Hello,

Why is it that when someone's husband, wife, fiance, fiancee, boyfriend or girlfriend indulges in sex with someone else, the person becomes very angry? Why is it such a big deal?

Here are some factors that came to my mind:
[list][li]Your wife/girlfriend/fiancee could get pregnant for the other person and give birth to a child that is not yours. Note: DNA analysis can be used to determine the paternity of a child.[/li]
[li]Your husband/boyfriend/fiance could father the other woman's child and consume resources that would have been used to take care of the your own children. Once again, we observe that such pregnancies can be prevented using various methods.[/li]
[li]Your partner could contact STDs or the HIV virus and pass them on to you.[/li]
[li]Your partner may spend a significant amount of money on the other person, therefore 'shortening your ration' (I guess this applies more to unfaithful men ...)[li][li]You feel bad because the infidelity implies that your partner is not satisfied with your 'performance'[/li][/list]

Ok, that's all I can think of. It sure seems as if the above 'disadvantages' of sexual infidelity are just too weak ccompared to the indignation that people display when they discover that their partner has been cheating on them ...

I think its all primitive. Some women don't like to share their men. Funny as it may seem, some babes consider their guys to be their property and when he strays, its an insult to them .

Ezinne, are you saying you like to share your men?

hardly! I'm simple saying what most people i know do, Its relevant to the topic. I for one don't place that much importance on guys. They seem to cause way to much hassle wherever they are.

Just curious, seun. What are your thoughts on infidelity? Do they differ if it is the woman being unfaithful or the man?

I think people take infidelity seriously because when you decide to date someone exclusively or marry them, you are taking a vow before God (usually) promising to be faithful to that one person, through sickness and in health, until death do you part. So it hurts and damages the foundation that you have built your marriage/relationship on when one person in the partnership breaks those vows.

I take infidelity very seriously and even if I had children I would not let that prevent me from ending/leaving the marriage if I thought that it was something he entered into knowingly (and how could it not be?).

Permit me to contribute my 2 cents worth

Me thinks it stems from the primitive age of man. Men and women being the animals we are would do anything to protect our territory, and any other person coming on to your partner is deemed to be infringing on your territorial rights.

That is why men feel so gutted when a partner cheats. The world actually allows/condones a man cheating but frowns on a woman doing same.

jogego:

Permit me to contribute my 2 cents worth

Me thinks it stems from the primitive age of man. Men and women being the animals we are would do anything to protect our territory, and any other person coming on to your partner is deemed to be infringing on your territorial rights.

That is why men feel so gutted when a partner cheats. The world actually allows/condones a man cheating but frowns on a woman doing same.

Women feel the same! You're correct that it might be more "condoned" if a guy does the cheating but don't let that make you believe that women don't feel just as destroyed when their man cheats!

What pains me about romance discussion is that we just don't have the answers. Regardless of what we say here most peope will continue their cheating and the others will still be feeling hurt whenever they are cheated on.

How can we make a difference?

seun:
How can we make a difference?  

It's simple. Those who wish to make a difference simply have to live lives that reflect honesty and fidelity rather than infidelity.

The fact that your partner can bond with someone else sexually is a very serious issue. However some people can forgive it and some people can not.. But the act remains that the act of infidelity remains a grave offence whether u are caught or not , or whether u are forgiven or not...

In response to your question (as a true Nigerian who answers questions with questions ):
What is the essence of love?

Love is a feeling that you have for someone where you wouldn't want to hold anything against that person. When someone accuses that person (and rightfully, sometimes), you would argue and say everything to defend that person. When the person hurts you (several times even), you will easily forgive the person (each time) because of the feeling you have for that person. You will not want to say or do anything to hurt that person.

Of course, this is quite difficult to comprehend and may be considered foolish, but hey, that's the point of love.

This is a serious matter because there is more than hurt feelings to be considerate of.

One of the most important factors for me is disease. No one wants AIDS, H.I.V. or any infection. People's lives are at stake. The person you're cheating with could be wacky and try to hurt your partner or anything. Who would it feel to be the cause of something like that from making a senseless act that you could have been honest about.

Why not be honest? If you are interested in someone else for whatever reason then let it be know. As much as people say that they rather not know if their partner is cheating,,,, I believe most people respect honesty. It doesn't change the fact of cheating but at least you are aware and have the choice of deciding if it's something you're OK with.

The reality is that people are going to do whatever it is thatthey want to do and there is nothing that can be done about it. Honesty is the best policy.

That's my take

Infifedility is the same as cheating..Cheating is a negative word. I don't know anyone who likes to be cheated

its so unfortunate.That there is no more faithfulness in relationships.

What if we all simply stop expecting sexual monogamy, and operate open relationships instead?

Because when you take vows you are making a promise, it doesn't say love me and sleep with other women. so if you make such an important promise especially about our life and not fulfil it then, i have the right to get pissed off. and also when you enter into a relationship with someone, the idea will be to forsake all others and i am the woman for you, so why tell me you love me and bang someone else, it just isn't right. you are supposed to be faithful to the one you choose to be with.

i think we take it seriously bcoz its a promise made by both partners knowingly, and i wouldn't want to get some kinda disease because you couldn't keep it in your pant.

WTF seun. A biological argument for why it's okay to cheat now that we have contraceptives? It's not okay to cheat because most people in a relationship are under the impression that the relationship is monagamous, and it makes those people unhappy to have their trust exploited. If you are up front with a woman, and she says you can cheat, then it is not wrong. Swingers do it all the time, and they don't mind.

Dude, never get married, and for God's sake, never have children. It just wouldn't be fair to them. It's not like you would invest time in ensuring a better future for them. You'd be too busy finding other ho's to impregnate.

Seun:
Hello,

Why is it that when someone's husband, wife, fiance, fiancee, boyfriend or girlfriend indulges in sex with someone else, the person becomes very angry? Why is it such a big deal?

Here are some factors that came to my mind:
[list][li]Your wife/girlfriend/fiancee could get pregnant for the other person and give birth to a child that is not yours. Note: DNA analysis can be used to determine the paternity of a child.[/li]
[li]Your husband/boyfriend/fiance could father the other woman's child and consume resources that would have been used to take care of the your own children. Once again, we observe that such pregnancies can be prevented using various methods.[/li]
[li]Your partner could contact STDs or the HIV virus and pass them on to you.[/li]
[li]Your partner may spend a significant amount of money on the other person, therefore 'shortening your ration' (I guess this applies more to unfaithful men ...)[li][li]You feel bad because the infidelity implies that your partner is not satisfied with your 'performance'[/li][/list]

Ok, that's all I can think of. It sure seems as if the above 'disadvantages' of sexual infidelity are just too weak ccompared to the indignation that people display when they discover that their partner has been cheating on them ...

CHEATING IS WRONG! There is no way to water down this statement. Any man who cheats and doesn't want his wife to is just unreasonable and foolish. If u have loyal love u wud live up to ur vows in a relationship . YOU CANT SLAVE FOR 2 MASTERS. . I WUD NEVA CHEAT AND WILL NEVA BE CHEATED ON #loyal love

h

Seun:
Hello,

Why is it that when someone's husband, wife, fiance, fiancee, boyfriend or girlfriend indulges in sex with someone else, the person becomes very angry? Why is it such a big deal?

Here are some factors that came to my mind:
[list][li]Your wife/girlfriend/fiancee could get pregnant for the other person and give birth to a child that is not yours. Note: DNA analysis can be used to determine the paternity of a child.[/li]
[li]Your husband/boyfriend/fiance could father the other woman's child and consume resources that would have been used to take care of the your own children. Once again, we observe that such pregnancies can be prevented using various methods.[/li]
[li]Your partner could contact STDs or the HIV virus and pass them on to you.[/li]
[li]Your partner may spend a significant amount of money on the other person, therefore 'shortening your ration' (I guess this applies more to unfaithful men ...)[li][li]You feel bad because the infidelity implies that your partner is not satisfied with your 'performance'[/li][/list]

Ok, that's all I can think of. It sure seems as if the above 'disadvantages' of sexual infidelity are just too weak ccompared to the indignation that people display when they discover that their partner has been cheating on them ...

Because the people before us have done so. And since everyone is else taking it seriously, it probably is a serious issue. Do they even question the believes as well as habits they've inherited? Certainly not.

The Nairaland of 2005 was waaay better.

Matured responses.

2005

Wow!


Was still carrying lunch box to school then

Laveda:
The Nairaland of 2005 was waaay better.

Matured responses.

Like you were a member then?

joseph1832:
Like you were a member then?

but I read posts of 2005.. So it doesn't matter.

Booking space to comment after work. I hate pages beyond 1st

2005 thread?

sinaj:
2005

Wow!


Was still carrying lunch box to school then

Lunch box? Haba

In as much as I like the comments of folks of 2005 on this thread, it's imperative to note that Change is permanent... The type of challenges we faced then individually and as a Nation is different from what we are facing now... We have more frustrated persons who use nairaland as a medium to pour out their frustions on other persons... It doesn't mean they are bad persons, it's just their own way of transferring their frustration on others.... Their major problem is how to handle frustration.... From the "Peace maker"...

This was before Naitaland got invaded by touts.

Back then, every thread was civil and discussions were based on intellectual contributions.


I miss the Nairaland i joined in 2009.