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Why Moving In Together Before Marriage Is A Bad Idea - Romance (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Why Moving In Together Before Marriage Is A Bad Idea by Nobody: 12:22pm On Oct 01, 2016
SSpeter:
Don't call people dumb things of the heart are not judged rationally. I have seen strong willed ladies bend, break and cry. Even guys....Emotions are stronger than knowledge.
True!.
Re: Why Moving In Together Before Marriage Is A Bad Idea by Ini9(m): 12:38pm On Oct 01, 2016
mhisbliss:
In our contemporary world, moving in with someone you're not married to is a common spectacle, and its often ladies moving in with guys, it has its advantages which includes shelter, feeding, the opportunity to know each other better and show you how you guys can live (if) he pops the question, but that's not the motive behind such a huge step most times, You hear statements like
"It’s crazy to marry someone without living with them first. You need to test out the relationship!”

Yes, You're inlove and all, and theres no doubt in your heart, but before following your heart, take a step back and ask yourself Those crucial questions to avoid becoming a shacking up statistic.

1. Why Are We Moving In Together?
2. Do You Want Children?
3. How Are We Handling the Financial Obligations?
4. Where can this possibly lead, marriage? Or breakup
5. What Happens If We Break Up?
6. If he's so eager to have me, why don't he just put the ring on it
7. How long will your biological clock permit you to stay with him, before it becomes a do or die affair

When you do, you'll realize that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, living together before marriage has alot of pitfalls.
Below are reasons why I believe living together is a bad choice if a woman wants to marry.

1. Men and women have very different ideas about what living together mean,
women typically see it as an almost inevitable step toward marriage, while men see it as a no-obligation "test drive." Couples who initiate a live-in relationship under the fog of such contradictory assumptions are already in trouble.

2. You've heard the old expression, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
It's an ugly phrase, but there's some truth to the message. Living together results in regular, no-strings sex for a man, thus removing the sexual motivation that is part of a marriage proposal. And don't worry about his proposing just to bed you, there are too many sexually available women out there for a man to propose marriage just for sexual release.

3. Living together makes you look cheap and easily acquired
why would he struggle to get you when you offered yourself on a platter of gold, theres always the younger ones whos hard to get, those ones are treasured, and when he's ready to marry, he'll go and have his pick of those ones he hasn't tasted.

4. There is no interest on taking things to the next level,
“If you want to marry him, don’t even think about moving in. He’ll have no reason to propose!”
moving in removes much of a man's motivation to make the formal commitment of marriage within a reasonable time, soon you run out of patience and its marry me or its over either way you'll loose, because you cant coerce someone into marrying you, you'll look desperate and if your partner calls your bluff, its your loss as well.

5. Living together is not a reliable way to predict long-term compatibility or marital success
In fact, couples who live together before marriage divorce at higher rates. There are other ways to set yourself up for a happy, healthy marriage. Serious dating allows two people to get to know each other as loving friends and determine whether they have a reasonable chance of being a faithful, respectful and cooperative couple with shared values and vision.
Spending time at a boyfriend or girlfriend's house will reveal many personal habits and quirks, while a practical pre-marital class that teaches communication, interpersonal and life skills can give couples the tools they need to help avoid common problems and resolve those conflicts that will invariably arise.

6. Alot of things that might happen if you move in
Getting pregnant, probably aborting it, or becoming a baby mama, very few people who had babies outside marriage ends up married, and if he doesn't get married to you, the child will pass through alot growing up without both parents,
This is important, since children who are raised by both biological parents in a low-conflict home are more likely to be emotionally and psychologically healthy than children whose parents are cohabiting or divorced. They are less likely to experience mental health or behavioral problems, or live in poverty.

7. Living together takes the excitement out of being newlywed
all the anticipation, excitement and curiosity, about how living together as couples will be, what he likes and dont etc, will vanish because you're already married before you could tie the knot.

undecided and wat if dis happens?

Re: Why Moving In Together Before Marriage Is A Bad Idea by mhisbliss(f): 1:12pm On Oct 01, 2016
SSpeter:
Well If you are dating a cute guy, who has a steady income, with a "Good" apartment and you are not a teenager and probably not the type that your dad would ask a million question if you stay out past 7pm...then...listen to this advice " If at any point the guy misbehaves just know you have someone in the friend's zone who is warming up already"...
cheesyi have no idea what the hell you're talking about
Re: Why Moving In Together Before Marriage Is A Bad Idea by mhisbliss(f): 1:13pm On Oct 01, 2016
Ini9:


undecided and wat if dis happens?
ever heard the phrase for better or worse? If yes then you know my answer already
Re: Why Moving In Together Before Marriage Is A Bad Idea by SSpeter(m): 9:24pm On Oct 01, 2016
mhisbliss:
cheesyi have no idea what the hell you're talking about
definitely you know what I mean. My gaze it fixed. I am a very patient person. My time will come. Happy new month
Re: Why Moving In Together Before Marriage Is A Bad Idea by mhisbliss(f): 9:35pm On Oct 01, 2016
SSpeter:
definitely you know what I mean. My gaze it fixed. I am a very patient person. My time will come. Happy new month
undecided happy new month
Re: Why Moving In Together Before Marriage Is A Bad Idea by redarrr(m): 7:28am On Oct 02, 2016
hmmmm....totally agree wit u bliss...there are some advantages in it but d disadvantages might get rid of d advantages....but everything still comes down to understanding sha...
Re: Why Moving In Together Before Marriage Is A Bad Idea by gemale(m): 11:37pm On Oct 04, 2016
2 each man/woman his/her own. As 4 me sha, live in lover is a must because pple can pretend. I must c evrytn, D gud, D bad, D ugly b4 I marry & know dt I can put up wt dem. I no fit enta marriage make 1 woman kpakay me sharp sharp go meet my ancestors b4 my tym. I've heard marriages dt had serious problems over mundane things lyk where d couple press d toothpaste tube (bottom vs middle), 2 reuse/throw away oil used in frying, leaving electronics on, sleeping habits & arrangements & oda minute details dt wld hv bn solved had dey lived 2geda b4 marriage. @ least 3 months of living 2geda 4 me. Living 2geda gives both parties d idea of wt it really entails 2 b part of each odas lives. It is very easy 2 hide bad behavior 4rm som1 u r nt living wt bt extremely difficult 2 do such when u r living 2geda. Afta somtym, D pretending party is likely 2 slip up & show his/her true color. As a guy, I must c hw d face of my future wife looks wt out makeup & when she's just waking up. All those female packaging & wash must b laid bare & I need 2 c her as she really is (physically, psychologically etc). I need 2 find out if we r truly compatible nt based on wt she tells me or shows when we hang out. Also d $€x has 2 b on point. We need 2 ascertain dt our $equal drives r in sync. Nt dt 1 of us wt a higher libido wld start feeling $£xually frustrated. If things dnt work out, we go our separate ways. Isn't dt beta dan getting married & finding out things dt shld hv bn discovered during courtship.
Re: Why Moving In Together Before Marriage Is A Bad Idea by Titilayooni(f): 10:55am On Oct 06, 2016
Some ladies are the architect of their problems...why on earth would u move in with a guy because he spends for you...I have friends that did it but they lost @ d end,one babe for my hostel is still doing it..I can never do it,I wasn't brought up that way.Its called self value... If you respect yourself,that's when a man can respect you..

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