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Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? - Romance (9) - Nairaland

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Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Akinaukwa: 4:26pm On May 16, 2016
ilovemylife:

Thanks you, tears rolled down my eyes as I read this price, do you know the only person am really considering is my mum, how is she gonna take this if I tell her am not going to go ahead with this, we have gone deep into the preparation and so many things has been bought and paid for. I have never been this hurt my whole life
Do you really love him? if yes, dont suspend or call off the marriage, rather prayerfully take it up with him. If he sees where he has gone wrong, forgive him. But never expect any sincerity from any unregenerated soul.
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by D2diff: 4:29pm On May 16, 2016
Are you that old? Have you tried blocking those who pressurise you from your life? Left to me, that is what I would do irrespective of the relationship.

Succumbing to pressure for low-lifers damages your esteem. So I am still rooting for low-self esteem. Having an unhappy marriage or with a crazy partner would not only make you a ghost of yourself, it would also damage your kids for life.
rheether:


Poverty? No. Low self esteem? Hell No. If only you know what the pressure is like.
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by AreaFada2: 4:29pm On May 16, 2016
D2diff:
I agree that the consequences are the reasons some women are deterred and that applies to some women irrespective of location and colour. However it does not negate the fact that women cheat.

I am not really concerned about the causes so I am sorry I won't be arguing with you on that. I am more interested in the reality which affirms that women cheat and this include those women manrried to richer and sometimes young men.
Let me make a medical analogy. Anybody, including kids ( retinoblastoma, leukaemia) can have cancer. But still, cancer is a disease of old age. Many lay people will of course dispute this but it is a fact. Research figures and experience clearly show that. People do die of thunder strike, but the chances of dying from a road accident are far higher.

Anything can happen anywhere, but we are talking of prevalence, consistency and reproducibility.
The thread was about a cheating fiance, if you start a thread on a cheating fiancee, we can then dissect that. grin
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by cbrass(m): 4:30pm On May 16, 2016
queenoflafia:
Don't cancel your wedding plans pls.there is no perfect man and neither is there a perfect woman.just talk to him and let him know how what he is doing is affecting u.
The other day I said it was in their DNA,they called for my head

What are you saying sef because your husband or bf cheats on you doesn't make me or other guys same. You need a change of orientation angry

1 Like

Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by mamawin(f): 4:31pm On May 16, 2016
ilovemylife:

I am not looking for a perfect man my dear
Just a man that will respect me
Sleeping with her shows he doesn't have a single respect for me. Many many factors is what am really considering and my mum is num one of them
my dear, there's no such thing as a perfect man as you already know. but for me, I believe you shud confront d two of them. yes. talk to the lady first, let her know you're aware, let her know of your wedding plans, don't leave your fiance, talk to him. ask him if he doesn't enjoy sex with you, I want to believe you are on that level. he will stop, at least with this particular girl. BUT above everything, put it in a corner of your mind that smtin like this may likely come up,later, so make up your mind to do your best to prevent it, but if it happens, let it be said of you that you did your very best. my ten kobo
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by ericmor: 4:37pm On May 16, 2016
ilovemylife:
I met a guy of 31 through my elder sister, last year February. He started asking me out but because I just came out of a bad relationship, I told him that I am not yet ready to go into a relationship now but he hanged on until August, by then we had become good friends and we started dating.

But three months into the relationship I noticed that my boyfriend has a thing with a lady that stays in the same street with me, a lady I have known all my life cos we grew up together, I confronted him and he told me that it was just a Fling and nothing more, so I told him to please stop whatever he is doing with the girl because we know each other and he promised too. I trusted him to because I can't be going around checking up on a man old enough to take care of himself. So during his birthday this year, he told me the girl called him to wish him happy birthday and asked him hope she will be getting an invite for the party, so he asked me if he should invite her, I told him he can that I don't have a problem with that. So he invited her for the birthday party and she came for the party and my boyfriend introduced me to her as his girlfriend, in that same party my boyfriend gave me the surprise of my life when he asked me to marry him and I accepted.

We are now planning for our traditional wedding which is coming up July but I was shocked to find out that my husband to be is still sleeping with that same girl because I stumble on their whatsapp chat. I feel like my world is crashing before my very eyes, I am so confused, what should I do. I haven't confronted him yet and I am not ready to because I don't want another series of lies and deceit. This is man that has taken very good care of my financial but what of emotional and again it's not all about money for me because I am not going to be a poor wife. Should I walk out of this relationship and cancel the wedding plans? I am so confused now, because if he truly loves me as he claims, he should be able to respect me, another question I wanted to ask him is this, why that lady.

Please nairalanders, what should I do, confront him or what, I have even discussed this with any of my family member. And since this incident I have been very down, so many thought have been crossing my mind.

NB: will be 27 by August

What I want u to know is that he will still cheat on u after marriage but if you can stand it and if that is the only problem with him, get married to him and continue praying to God that he should change. But if u know u can't stand it, better don't marry him cus u won't enjoy Ur married life. Just my own oppionion
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by D2diff: 4:37pm On May 16, 2016
I am still going to disagree. I have heard of how nurses fvck around with doctors in Nigerian hospitals and I have seen how my married teachers frolic with each other and I have heard how my neighbour who sells something have sex with another married man.

Sorry I am still going to disagree because if poverty is a reason for infidelity, then financial security is a definitely a reason to cheat.


AreaFada2:
let me make a medical analogy. Anybody, including kids ( retinoblastoma, leukaemia) can have cancer. But still, cancer is a disease of old age. Lay people will of course dispute this but it is a fact. Research figures and experience clearly show that. People do die of thunder strike, but the chances if dying from a road accident if far higher.

Anything can happen anywhere, but we are talking of prevalence, consistency and reproducibility.
The thread was about a cheating fiance, if you start a thread on a cheating fiancee, we can then dissect that. grin
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Dammiesugar(f): 4:39pm On May 16, 2016
Even if you show him the evidence, he might confess and apologise but be prepared for the worst in the marriage. Look else my dear, there are still alot of responsible men out there moreover work on yourself cos you seem dependant. Get a good job
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by asorodayo1: 4:40pm On May 16, 2016
ilovemylife:

Is not like he cheated my dear, he did it with someone I have know all my life, someone he promised not to contact again, someone who was there when he asked me to married him, someone I haven't talked to all my life till she came for his birthday party February this year.
I am hurting and I feel so ashamed that my husband to be can stoop this low.
But all the same thanks for you advice
ilovemylife:

Is not like he cheated my dear, he did it with someone I have know all my life, someone he promised not to contact again, someone who was there when he asked me to married him, someone I haven't talked to all my life till she came for his birthday party February this year.
I am hurting and I feel so ashamed that my husband to be can stoop this low.
But all the same thanks for you advice
ilovemylife:

Is not like he cheated my dear, he did it with someone I have know all my life, someone he promised not to contact again, someone who was there when he asked me to married him, someone I haven't talked to all my life till she came for his birthday party February this year.
I am hurting and I feel so ashamed that my husband to be can stoop this low.
But all the same thanks for you advice
the truth is that,almost all men are like that, sleeping with d person u know does not mean he didn't love u,but we are in end time already we all take important things for granted. he enjoys free sex with d girl and d girl gives free promo if ur man tell u that he won't do it again he can organize bachelor's night for that. men does not have anything to loose but women. women is always enemy of women u an enemy to d girl u don't want to share ur hubby she is also enemy to u she needs ur hubby for sexual only. men can scatter things and put two head together .that is our nature. you need a prayer over him call him asking him one of two question, renew ur love with him confirm if he enjoy sex with u before marrying. sooner or later he will drop the girl if you are able to do your home work well .
if u cancel d marriage 2 of you will suffer it. is not really d guys faulty but the general believe about sex men can deny d whole country because of sex let alone wife. go ahead with wedding arrangement if you observe changes. you have to act fast and get back ur man if u love him otherwise d other girl will spoil u and convince him d more they have sex together. you can see the damages u girls causes to each other now, when u see a fellow ladies doing anyhow instead of exposing you peoples will cover
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by kastroud(m): 4:40pm On May 16, 2016
Sweetheart, I mauy not know for ur hubby but I know this men cheat and a lot of times its for sexual reasons not emotional ones .it all depends on who u want to be with if u are happy to be with a man who cheats on u but is still emotionally attached to u then good go on with the marraige. But if u are not then backout because I can say ity that anyman that has heart enough to bring his sidechick to his engagement party will not mind bringing her on wedding day, naming ceremony and co truth is I believe that if I was a lady I wouldn't bear anyman cheating on me. Ill tell u this it will be better to be single than to go thru the pains of a wasteful marriage coz it won't only affect u it will affect ur kids so foget the monetry aspects this is ur life we are talking about and that of ur children in the future or will u rather that after u marry him and have kids u will realize that he still cheating and dicorce him then . What's to say he won't cheat on u in the future please I beg u don't delude urdelf with the hope that he eill change . Just leave now if u know that u won't be okay with him cheating leave now and never look back and prayerfully God will get u someone that will cherish u in future
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Alokendra(m): 4:41pm On May 16, 2016
This is what happens when ladies insist on no-sex even when in a committed relationship with a serious guy. You cannot eat your cake and have it.
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by itoese(m): 4:41pm On May 16, 2016
You have not met a chaste man. But come to think of it, you will only meet a chaste man if only you are chaste
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by xtervaganza(m): 4:49pm On May 16, 2016
Mologi:
Eni lori o ni fila... ..

Dnt marry him because u will see another man that doesnt sleep around.. ..

Because Na only u be the woman God created with punna...



Mo n wa iyawo ooo
you this guy no de taya



I go deal with you one day




O le RI iyawo SE
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by wetproject(m): 4:49pm On May 16, 2016
Please note that whatever he does during courtship can be repeated in marriage, therefore the question is can you share him with her or any other girl? If yes then go ahead, if no, then use your God given brain.
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Twinkle004(f): 4:50pm On May 16, 2016
With all d advice giving out,what exactly do u feel like doing?...in any relationship there is always a warning signal but of us singles we turn a blind eyes to them cos of age,finances, peers etc. which is one of them u are facing @ d moment...I know it is not easy 2 temporarily or permanently stop a wedding especially when d preparation has gone far but ask urslf, who will be there with u in d marriage? My ans is nobody. Most people are saying it is a man nature 2 cheat but I wl say no xcpt if d man has determine in him 2 cheat & any man that can be an infidel even 2 his spouse face then such a man does not respect u....so tell me what is love without respect & trust...give urslf sometime & think evrywell b4 deciding
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Twinkle004(f): 4:51pm On May 16, 2016
With all d advice giving out,what exactly do u feel like doing?...in any relationship there is always a warning signal but some of us singles we turn a blind eyes to them cos of age,finances, peers etc. which is one of them u are facing @ d moment...I know it is not easy 2 temporarily or permanently stop a wedding especially when d preparation has gone far but ask urslf, who will be there with u in d marriage? My ans is nobody. Most people are saying it is a man nature 2 cheat but I wl say no xcpt if d man has determine in him 2 cheat & any man that can be an infidel even 2 his spouse face then such a man does not respect u....so tell me what is love without respect & trust...give urslf sometime & think evrywell b4 deciding
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Dyt(f): 4:53pm On May 16, 2016
permsec:
You can consult Dyt. She has a great level of idea about issues as pertains to this. But aS for me,I think some part of u is in love with the dude because of his pocket.




Thank me later.

undecided undecided undecided undecided
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Mologi(m): 4:53pm On May 16, 2016
xtervaganza:
you this guy no de taya



I go deal with you one day




O le RI iyawo SE
no be only deal na contract....

If u wan gv me ur sister..u beta speakn now...before i find my missing left balls....


Mo n wa iyawo ooo
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Omonigeriarere: 4:56pm On May 16, 2016
ilovemylife:
I met a guy of 31 through my elder sister, last year February. He started asking me out but because I just came out of a bad relationship, I told him that I am not yet ready to go into a relationship now but he hanged on until August, by then we had become good friends and we started dating.

But three months into the relationship I noticed that my boyfriend has a thing with a lady that stays in the same street with me, a lady I have known all my life cos we grew up together, I confronted him and he told me that it was just a Fling and nothing more, so I told him to please stop whatever he is doing with the girl because we know each other and he promised too. I trusted him to because I can't be going around checking up on a man old enough to take care of himself. So during his birthday this year, he told me the girl called him to wish him happy birthday and asked him hope she will be getting an invite for the party, so he asked me if he should invite her, I told him he can that I don't have a problem with that. So he invited her for the birthday party and she came for the party and my boyfriend introduced me to her as his girlfriend, in that same party my boyfriend gave me the surprise of my life when he asked me to marry him and I accepted.

We are now planning for our traditional wedding which is coming up July but I was shocked to find out that my husband to be is still sleeping with that same girl because I stumble on their whatsapp chat. I feel like my world is crashing before my very eyes, I am so confused, what should I do. I haven't confronted him yet and I am not ready to because I don't want another series of lies and deceit. This is man that has taken very good care of my financial but what of emotional and again it's not all about money for me because I am not going to be a poor wife. Should I walk out of this relationship and cancel the wedding plans? I am so confused now, because if he truly loves me as he claims, he should be able to respect me, another question I wanted to ask him is this, why that lady.

Please nairalanders, what should I do, confront him or what, I have even discussed this with any of my family member. And since this incident I have been very down, so many thought have been crossing my mind.

NB: will be 27 by August

If you want to hear the truth, cheating by a man is not an indication that he doesn't love you. If you dump him, what assurance do you have that the next man won't be in the same shoe? I can bet my life with it, men do worse to those ladies advising you here to move on: the only difference is that they don't have courage to say it out. If you have married, will you have opted out just like that?

Be a responsible and trustworthy spouse: make him to be comfortable whoever you are together: be respectful and submissive. By these, he would come to realize in a day and a question will pop out of his mind - 'what do I want that my spouse cannot do for me?'

Men, including me, behaves like dog sometimes: he might have other ladies around as he is still single. But trust me, he might have it at the back of his mind that you are a gold.

A bird at hand is the best way to eat the chicken: a known devil is better than an unknown angel. Thread wisely...
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by HaneefahRN(f): 4:59pm On May 16, 2016
D2diff:
I am still going to disagree. I have heard of how nurses fvck around with doctors in Nigerian hospitals and I have seen how my married teachers frolic with each other and I have heard how my neighbour who sells something have sex with another married man.

Sorry I am still going to disagree because if poverty is a reason for infidelity, then financial security is a definitely a reason to cheat.




Doveda, don't bring nurses and Drs into this
Most of what you heard are exaggerations and lies plus imaginations born out of Nollywood films.


But I'm not disputing what you are trying say though. A married female friend ( a well off woman) of my aunt was telling her how she and some friends enjoy their lives (cheat), I just open mouth. My aunt just put her at arm's length .These are women you would never think are involved in such, and their husbands will also be feeling smart while cheating on them. Marriage is loosing it's meaning.

1 Like

Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Skyloloprince(m): 4:59pm On May 16, 2016
Its very simple, call him and take him out (preferably for a dinner) pay the bills and make him very happy and relaxed, after the meal ask him if u ve done anything that hurts him? Also ask him if u have wronged him in any manner to deserve humiliation from him, ur next action will b dependent on his response, if he wants to claim innocent, just give him his ring and kiss him dem wish him well with d lady, tell den to continue, tell him ur parents r already aware but please don't tell ur pole, my dear sister it's better to to brk it now, if he is truly sorry u will know
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by ifygod20(m): 5:02pm On May 16, 2016
My dear I feel ur pain,to be honest with u d same thing ur husband to be is doing dt was exactly wot I did before I finally married my wife,i had a crush on a lady which my wife know she caught me several time with her,but she didn't give up on me,but today every thing is history...so plz if u truly love ur man plz fight hard and never give up on him......
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Harwoyeez(m): 5:07pm On May 16, 2016
bro, u amaze me with your money nwa iyawo chant anytime I read your post @ mologi
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by ilovemylife: 5:09pm On May 16, 2016
Dammiesugar:
Even if you show him the evidence, he might confess and apologise but be prepared for the worst in the marriage. Look else my dear, there are still alot of responsible men out there moreover work on yourself cos you seem dependant. Get a good job

1 Like

Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by ilovemylife: 5:09pm On May 16, 2016
Dammiesugar:
Even if you show him the evidence, he might confess and apologise but be prepared for the worst in the marriage. Look else my dear, there are still alot of responsible men out there moreover work on yourself cos you seem dependant. Get a good job
I have a very good job and I am no where dependant on him, I even have my own business aside from working for the government.
I have been thinking on exactly which part of myself to work on, I am not perfect but I know I'm trying my best as long as this whole relationship is concern

1 Like

Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by ilovemylife: 5:11pm On May 16, 2016
Dammiesugar:
Even if you show him the evidence, he might confess and apologise but be prepared for the worst in the marriage. Look else my dear, there are still alot of responsible men out there moreover work on yourself cos you seem dependant. Get a good job

I have a very good job and I even owe my won business apart from working for the government, so I am no where dependant on him.
I have been thinking on which area to work on myself cos although I'm not a perfect woman, I know I have given in my best to this relationship
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by robosky02(m): 5:12pm On May 16, 2016
.@ ilovemylife:

I met a guy of 31 through my elder sister, last year February. He started asking me out but because I just came out of a bad relationship, I told him that I am not yet ready to go into a relationship now but he hanged on until August, by then we had become good friends and we started dating.


RULE 1. never rush into a relationship especially when the old wound is not completely healed.



But three months into the relationship I noticed that my boyfriend has a thing with a lady that stays in the same street with me, a lady I have known all my life cos we grew up together, I confronted him and he told me that it was just a Fling and nothing more, so I told him to please stop whatever he is doing with the girl because we know each other and he promised too. I trusted him to because I can't be going around checking up on a man old enough to take care of himself. So during his birthday this year, he told me the girl called him to wish him happy birthday and asked him hope she will be getting an invite for the party, so he asked me if he should invite her, I told him he can that I don't have a problem with that. So he invited her for the birthday party and she came for the party and my boyfriend introduced me to her as his girlfriend, in that same party my boyfriend gave me the surprise of my life when he asked me to marry him and I accepted.

RULE 2: its better to start on a clean slat then enter a relationship where you have to deal with the EX, baggage's, just-but-inseperable-friends especially the opp sex

We are now planning for our traditional wedding which is coming up July but I was shocked to find out that my husband to be is still sleeping with that same girl because I stumble on their whatsapp chat. I feel like my world is crashing before my very eyes, I am so confused, what should I do. I haven't confronted him yet and I am not ready to because I don't want another series of lies and deceit. This is man that has taken very good care of my financial but what of emotional and again it's not all about money for me because I am not going to be a poor wife.


RULE 3: What you can't control in courtship will become a monster in marriage.
He can't be IN-LOVE with you and still be carrying the other girl like laptop bag every where.
you must SPEAK UP. communication is the key, you know what

tell him you are putting the wedding on hold for this, and watch his reaction.
if he truly loves you. then he will come clean. but if not his ACTION will tell


"Should I walk out of this relationship and cancel the wedding plans? I am so confused now, because if he truly loves me as he claims, he should be able to respect me, another question I wanted to ask him is this, why that lady.

RULE 4:
Most jealous girls will always want what you have just to get at you. she wished she is the one getting him hmm so the only way is to keep doing this...
call him to his senses and let him STOP or you will stop. if he is your man he will turn completely but if he is not
LET HIM GO WITH THE WIND...

mind you she is playing the spoiler.


Please nairalanders, what should I do, confront him or what, I have even discussed this with any of my family member. And since this incident I have been very down, so many thought have been crossing my mind.


RULE 5:
Learn to pray by yourself.
you will get a thousand advise here but pray and follow your heart

wish you the best decision

NB: will be 27 by August

1 Like

Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by patpaul: 5:15pm On May 16, 2016
Confront him with your evidence. Whatever is his defence or reason or arguement, pospone the wedding till end of the year while you watch him change or continue, then you take your final decision.
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Vision4God: 5:15pm On May 16, 2016
@ilovemylife
Marry him at ur own risk.
My opinion :
-dont rush in2 marriage-put it on hold
-iron issues out wt him n decide weda 2 continue or not.
-PRAY PRAY PRAY
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by MyLady11(m): 5:16pm On May 16, 2016
I guess he is Casanova
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by D2diff: 5:16pm On May 16, 2016
I know it is a stereotype. This si not about whether or not it is true. smiley


Wow at your aunt. When I say women cheat. People have no idea how common it is. They believe that it is only the negligible few that cheat..
HaneefahRN:



Doveda, don't bring nurses and Drs into this
Most of what you heard are exaggerations and lies plus imaginations born out of Nollywood films.


But I'm not disputing what you are trying say though. A married female friend ( a well off woman) of my aunt was telling her how she and some friends enjoy their lives (cheat), I just open mouth. My aunt just put her at arm's length .These are women you would never think are involved in such, and their husbands will also be feeling smart while cheating on them. Marriage is loosing it's meaning.
Re: Should I Cancel My Marriage Plans? by Lotechi(m): 5:21pm On May 16, 2016
this is a tough one!!! I think u shud try talking to him Abt it and from his response u would knw if u shud still go on or quit. NB a guy may love u so much buh still cheat!! so think Abt dis b4 making any decision. God bless

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