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Untitled / Untitled Fiction / Untitled Fantasy Novel: Read And Review,people! (2) (3) (4)

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Untitled by maedan(f): 11:41pm On Sep 05, 2009
Chapter One

 The three friends: Tiara, Itoro and Kessy, could not exactly be called party freaks, but they were known to enjoy having a good time. So when they got the invitation to Henry Obiora’s birthday bash, they were over the moon.
  Henry was only the eldest son of a rich and influential statesman, and had finished from a private all-boys secondary school, a “brother” school to the girls’ college the three friends had attended. It was a few months after their school leaving exams, every one was so relieved it was all over, and a gig that promised to be the party of the year was just what the girls needed to get their mind off their upcoming exam results.
  “Babes, I found the most fantastic jeans at the shops yesterday,” Itoro gushed that afternoon. It was a mere two days to the fateful night and they were all congregated in Tiara’s house. Her parents were at work, and her younger siblings were off at school, so they had the house blissfully to themselves.
 “You went shopping without us?” Kessy shrieked. That was like the height of betrayal.
 Itoro held up her hands. “It wasn’t planned, trust me. My elder sister suggested I accompany her to find a pair of shoes for the wedding she’s attending this weekend. You know how she is; we ended up spending the whole day trawling the whole market for just one wretched pair. To compensate me for the time and effort it took partaking in the ordeal, she offered to buy me a pair of jeans I was eyeing in one shop. Who was I to refuse?” She shrugged.
  “Who indeed,” Tiara murmured, walking in from the kitchen with two bottles of coke, which she handed to her friends. “So, were they designers or what?”
 “You trust me now,” Itoro grinned. “Bill Blass. The perfect shade of navy blue – fits like a glove. I’m wearing it with my pink sequinned spag top.”
  “If you’re wearing spag, that means I have just got to wear my own white-and-black one,” Kessy said promptly.
 Tiara rolled her eyes. “We don’t all have to wear the same thing, girls. People would think we were a set of triplets or something,” she teased. Of course that would never happen, since they looked nothing alike. Tiara was tall, dark, slim yet shapely. Itoro was on the short side, with an impish, pretty round face and very fair skin. Kessy, short for Kessiana, was a bit on the large side, very tall, with long dark hair she kept in natural cornrows. All three were beautiful in their own way, and were as close as sisters, having been friends since kindergarten. They’d attended the same schools since they were six, and were thick as thieves.
 “So what are you going to wear?” Kessy asked pointedly.
 “My Hello Kitty t-shirt, I guess,” Tiara said, shrugging.
 Itoro groaned. “Ti-ti, you’ve worn that like a hundred times!”
 “I have not! Just once. Or twice.” She shrugged again. It was her favourite shirt, of course. For now. She was like that; once she liked an item, she could wear it all the time to the exclusion of everything else in her extensive wardrobe. Until she fell in love with the next favourite thing.
 “You wore it to that D’banj concert we went to last week – and then to Aisha’s party the week earlier. Every one would think that’s the only decent thing you’ve got if you show up in it at the party!”
 “Party? What party?”
 All the girls turned to find that Max, Tiara’s brother, had come into the sitting room. He dumped a bunch of car keys on the dining table and came to sit next to his sister on the couch. He was five years older than Tiara, and all her friends adored him because he was so cool. It also helped that he was utterly gorgeous, very laid back and treated them like equals, not kids.
 “Max, you’re back,” his sister smiled adoringly, hugging him. The other girls greeted him with their own smiles of admiration.
  “Yep. I finished my last class a little early today, decided to come home to stay for the weekend. Looks like you girls have got plans.”
 “So you’ll be around on Saturday, the day of the party,” Tiara almost screamed happily. “Oh my God, you must come Max. You have to take us!”
 “Yes, Max,” the other two girls cried in unison. “It’ll be fun!”
 He made a face. “I don’t know girls, I wouldn’t want to be the grandpa figure.”
 His sister threw a cushion at him. “Come on, Max, you’re 21, not 81. Please? We do need a chaperon, after all.”
  “Wow, I get to play babysitter. Cool.” He still looked sceptical, but all of them batting their eyelashes at him, a united look of appeal on all their faces, finally made him sigh in defeat. “Oh alright. It might just turn out to be wild fun, who knows?”
Re: Untitled by semid4lyfe(m): 10:07am On Sep 06, 2009
Nice! So the title of your novel is 'Untitled' ? - lol

The story sounds a bit too pubescent to me sha. I'll be reading to see if there are any twists and turns in the story or it'll go as I expect.

More ink to your pen.
Re: Untitled by Atreus(f): 10:51am On Sep 06, 2009
This is very nice.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 11:22am On Sep 06, 2009
@semid4lyfe
when you write a story about young people, I think you should excuse it for sounding "pubescent" grin lol. This your vocabs sha. I'm learning oo! But seriously, I'm trying to think "young" in order for me to get back to the level of the minds of teens and make this believable. Don't worry, maybe soon I'll post one of my stories with a more mature theme wink.

@Atreus
Thanks. Now you know why I was asking you that question earlier. lt's hard to write about young people/kids etc and how they think, act etc, when you're past that age. I don't know how J.K. Rowling(Harry Potter) does it. Anyway, just to let you know I got some inspiration for this story from you wink.
Re: Untitled by semid4lyfe(m): 12:36pm On Sep 06, 2009
@ Maedan

Abegii, SMS (short message service) jare. No long thing.

More story, less talk.

I'm waiting IMPATIENTLY for the continuation of the story.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 1:23pm On Sep 06, 2009
Ok ok semidi grin kiss, I'll get on MS Word and try to continue, hope something flows. This your impatience is very motivating. Lol.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 6:03pm On Sep 06, 2009
**********            *************           ***********       ***************         ******************



Max looked at his watch one more time. He was already regretting that he agreed to do this – and they hadn’t even left the house. When, finally, his sister and Itoro came down the stairs from Tiara’s bedroom, he rose from his chair.
  “We’re so sorry, Max, I was fixing Itoro’s hair. We’re ready to go now. Remember we still have to pick Kessy.”
  “Yes, I know,” he sighed, then regarded his sister somewhat critically in her t-shirt with a large cat face drawn on it, worn atop a very short jeans skirt and ankle-high suede boots.
  “You know, I think I’m glad I’ll be watching over you girls tonight,” he said with a frown, turning to examine Itoro’s own get-up: a pink spaghetti top studded with dazzling sequins, worn over a pair of jeans that looked so tight it was a wonder how she squeezed into them. She was wearing a pair of very high wedges that still didn’t get her anywhere close to his shoulder. “I’ll have to watch out you don’t get in any trouble with the way you’re dressed.”
  “We can’t be looking that bad,” Tiara teased, leading the way out of the house. She was glad though, that her folks had taken the rest of the family out to visit relatives for the evening. Her dad had given them a midnight curfew, and only because Max was with them. If not, she knew they’d have had to have been back by nine. Left to her mum, Tiara knew, they wouldn’t even be going at all.
  Max still had a disapproving look on his face as he got into the driver’s seat of his Toyota, a sleek hand-me-down from his dad. Tiara got in next to him, while Itoro got in the back. He just prayed he’d be able to endure the next five or six hours before he could get back home and try to study for his mid-semester tests due Monday.
  Kessy didn’t live far away, and in ten minutes they were parked in front of her house. Tiara quickly fished for her mobile phone and rang to tell Kessy they were waiting outside for her.
  She heard Max sigh heavily. “Relax, Max, she said she’d be right out,” she assured him, thinking how cool he looked, though he didn’t seem to have made any obvious effort or worn anything remotely fancy. Just a black and red football jersey with “Gerard” emblazoned at the back, and the Liverpool badge knitted in a corner. His jeans were a light blue, distressed-looking pair, and his shoes were a pair of Nikes. He was really rocking the soccer fan look, and she felt really proud that she could show him off at the party to her friends. Half of them already nursed breathless crushes on him, and their antics when ever he was around was always hilarious. Thankfully, her two closest friends seemed immune to all that rubbish and treated him like he was the adorable elder brother that he was. Turning to glance out the window, she saw Kessy coming out of the gate of the two-storey building.
  “See, Max, there she is. Told you she’d be quick. Wow, she looks hot today.”
  “She does, doesn’t she!” Itoro enthused, “She didn’t wear her own spag after all. Her halter top is so lovely!”
  Max, already switching on the ignition, glanced sideways to see what all the fuss was about, and had to look again in surprise.
  Damn, but Kessy was hot.
  She was dressed in a black cross-over halter, the fabric stretching snugly over her full top half to stop somewhere above her deep, utterly cute navel. She was making quickly up to the car, and her curvy hips swayed and rolled in the fitted pair of white shorts she wore, her legs long and impossibly sexy as they ended in her high-heeled feet. Her customary cornrows ran back and then across one side of her face, the long tails slung forward over one bare shoulder. Max was mesmerised.
  He’d always known Kessy was pretty, all his sister’s friends were. But Kessy was taller than most of them, and unlike the others, his sister included, who still kept their girlish, skinny though nicely-shaped figures, Kessy was already abundantly endowed both top and bottom, as her unbelievably sexy clothes were sufficiently displaying. So this is what all her bulky t-shirts have been hiding, he realised.
She reached his side of the car and smiled endearingly. “Sorry, Max, hope I didn’t take too long.” Close up, she looked even more fantastic, her make-up simple eye shadow and pink lipgloss, but with her lovely braids, everything was such a natural and lovely mix that he was almost speechless.
  “No problem,” he forced out of a suddenly parched throat, shaking himself out of his reverie to get the car started, glad no one seemed to have noticed his unexpected lapse, as once Kessy got in beside Itoro, they all started chatted happily.
    Max was turning into the main road and trying not to steal glimpses of Kessy from the rear view mirror. No, please no, don’t let me fancy Kessy, he found himself thinking in strange, sudden dismay. He’d made a promise to himself long ago that he would never, ever have anything to do with any of his younger sisters’ friends, no matter how cute or sexy – and she had many of them that were both – and now this.  Kessy suddenly appearing looking like a woman in a young girl’s body was doing something to his own young and gradually confused hormones. Unable to help himself, he glanced into the rear view mirror as he stopped for a red light, and blinked when his eyes met Kessy’s. She smiled her sweet, friendly and innocent – or was it? – smile, before she turned to continue talking to Itoro next to her.
  Suddenly annoyed himself, he accelerated as the lights changed to yellow, and practically zoomed forward, making Tiara yelp in protest.
  “Take it easy, will you, Max,” she half-teased, grinning across at him. “I wouldn’t have expected you to be so in a hurry to make it to the party.”
  “Oh, I’m in a hurry indeed – to get it all over with as soon as possible,” he snapped, and immediately felt stupid for it, taking a calming breath and focusing more carefully on his driving.
Re: Untitled by Atreus(f): 7:19pm On Sep 06, 2009
lol at max grin grin. i think i can see where this is going-or maybe not. waiting for more excerpts.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 7:27pm On Sep 06, 2009
Atreus, you being a guy yourself, I'm sure you understand his predicament wink. I have to keep reminding myself they're all under 23. Well, I'm struggling to continue the tale, just started yesterday. I'll see what I can do before the end of tonight wink.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 8:23pm On Sep 06, 2009
The three girls shared surprised looks at Max’s uncharacteristically short attitude. “Max doesn’t seem to be in a good mood,” Itoro whispered low to Kessy.
Kessy shrugged in bewilderment herself – but deep inside, she was smiling. She wasn’t that much of a kid. She’d noticed Max’s reaction to the sight of her, had felt every surreptitious glance he’d been sending her through his mirror. What could she say? She’d been hoping to have this desired effect when she’d found out he’d be going with them. As she’d picked out her outfit, all she’d been thinking was, it was time Max stopped seeing her as his sister’s cute and smart friend.

She’d been stuck on him ever since she was eight years old. And ever since he’d got into university, he’d matured into such a hunk, an intelligent, purposeful and gorgeous hunk. He was now in his final year, barely 21, but with the maturity of someone much, much older. She practically died every time he spoke to her, but she hid her crazy infatuation well. The last thing she wanted to do was incur Tiara’s wrath. Kessy knew how her friend felt about anyone having designs on her precious brother. So she played it smart. But soon, Max would be hers, she vowed.
Re: Untitled by semid4lyfe(m): 8:33pm On Sep 06, 2009
@ Maedan

Wow! Your descriptive ability is second to none.

No twist and turns yet. Still going as expected.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 8:49pm On Sep 06, 2009
Yeee. Semid4lyfe you want to kill me. I never try for today grin?? Twist and turn ko, twist and shout ni. Okay, I'll try my best wink.
Re: Untitled by semid4lyfe(m): 9:56pm On Sep 06, 2009
Maedan, no fall my hand o.

I wan see how this thing between Max and Kessy go play out.

Make u skip all the serenre jare and get to the nitty-gritty of the matter.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 10:00pm On Sep 06, 2009
Nitty-gritty ke?? Don't you see they're underage?? grin. Give me some break, haba. Even sports people get "half-time". Tomorrow is another day wink.
Re: Untitled by dumodust(m): 11:50pm On Sep 06, 2009
you know maedan, the best stories are the ones that are so simple and mundane that they reflect everyday life and identify with real life people. As i read you piece, i could see my sisters in these teens. The 'wearing the same clothing over and over again' part was natural, i knew someone who used to do that.
Girl, you have something that i dont have, this story is so NAIJA-ish! And it's so girlish, you used your female insight well.
I scanned this piece thoroughly looking for faults.i'll still scan it again and again till i find something to say, Otherwise my dear, i feel you're fully on course and believe me, a good start is important but alas, it's not everything. Maintain you trajectory and aim to end well and cure this virus in your system!
Re: Untitled by semid4lyfe(m): 12:17am On Sep 07, 2009
Shuo! Please don't deliberately misinterpret my post.

BTW, no be u write am for kessy se 'But soon, Max would be hers, she vowed?'.

The way I see it - its a battle of wits and willpower ~ Max trying to fight his growing attraction to Kessy and not having anything to do with her, and Kessy determined and scheming to get him at all cost.
Abi, no be so?

Na em be the nitty-gritty wey I dey refer to ~ u know, the interaction between Max and Kessy.

Anyhow sha, no mind my ramblings. Continue the story at your own pace.
Re: Untitled by Nobody: 2:29am On Sep 08, 2009
[b]not bad sis. but still, it sounded like something from Mills & Boons. Did I even get the spelling right?
Anyways, keep it up, and keep trying. Just be stick-to-itive.
But here are some reality checks. Just keep in mind that you are not a writer until you've reached a point where you are almost mentally broken yet you continue to write.
Not, until deep in your heart, your character and story reflects a great messages you so passionately wish to influence the world with.
Not until you question yourself, your sincerity, and compare your own life with that of the character that has suddenly come alive and is in full control of its development.
And besides, a book isnt great, until the story comes vividly alife, when you are no longer the one telling it. Not until it startts taking shape, because your imagination is so powerful, that even when you die, any good writer could finish your work either the way you wanted it or better.
Writing isnt a childish thing. It goes as deep as complete self-discovery. And hey, Dean Koontz once said: "I never write about a gun I have not shoot", meaning, you gotta do a great deal of research. But still, I admire that fact you've written something.
I am trying to create a blog for young Nigerian writers, but its been so very hard getting supports that would create some kind of stimulation and competition. I mean, yearly, there's gotta be a winner. I guess, I would have to hold on a bit, until I make my first million, and I can give away 10% or 20% of it yearly to any amazing writer.
Keep the words flowing ma peps.[/b]
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 7:19pm On Sep 08, 2009
Sounds like M&B? Hm'n, thanks! You don't know it, but that's actually a compliment grin! Seriously though, I deliberately over-simplified the plot. I like your philosophy on writing, but I'm just making all this up as I go along. I've written more serious, sensitive stuff, trust me wink.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 8:51pm On Sep 08, 2009
******** *******************                ***************   ************************            ******************  ************* 

  The party turned out to be better than Max had expected. Music was being provided by the hottest DJ in town, who held fort in one corner of the palatial sitting room that had been cleared to provide a sizeable dance floor. He was glad to see people his age around, expected the place to be filled by mainly snot-faced kids. He allowed the girls to fan out to their many friends, not wanting to cramp their style. But of course, he would be keeping a close eye on them. The last thing he wanted was for them to be molested.
  Then he almost laughed at himself as, looking around the crowded, brightly-lit room, he noticed that his sister and her friends had even dressed decorously, compared to the costumes of the many other girls at the party. Hot pants, micro minis, sleeveless gowns with the hem barely covering their bums, these girls were really dressed to kill.
  But for now, there was only one that held his attention. Kessy. She was far across the room, dancing energetically with who had to be her third partner. Oh yes, he’d been counting. Sipping on some punch he’d drawn from a large bowl at the buffet table, he’d managed to watch her covertly, each time trying to remind himself of his code. This was his sister’s friend. She was barely seventeen. No way should he be considering her even remotely attractive.
  “Max! What a surprise!”
  He turned at the sound of his name, and came face to face with an old classmate. They’d both attended King’s College, had both served as prefects. They hugged comradely.
   “Jaiye!” Max hailed, happy to see a familiar face. “Long time, man. What are you doing here?”
  Jaiye shrugged. “One of the organisers of this gig is my younger brother. I came around to give it some credibility.” He grinned, displaying a set of handsome dimples that had made him popular back in those days. It had enabled him to get away with so many pranks because none of the masters had the heart to punish him when ever he apologized with that his trade mark smile. “What about you, Max, how came you here? Chasing one of these small girls?”
  “Hey, stop making me feel old, geez!” Max complained good naturedly. “Actually, I came with my sister and her friends. I’m sort of an unofficial bodyguard.”
   “So you mean Tiara’s here?” Jaiye asked quickly, a tell-tale gleam suddenly shining in his eye. Max mock-scowled at him.
  “Don’t even think about it,” he said, gruff and tough, and they both laughed. As if automated, Max felt his eyes drawn to find Kessy again, and finally caught her falling unto the laps of one guy who was sitting on one of the few couches in the room. He’d pulled her down and now she was giggling, pushing against his chest as she tried to get up again. Max’s good mood suddenly dwindled.
   Catching the object of Max’s thunderous stare, Jaiye said, “Isn’t that Kessy?” He knew Tiara’s closest friends, since he used to visit Max at his house when they were in school, and he had met Kessy, Itoro and some others. He remembered the gangly, clumsy bookworm Kessy – but when did she get so damned fine? He elbowed the silent, seething Max.
  “What a transformation,” he commented, then did a double-take as he began to really notice Max’s reaction. And then he smiled to himself. Uh oh.
  “Why can’t that little fool of a boy control himself,” Max fumed out loud before he could prevent himself, watching as the boy wrapped arms around Kessy’s waist, effectively trapping her so that she squirmed in his laps. She was still giggling and looked far from offended. If only she could see Max’s face. He was the picture of “offended”. Jaiye wanted to laugh but held it in.
  “Kids. He really shouldn’t be pawing her like that though,” Jaiye said – not meaning to incite Max, but it happened all the same. Before he could stop his friend, Max had dumped his glass in Jaiye’s hand and, without another word, went storming in Kessy’s direction.
Re: Untitled by semid4lyfe(m): 9:14pm On Sep 08, 2009
Gen-Gen!

Film don reach action time.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 10:16pm On Sep 08, 2009
Lol. You see I'm making an effort with the "nitty-gritty". Slow and steady, and in small measures grin.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 11:40pm On Sep 08, 2009
Max honestly didn’t know when he shouldered his way fast through the crowded dance floor, across the room to where Kessy was now gripped tight against the boy holding her in his laps. He truly wasn’t sure when he grasped her shoulder and pulled her to her feet, growling, “Kessy, is this idiot disturbing you?”
Kessy looked up at him in amazement. “Max, what are you doing!”
He was glaring down at the annoying boy, who had a very prominent afro, and didn’t look much older than eighteen, even with a light moustache dusting his upper lip. Max was longing to bust that upper lip right then for the boy’s stupid behaviour. Mauling a girl in public like that!
“I saw him clawing you, Kessy,” he snapped, turning his fiery gaze to the open-mouthed Kessy.
“Max, this is my boyfriend, Chima. We were just messing around!”
Her words made Max stop short, and for the first time he noticed the few surprised, amused faces standing around them and watching. “Chima” was frowning defiantly up at Max.
“Hey, chill out, man,” the boy said in a surprisingly deep voice. “You’re not even her brother.”
Max let her go abruptly. “No, I’m not,” was his short reply, before without a word, he walked away with long, angry strides.
Jaiye was waiting for him, handing him back his cup of punch, struggling to keep a straight face. One look from his friend, and he knew enough to keep his mouth shut. But damn, it was funny. But he sensibly raised a neutral topic.
“So, I’m studying at Ife. Where did you get into?”
“Where else?” Max said, already composed but inwardly still fuming. Blast, but he’d messed up. But he’d seriously just wanted to protect her dignity. Any guy fool with his sister like that, and he’d clap the guy. Boyfriend or no boyfriend.
“My parents’ alma mater – Unilag,” he continued. “They even ensured that Tiara selected the school as first and second choice.”
Jaiye nodded. “I can imagine – and it’s closer to home so I guess that’s what they want for you guys.”
“Ife is cool, too,” Max nodded. “Great history.” He was looking around the room now, suddenly making up his mind. “I think we’ve stood on the wall long enough, Jay. It’s about time we enjoyed this bash.” He’d noticed a pretty-faced, petite girl in a white tube top and jeans standing with another equally good looking girl, chatting in a corner. “Come on, let’s ask those beauties to dance.”
“Best idea you’ve brought up all night,” Jaiye said approvingly, grinning hugely, dimples and all.
Re: Untitled by MyneWhite1(f): 6:30am On Sep 09, 2009
Wow, this is cool. She already has a boyfriend? Huh huh undecided
Re: Untitled by semid4lyfe(m): 9:22am On Sep 09, 2009
A twist in the tale at last!
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 11:02am On Sep 09, 2009
Lol @ MyneWhite - - - - - I'm trying to be realistic here. Most Nigerian 16 year olds do have boyfriends!! Some may just be innocent puppy love, and some may not! Thanks though smiley.

@ semid4lyfe - - - - Hope you'll take it easy on me a bit now wink.
Re: Untitled by semid4lyfe(m): 11:14am On Sep 09, 2009
Scheming bitch na em that kessy be.

E fit be se she plan everything with chima.

Continue your story jare.
Re: Untitled by Orikinla(m): 11:29am On Sep 09, 2009
Maedan,

You have the skill and the lucid narrative makes reading it a pleasure.

I will stand by Max on his passion for Kessy. She would be more appreciated and protected in the hands of Max than Chima.
Chima and Kessy are most likely two infatuated teenagers, but Max is on the road to falling in love with Kessy.

This would be best as a novel of this present young generation.

May I advise you to work on it for presentation to an agent and see if the agent can get you a publishing deal in the US or UK.

Please, avoid publishers in Nigeria, because they cannot deliver now.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 11:34am On Sep 09, 2009
Thanks Orinkinla, for your valuable advice. I was at first not taking the whole story serious, but now I'll stop playing with it and make some sense grin. As for Max and Kessy -- - - I'll keep your observation in mind wink.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 11:36am On Sep 09, 2009
Semid4lyfe- - - -No, she didn't plan it with Chima! But like all childish girls, deliberately carried on with him to make Max jealous - and succeeded. These girls all need to grow up, and I hope to follow them on their maturing journey wink!
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 2:56pm On Sep 09, 2009
CHAPTER TWO

  Tiara totally missed the drama between her brother and Kessy, she was busy facing some of her own. It was a big party, many of her friends were there; the music was loud, the food and music was good – and she was having fun. She had the most handsome guy in the room to herself, and was lapping up all the attention.
  It had started almost as soon as she’d walked into the room. She’d gravitated to one of her friends, Ope, who’d been popular in school for her vivacity and comic character – added to the fact that she was quite fat, the fattest girl in school then. She’d also been the best dancer, and very good at sports, so the weight didn’t seem to limit her much. She also knew how to dress to suit her frame and size, and that evening she looked lovely in her off-shoulder top and baggy jeans. As she and Tiara talked animatedly, a group of guys came around to say hello. Tiara didn’t know any of them but they seemed to be friends of Ope, who introduced her to them. One of them in particular seemed to be paying a lot of extra attention to her, and this made her take notice of him.
  He was quite tall; easily towering over his friends – she was sure he would be taller even than her brother. He would probably be around Max’s age, too, she guessed. He had well-built shoulders, a nice handsome face, and spoke with a faint accent, like he’d lived outside the country for a while.
   His name was Raymond, and he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her. “I must say, you have a very lovely friend, Ope,” he said, lingering around them even though his friends had left to get drinks.
  Ope turned to grin at the suddenly shy-looking Tiara. “Yep, I know. Do you know she won the Miss Fineface crown when we were in school – that’s the equivalent of our “Miss Nigeria” – so you see, her name is very apt.” They all laughed at the idea.
  Tiara shivered when just then, he took her hand, gazing down into her face. “Tiara is a beautiful name, really suits you. I’m sure you really deserved the crown.”
  “What about me, huh?” Ope mock-scowled. “I was voted “Miss Hotlegs”, too!”
  That got them all laughing again, and Tiara wondered why he wasn’t letting go of her hand. She was getting more and more aware of him, becoming a little flustered when she realised this hunk of a guy actually found her beautiful and attractive.
  “You, Miss Hotlegs?” he teased the playful Ope. “Are you sure you didn’t rig the votes?” And got a hard nudge from her for his effort.
  “Okay, this is where I steal away your pretty friend,” he announced, tugging on Tiara’s hand, saying softly to her, “Dance with me.”
  “Go on, not stopping you,” Ope waved them off, and soon Tiara found herself on the dance floor for the first time that evening. She was a good dancer and they were playing a favourite song of hers, so she tried to relax and enjoy herself, even though her partner never stopped staring at her like he would gladly eat her. He was a hotstepper too, knew all the latest moves. It just didn’t seem fair; he was everything she liked and she was “tripping”. She really was glad she hadn’t missed this party – she’d have lost the chance of meeting Raymond. They danced for a long time, till he noticed she might be tired, and suggested they get drinks to cool down.
   They stood in one corner of the large room and talked, just tried to get to know each other.  She found out he really was Max’s age, that he’d schooled mostly in the U.S. but was now attending a Nigerian university. They got talking on so many random issues, and she began to notice more things about him that she liked; he acted and spoke so matured, and he listened with interest to every thing she said – no matter how girlish or stupid. Nothing about the party seemed to matter apart from her and Raymond. And even when the “celebrant” showed up and they cut the cake and sang for him, she was busy enjoying her time with her new catch. Later there was more digging it out on the dance floor, and Tiara was having a blast with the gorgeous Raymond, secretly enjoying the envious looks coming from many of the other girls as they noticed how he hung around her all evening. So when one other guy came over to ask her to dance, she felt reluctant, and glanced at Raymond with hesitation.
  “Come on, Ray, just one dance,” the guy said. “You’ve been hogging her the whole night!”
  “Oh, okay, Ash – but one dance only,” Raymond said warningly. Tiara was surprised they knew each other, then remembered that he had to be one of the guys that had come up to talk to her and Ope at the beginning. She finally went to dance with him, and they managed to talk a little. She found out his full name was Ashiedu, but she wasn’t really interested in much else he had to say as they danced. She was just in a hurry to be back with Raymond. And as if reading her mind, he showed up soon enough, coming to cut in between them.
  Ash withdrew with a good natured smile. “Thanks, Tiara. For the dance.” And then he was gone.
  “That’s the last time I’ll let you out of my sight,” he vowed, drawing Tiara into his arms as they danced to the booming beat of the latest Weird MC song. Tiara looked covertly around for her brother, and caught him dancing on the other end of the room, and he seemed to be flirting seriously with his pretty dance partner. She was glad he looked like he was having fun – that meant he’d be too busy to be watching her every move.
  So she relaxed in Raymond’s strong, possessive arms, dancing up close against him for a moment and then pulling back. It wasn’t a slow song, after all. They needn’t make it too obvious that they were so deeply into each other, she decided.
  After a while someone came to tap him on the shoulder, and it seemed he was going to have to break his promise not to leave her side. It was one of the guys who organised the whole bash, coming to tell Raymond that the car he’d parked was blocking a neighbour’s gate and the neighbour needed to leave.
  “I’ll be right back, Tiara,” he promised, and left the room. Fanning herself, suddenly realising how hot it was in there, she looked around for Itoro and peeled her from her own dancing partner.
  “Let’s go out on the balcony for some fresh air,” she said, and Itoro agreed. Actually, Tiara was just dying to tell her friends about her new admirer. All that was left to do was find Kessy, and all three girls herded themselves out for their latest “pow-wow.”
Re: Untitled by Orikinla(m): 4:38pm On Sep 09, 2009
I will keep reading as you progress.
I am enjoying the characters and their peculiarities.
They read like people we know in our daily lives. I mean we can relate with them.
Re: Untitled by maedan(f): 1:50am On Sep 10, 2009
Thanks Orinkinla, it feels good to know you'll be "watching". And these characters cheesy - you never know, they might actually be real people!! Not every fiction is just imaginative - some could be autobiographic wink!

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