omar22:

on the other hand,


Whats wrong with her call the cops? should she wait for him to knock 7 bells out of her, in 1995 a Nigerian beat his wife to death only because she didn't want to call the police due to his immigration status, she died because of blood clot to the brain but the husband thought he was dishing out a lesson (well that's what he said in court).

Look I would tell any woman, "if the husband is dishing out a beating to you" you have a duty to report him, run or wait and see how strong your chin is when he lands the blows

I'm glad you finally see where I'm coming from. . .I lost a family friend to this same issue and almost lost an aunt to this same issue. . .The bastard kept on beating her. . .and she was then 7months pregnant with her twins.  . .now in such situation some blind peeps would come and tell me she should have still stayed married to a demented fool who can beat up a pregnant woman just because she wants to keep the married status?

geez some women need to be woken up!

For the love of God, why should she call the cops or start bring inlaws in? she said it is not something he does regularly though he hit her once previously. i am not and have never been in support of a man that beat his wife but calling the cops here makes no sense.
Both of you were wrong hitting you while you held the baby is just insane i am trying to understand that. why would he have done that? are you sure you were telling him to come back in the house or insulting him? he must have been out of his mind and angry at that stage i dout if he was even thinking at all though that is not an excuse.
hitting him the next day with a stick was insane as well. two wrongs never made a right
Madam i suggest you leave inlaw people out of this matter, leave police first i beg you. call your husband, if it goes to voice mail fine. just call him make sure he is ok let him know he is needed at home. i suggest speaking to a trusted family friend or pastor if you guys are christians. an impartial party who will advise you both and let him know its big sin to beat a woman and if you provoke him or you are too haughty, the time is right to take lessons in humility. please please please pray too and apologise to him. if he has enough sense he should apologise too (if not for anything for hitting you while you held the baby)even though he might be to proud to do it first. keep talking all the time rmb communication. it is well

your story funny with style sha

Please watch those that advise you call the cops- Kindly separate their culture from ours, pick those that can give you happy home and discard the so call ' I am your wife for God sake' Remember he is your Husband too . I dont know if you are a Muslim or Christian but both book separate the role of Husband and wife, there is a way you will eat your food and you will be call thief (proverb). You did not ask him to stay back in the feminine voice expected of a wife. He is avoiding crisis ,that is why he always leave the house. You should have been more submissive (not saying you turn to a fool) . Some men will not do the best thing that is good for them because a woman ordered them to do it. Meanwhile tell your In laws about everything and please when all this is over (Gods willing) try and open a good communication medium between you and your Husband. Avoid third party advise to influence you. Marriage is sweet after all. The Bible said a good wife protect her home(I dont know the verse -I am sorry)  I wish you all the best. Send a text message and show how sorry you are even though he hurts you. Later when both of you are in good mood. You let him know what he always do that hurts you. May Almighty God guides and guards you more.

One writer mentioned abt drugs so chek if he's unda drugs to start wt. Bt dialogue wl do d magic.

Please try and call him and trace him to his work place.

Kindly take this as an advice. Never in your life fight with your husband again whether wrong or bad. Also since you know that whenever you engage in an argument it always trigger, next, once your argment get to that level you just try to stop the topic and do something else. This will put an end to urgly situtations like this.

Just take it calm and take care of your baby.

Meanwhile tell your In laws about everything [/b]and please when all this is over (Gods willing) try and open a good communication medium between you and your Husband. [b]Avoid third party advise to influence you

For the love of God why in heavens name should she tell her inlaws things and at the same time avoid third party?
i have never understood why my husband would do something and i'd call his brother or mother to report him. Tell them that what now, report him when i'd be doing myself harm.The average attitude of the Nigerian inlaws is scary why would i want to do this to myself? A man i married my friend and i cant reason with him or get an impartial third party to speak with him in the worse case scenerio. God forbid! sometimes we women cause trouble for ourselves. one thing is that your husband's brother, mother, father, sister would always be loyal to him. Even if he breaks your head with a motar their son will always be the good one and tomorrow what you tell them they will use against you. i stand to be corrected

why should she call the cops or start bring inlaws in

So she should sit around and wait for "Busta Douglas" to come around and rain blows on the wife,

Which part of the weaker vessels people dont understand?

[b]Remember Jesus said, he that lives by the sword dies by the sword. Its true. Am surprised so far that no one has mentioned anything about being humble. This does not mean you should turn the other cheek. But I long learnt that in marriage, a substantial amount of the time, the woman has to just keep silent. And i mean it literally. When he shouts, dont shout back. When he insults dont insult back. It is very difficult to acquire this trait but practice and patience and long suffering are major contributing factors. Now, remember darling, you have a baby. The last thing any mother would want is have her children grow up in a violent and unrespectable environment. Whatever you do for now, make sure it entails the baby's interest okay. Your child is a living soul and it needs just as much consideration as your self.

As for your husband, I pray he will calm down and return to his senses. DO NOT, and i repeat, DO NOT ever fight back a man. They are strong, honey. And DO NOT let yourself be beat by anyone. He has no right whatsoever to touch you. Talk to someone you trust because this, cause this thing may depress you and eat at your heart. But most importantly, be humble and ask him to return so you can work things out. You both must do this because neither of you is married to him/herself. Take the blame if you have to (for the sake of peace) and trust me, doing that will be like placing a heap of burning coal on his head. It always works. And he will just be touched by how much grace your heart can accomodate. And ultimately, do not hesitate to forgive him. Always forgive, no matter how much it hurts because its for you very own self and not for him. You get me dear? Be strong, and be wise. [/b]

stories like this annoy me so much.

the guy beat you up and you are the one saying sorry in the morning? abeg call the cops on him quick quick. let the justice system decide if he deserves a second chance.

you go out and have an affair next time you are fighting and see if he gives you a second chance. So he hit you once already and you say that was "just one smash" are you faakin kidding me?

at least you are even better. you fought back. if he comes back home, just tell him you love him and all but you are going to buy yourself a gun for self defense because you have to guarantee your safety and that of your child when he looses his mind like that . just tell him that. he will certainly think more than twice.

Hey lady don't forget you are from Africa please let people at home know what is happening before you take any action for your sake there is no way you can avoid you can avoid Extended family, Inlaw palava unless you don't want to come back to naija because your husband don't seem to be a lover, father, and a gentleman and it will take only prayer for somebody like him to repent being a woman beater and please dont risk your life take necessary action now!!!

shesi:

stories like this annoy me so much.

the guy beat you up and you are the one saying sorry in the morning? abeg call the cops on him quick quick. let the justice system decide if he deserves a second chance.

you go out and have an affair next time you are fighting and see if he gives you a second chance. So he hit you once already and you say that was "just one smash" are you faakin kidding me?

at least you are even better. you fought back. if he comes back home, just tell him you love him and all but you are going to buy yourself a gun for self defense because you have to guarantee your safety and that of your child when he looses his mind like that . just tell him that. he will certainly think more than twice.

excellent!!!!

Poster pls ask him if he can do this if hes in your situation

Mister
when they lock her husband up, will you become her husband?
when she starts sleeping outside, will that guarantee hapiness?

delete your post

omar22:


So she should sit around and wait for "Busta Douglas" to come around and rain blows on the wife,

Which part of the weaker vessels people dont understand?

I understand all part of the weaker vessel thing. i dont condone violence and if anyone should be doing women's right now trust me i should be the one dont let me expantiate. go back and read her post sadly the man hit her once in the past but basically he is not a violent man she said it herself. he does not know there is a better way in handling issues he needs to learn that. A real man would not hit a woman and worse still a woman holding his own child. i shudder to think of it. some people carry their issues into marriage and need to work on them. this might be an area for him. from her first post and the tone i am lead to believe it was a case he was probably not thinking straight. he has alot to learn obviously. Inshort both would need to work on somethings in years to come when they look back they would feel ashamed they once acted like that and then be a source of help to young couples. i am not married but i know this, the way my father acted when i was in primary school was definately not what i continued seeing as i grew older. people learn and grow in marriage.
bringing family members into the matter via phone or calling the cops is not the way forward. Giving up on the marriage is not either. if it was a case of an abusive marriage plagued with constant beating and insults i wont hold the same view

I do not believe what the woman says about him hitting her only once. I've studied women in abusive relationships, and I have come to realize one common characterstics they all share. Most times these women do not even know they are being abused and make excuses for the abuser.

rave2u:

I do not believe what the woman says about him hitting her only once. I've studied women in abusive relationships, and I have come to realize one common characterstics they all share. Most times these women do not even know they are being abused and make excuses for the abuser.

No wahala lets flip the coin. Say you are right what would you advise her to do now or say she should have done?

See advice!!!

Why shouldn't she tell her in-laws?

excellent!!!!

Poster pls ask him if he can do this if hes in your situation

Mister
when they lock her husband up, will you become her husband?
when she starts sleeping outside, will that guarantee hapiness?

delete your post

all inconsequential questions. in that case who are any of us or anybody for that matter to offer her advice. i suppose you think she should play it cool, so ask yourself those your questions? if she stays and get beat more and killed, is that you suffering?

what i will do in her situation is exactly what i'm telling her to do. that is , not allow any man to beat you up and think he can get away with it.

the sleeping outside was not a suggestion. it was a scenario to make a point. which i see you missed. suprise suprise.

it's an open forum buddy. you say yours i say mine.

touchmeder:

For the love of God, why should she call the cops or start bring inlaws in? she said it is not something he does regularly though he hit her once previously. i am not and have never been in support of a man that beat his wife but calling the cops here makes no sense.
Both of you were wrong hitting you while you held the baby is just insane i am trying to understand that. why would he have done that? are you sure you were telling him to come back in the house or insulting him?  he must have been out of his mind and angry at that stage i dout if he was even thinking at all though that is not an excuse.
hitting him the next day with a stick was insane as well. two wrongs never made a right
Madam i suggest you leave inlaw people out of this matter, leave police first i beg you. call your husband, if it goes to voice mail fine. just call him make sure he is ok let him know he is needed at home. i suggest speaking to a trusted family friend or pastor if you guys are christians. an impartial party who will advise you both and let him know its  big sin to beat a woman and if you provoke him or you are too haughty, the time is right to take lessons in humility. please please please pray too and apologise to him. if he has enough sense he should apologise too (if not for anything for hitting you while you held the baby)even though he might be to proud to do it first. keep talking all the time rmb communication. it is well

your story funny with style sha

i was enjoying you until the apology section.  what is there to apologise to in a wife abuser?

i dont know why some of u excuse these nasty piece of work.  if he can beat up his mrs what happens if i met her in a parking lot and i dont like the way she looked at me and threaten to beat her up will he say she deserves to to be beaten as that is his custom?

seriously,  am all for keeping things but when it gets to fighting and using weapons you need to get get the inlaws involved before someone does a gone too soon obituary

ThoniaSlim:

I'm glad you finally see where I'm coming from. . .I lost a family friend to this same issue and almost lost an aunt to this same issue. . .The bastard kept on beating her. . .and she was then 7months pregnant with her twins.  . .now in such situation some blind peeps would come and tell me she should have still stayed married to a demented fool who can beat up a pregnant woman just because she wants to keep the married status?

geez some women need to be woken up!

so many peep talking dont call the cops have not seen this up close and personal that is why they keep saying dont call police like it ius normal headache.  these nastiness leads to serious damage. a friends wife still get friengtened for doors getting slammed becos that was her ex husband stock in trade.  most violent people dont dont know the emotional and phycical trauma they cause people they say they love by their insecurities and violence.

omar22:


The guy could easily walk away and wait for her to cool down, raging woman could do anything when they are angry and they dont fight fairly, if a gun is in sight dont be shocked if she heads for it,  

 as you know i dont support any form of abuse but insinuating here the women are ALWAYS wrong as  you have been doing here is shameless.  how many of your sisters will you like a man abusing?

tkb417:

call the cops?
what if shes the one always on the assault?
the story didnt say

 do you wonder what makes her always want to assault?

Omowunmimi:

Please watch those [b] that advise you call the cops- Kindly separate their culture from ours, pick those that can give you happy home and discard the so call ' I am your wife for God sake' Remember he is your Husband too . [/b]I dont know if you are a Muslim or Christian but both book separate the role of Husband and wife, there is a way you will eat your food and you will be call thief (proverb). You did not ask him to stay back in the feminine voice expected of a wife. He is avoiding crisis ,that is why he always leave the house. You should have been more submissive (not saying you turn to a fool) . Some men will not do the best thing that is good for them because a woman ordered them to do it. Meanwhile tell your In laws about everything and please when all this is over (Gods willing) try and open a good communication medium between you and your Husband. Avoid third party advise to influence you. Marriage is sweet after all. The Bible said a good wife protect her home(I dont know the verse -I am sorry)  I wish you all the best. Send a text message and show how sorry you are even though he hurts you. Later when both of you are in good mood. You let him know what he always do that hurts you. May Almighty God guides and guards you more.

i always suspected this thing was cultural until i lived amongst other people who abuse their wives too but mainly becos of achohol and drugs unlike nigeria.  

You should have been more submissive (not saying you turn to a fool) . Some men will not do the best thing that is good for them because a woman ordered them to do it.

. you are preparing yourself and mind for some abuse becos you believe there is a tone of voice that prevents abuse.   abusive relationships is about control and domination.  fair enough being nigerian is a disadvantage to tone of voice that is no excuse for abuse.  if the jerk has to be trained how the mum should have trained him by locking him up that is good for the society.  we dont want a society that people just wake up thinking they can abuse someone and get away with it.
you are looking for  

Proverbs 14 : 1  EVERY WISE woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands

 you must know some good and Godly women patiently building homes that some fornicating and good for nothing men are tearing down too.  that scripture was not meant as another weapon against women.

Hey lady don't forget you are from Africa

Here we go again! because she is an African does that automatically mean she is a punching bag, the reason why it still happens today or it looks like a norm among Africans is because its one of those knowledge being passed down from generation to generation, a boy that saw his father beat the living daylight out of his mother is more likely to do the same to his wife unless he breaks that stronghold! no wonder the western world still think we live in tress! one little our culture is thrown into the mix as an excuse!

am not saying because things got physical the first time it automatically means the end of the manager, but when it becomes regular or a set pattern am sorry that marriage has run its course but hey, who am I?

I know of a man who beats his wife almost everyday afterwards have sex with her which I cant get my head round to me its rape! now if you see the life of the children it mirrors the parents,

when they lock her husband up, will you become her husband?
when she starts sleeping outside, will that guarantee hapiness?

"Things are beautiful during its time"

tkb417:

excellent!!!!

Poster pls ask him if he can do this if hes in your situation

Mister
when they lock her husband up, will you become her husband?
when she starts sleeping outside, will that guarantee hapiness?

delete your post

 TKB original. shey u used to be some bleaching soap?  you never leave getting under women skin abi?  no worry give alaba fone number here u hear.

becos she cant get happiness outside she should stay protecting an abuser inside.  i love your style.  you need to go see a couple of graves of women sent to great beyond becos of this insanity.

@Topic. Please, if u really love ur husband, don't ever do anything to make him feel bad again. It isn't a sign of a commitment in ur marriage. Try and make ur husband understand how bad u feel about the way he treats u with sincerity. At least, for once he will know that he too needs a change for the benefit of ur marriage.(I mean if he sees that u're willing to change.) Talk to God always esp. in a situation like this cos' He knows how to handle it even in a way u may never know or understand!

He hit you what sort of a sorry arse dude hits a woman

Hey people
Dont let us blame this lady ok, she is still nursing a 7month old child remember, she has so many hormones runing her body. I think the man is the one to blame here cos he is the head of the home (when i say head am not reffering to being a boss, explanation later)

This is where maturity comes in, being married for 3years now, i do have arguments with my wife but to lay my hands on her is the worst thing i beleive any man can do to a woman.

I cant even lay hands on any woman talkless my wife. The man should be matured and have self control.

I love the way he goes out when the arguement is hot, maybe its to cool his nerves so as to avoid any physical violence on the wife.
Lady, you should have allowed him to leave even if it was 10.30 pm , haba since u guys aint living in naija!

Anyways, i think  you should do the ffg

1. Pray to God to forgive you both and ask God to protect him wherever he is, beleive me the devil will want to capitalise on this issue to attack your good home

2. Send him an SMS and apologise and remind him of your undying love for him ( he may not respond immediately beleive me he is not himself wherever he is right now and he is missing home, and pride is preventing him from coming home)

3. He will come home ok, so relax.

and for you.

pls work on yourself cos two wrongs never make a right. avoid being angry togther,  meaning when he is angry you try and chill. when u now see him happy you can then blow out your mind

I pray God will keep your home and i know He will, thiis is just one of the tests your marriage must go through
And when he finally come , pls dont ask him questions ok, just encourage him to have his bath and serve him good pounded yam and egusi, (sorry i tot it was me)

Grace and PEace!
3

am thinking of calling my mum and tell her

so?

Be strong girl, dont call mum yet.

spikedcylinder:

Ol' girl, you don enter am!

HABA Spikedcylinder

Thats not what she wants to hear lol.

@Poster
You got everything wrong from the begining. The best way for a man to handle his temper over his wife I believe is to walk out of the house temporary and allow everything die down. You would have allowed him go wherever he intends going. Speak soothing words when he comes around and let him understand what marriages are all about.

Am confused myself but I'll suggest you let the parents know about it unless if you are not in good terms with his family.

Omowunmimi:

Please watch those that advise you call the cops- Kindly separate their culture from ours, pick those that can give you happy home and discard the so call ' I am your wife for God sake' Remember he is your Husband too . I dont know if you are a Muslim or Christian but both book separate the role of Husband and wife, there is a way you will eat your food and you will be call thief (proverb). You did not ask him to stay back in the feminine voice expected of a wife. He is avoiding crisis ,that is why he always leave the house. You should have been more submissive (not saying you turn to a fool) . Some men will not do the best thing that is good for them because a woman ordered them to do it. Meanwhile tell your In laws about everything and please when all this is over (Gods willing) try and open a good communication medium between you and your Husband. Avoid third party advise to influence you. Marriage is sweet after all. The Bible said a good wife protect her home(I dont know the verse -I am sorry) I wish you all the best. Send a text message and show how sorry you are even though he hurts you. Later when both of you are in good mood. You let him know what he always do that hurts you. May Almighty God guides and guards you more.

Supported!

shesi:

all inconsequential questions. in that case who are any of us or anybody for that matter to offer her advice. i suppose you think she should play it cool, so ask yourself those your questions? if she stays and get beat more and killed, is that you suffering?

what i will do in her situation is exactly what i'm telling her to do. that is , not allow any man to beat you up and think he can get away with it.

the sleeping outside was not a suggestion. it was a scenario to make a point. which i see you missed. suprise suprise.

it's an open forum buddy. you say yours i say mine.

not up in arms against you hombre
2 wrongs wont make no right!

i hear you about helping herself not getting hit subsequently, but we all know these things wont work when they all go gung ho
dialogue is the still the best way

i insist, the woman might be responsible for the aggro in tht house.
Only the woman can tell us cos she was silent on that

GEW:

 TKB original. shey u used to be some bleaching soap?  you never leave getting under women skin abi?  no worry give alaba fone number here u hear.

becos she cant get happiness outside she should stay protecting an abuser inside.  i love your style.  you need to go see a couple of graves of women sent to great beyond becos of this insanity.

love ur sense of humour. no pun intended
but i didnt get wht u posted (first paragraph)

Cant comment when i dont really know both sides + everyone describes their side of a dispute in the best way BUT i think you should ask him if it was fair to have left the kid alone,his answer will let you know if he's a wasteman or not, U cant run off everytime when you have a kid, meanwhile, sweet texting is the way forward