x

so exactly why are you depressed, cos you found the man of your dreams?

I am not understanding your question. I certainly havent found the man of my dreams.

You date oyibo man, and u come to tell us [naija men] how it went?

Seriously, what are you on, cos i want some!

I dont date only Oyibo men - I prefer naija guys like I have stated. I have dated nigerian guys too, but it is hard to find them in Hawaii where I am right now. anyways, I needed a place to vent

but clearly the oyibo guy makes you happy, you love him and he loves you back. so i ask again why are you depressed

Problem is his job carries him around as well - he is currently out of the country (US) and would be back in 3 weeks. We just met and i am worried that his affection for me might wane fast with all the travel he does and also because we had spent only 2 weeks getting to know each other before I left for Hawaii. My parrents are also disturbing a lot and its not like I could go force myself on a guy. Not like there are any Nigerians in Hawaii sef. I asked some ppl around and they say there are some families and they are mostly military. So I am guessing these are married men and their families.

yes, please I need help with all those questions you have mentioned

one good sh*g and all ur depression will disappear kia kia, na lack of action dey at the root of ur problem miss,

There is no reason to be depressed, if you love the white guy then stick with him .

temiade:

yes, please I need help with all those questions you have mentioned

Temiade

how are yo enjoying Hawaii.
What sort of IT consulting are you into ?

Hawaii would probably be tons of fun if I werent in this condition. It is pretty with lots of beaches and pretty shops and people

ma'am keep an open mind, dont let this play on your mind or make yu desperate, yu are young and smart, your time will come, in the meantime, enjoy yourself and dont limit your circle of friends to naija guys alone,

@ debest,
thanks, I will try to keep an open mind, but I just worry about my parents and all- that.
I certainly hope that I do not come off as desperate with all these crap,
Things are just so difficult sometimes - I am here all by myself - well, I will try to make new friends, but Hawaii is so diffrent
most ppl here are simply here on vacation or taking time off to relax and then they go back to the mainland. Ah well,

I will keep praying

temiade:

Hawaii would probably be tons of fun if I werent in this condition. It is pretty with lots of beaches and pretty shops and people

That's really strange, but I understand what you mean.
A lots of people will give an arm and a leg to be in your position/location.


anyway my piece of advice is, like I always tell most women.
Don't go for things that you would not like to fully settle down with.
For example you said your parents want you to marry a Nigeria.

Are you one to follow your parents say or do you do what you want.
If you follow what your parents say , why get involved with an oyinbo guys.
Cos you might think we will just date for now and when its time I will not marry him and settle for a naija guy.
But then few months down the line you fall in love and cant break it off.


Are you at work ?

temiade:

@ debest,
thanks, I will try to keep an open mind, but I just worry about my parents and all- that.
I certainly hope that I do not come off as desperate with all these crap,
Things are just so difficult sometimes - I am here all by myself - well, I will try to make new friends, but Hawaii is so diffrent
most ppl here are simply here on vacation or taking time off to relax and then they go back to the mainland. Ah well,

I will keep praying

trust me ive been there, going from one remote oil rig to another, the effect it had on my relationships cannot even be quantified, as someone succinctly put it "Occupational Hazard", but with time, once uve gained enuf experience you have the leverage to pick and choose jobs around your social life then ,

@ MrLoverMan Well i didnt date them as a joke, it was serious, but things did not go well. I have always preferred Nigerian men, but as time went by, I noticed I had to settle for someone I liked around me given that I am usually in locations where there arent Nigerians. I would hope to be in a place like MD or NJ or TX, but it is not possible for now since it is hard to even consider changing jobs because of the economy - I am also on a work visa so I am stuck to my company till i get my Green Card.

No I am not at work. It is 1.40 AM in Hawaii.,

@debest, I totally understand your point, I just hope it all works out at the end

temiade:

@ MrLoverMan Well i didnt date them as a joke, it was serious, but things did not go well. I have always preferred Nigerian men, but as time went by, I noticed I had to settle for someone I liked around me given that I am usually in locations where there arent Nigerians. I would hope to be in a place like MD or NJ or TX, but it is not possible for now since it is hard to even consider changing jobs because of the economy - I am also on a work visa so I am stuck to my company till i get my Green Card.

No I am not at work. It is 1.40 AM in Hawaii.,

@debest, I totally understand your point, I just hope it all works out at the end

I think you shouldn't worry yourself too much.
Just enjoy life and pray about it. Don't put pressure on yourself.
Or allow your parents to pressure you.
A lot of us allow our parents to decide alot of things for us.
Its your life and you have to live it as best as you can, your parents cant live your life for you.

I have done my fair been of travelling as a freelance IT consultant. Sure do know how you feel. But enjoy it cos am sure Hawaii must be a wonderful place.
And before you know it time flies.
How long will you be in Hawaii for ?
Are you originally from UK or USA ?

Thanks a lot, i shld be here till end of April - at least that what my boss says. Where are u located, and what type of IT consulting did u do? How did u get out of it?

temiade:

Thanks a lot, i shld be here till end of April - at least that what my boss says. Where are u located, and what type of IT consulting did u do? How did u get out of it?

Lets talk offline. Will update my profile with my email address. OK

ok

Cant updaye the profile lol

Girl,  I know all the moving can be hard, but its no reason to feel depressed. Please just relax and enjoy your relationship with someone who loves you. Love is universal, if you find it on the moon and its love laced with respect, honesty and fidelity, take it. Never worry about things you have no power over, enjoy each day, enjoy your own company, be your biggest fan, Find things to do that make you happy, list them out and list things that make you depressed, then when you have that depressing feeling do those things that make you happy. Its ok to vent, takes the prssure off

aisha2:

Girl,  I know all the moving can be hard, but its no reason to feel depressed. Please just relax and enjoy your relationship with someone who loves you. Love is universal, if you find it on the moon and its love laced with respect, honesty and fidelity, take it. Never worry about things you have no power over, enjoy each day, enjoy your own company, be your biggest fan, Find things to do that make you happy, list them out and list things that make you depressed, then when you have that depressing feeling do those things that make you happy. Its ok to vent, takes the prssure off

VERY TRUE TALK AND WELL SAID

@ aisha2, thanks a bunch for your encouragement. I will look into doing what you have recommended.

@MrLoverMan, i just sent u an email.

I love this site already and I just joined - thank you guys for all your encouragement. Things can just feel so hard sometimes.

DEPRESSED FOR NOT HAVING A MAN. NO MAN WILL GIVE A LOVE MORE THAN YOU WILL GIVE YOURSELF.
FIRST YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE LOOKING FOR A MAN.

lOS ANGELES.CA USA.

temiade:

@ aisha2, thanks a bunch for your encouragement. I will look into doing what you have recommended.

@MrLoverMan, i just sent u an email.

I love this site already and I just joined - thank you guys for all your encouragement. Things can just feel so hard sometimes.

You are welcome dear, we all have our low and really low moments. Dont worry about pleasing anyone else when you are making a life decision, whatever decision you make should be favorable to you first, our parents would always love us even when we make mistakes. But if you marry a Nigerian not for love but just to please your parents, you will have to live everyday of your life with that decision

temiade:

I am really worried about the turn my life is taking; particularly regarding dating and marriage. I am 26 and currently working on gaining my MBA soon.
For a long time, I did not care about dating or being a relationship as I was concentrating on my Bachelor's degree. After College, I dated an Oyibo guy for sometime and broke it off this past July/August. He has been sending things to me in the mail which I have returned to his address; I get phone calls from him and emails and all that but I am not interested in the relationship anymore. Y? Because he was mentally abusive and I lost myself and probably almost lost my Nigerian identity dating him. I really lost my self confidence and got very abrasive all of a sudden - complete opposite of the soft, sweet chic that I was before I met him.

Late September, I met another oyibo guy who is my ex's complete opposite (well I am not sure if he is only pretending because we just met) - very nice, considerate and gentle - but I had to move to Hawaii because of my job. He actually drove me to the airport at 3 AM in the morning (drove about 40mins all the way from his house), which I think is nice of someone I knew for barely 2 weeks. Anyways, I like this new guy a lot, as I have been thinking of him, but I am at the stage where I am seriously considering a life partner (to get married probably in 3 to 4 years). I really prefer Nigerian guys, but because of my location (Hawaii) and job (IT Consulting), I move around a lot so it is hard to attend all these Nigerian parties or events where I can meet a Naija guy. Also my parents prefer a Nigerian (because of the family values, culture, etc), so they are putting a lot of pressure on me. I am the last child of 5 kids, so I am getting pressured from every angle.
It is very depressing for me because I feel like I have no hope in Hawaii and I really want to make my parents happy too( i really get depressed when they worry).

But I like the new oyibo, but the problem is his job makes him travel a lot too - he works for an NGO. Also, I am one of those ppl that believe that God has a special person for each one of us, so I don't want to limit myself to only Naija guys and then miss my blessing, but that is what I prefer.


I know I have written a lot, but what do you advice? Help a confused gal. (Please dont curse me out, as I am still emotionally sensitive right now and healing slowly from my last relationship abusive issues). Thanks

I can introduce you to some people. Now, are you an American citizen ? that will be very important here. lol.

People normally date whom they are exposed to. If you are not used to Nigerian men and you date one, there will be lots of trouble finding that middle ground. <some Nigerian men can't compromise certain things>


Enjoy who you have, there are too many single Nigerian women, especially abroad, in fact the trend now is that people are going back home to Nigeria to find a Man, once they are married <just to please their parents> these women start humping every thing on the planet.

Its good you don't attend Nigerian parties and events; you have avoided the drama and rumor mongering,

Now if you really want to be married or date Nigerian ? Do you have people your parents can introduce you to ? and even if you find someone will you leave your current location and job ? I doubt if a Nigerian man would want to move to Hawaii except for vacation maybe,


Goodluck! I say stick to and enjoy what you have for now.

@POSAKOSA1, LOL @ American Citizenship. I am not an American citizen o. Not at all. But thanks to all u guys, dat was funny POSAKOSA1. But I am not even sure I should be in a relationship with this condition sef. I think I just needed an outlet and Nairaland provided that.

I still have things planned for my future, so I would hope that I am not a complete desperado. LOL/ I feel a bit better after venting a bit, but I think I will just work on getting myself together and just go where the wind blows. I dont want to be one of those girls that get taken advantage of, I will enjoy the opportunities God has given me to travel and see the world.

^^^^^exactly what you should do, travel and see the world. Just set your cut off mark by 28. My advice.