving towards. She is also marrying a white man. She also seemed kind off like she did not like me by the glances she gave me.

I later sent her another message a few weeks later saying "hello Mrs [insert new surname here], how are you"

She made her facebook so I could not add her (the add friend button had suddenly gone!) and she replied 'All is well. You?' and I replied 'fine thank you' she did not reply again. Is that not rude, no THANK YOU for taking the day of work to help out at her wedding etc, she sounded so blunt.

I did not message her again after that, nor did I attempt to add her on Facebook.

2 years later, something tragic happened to me and I sent her a message telling her (her mom and my mom are good friends and she (the girl I am talking about) had been through something similar- I just reached out to her that is all! and she saw the message but did not reply.

How can someone hate me so much?

Someone I literally idolised.

Even at one point her mom's phone had me on block on whatsapp, and her family in general are really judgemental and stuck up. I think her brother has a crush on me also.

Their whole family make me feel uncomfortable.



And then I have a lot of "aunty" family friends who ask me personal questions about my life, one guy asked me whether my brother has started uni - I just feel like they all want to collect information about my life, laugh at me, gossip about me and feel better about themselves

Please help me

Some girls that I had problems with when I was in secondary school, they just stopped talking to me and did not want to be friends again.

Now, my mother died they all came one by one and offered condolence.

I told a mututal friend that my mother died, I told her not to tell anyone.. turns out she did. And guess what, I invited her to my mothers funeral and she did not come? I am now wondering whether she was my friend at all, and if all what I told her in confidence - she went to go and tell others?

I am 24, and today - I who was the one shining, is now rock bottom. No job, no degree. Dead mother, no friends just in a low place and I feel that they know that I, who was once the one ambitious and succeeding most, has no degree, no job and now a dead mother - so the only reason they are coming to offer condolence to me is because they see my life is not good and they are happy, and it makes them feel better about themselves.. because if my mother did not die, would they have spoke to me at all?

There are people who are nice to you etc, when they see you doing bad - it makes them feel better about themselves "it could be worse, I could be [my name] '


Even, another girl I told her that my mum was ill - she NEVER asked me what was her illness. Even, she never asked me whether I work/study .. I thought, what a nice girl she does not pry. However, I realised she is dating my family friend .. and most likely he was the one who gave her the info about my mother's illness, work/study history.

I do not know who to trust.

I feel like everyone is talking about me and laughing at me.
There was this girl who was the perfect girl in my opinion.

GORGEOUS! Intelligent (went to Harvard to study law), seemed like the perfect daughter, well behaved etc..

She is almost 5 years older than me, so I always admired her from a far.

She was my role model I even had her picture as my screensaver at one point.

I one day plucked up the courage to message her on Facebook, I told her congrats for graduating university and I sent her a friend request.

After a long time of waiting my request was DECLINED and message ignored.

I was confused, so I added her again.

After a long time of waiting my request was again DECLINED.

I was confused, I did not have a profile picture at the time but we had mutual friends, and to be fair she did not really know me she saw me once at a party, but still if you have mutual friends with someone and they send you a congratulations message surely you will reply or something?

I moved on with my life.

A few years later she got married and her mom wanted me to be one of the people who help at the wedding. She introduced me to her daughter (the girl I am talking about), and her daughter was really friendly and smile-y and wanted to hug me but I did not go in for the hug so it was a bit awkward ... The reason I acted how I did because I was like, why am I going to hug you when you can not even accept my friend request or reply to my message.

Nonetheless, after reflection I was like let me give her the benefit of the doubt and I was friendly etc there after.

The next time I saw her was at her wedding, she seemed so so stuck up. The people (us black girls) she did not acknowledge us at all, whereas all her white friends she was so loving towards. She is also marrying a white man. She also seemed kind off like she did not like me by the glances she gave me.

I later sent her another message a few weeks later saying "hello Mrs [insert new surname here], how are you"

She made her facebook so I could not add her (the add friend button had suddenly gone!) and she replied 'All is well. You?' and I replied 'fine thank you' she did not reply again. Is that not rude, no THANK YOU for taking the day of work to help out at her wedding etc, she sounded so blunt.

I did not message her again after that, nor did I attempt to add her on Facebook.

2 years later, something tragic happened to me and I sent her a message telling her (her mom and my mom are good friends and she (the girl I am talking about) had been through something similar- I just reached out to her that is all! and she saw the message but did not reply.

How can someone hate me so much?

Someone I literally idolised.

Even at one point her mom's phone had me on block on whatsapp, and her family in general are really judgemental and stuck up. I think her brother has a crush on me also.

Their whole family make me feel uncomfortable.



And then I have a lot of "aunty" family friends who ask me personal questions about my life, one guy asked me whether my brother has started uni - I just feel like they all want to collect information about my life, laugh at me, gossip about me and feel better about themselves

Please help me

my mother got cancer

was given 1 year to live

suffered and died after 3

people say its God will, God plan etc

im confused and broken.

we are all under 23

you nigerians are so useless

72 year old woman

wants to become president?


instead of you to be impeaching her

you are there congratulating her

ndi fools

Probz:
What have I told you? Do you want proper medical help or not?

what is your deal?

all you want to do is force me to go to those doctors who will pump me with drugs

im ok

im just bereaved.

Topestbilly:
Both of them are no more. U see I'm not far from what u ar going tru.

what is your story?

how old were your parents when they died and how old were you?

sorry for your loss.

I am worried that I caused my mother to get cancer and die. When I went through a mental health break down, I told my mother in anger and frustration that I want her to get cancer and die. I also told her she won't see my future kids. Also, I bullied a woman who I believed would have bullied me, and I did not like her behaviour - so I told her that her mother would die young, as well as bullying her. Two of my past school mates who bullied me, I sent them a message saying that one will die young, and the other one should be ashamed of herself for how she treated me and that her dead father would be ashamed of her. Also, because I hated Rihanna the popstar at the time - when her grandmother died I tweeted her a horrible message saying "she is dead, she won't have to see your ugly face anymore". Also, a horrible man was harassing me as I did not sleep with him so I told him that it is good that his dad is dead, so he would not have to see his disappointment of a son. But I did apologise to my mother, I truly did not mean what I said. Furthermore, I regret all that bad things I did during the break down - that is not me and no one in real life would believe I could have done such. I did all of that in 2 years that I had a mental health break down and ended in a psychiatric hospital When my mother got cancer, I BEGGED God. I pleaded and repented. I had faith that she would be healed. I BEGGED God, constantly crying, fasting, begging, going to prayer services and so on When I said those mean things to my mother it was out of anger, I did not really want that.. but when I said by faith she will be healed and will not die it was out of truth and what I truly wanted, I BEGGED God. I repented, i fasted, I used anointing oil, I prayed, I went to different churches, we saw a herbalist, we saw doctors , we did everything... yet she still died. I feel like it is my fault. The girl I told her that her mother would die young is alive, healthy and having a great time with her daughter and granddaughter, and her daughter (the girl I told her that her mother would die young) is succeeding a lot and keeps making jokes about illness and death. Like she is trying to rub it in, she always posts images of her and her mother (but she does not know that my mother died) Please don't judge me, just advise me

Topestbilly:
God is aware of whatever happens to any of His creations. What if she runs mad, car accident or went missing. Pls let go and face your life.

is your mum alive?

I am worried that I caused my mother to get cancer and die. When I went through a mental health break down, I told my mother in anger and frustration that I want her to get cancer and die. I also told her she won't see my future kids. Also, I bullied a woman who I believed would have bullied me, and I did not like her behaviour - so I told her that her mother would die young, as well as bullying her. Two of my past school mates who bullied me, I sent them a message saying that one will die young, and the other one should be ashamed of herself for how she treated me and that her dead father would be ashamed of her. Also, because I hated Rihanna the popstar at the time - when her grandmother died I tweeted her a horrible message saying "she is dead, she won't have to see your ugly face anymore". Also, a horrible man was harassing me as I did not sleep with him so I told him that it is good that his dad is dead, so he would not have to see his disappointment of a son. But I did apologise to my mother, I truly did not mean what I said. Furthermore, I regret all that bad things I did during the break down - that is not me and no one in real life would believe I could have done such. I did all of that in 2 years that I had a mental health break down and ended in a psychiatric hospital When my mother got cancer, I BEGGED God. I pleaded and repented. I had faith that she would be healed. I BEGGED God, constantly crying, fasting, begging, going to prayer services and so on When I said those mean things to my mother it was out of anger, I did not really want that.. but when I said by faith she will be healed and will not die it was out of truth and what I truly wanted, I BEGGED God. I repented, i fasted, I used anointing oil, I prayed, I went to different churches, we saw a herbalist, we saw doctors , we did everything... yet she still died. I feel like it is my fault. The girl I told her that her mother would die young is alive, healthy and having a great time with her daughter and granddaughter, and her daughter (the girl I told her that her mother would die young) is succeeding a lot and keeps making jokes about illness and death. Like she is trying to rub it in, she always posts images of her and her mother (but she does not know that my mother died) Please don't judge me, just advise me

Topestbilly:


Stop Killing yourself slowly over this with unnecessary thoughts and useless belief, you're not mentally stable then so u said those things unconsciously. Your mother's death came to pass by God's will not your will or wish.

You don't have any fault here sis, move on.

how are you so sure?

and how can it be Gods will for someone to suffer and die?

I am worried that I caused my mother to get cancer and die. When I went through a mental health break down, I told my mother in anger and frustration that I want her to get cancer and die. I also told her she won't see my future kids. Also, I bullied a woman who I believed would have bullied me, and I did not like her behaviour - so I told her that her mother would die young, as well as bullying her. Two of my past school mates who bullied me, I sent them a message saying that one will die young, and the other one should be ashamed of herself for how she treated me and that her dead father would be ashamed of her. Also, because I hated Rihanna the popstar at the time - when her grandmother died I tweeted her a horrible message saying "she is dead, she won't have to see your ugly face anymore". Also, a horrible man was harassing me as I did not sleep with him so I told him that it is good that his dad is dead, so he would not have to see his disappointment of a son. But I did apologise to my mother, I truly did not mean what I said. Furthermore, I regret all that bad things I did during the break down - that is not me and no one in real life would believe I could have done such. I did all of that in 2 years that I had a mental health break down and ended in a psychiatric hospital When my mother got cancer, I BEGGED God. I pleaded and repented. I had faith that she would be healed. I BEGGED God, constantly crying, fasting, begging, going to prayer services and so on When I said those mean things to my mother it was out of anger, I did not really want that.. but when I said by faith she will be healed and will not die it was out of truth and what I truly wanted, I BEGGED God. I repented, i fasted, I used anointing oil, I prayed, I went to different churches, we saw a herbalist, we saw doctors , we did everything... yet she still died. I feel like it is my fault. The girl I told her that her mother would die young is alive, healthy and having a great time with her daughter and granddaughter, and her daughter (the girl I told her that her mother would die young) is succeeding a lot and keeps making jokes about illness and death. Like she is trying to rub it in, she always posts images of her and her mother (but she does not know that my mother died) Please don't judge me, just advise me