Cooljade,

With the way you are agitating for your friend, i think your own bride price request will be the Goldmine itself.

cvibe:

Cooljade,

With the way you are agitating for your friend, i think your own bride price request will be the Goldmine itself.

i dont know why some people stress themselves

r231:

Please do not find what I am saying offensive, some men don't like their woman to hang out with friends cus of some pple like you cus to me you knw too much in this ppls relationship (WHERE THEY GO, WHAT THEY EAT, HOW MUCH HE SPENDS AND WHO & WHAT HE SPENDS IT ON are you like their Accountant or something) So what if he spends on his family all this while that he has been taking your friend places and stuff now becomes ZERO jus cus he is not buying 24K GOLD BAR.

Well you have talked about his mother, sister and friends that he has done something for but but haven't mentioned anything about the kind of advice that you actually gave your friend in all this,

. you dont need to ask becos from a christian point of view buying a £6m car for your sister is wrong. what is a sister again?

i generally defend women but some are indefensible.

@COOLJADE,

I like your stand, I believe if he really loves you he'll, if not I'd advice you to marry Capt.Jack Sparrow 'Pirate of the Carabbean', He will fetch more than a fortune of 24k gold box(es).
Na only childhood dream,wake up to reality.

i really dont know when a bride price or dowry is too expensive!

but for a cheap brideprice or dowry, just the gal and you might even get paid for it!!

agitator:

Cooljade doesn't want to hear this kind of advice. There is a thin line between fantasy and madness

So what's ur point, man! Speak up! I ain't talking to u. Am talking to Cooljade. U're truly am agitator.

Donvilo:

So what's ur point, man! Speak up! I ain't talking to u. Am talking to Cooljade. U're truly am agitator.

sorry, the second sentence was not referring to you

cooljade: I recall a personal experience when my friend planned going to dubai to buy her clothes e.c.t that would be presented to her at the wedding (you know, the usual set of boxes) my friend asked me to travel with her, then mother- in-law intervened saying that she (mother) must go herself and purchase the items cos my friend might "pinch" her son's money. My firned felt very bad cos most of our other girls travelled themselves to fill their boxes. How can a 60+ old woman know what a young girl needs e.g. type of lingerie, perfumes, nighties etc. Her mother in law wants to control every thing her son does for my friend.

See she was comfortable to go with her friend to Dubai at the man's expense but

cooljade: I raised this issue cos i wonder why a man would feel comfortable spending big money on trivial things and even buying his sister a car worth 6 milion naira and making huge donations at launchings and notbother to fulfill his brides wish. It has nothing to do with selling one's self and virginity.

To you it’s trivial spending HIS money on things he likes, but your friend’s 24K Gold is the most important thing he should spend on. You now know what is important for a man to spend HIS PERSONAL MONEY on. Hustle for your money and spend the way you like.
This whole thing is just because his mother deprived you of a free ticket to Dubai for shopping. Gold digger get a life.

To all those who flow and understand me, good for you . I now fully understand the statement , " POVERTY IS A STATE OF MIND" Thats why some people never succeed and even know what to do when they prosper. I realised why Nigerians have a very high level of heart failure/ high blood pressure. Majority of us don't know how to enjoy and invest in life the right way. Those who think buying gold bars / coins is a waste of money, shame on you. You should concentrate more on the economics of investement. 24 k Gold never falls short of its value, in fact , it gets more expensive as it gets older with you (particularly if its bought from a reputable manufacturer) it becomes an antique over time. Ever wonder how some people become extremely rich over night after the sale of a painting or portrait or even on things as odd as a bottle of wine. some things appreciate so well over the years and add a great deal to ones wealth.

How many of you out there have lost money to the crumble of the stock excange, or don't you know that a brand new car starts depreciating the moment it is bought? For those who wonder my questioning his choice of a car gift to his sister. well i can tell you for sure that the sister contributed nothing to his life as she got married at the age of 20 while he (my friend's fiance) is 40 years old. so tell me what good she could have contributed to his struggle to the top.And mind you. The sister's wedding was in May this year and i'm VERY SURE the economy has hit rock bottom by then, yet he had such money to spend . Girls out there, may you never meet a man who is controlled by his mother, everyone around knows the mother adviced him to but the sistyer a car since she had none. so who's the real gold digger here

As for those who say i know too much of my friends relationship, that's cos we are like sisters, we confide in each other all thru life. some girlfriends feel more comfortable having personal discussions with their female best friends rather than partents. And mind you, her paretnts had not influenced her choice of dowry. They are responsible citizens and parents. Don't blame her for her dream, pls dream your dream and start enjoying life ,

I don't like these words - brideprice and dowry,  When a man pays it, most times, it's same as exchanging it for his freedom

cooljade:

To all those who flow and understand me,  good for you . I now fully understand the statement ,  " POVERTY IS A STATE OF MIND" Thats why some people never succeed and even know what to do when they prosper. I realised why Nigerians have a very high level of heart failure/ high blood pressure. Majority of us don't know how to enjoy and invest in life the right way. Those who think buying gold bars / coins is a waste of money,  shame on you. You should concentrate more on the economics of investement. 24 k Gold never falls short of its value, in fact , it gets more expensive as it gets older with you (particularly if its bought from a reputable manufacturer) it becomes an antique over time. Ever wonder how some people become extremely rich over night after the sale of a painting or portrait or even on things as odd as a bottle of wine. some things appreciate so well over the years and add a great deal to ones wealth.

How many of you out there have lost money to the crumble of the stock excange,  or don't you know that a brand new car starts depreciating the moment it is bought? For those who wonder my questioning his choice of a car gift to his sister. well i can tell you for sure that the sister contributed nothing to his life as she got married at the age of 20 while he (my friend's fiance) is 40 years old. so tell me what good she could have contributed to his struggle to the top.And mind you. The sister's wedding was in May this year and i'm VERY SURE the economy has hit rock bottom by then,  yet he had such money to spend . Girls out there,  may you never meet a man who is controlled by his mother,  everyone around knows the mother adviced him to but the sistyer a car since she had none. so who's the real gold digger here

As for those who say i know too much of my friends relationship,  that's cos we are like sisters,  we confide in each other all thru life. some girlfriends feel more comfortable having personal discussions with their female best friends rather than partents. And mind you, her paretnts had not influenced her choice of dowry. They are responsible citizens and parents. Don't blame her for her dream,  pls dream your dream and start enjoying life ,  

You know that is a different subject, you said that she wanted it for bride price/dowry whatever you want to call it NOT for both of them to keep till Jesus come so get it right.

Again you sound like u have beef and hatred for the sister, so what if she didn't do nothing for him, you r not in the position to judge that

PS. If you need some investment lecture let me know its free some times you don't need to go to school for that COMMON SENSE. we are all educated to some level here.

@CoolJade

With a friend like you, I am not sure the guy is taking the right decision in marrying your friend. Its not about 'the gold bars' ; its about what her attitude would be if the guy ever says no to any request of hers ,with friends like you around!

If she feels as strongly about her in-laws as you feel about the guy's mum and sister, I would advise her not to proceed with the marriage. She can marry your own brother instead (seeing as you both belong to the same social status).

You already made up your mind before posting here seeking for an opinion (as you said in your initial posting), hence labelling the people who do not share your opinion as poverty stricken.

So is the issue the 24k gold bars, or the fact that he is 'mummy's boy, or are you crying more than the bereaved?

cooljade:

To all those who flow and understand me, good for you . I now fully understand the statement , " POVERTY IS A STATE OF MIND" Thats why some people never succeed and even know what to do when they prosper. I realised why Nigerians have a very high level of heart failure/ high blood pressure. Majority of us don't know how to enjoy and invest in life the right way. Those who think buying gold bars / coins is a waste of money, shame on you. You should concentrate more on the economics of investement. 24 k Gold never falls short of its value, in fact , it gets more expensive as it gets older with you (particularly if its bought from a reputable manufacturer) it becomes an antique over time. Ever wonder how some people become extremely rich over night after the sale of a painting or portrait or even on things as odd as a bottle of wine. some things appreciate so well over the years and add a great deal to ones wealth.

How many of you out there have lost money to the crumble of the stock excange, or don't you know that a brand new car starts depreciating the moment it is bought? For those who wonder my questioning his choice of a car gift to his sister. well i can tell you for sure that the sister contributed nothing to his life as she got married at the age of 20 while he (my friend's fiance) is 40 years old. so tell me what good she could have contributed to his struggle to the top.And mind you. The sister's wedding was in May this year and i'm VERY SURE the economy has hit rock bottom by then, yet he had such money to spend . Girls out there, may you never meet a man who is controlled by his mother, everyone around knows the mother adviced him to but the sistyer a car since she had none. so who's the real gold digger here
[b][b]
As for those who say i know too much of my friends relationship, that's cos we are like sisters, we confide in each other all thru life. some girlfriends feel more comfortable having personal discussions with their female best friends rather than partents. And mind you, her paretnts had not influenced her choice of dowry. They are responsible citizens and parents. Don't blame her for her dream, pls dream your dream and start enjoying life ,[/b][/b]

you guys have told yourselves lies so much you are beginning to almost believe it. the problem here is not the money, MIL, or the gold but attitude. by the way how did mummys boy jumped from 38 to 40yyrs in 2 days?

As for those who say i know too much of my friends relationship, that's cos we are like sisters, we confide in each other all thru life. some girlfriends feel more comfortable having personal discussions with their female best friends rather than partents. And mind you, her paretnts had not influenced her choice of dowry. They are responsible citizens and parents. Don't blame her for her dream, pls dream your dream and start enjoying life ,

you think the guy is too attached to the mum but u as the comedians say iz not affraid to be emotionationally tied to this lady? i think someone suggested you swap this guy fror your bother so you keep her gold loving self in your family.

chaircover:

CoolJade, you’ve lost me now.

1. Is your friend adamant on receiving this bride price/dowry as an investment?

2. Does she want it just live her dream?

3. Is it a power struggle and your friend is trying  to “show” the mother-in-law that she is now in control as the wife to be?

Honest answer to all three questions is to tell your friend to drop it; it isn’t really worth it. This is honest advice I will give to my blood sister.

Your friend will get her gold bars over and over again from her hubby over the years. He will gladly part with it then & even MIL will not bat an eyelid when he does.

Honestly there is no point making enemies with MIL now. Remember MIL is hubbys mum and most men do have a soft spot for their mums. [list]
[li][size=16pt]If you ever meet a man who is nasty to his mum, I advise you to run faster than a Kenyan marathon runner.[/size][/li]
[li][/li]
[/list]

If your friend plays her cards right she will have her husband eating out of her hand over a period of time.

Patience is a virtue.

you are right

cooljade:

she feels really bad that he is turning her down and he now thinks her friends are the ones influencing her request. , especially me

cooljade: I'm begining to think she's too much for him sef,

cooljade: he saw a high class polshied pretty half caste and wants to marry her with 5000 naira. he should have gone to his village in search of a bride.

cooljade: I wouldn't blame those of you who don't appreciate the good a little substantive vanity can bring to ones life.

cooljade: my friend studied at MIT, Boston, and she's not some gold digger as senseless pple here think. they should checkout how much it cost her father to educate her. More than 10 million naira. Not that she's selling herself, afterall how much would a little box of 24k gold coins cost? not more than 3million which is about the price of 2 first class tickets to the States and back. She is born into class , he (groom) worked his ass into his wealth and his eyes saw what his heart desires, so let him pay her demand.

I know that deep down his heart he wants to, but he puts his mother's feelings first. For those who wonder my questioning his choice of a car gift to his sister. well i can tell you for sure that the sister contributed nothing to his life as she got married at the age of 20 while he (my friend's fiance) is 40 years old. so tell me what good she could have contributed to his struggle to the top.

Won't be surprised if you are the real instigator!

titus:

Won't be surprised if you are the real instigator!

YOU ARE RIGHT, WAS THINKING D SAME THING TOO

wetin,,, mehr ,,, mean slf? cause in deutsch it,z means more. Mehr+sheike= more

cooljade:

To all those who flow and understand me, good for you . I now fully understand the statement , " POVERTY IS A STATE OF MIND" Thats why some people never succeed and even know what to do when they prosper. I realised why Nigerians have a very high level of heart failure/ high blood pressure. Majority of us don't know how to enjoy and invest in life the right way. Those who think buying gold bars / coins is a waste of money, shame on you. You should concentrate more on the economics of investement. 24 k Gold never falls short of its value, in fact , it gets more expensive as it gets older with you (particularly if its bought from a reputable manufacturer) it becomes an antique over time. Ever wonder how some people become extremely rich over night after the sale of a painting or portrait or even on things as odd as a bottle of wine. some things appreciate so well over the years and add a great deal to ones wealth.

How many of you out there have lost money to the crumble of the stock excange, or don't you know that a brand new car starts depreciating the moment it is bought? For those who wonder my questioning his choice of a car gift to his sister. well i can tell you for sure that the sister contributed nothing to his life as she got married at the age of 20 while he (my friend's fiance) is 40 years old. so tell me what good she could have contributed to his struggle to the top.And mind you. The sister's wedding was in May this year and i'm VERY SURE the economy has hit rock bottom by then, yet he had such money to spend . Girls out there, may you never meet a man who is controlled by his mother, everyone around knows the mother adviced him to but the sistyer a car since she had none. so who's the real gold digger here

As for those who say i know too much of my friends relationship, that's cos we are like sisters, we confide in each other all thru life. some girlfriends feel more comfortable having personal discussions with their female best friends rather than partents. And mind you, her paretnts had not influenced her choice of dowry. They are responsible citizens and parents. Don't blame her for her dream, pls dream your dream and start enjoying life ,

Chei may God deliver men from girls like you.  You did not even appreciate the fact that he bought a car for the bride's sister. As far as your concerned thats waste of money.  And that as far as your concerned is the reason why he should be her the gold. So the man did a bad thing for buying the sister a car. Somehow you don't feel he bought the sister a car to please the bride.  I believe he loves his wife-to-be and would buy her anything she wants and he can AFFORD. But let her know how to ask. THe reason most women call men stingy is because they don't ask well. Let her not make it look like because he has money or because he bought car for my sister he must buy me gold. And how does she know he can afford it. Thats another big mistake women make about men( they always have money). THAT HE BOUGHT A CAR FOR THE SISTER SOMETIME AGO DOESN'T MEAN HE HAS MONEY TO BUY GOLD NOW!)I pity the man that will be with you. Your kind of person won't even appreciate the effort he is making to please you. Your kind of person, i make sure i only communicate with them only on  the internet.

It is too expensive when you go for an Igbo girl.

Oluschenco:

It is too expensive when you go for an Igbo girl.

It's never expensive

Oluschenco:

It is too expensive when you go for an Igbo girl.

Did you go for one? Give us your experience.

cooljade:

To all those who flow and understand me, good for you . I now fully understand the statement , " POVERTY IS A STATE OF MIND" Thats why some people never succeed and even know what to do when they prosper. I realised why Nigerians have a very high level of heart failure/ high blood pressure. Majority of us don't know how to enjoy and invest in life the right way. Those who think buying gold bars / coins is a waste of money, shame on you. You should concentrate more on the economics of investement. 24 k Gold never falls short of its value, in fact , it gets more expensive as it gets older with you (particularly if its bought from a reputable manufacturer) it becomes an antique over time. Ever wonder how some people become extremely rich over night after the sale of a painting or portrait or even on things as odd as a bottle of wine. some things appreciate so well over the years and add a great deal to ones wealth.

How many of you out there have lost money to the crumble of the stock excange, or don't you know that a brand new car starts depreciating the moment it is bought? For those who wonder my questioning his choice of a car gift to his sister. well i can tell you for sure that the sister contributed nothing to his life as she got married at the age of 20 while he (my friend's fiance) is 40 years old. so tell me what good she could have contributed to his struggle to the top.And mind you. The sister's wedding was in May this year and i'm VERY SURE the economy has hit rock bottom by then, yet he had such money to spend . Girls out there, may you never meet a man who is controlled by his mother, everyone around knows the mother adviced him to but the sistyer a car since she had none. so who's the real gold digger here

As for those who say i know too much of my friends relationship, that's cos we are like sisters, we confide in each other all thru life. some girlfriends feel more comfortable having personal discussions with their female best friends rather than partents. And mind you, her paretnts had not influenced her choice of dowry. They are responsible citizens and parents. Don't blame her for her dream, pls dream your dream and start enjoying life ,

When did BRIDE PRICE / DOWRY change to mean investment? MIT Grad

agitator:

When did BRIDE PRICE / DOWRY change to mean investment? MIT Grad

Wonderful question

@Chaircover,, don't get me wrong, my friend isn't adamat in collecting it neither is it a power struggle btw her mother- in- law and herself. It's something she wants when asked what her dowry would be. SSome brides ask for cars, some for cash and it depends on the grooms capital strenght, WHICH HE HAS.

Others,
It's not like my friend keeps on asking him, give me gold , give me gold as most pple think here. she told him once when he asked her and he said he'd prefer paying 5000 naira which is so so wrong. It's not the man to fix or determine or negotiate such. He didn't mention financial instability as his reason for not giving her the gold, My friend has been upset and worried at his nonchalance in doing what he could do.

My reason for stating that poverty is a state of mind   is in reply to those who say cos the man worked so hard to get to where he is today therefore it would be a waste to buy gold for his wives family.

My friend doesn't need his gold to enrich herself, she's got a few for herself as most ladies do in jewelry. Her salary in a month is almost half of the gold's worth. so pls don't call her a gold digger. I can see that most negative responses are from men , that shows the reasn why Nigerian women are unhappy mostly in marriages . man prefer to spend a whole lot on friends, extended family and even girlfriends , and end upleaving their wives and kids to simple monthly or no allowance.


YOU MEN SHOULD HAVE A SERIOUS RETHINK FROM YOUR STINGY WAYS AND LEARN TO PRIORITIZE, SPENDING MONEY ON YOUR WIFE / MOTHER OF YOUR FUTURE KIDS , ESP. ON TANGIBLE PROPERTIES IS NEVER NEVER A WASTE. HOLY HEAVENS!!!!

@ffhemmmmy, a wise woman would chose a dowry of substance that which even her husband can use in time of trouble, I CAN SEE YOUR SENSE OF REASONING, VERY PATHETIC AND PITIABLE

cooljade:

@ffhemmmmy, a wise woman would chose a dowry of substance that which even her husband can use in time of trouble, I CAN SEE YOUR SENSE OF REASONING, VERY PATHETIC AND PITIABLE

Hahahahahahaha
i dont exchange words, cos i am too matured for that.
However, here is my response to your statement, only kids will result into insult cos they lost a mere conversation.
Now, your friend wants a box of gold, cos she wanna be able to take care of the husband in time of trouble? then, that is no more a dowry, tat is an investment, cos dowry is meant to go to the family of the lady and not to the lady, If you are telling me that on the wedding day, the husband wanna buy the wife something as a gift, and then, give her a box of gold, then, you can have me convinced and even with that, it is questionable, cos not every marriage is blissful and lasted forever.
So the man gives her a box of gold, and 2 years after the wedding, they have problem, the woman wanna move out of the house, and they divorce, who will go with the box of gold, it has to be the woman, cos it was a gift to her.
And she is still entitled to Alimony and child support if they have any.
So tell me, Ms Reasonable and Unpathetic, how is that of value to the man.
If your friend was smart enough, he will build with the man with the wealth you have claimed he has and not be a long throat and be selfish and digging gold where she never put one.

My friend doesn't need his gold to enrich herself,  she's got a few for herself as most ladies do in jewelry. Her salary in a month is almost half of the gold's worth. so pls don't call her a gold digger.

INTERESTING, den tell her to buy it and let the man present it to her. Its not like he didn't love her except you state otherwise.

I can see that most negative responses are from men ,  that shows the reasn why Nigerian women are unhappy mostly in marriages . man prefer to spend a whole lot on friends, extended family and even girlfriends ,  and end upleaving their wives and kids to simple monthly or no allowance.


totally disagree if she is making GOLD money at the end of each month then why should money/finance be an issue.

YOU MEN SHOULD HAVE A SERIOUS RETHINK FROM YOUR STINGY WAYS AND LEARN TO PRIORITIZE,  SPENDING MONEY ON YOUR WIFE / MOTHER OF YOUR FUTURE KIDS , ESP. ON TANGIBLE PROPERTIES IS NEVER NEVER A WASTE. HOLY HEAVENS!!!![b][/b]

I am glad my fiancée don't  think like you.

Fraudulent Cooljade see her advising a lady on another post.

cooljade:

@poster     Pls go ahead and build your house,  however, keep him informed of the progress whether he appreciates it or not. this is a man's world and owning a house is just the only way a woman can truely secure herself just incase things turn sour (not necessarily divorce). it can be used as a collateral to secure a loan in the future, at least landed properties are about the only thing financial institution rely upon these days.
i'm 29 yrs old and just bought a land in abuja to build my second house. your man should be proud of the rock he has in you. at least you don't spend your money on expensive jewellry or reidiculously pricey laces.
Don't forget to pray to God for strenght and guideance because you will surely face some challenges not only from your husband, but also from your fellow so called female friends,  trust me and good luck

and another claim, mind you in her advice she claimed to have built one and his about building a second

cooljade:

Dear Friends,

I'm about building my first house and i'm very excited. As it goes, i do not want to compromise in the quality of materials i'll be using. I would appreciate honest opinions on where to buy building materials in bulk i.e trailer-load particularlycement as i'm confused on Dangote ( some say he's got the imported brands and the obajana one), ashaka ect.

Pls advice

here she is seeking advice for her first house.

cooljade:

I work with an LNG Firm, 2 years now( and a temporary staff). It's a good job but my growth is limited because i don't have a Masters to back my CV unlke other employees neither do i have a Godfather in the industry to facilitate my promotion or my making a permanent staff. I have tried saving enough money to further my education and have recently gotten an admission to University of dundee to study MBA i International Oila and Gas Managment to start in september this year.

My challenge now is, i'm not entitiled to study leave and have to quit my job to allow me study full time which is 18 months. If i choose to do an online/ distance learning option, it would take me 3 to 5 years to complete and i'm scared i might loose concentration in such a long period of study (coupled with lagos traffic wahala causing me no time to study).

Considering the present employemt economics, i don't want to risk being jobless after my 18months return and i know how difficult it is to get a job these days - companies are just not employing.

Dear friends, i need your candid advice pls

Cooljade the female fraudster. na you biko, carry go

@ Fhemmmy, okay okay i take back my words if hurtful but i've seen some pretty harsh posts by you  NOW i understand why you got me wrong.

IN ISLAMIC CULTURE, A DOWRY IS A GIFT TO HER BY HER HUSBAND  AND ITS NEVER TO BE TAKEN AWAY FROM HER BY HER FAMILY. It's different From BRIDE PRICE which in most cultures goes to the bride's family. The gold, if given, will be for her not her family, and after the wedding, SHE IS ALLOWED TO GIVE ALL TO HER HUSBAND OR THEIR CHILDREN. It becomes a property for the family. I think she is better than a girl wo would ask for cash

@r321

A real woman will advice the man {if she plans to be with him for ever oh} to let them invest as a family, will see the tomorrow, rather than today that is blurry.

@ Agitator, all posts are so true of me, and you can see that i'm a strong feminist. I'm so proud to be building a house in abuja at the age of 29. that shows i know quite a lot about investment.

@ agitator, EAT YOUR SAD HEART OUT.

cooljade:

@ Agitator, all posts are so true of me, and you can see that i'm a strong feminist. I'm so proud to be building a house in abuja at the age of 29. that shows i know quite a lot about investment.

yea rite ABUJA KO, by the way the first or second 1