agitator:

sorry, the second sentence was not referring to you
See she was comfortable to go with her friend to Dubai at the man's expense butTo you it's trivial spending HIS money on things he likes, but your friend's 24K Gold is the most important thing he should spend on. You now know what is important for a man to spend HIS PERSONAL MONEY on. Hustle for your money and spend the way you like.
This whole thing is just because his mother deprived you of a free ticket to Dubai for shopping. Gold digger get a life.

Oh, then I guess I should be the one to apologise for such misunderstanding. Well said.

cooljade:

@ Fhemmmy, okay okay i take back my words if hurtful but i've seen some pretty harsh posts by you  NOW i understand why you got me wrong.

IN ISLAMIC CULTURE, A DOWRY IS A GIFT TO HER BY HER HUSBAND  AND ITS NEVER TO BE TAKEN AWAY FROM HER BY HER FAMILY. It's different From BRIDE PRICE which in most cultures goes to the bride's family. The gold, if given, will be for her not her family, and after the wedding, SHE IS ALLOWED TO GIVE ALL TO HER HUSBAND OR THEIR CHILDREN. It becomes a property for the family. I think she is better than a girl wo would ask for cash

My apologies then, cos seems like we actually misunderstanding each other.
If it is a gift, then, no wahala, cos the man can definately find a way for them to turn that into investment.
They can even use the 3M to build a nice house somewhere and rent it out, and the woman will be collecting the rent and when the man is deflated, the woman can give some air into his tire.
But for dowry, it is a different case.

r231:

yea rite ABUJA KO, by the way the first or second 1

I won't join issues with you, we all meet on this forum by chance from different paths of life. I don't have to prove anything about my personal life okay. And pls, don't feel bad when a lady does something a man is considered worthy of doing, encourage her cos she might even be your sister. I work hard for my money and have a will to invest it however i like. As i said I DREAM TO REALITY , WHAT'S YOUR DREAM?

@ Fhemmmy, thanks for understanding. That's why from the start i mentioned she's a muslim and their culture is quite different from the ordinary , yet beautiful in its own right.

cooljade:

I won't join issues with you,  we all meet on this forum by chance from different paths of life. I don't have to prove anything about my personal life okay. And pls, don't feel bad when a lady does something a man is considered worthy of doing,  encourage her cos she might even be your sister. I work hard for my money and have a will to invest it however i like. As i said I DREAM TO REALITY ,  WHAT'S YOUR DREAM?

First of all I am not the one dat burst your bubbles, was just going by what I saw and if its TRUE more grease to your elbow I am proud of you, As for working hard trust me I work extra harder for me and my partner to go around the globe and be able to do things we both like.

As for my DREAM, sorry darling I live in reality and I am doing well enough to cover my tracks, take care of my family and also do what I think is worth doing back home for future purposes.

cooljade:

@Chaircover,, don't get me wrong, my friend isn't adamat in collecting it neither is it a power struggle btw her mother- in- law and herself. It's something she wants when asked what her dowry would be. SSome brides ask for cars, some for cash and it depends on the grooms capital strenght, [font=Lucida Sans Unicode]WHICH HE HAS. [/font]

Others,
It's not like my friend keeps on asking him, give me gold , give me gold as most pple think here. she told him once when he asked her and he said he'd prefer paying 5000 naira which is so so wrong. It's not the man to fix or determine or negotiate such. He didn't mention financial instability as his reason for not giving her the gold, My friend has been upset and worried at his nonchalance in doing what he could do.

My reason for stating that poverty is a state of mind   is in reply to those who say cos the man worked so hard to get to where he is today therefore it would be a waste to buy gold for his wives family.

My friend doesn't need his gold to enrich herself, she's got a few for herself as most ladies do in jewelry. Her salary in a month is almost half of the gold's worth. so pls don't call her a gold digger. I can see that most negative responses are from men , that shows the reasn why Nigerian women are unhappy mostly in marriages . man prefer to spend a whole lot on friends, extended family and even girlfriends , and end upleaving their wives and kids to simple monthly or no allowance.


YOU MEN SHOULD HAVE A SERIOUS RETHINK FROM YOUR STINGY WAYS AND LEARN TO PRIORITIZE, SPENDING MONEY ON YOUR WIFE / MOTHER OF YOUR FUTURE KIDS , ESP. ON TANGIBLE PROPERTIES IS NEVER NEVER A WASTE. HOLY HEAVENS!!!!

@ffhemmmmy, a wise woman would chose a dowry of substance that which even her husband can use in time of trouble, I CAN SEE YOUR SENSE OF REASONING, VERY PATHETIC AND PITIABLE

I gues your his accountant.

@ekoboy, yes a good woman should be her husband's accountant. some men lack investment ideas and the wife guides them thru, like Bill clinton and his wife,

@r231,

I got no bubbles burst. Al posts i wrote in other pages are true. As much as we hide our identities on this foprum, our personalities must reflect thru, maybe i got your last post wrong.

Wen i mean dream, its not day dream, it's hoping where you want to be tomorrow, what you want out of your life. I've always wanted to own a house in abuja before the age of 30. I had that dream since i was 21, and it's come to reality. that's what i mean my dear.
According to Oprah,
" the key to realizing a dream is to focus not only on success but significance- and then, even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning, "

cooljade:

some men lack investment ideas and the wife guides them thru, like Bill clinton and his wife,

See how you are contradicting yourself. Somebody that struggled to arrive where he his today (according to you), now his wife to be, who was born with a golden spoon now should teach him investment ideas because she knows better

@r231,

I got no bubbles burst. Al posts i wrote in other pages are true. As much as we hide our identities on this foprum, our personalities must reflect thru, maybe i got your last post wrong.

Wen i mean dream, its not day dream, it's hoping where you want to be tomorrow, what you want out of your life. I've always wanted to own a house in abuja before the age of 30. I had that dream since i was 21, and it's come to reality. that's what i mean my dear.
According to Oprah,
" the key to realizing a dream is to focus not only on success but significance- and then, even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning, "
[quote][/quote]

COOL

agitator:

See how you are contradicting yourself. Somebody that struggled to arrive where he his today (according to you), now his wife to be, who was born with a golden spoon now should teach him investment ideas because she knows better

cooljade:

@ agitator,  EAT YOUR SAD HEART OUT.

Cooljade on May 19, 2009, 10:47 PM, you posted 29years old and just bought land to build second house.

Cooljade on August 03, 2009, 04:25 PM, seeking advice on how to go about building first house.

cooljade:

Wen i mean dream,  its not day dream,  it's hoping where you want to be tomorrow,  what you want out of your life. I've always wanted to own a house in abuja before the age of 30. I had that dream since i was 21,  and it's come to reality. that's what i mean my dear.
According to Oprah,
" the key to realizing a dream is to focus not only on success but significance- and then, even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning, "

He is a real dear.  You didn't waste time to start soliciting. Oil well owner.

agitator:

Cooljade on May 19, 2009, 10:47 PM, you posted 29years old and just bought land to build second house.

Cooljade on August 03, 2009, 04:25 PM, seeking advice on how to go about building first house.
He is a real dear.  You didn't waste time to start soliciting. Oil well owner.

Its still a DREAM

@ cooljade
I think you got me wrong. How do you know the husband to be has the money. Some wives don't really know how much the husband has talkless of a friend to a wife to be. I think you are assuming you know too much.  People especially  women have a way of overrating men. May because men always try to provide. You see a man when he is spending mode or drives a good car. Then later you feel he has money to satisfy all your childish wishes. Thats why men will always decieve women and get wat they want from them by a little show of wealth.

ekoboy:

@ cooljade
You see a man when he is spending mode or drives a good car. Then later you feel he has money to satisfy all your childish wishes. Thats why men will always decieve women and get wat they want from them by a little show of wealth.

You harsh oh

jp philips:

[b]@ poster

seems the thread is too long to accommodate my post, but while going through others i came up with this ;

Why would a sensible man want to marry a childish fantasizing wife at her age?
why would a man derive fulfillment from someone living in some Disney land?
why would a man wish to associate by any means with someone with Hollywood mentality?
You know one funny thing about BIG MEN PIKIN? they always have a lot of growing up to do even @ old age. though i feel it is not your friend but you, but in anycase

you/your friend has a lot of growing up to do

so as she prepares to become a married lady, she has not made contact with reality, how does the 24k gold guarantee her happiness in that marriage, material things re mostly appreciated when it comes as a gift, if she scores high in the marriage, the guy may be so thrilled to even give her more.

anyways
why pay more to marry a cartoon watching wife when i know the same religion that permits her to make demands permits me to marry more women. [/b]

WOW, TRUE TALK

HA HA HA , so many rubbish talk from myopic thinkers. Oh how i see that yopu men are filled with such bitterness probably at your lack of solid self structure, LMAO.

so funny how saddists choose to attack poor me instead of concentrating on the topic. As i said earlier I'm not here to defend myself to faceless people (i'm faceless here too) but just for the same ones amongst, here:

In referral to my previous Topic, Yes. I'm building my first house in abuja but second in life. My first was built 4 years ago in my home town, I used largely inheritance from my late Dad, WANT MORE DETAILS A$$H@le?

The one i'm building in abuja is from my own sweat, its a much bigger project and that's why i put the topic to get advice from reasonable people so i won't get dupped being a lady. Building a house in Abuja is different from building one in the village/hometown.

In reply to agitator(oh how u begin to piss me off with your narrow mindedness ), My statement was general to women folks, its not a bad idea for a wife to be a man's accountant, and i gave examples. yes , a man might brew himself from poverty to wealth and STILL LACK SENSE OF INVESTMENT. otherwiase, how would you explain the situations of some powerful people e.g EX GOVERNORS WHO BECAME POOR FOR LACK OF INVESTMENT.

Since there are no more tangible responses/ advices to my TOPIC rather than turn this page into a battlefield for sad men who envy a lady's progress, i'd rest the case on men responding to my post EXCEPT YOU HAVE SOME POSITIVE WORDS, wonder why majority responders are men, (SIGH) stingy men

I REREAT , EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT AND WATCH OUT FOR MY HOUSE WARMING INVITATION BY THIOS TIME NEXT YEAR BY THE GRACE OF GOD. Some pple will definately not be welcome, SADDIST LOL LOL

NB , I thank the forum for the sense of hidden identity, some men folks would have lynched me in this country for exposing their wicked and stingy self absorbed bitter souls, GOOD NIGHT

[b]@ CoolJADE,   I agree with you totally, There is nothin wrong with the girl asking for a gift especially wen the man can afford it,  I think he is stingy or was in a bad mood, Or maybe she didnt phrase her sentences properly wen askin,

My fiance personally feels happy when he buys stuff for me , he said it makes him feel like a responsible strong man because he can provide,

Dis guy who is dating this gal, since he wants to marry her obviously he must know her and its not like she has been pestering him for things in thier relationship OR HAS SHE?

Anyway i think the guy is a stingy man, for God's sake 500naira as dowry, Wasnt he ashamed to even say it wit his mouth,  I agree with the first reply i think he will be a violent man and i think he will beat her weekly or atleast when she asks for something he will abuse her verbally and emotionally like the AGITATOR,

Y[b]ES I SAID IT , AGITATOR IS VERY ABUSIVE, HE SOUNDS LIKE A BUS DRIVER THAT FOUND INTERNET BY MISTAKE,  [/b]

Wat is all this talk of cartoon wife, LOL, Dats a stupid analogy,  A woman who is entitled a dowry can ask for something from her husband ,

the keyword being ASked even though she is allowed a choice, he could have just said sweetheart i cant afford it or baby pls ask for something else nicely, there could be some form of compromise,

rather thinking of wat his friends and family will think, he is ashamed to show love for his wife,  Such nonsense, Does he think she will eat the gold, ANyway gold is an investment and only appreciates with time [/b]

cooljade, and the rest, let us have fun and not exchange words.
Let us exchange ideas.
@Cooljade, like i said be4, if it was a gift to the lady, no wahala, as long as the man knows what he is getting himself into.
If it is a dowry that will be given to the family, that will be too much.

Also, if we look at this from a different angle, the babe should be happy that the guy express his true feelings and not just pretend, cos a real man shows how he feels at all times and then, they can talk about it.

@fayahsoul, no need for us getting personal and insulting each other.
Let us make friends and not enemies, we all never know where we can meet one another.
besides, like cooljade said, everyone is faceless.

@Adaku 123, You are a true sister. You are spot on, hit the nail on the head.

@Fayahsoul, take the words of Fhemmmy to heart. And you know what? Marriage isn't the means to and end in life, it doesn't guarantee happiness. A LADY WHO KNOWS HER ONIONS WILL PREFER BEING SINGLE THAN GETTING MARRIED TO A D, KHEAD WHO WILL CAUSE YOU NOTHING BUT PAIN AND SHORTEN YOUR LIFE SPAN.

@Fhemmmy, good to have you around.

so now let us have fun with this TOpic

OK, It's not over yet

Ok Fehmmmy,

Conclusion[/color]

Every man should aim for the best in himself and his wife. He should be proud to make her happy ( that's why ibo men are the best, it's a pity i never had the chance to date one). A true man will let his glory and success shine thru his wife. Nigerian men should learn to fulfill their women's dreams and help them attain personal goals and ambitions, to be their guide. He should LARN to draw the line of respect and need btw his biological family and new family (wife +unborn kids).

[color=#990000]NIGERIAN MEN MUST LEARN TO WATCH MORE CHICK-FLICKS to be more romantic!!! [b][/b]

When it's expensive.

cooljade:

Ok Fehmmmy,

Conclusion[/color]

Every man should aim for the best in himself and his wife. He should be proud to make her happy ( that's why ibo men are the best, it's a pity i never had the chance to date one). A true man will let his glory and success shine thru his wife. Nigerian men should learn to fulfill their women's dreams and help them attain personal goals and ambitions, to be their guide. He should LARN to draw the line of respect and need btw his biological family and new family (wife +unborn kids).

[color=#990000]NIGERIAN MEN MUST LEARN TO WATCH MORE CHICK-FLICKS to be more romantic!!! [b][/b]

they should learn how to forsake and ignore their mums and family too or better still they should learn to kill their mum quietly before marriage becos it makes the "nigerian wife" happier

cooljade:

Every man should aim for the best in himself and his wife. He should be proud to make her happy ( that's why ibo men are the best, it's a pity i never had the chance to date one). A true man will let his glory and success shine thru his wife. Nigerian men should learn to fulfill their women's dreams and help them attain personal goals and ambitions, to be their guide. He should LARN to draw the line of respect and need btw his biological family and new family (wife +unborn kids).

NIGERIAN MEN MUST LEARN TO WATCH MORE CHICK-FLICKS to be more romantic!!! [b][/b]

I totally disagree and I live among them but then that is my opinion.

What you said should also go vice versa, a true woman should learn to fulfill her man's dreams and help him attain personal goals and ambitions. I'm also assuming Chick flicks doesn't just mean Nigerian movies. Now that being said, a box 24k gold bars/coins unless the man is from a very rich family and doesn't mind that, in my opinion, is just too much for dowry.

@ cooljade, a lot of guys(not all) have certain ideas about a woman's place in the home or society, fighting those ideas here on NL is futile so don't even bother . I like how you're fulfilling your dreams,it shows you have guts but washing a man down because he doesn't agree with your ideas will get you nowhere. Silence they say is the best answer for a , you get my drift. Also you cannot impose your ideas and opinions on others. See me giving advice. Anyways i hope you get me and I'm waiting to be attacked by our beloved menfolk.

cooljade:

Ok Fehmmmy,

Conclusion[/color]

Every man should aim for the best in himself and his wife. He should be proud to make her happy ( that's why ibo men are the best, it's a pity i never had the chance to date one). A true man will let his glory and success shine thru his wife. Nigerian men should learn to fulfill their women's dreams and help them attain personal goals and ambitions, to be their guide. He should LARN to draw the line of respect and need btw his biological family and new family (wife +unborn kids).

[color=#990000]NIGERIAN MEN MUST LEARN TO WATCH MORE CHICK-FLICKS to be more romantic!!! [b][/b]

hahahahahahahaha.
I could just imagine your face while saying all these.
here is my take.
there are good Ibo men and there are bad ibo men.
There are good Hausa men and bad ones
and Likewise, there are good and bad Yoruba men, it all depends on where you are searching.
Here is my theme, out of every polultion there are bad one in every 12, so dont close your eyes while the good one passes by.

If the man can afford it, there is nothing wrong in shinning thru the beauty {character + heart} of his wife, cos the wife will always be used to describe the man, so if she looks and dress well and looks well fed, many people will call the man, a great man, so so i agree with you on that one.
However, woman needs to understand when the man says, he doesnt have it.

@Ejadamen, I get you my girl and I'm sure the men are defeated by now. Thanks for your advice.

@Fehmmmy, I should run a topic on which ethnic group produce the best husbands, I'm syre you can read my ming on the worst

cooljade:

@Ejadamen, I get you my girl and I'm sure the men are defeated by now. Thanks for your advice.

@Fehmmmy, I should run a topic on which ethnic group produce the best husbands, I'm syre you can read my ming on the worst

defeated bawo?
Na lieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Start the thread now, and you will see that people like us are greattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Ejadamen:

I totally disagree and I live among them but then that is my opinion.

What you said should also go vice versa, a true woman should learn to fulfill her man's dreams and help him attain personal goals and ambitions. I'm also assuming Chick flicks doesn't just mean Nigerian movies. Now that being said, a box 24k gold bars/coins unless the man is from a very rich family and doesn't mind that, in my opinion, is just too much for dowry.

@ cooljade, a lot of guys(not all) have certain ideas about a woman's place in the home or society, fighting those ideas here on NL is futile so don't even bother . I like how you're fulfilling your dreams,it shows you have guts but washing a man down because he doesn't agree with your ideas will get you nowhere. Silence they say is the best answer for a , you get my drift. Also you cannot impose your ideas and opinions on others. See me giving advice. Anyways i hope you get me and I'm waiting to be attacked by our beloved menfolk.

enokhuo, ok here comes the attack [list]
[li][b]you talk sense here.
[/b][/li]
trust you are ok?
[li][/li]
[/list]