Holding on to previous romantic attachments creates feelings of distrust and can stymie an otherwise promising relationship. So are you wondering if your honey's heart still rests in the hands of a past love? There’s no way to know for sure without talking to your partner about your concerns. But how do you know when you need to have that talk? Here are 10 signs that it may be time to bring it up.

1. Talking About the Ex Too Much
We all compare our current romance to ones we’ve had in the past, and an occasional reference to an old steady is no cause for alarm. “But," says marriage and family therapist Joan Sherman, "if it’s happening 24-seven, it’s a problem. It’s going to keep both of you from enjoying the new relationship.”

Sherman says if you're hearing every detail and story about the former relationship, it’s probably a sign that your partner hasn’t moved on.

2. Not Talking About the Former Love At All
Silence about a former lover can indicate lack of closure. Guilty feelings from carrying a secret torch often make a person not want to talk about an ex. If you notice your partner's afraid to bring up the ex or if your partner's tried and it's becomes a sore point, Sherman says, it’s time to ask why.

3. Online Stalking
Whether it’s with Facebook, a dating profile, or Googling the ex's name, relationship expert and author John Gray says, keeping frequent online tabs can be a red flag. Gray says, “If they’re spending too much time online following a past partner, it may make you feel neglected. Are you getting what you need from this person, especially when he or she spends two hours on Facebook after dinner?” If not, Gray says, it’s time to speak up.

4. Too Much Contact With the Ex
Frequent emails, phone calls, or online messaging with a past love can take away from a current relationship. But it’s a matter of context, says Washington Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax.If you're talking weekly emails and your partner is still fully invested in your current relationship, then it’s not a sign of anything. But if it’s weekly emails and you partner isn't devoted, then you have a legit concern, Hax says. Your partner may not have cut the cord

A new relationship is all about trust, Sherman says. If you’re not OK with your current partner’s contact with an ex, say so. Your partner and his or her ex should be willing to take a break from each other while you two concentrate on what you have together. It doesn’t have to be a permanent break, but it is the respectful thing to do.

5. The Ex's Name Slips Out During Sexual Climax
Talk about bad timing. During orgasm, the mind is totally uninhibited, making it easier for someone else’s name to slip out, Gray says. That kind of a mistake usually suggests unresolved feelings for an ex.

6. Keeping Mementos
Looking at souvenirs from a relationship is part of the healing process. But, Sherman says, it's time to let go of the reminders when the feelings are resolved. Your partner doesn't need to set the favorite sweatshirt and all those love letters out on the curb. But they should be out of everyday reach.As for photos on display, it’s one thing to have a group picture that includes a past partner on the wall. It’s another to erect a shrine to that person or plaster the bedroom with a display of the glory days together. You can gently and tactfully suggest keeping those pretty frames and filling them together with new memories of the two of you.

7. Hot and Cold Romance
Watch out for a partner who turns affections on and off. Gray says it might be a sign of inner turmoil. Your partner may be cold and pull away when feeling guilty about not having given the same kind of love in the past relationship. Then the passion may get turned up again when your partner feels guilty for withdrawing from you.

8. Your Partner Says He or She's Not Ready to Commit
One of the symptoms of not being ready to move on is the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” talk. Or, “I’m into you, but I still want to see others.” If a longstanding relationship isn’t moving to the next level, then the roadblock could be another person from the past.

“When someone is wondering, ‘Should I go back? Why didn’t it work?’ it can build a barrier to moving forward,” Gray says.

9. Trouble in the Bedroom
Having problems keeping an erection or reaching orgasm can be a symptom of an emotional hang-up, Gray says. The guilt can create a sense of unworthiness and hold someone back from fully surrendering to a new partner.”

Gray emphasizes, however, that many other factors can affect bedroom performance, such as depression, high estrogen levels, excessive belly fat, and drug abuse.

10. You Just Have a Feeling
“Sometimes clients tell me, ‘I have this feeling in my gut that something’s not right,’” Sherman says. It’s a good barometer, she says. If you think something just doesn’t feel right, it’s probably worth bringing it out in the open. It could lead to a discovery about your partner’s feelings for someone else.

Also, if you feel a need to snoop around, there’s a good chance your relationship has trust problems, Sherman says. Try to get to the cause of the distrust, and hold off on the detective work.

How to Get Past It
As much heartache and headache as it may cause, couples can survive one partner being stuck on a previous failed relationship. But the longer you wait to speak up, the more likely you’ll be to resent the situation, Sherman says.

Start the dialogue with your hung-up honey with a “working together” approach instead of pushing the other person away with angry words. Use phrases like, “I need your help,” and, “I need your reassurance,” and, “I love you and want to work with you on this,” to get the ball rolling, Sherman says.

If you’re having problems addressing the issue but really feel it’s worth working on, it may be time to seek help from a couple's therapist.

Jealousy: A Word of Caution
If you want to keep a healthy relationship with the love of your life, be careful about prematurely jumping on the jealousy train and making quick accusations. Short of a greater context, there’s no reason to hound your partner with a “how dare you” attitude at every little suspicion.

“Extreme jealousy is worse than having lingering feelings about someone else,” Hax says. “Often a hang-up is just feelings. But constantly being on the lookout for bad things -- that tends to be a deeper problem of trust."

Source: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/previous-relationship-baggage-and-jealousy?page=4

ok this is some solid information

KissChrix:
Striking the balance between 1 and 2 might be tough

It's not as tough as it seems. There will be times when your exs name will pop up while having a conversation with your new girl, the best thing to do is to talk briefly on it and change the topic.

As siimple as abc

Dump his/her sorry asss dan giving urself unecessary headache

Nice one. Reminds me of my ex-

if this thread no reach front page, lalasticlala, no greet me again.

MackBrooklyn:
Nice one Mimzyy



But the shît is just that the lady/guy someone dumped today, another person will date and probably marry him/her and another lady/guy who was also dumped also will still be someone's new girlfriend/boyfriend. It's a just a cycle, everything na second hand

Hmmmm.... you have a point though

if you talk about an ex too much, you're not over em?

If you don't talk about them, you're not over em?

Just how much is too much?

Not bad

iykekelvins:
If she tries that shiit, she's getting the fvck out..

No chills at all. Haba

Ls0fdk:
no no no i can't take point 5
WTF

Nice one Mimzy
Quite informative

It could be a slip of the tongue na. Lolz.

KnightRod:
if you talk about an ex too much, you're not over em?

If you don't talk about them, you're not over em?

Just how much is too much?

Its simple. Strike a balance in between.

Mimzyy:


Its simple. Strike a balance in between.

How?

Whoa num5.. No way!!

k

Spot on

I don't know what I'll do to my partner if that number five happens.


Mehn I won't forgive him. And if he is gonna keep stalking his ex,then he is history

Life is too short to be with one guy that is not worth it. Just move on

Mimzyy:

Its simple. Strike a balance in between.

We are all into our exes, we never really get over them

HardMirror:

We are all into our exes, we never really get over them

There is only one ex that I didn't get over and that's cos I see a constant reminder of him everyday.

I'm not into any him though.

Mimzyy:


There is only one ex that I didn't get over and that's cos I see a constant reminder of him everyday.

I'm not into any him though.

My dear, we never get over our exes completely except they were a total ass.hole.
Why? Something attracted us in the first place, you will always be in love with that something and you will always remember that something. I have an ex whose eyes I love so much I see myself getting attracted to other ladies with similar eyes. *smiles* u can't love someone and get over them. U wld have too many fond memories you will have to push back.

If you had said that we never get over some of the memories, then I'd have been in conformity with you.

If you don't get over an ex, then the chances that you will keep comparing your current partner with them are very high. It's better to leave the past where it belongs. There's a reason they are referred to as 'ex'.

HardMirror:

My dear, we never get over our exes completely except they were a total ass.hole.
Why? Something attracted us in the first place, you will always be in love with that something and you will always remember that something. I have an ex whose eyes I love so much I see myself getting attracted to other ladies with similar eyes. *smiles* u can't love someone and get over them. U wld have too many fond memories you will have to push back.

Mimzyy:
If you had said that we never get over some of the memories, then I'd have been in conformity with you.

If you don't get over an ex, then the chances that you will keep comparing your current partner with them are very high. It's better to leave the past where it belongs. There's a reason they are referred to as 'ex'.

Smiles. Your conscious mind is different from your subconscious. You can get over your ex, but can your subconscious do the same? Don't be quick to say yes, those few times some thing brings up the memory of that ex, that is your subconscious. It could either be something that wld make you smile or hiss. Not all good.
That is the point.