Hitting him back wasn't a wise choice. . .sorry I would have called the cops were I in that situation. . .screw what anyone says. . .he hit you once without even considering your baby. . .he would do it again!

Dear Poster,

Let me first of all acknowledge the honesty in your story.

I am a woman like you, married for 4 years now. I presume you are a stubborn woman like me so I will put myself in your shoes.
The very first mistake you made in this matter was to have called him back when he made his way out. Men usually do this when they want to avoid beating their wives and you should have left him to go away and cool down. That would have saved the day. how do we train up people believing fighting is ok let alone beating?. i know we have some shameless insulting lunatics amongst our women but that is no excuse to beat up any woman.

Your second mistake is that you have accepted beating as part of your marriage. Otherwise, the very first time it happened should have been the last if you handled it very well. Once upon a time, in the heat of a quarrel, I dared my husband and he hit me just slightly. The first thing I did was to call his role models - his sister and his uncle and told them every thing. My husband couldnt believe I could go that far for a 'little' hit, he felt ashamed and sober. Its been almost a year now and I keep reminding him each time he asks me why I am less romantic these days.

Your third mistake is that you lack respect for your husband, otherwise you would not exchange words with him or hit him with a stick regardless. You husband seem to lack respect for you too, but let me tell you one truth, 'Respect demands respect'. Show some respect and you will most likely see a reciprocal.

Now my advise for you is try to be sure he is fine but dont let him know you are looking for him. it may be hard, but let him get over it himself. Call one of his close family members (just one trusted family memeber) and tell him/her the whole story. Then tell the police about his disappearance. Continue with your life. I hope you are working and can fend for yourself.

I am a woman like you, married for 4 years now. I presume you are a stubborn woman like me so I will put myself in your shoes.
The very first mistake you made in this matter was to have called him back when he made his way out. Men usually do this when they want to avoid beating their wives and you should have left him to go away and cool down. That would have saved the day.

Your second mistake is that you have accepted beating as part of your marriage. Otherwise, the very first time it happened should have been the last if you handled it very well. Once upon a time, in the heat of a quarrel, I dared my husband and he hit me just slightly. The first thing I did was to call his role models - his sister and his uncle and told them every thing. My husband couldnt believe I could go that far for a 'little' hit, he felt ashamed and sober. Its been almost a year now and I keep reminding him each time he asks me why I am less romantic these days.

davidif:

The bible says that a soft answer calms an angry man. A lot of women need to learn this. When a man is not in a good mood, especially if he is very angry, don't say things that would make him lose his temper. I am sure the woman was yelling at her husband and being sassy with him. The bible does not approve of a contentious woman. Women should have the wisdom to study there husband's moods and know when he is in a happy one and when he is a joyous one, but a lot of woman don't care, they are just very, very contentious.

Thank goodness, i no wan marry naija woman. I HATE STUBBORN PEOPLE.
The bible says in 1 Corinthians 13 that love keeps no record of wrongs.

stillwater:

Ok, the bible. . .

The bible also says be slow to anger. It also says "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth". Why when we talk about qualities like meekness, humility, and gentleness it becomes qualities that only the woman should comply by in a marriage whereas the bible tells us every one of us should apply these qualities.
Does God approve of a man being violent?
Would God bypass an angry violent man on judgment day because he was not in a good mood and unfortunately his wife yelled at him?
Take Adam for example when he was queried by God. The first thing he did was to put the blame on Eve. Didn't God lay curses on both of them? Was Adam exempt from punishment?

Please, try to be objective when you intend to use God in your argument.

THE BIBLE WAS NOT MADE FOR THE WOMAN ALONE!!!

bros1234:

This lady is not married so pls disregard her. She is still looking for miracle husband.

This is the best advise in this thread. Listen to it or you will soon be a single parent

tamarack:

Please i need your help here,i was trying to get somewhere to narrate my ordeal
and i now found this place.I had a fight with my husband on thursday night,what
transpired btw us was that we had an argument and he opened the door to leave
the house around 10:30-11pm because that is what he always do anytime we have
misunderstanding and am not against it because he comes back before 9:30pm,but on
that thursday it was late to go out ,so when i heard door closed,i know he was leaving as
usual,so i opened the door and told him,he should come back that its late or i will lock the
door.i was holding our baby bc we have a 7month old baby inside the kitchen,all of a sudden,
he came over me and started beating me ,the baby had to fall down from my hand crying and
he didn't stop b4 i could gain my balance he had dashed off.So i waited for him to come back bc
that is what he does anytime our argument escalates to verbal words ,he would hit me and i have
been warning him bc we leave outside the country and if i dare report him to cops.so i waited for him to come back,so when he came back,i used i a stick and hit him back and warned him let today be first and last he would hit me.

So to cut the long story short he seized my stick and we started quarrelling ,he went outside to throw the
stick away,i locked him up unless he bring back my stick ,he smashed the glass and came inside ,that time am already in the bedroom,in the morning he parked all his bag and left us to work,he hasn't called or come home.Am all alone in this place bc we just relocated ,i dont have friends,his family has been calling but i told them he is at work.I have never called him or even ask of him in his place of work to make sure he is there,we love each other and he is not having an affair,i know that.And this is the first time this is happening.I dont know what to do,and i have a programme i will start next month.

spikedcylinder:

All these useless POVs sef.
If a man hits a woman, its because she provoked him. Why don't you try and hit Mike Tyson while at it? Or is this the first woman that will provoke you? Has your mother never provoked you? Why don't you hit her when she does?
Shior.

tems777:

guys this is my take on this touching matter:
I am married for two years and I can feel what is happening. If you note how the poster presented the case, she was kind of conceding that she was the guilty party.
These things happen in a marriage and it has, unfortunately, happened to me before and it was really something similar, I tried to get out because I knew I was losing my temper but my hubby would not let me and BANG!. I adore my wife and we are really, really in love and I am very much a born-again christian but these things happen, no matter how disciplined you are, sometimes. Now I am 34 and I have NEVER HIT ANYBODY ELSE IN MY LIFE , so I definitely am not violent and I know a lot of people look up to me.

Now with all due respect to women, they can say things that would drive their husbands mad sometimes but notwithstanding men should still be men enough not to hit their wives.
but @poster, let calling the police be the last choice , in fact dont ever do it. it never really achieves anything good but it is guaranteed to bring bad things. Imagine if my wife called the police on me the time it happened to us? it would have destroyed all of us. But we wlked through it and we are even happier.
All the people talking about police,divorce etc are talking rubbish, what guarantees do you have that if for some reason you decide to let your husband go to jail and you separate you wont get a worse man? besides, I dont think this is a case of a bad guy. just that emotions were running high. he was even trying to run, same as me, I wasnt better than that guy but I have learnt more things now and I believe you have a very good husband.
The key to solving things are: 1. prayer and 2. talk extensively through it.
make a list of the things you are doing wrong (verbal / abusive nature might be one) and determine to change. stick it somewhere in your bedroom and get your husband to do the same. talk every end of the month to see how much progress you have made. Review things.
as per your husband having not returned home yet, please call him, go to his office and say sorry. Every man needs to feel like a king. Afterwards, he will make his own apology , then try my advice after this.

This worked for us, hope it would work for you. Besides, talk to his mother(assuming she is a supportive mum, mine always is supportive of my wife.) .
Another thing, never let a single lady, most especially these westernized ones advice you on marriage issue , I beg of you. Or else you will destroy the good thing God has created for you.
A word they say,
may the peace of GOD take control in your home. Amen
[/quote/]

stillwater:

Ok, the bible. . .

The bible also says be slow to anger. It also says "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth". Why when we talk about qualities like meekness, humility, and gentleness it becomes qualities that only the woman should comply by in a marriage whereas the bible tells us every one of us should apply these qualities.
Does God approve of a man being violent?
Would God bypass an angry violent man on judgment day because he was not in a good mood and unfortunately his wife yelled at him?
Take Adam for example when he was queried by God. The first thing he did was to put the blame on Eve. Didn't God lay curses on both of them? Was Adam exempt from punishment?

Please, try to be objective when you intend to use God in your argument.

THE BIBLE WAS NOT MADE FOR THE WOMAN ALONE!!!

say-d-fact:

the poor lady asked for an advise, what advise wld u say u just gave, any?? be real 4once.

OMO IBO:

It is always the young and single ones who scream and bark 'call the cops'.

While i do not condone anyform of physical violence especially in a married home i also do not think calling the security agents would do anything good for a/your marriage.

It is not in my place to tell you or any other married couple how to run their home but one thing i have come to realise is that a man is less likely to lay a finger on you if do not stop him from getting out of an arguement which in this case is when you stopped him from leaving the house cos you thought it was too late.

When we were younger, my parents had arguements (not in our presence. But we always knew) but my dads way of managing the situation was to leave the house. Back then I always thought dad was never going to come back. But each time, he came back with a big smile on his face with some boxes of shoes from 'BATA'. Within a couple of hours my parents would be on there way out to somewhere i do not know.

I am not married and won't be for a few years at least. One thing i do know is marriage is not a bed of roses.

say-d-fact:

the poor lady asked for an advise, what advise wld u say u just gave, any?? be real 4once.

ThiefOfHearts:

There's a difference between advice and advise.

Dear Poster,

Let me first of all acknowledge the honesty in your story.

I am a woman like you, married for 4 years now. I presume you are a stubborn woman like me so I will put myself in your shoes.
The very first mistake you made in this matter was to have called him back when he made his way out. Men usually do this when they want to avoid beating their wives and you should have left him to go away and cool down. That would have saved the day. how do we train up people believing fighting is ok let alone beating?. i know we have some shameless insulting lunatics amongst our women but that is no excuse to beat up any woman.

Your second mistake is that you have accepted beating as part of your marriage. Otherwise, the very first time it happened should have been the last if you handled it very well. Once upon a time, in the heat of a quarrel, I dared my husband and he hit me just slightly. The first thing I did was to call his role models - his sister and his uncle and told them every thing. My husband couldnt believe I could go that far for a 'little' hit, he felt ashamed and sober. Its been almost a year now and I keep reminding him each time he asks me why I am less romantic these days.

Your third mistake is that you lack respect for your husband, otherwise you would not exchange words with him or hit him with a stick regardless. You husband seem to lack respect for you too, but let me tell you one truth, 'Respect demands respect'. Show some respect and you will most likely see a reciprocal.

Now my advise for you is try to be sure he is fine but dont let him know you are looking for him. it may be hard, but let him get over it himself. Call one of his close family members (just one trusted family memeber) and tell him/her the whole story. Then tell the police about his disappearance. Continue with your life. I hope you are working and can fend for yourself.