the truth is no, but then should i tell you it cant don know, been there dear I got burnt I dont know whether trust will ever exist in my voccabulary,

well situations differ you might be luck

I doubt it is only in consideration, the two parties can be playing games provided it is coded but i do no think it can work, because in the case of a girl she needs to be close to her partner most of the time, only a 5 % can work

It cant work

People have posted long essay on this topic and it won't make any sense to over flog the issue.

Meaningful and remarkable advice has been given. Therefore, the ball is in your court (@ poster).
All the best!

mine is just 2months and she has began to complain but my words and constant phone call did the magic am in abuja she is in the east but she has began to understand and by next year we will draw up a chart on me visiting and she doing same. what matters is the love and the will but for me its ok cause she is all ive got

@ donjon pls tell me good reasons how it will work lets see

i wouldnt advise anyone to go into a L.D.R. It stresses one up. im currently in one and it aint funny. too many arguments, too many things.
L.D.R also depends on the individuals involved. There should be Trust and high rate of commitment if not,

Insecurities has its toll on breaking LDRs. Im talking from my present relationship cos mine has almost reached the height and its becoming so annoying, stressful, nerve racking and most def its emotionally draining.

For me, most Guys shouldn't be trusted in holding on to a LDR because at the end of the day, they will just hurt the lady's feeling because they always want someone close to them, (THIS JUST MY OPINION).

It's amazing how a single heart could analyse in a million and one ways a single word uttered, how much more a sentence made in an argument. It's been said a number of times now -TRUST- don't be insecure, try and get to the root of any argument you guys have, is it something that can lead to argument if you were together? if not, check yourself first, is your insecurity having its hold on you? if not, have you been fair with him? if not, try to be fair, if yes, i bet you might want to take a step ahead of love and be objectively realistic by looking into his points in your arguments, this is ash but believe me, if you are really fair and you still get into incessant argument, you might want to give him a break, definitely in a mutual manner, if he didn't come back to the normal friendship you had before you both notice the unusual trend in your relationship, he's not you man.

was going 2 say a big capital NO  wen I saw d topic bt after going tru other ppls view, I concluded dat it doesn't work d same way 4 evrybody. Just b'cos it dint work 4 sm ppl (includn me)  doesnt mean it wont work 4 others. It depend on d parties involved and how old d relatnship was b4 d separation. cos if u dont really know ur partner b4 u separated it wuld be difficult 2 trust such a person nd its even nt advisable 2 marry based such a relationship. u only know wat he/she tells u. nd I beleive d purpose of a relationship is 2 get 2 know each other b4 takn d big step, so if u dont really achieve dat b4 gettn married den there culd be a problem in d marriage. Talkn nd knowing someone on phone is a BIG difference from really knowing d person wen u r together, and wats d use of being/ wastin ur time in a relationship 4 many years and end up breakn up wen u r finally 2geda cos u discover u don't click again!!    so be sure its really worth it.

long distance relation is not really easy especially when both couple does not really understand themselves very well.
i feel the barrier in long distance relationship is 1, communication 2, trust 3,love when all this are put i place it is very hard for both of them to have a problem.

life experience this couple was so much in love with them selves .so so so the lady went for NYSC at the beginning of it, they were really getting along with all the circumstance but due to the fact that the place was really a desert really lonely she got no option she started going out with her fellow youth corper and she feel in love with this guy.so you see is not really easy for a distant relationship though it depends on the kind of environment you find your self.

@ Poster, It really ever works, i have not seen my GF in 13 months now and were both in 9ja. There is a strong tendency to cheat, trust me its hard on both parties, any one ask me i wouldn't encourage unless there's a strong opportunity for the couple to meet soon and consumate their love, but Sis the tin hard,

Its VERY DIFFICULT but am sure it can work, its not impossible. Am in one and wished it was the other way round with the same person though. Kai even now as i talk we have issues. God help me cos I LOVE THIS BABE.

Do LDRs work?

Despite what many people believe, LDRs do not break up at any greater rate than more traditional, geographically close, couples. Multiple studies comparing LDRs to geographically close couples find the same rates of breaking up over time.

Rates of Break-up for LDRs Versus Proximal (Close) Relationships (PR) from 5 Studies

30% PR and 27% LDR over 6 months

21% PR vs 37% LDR over 3 months*

35% PR vs. 42% LDR over 6 months*

23% PR vs 11% LDR over 6 months

25% PR vs. 8% LDR over 1 year

*Not a statistically significant difference (i.e., rates are statistically equal)

http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/faqs.htm

I hope this helps the debate, cheers

Pittbaby:

Do LDRs work?

Despite what many people believe, LDRs do not break up at any greater rate than more traditional, geographically close, couples. Multiple studies comparing LDRs to geographically close couples find the same rates of breaking up over time.

Rates of Break-up for LDRs Versus Proximal (Close) Relationships (PR) from 5 Studies

30% PR and 27% LDR over 6 months

21% PR vs 37% LDR over 3 months*

35% PR vs. 42% LDR over 6 months*

23% PR vs 11% LDR over 6 months

25% PR vs. 8% LDR over 1 year

*Not a statistically significant difference (i.e., rates are statistically equal)

http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/faqs.htm

I hope this helps the debate, cheers

stats are good but hardly relevant

@ cantell
"We all know that sex is more physical for men while sex is emotional for women"

Bro, which PLANET are you from? You must have slipped and bumped your HEAD.

@ poster, I have been in one now for a little over a year. I must confess, it is not easy at all! When we first started, we had this illusion that we would be able to cope but it gets harder by the day. Sometimes, we fall out for the slightest reason and I've come to realise it is probably a way of easing our frustration.

We are into each other a lot so I dont see it ending soon. I was supposed to be in Naija this Christmas but not anymore as I have pressing stuff to do here, so she might be coming over.

Long distance relationships DO work, as long as both parties involved are willing. My 2 cents.

the question should be, should you give up the love of your life becuase of distance? is hard but is doable. I have been in my relationship for five years and just recently moved out of state from my guy. we are living a hell! but when you care about each other, you will/must stick it up.

it will work out,learn hw 2 trust ur man.

@ poster, since its a long distance relationship, you both have to put in double the efforts of a normal relationship.

my own relationship has been long distance for the past 2mths and few wks(and its been, really diificult adjusting)
good thing tho, we knew and loved each other for over a yr b4 d distance.and i knw it'll just make our hearts fonder!

whichever way it happens tho, u do need much more than love to survive any relationship.
there shld be trust,patience, tolerance, understandin,respect, etc!try to make d distance wok for u,not against u!

it'll wok out jor!no fears

EVERYBODY,

LET ME TELL YOU ALL THE TRUTH ABOUT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ARE IN NAIJA AND YOUR GUY IS IN THE NORTH POLE, ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT THE TWO OF YOU LOVE EACH OTHER BEYOND THE NORMAL DESIRES AND PASSIONS. CONSTANT CONTACT AND THE WORKING OUT OF ANY PERCEIVED PROBLEMS(MOST QUARRELS ARE BASED ON PERCEIVED OCCURRENCES) WILL DEFINITELY SEE YOU GUYS THROUGH AND ALSO A CLEAR TIMETABLE OR PLAN AS TO HOW LONG THE DISTANCE WILL BE MAINTAINED.

TRUST IS A DICEY ISSUE. FOR ME I WILL SAY, TRUST ONLY THAT THE GUY IS SERIOUS ABOUT BEING WITH YOU TILL YOU BOTH WALK TO THE ALTER AND NOT AS PER SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, BECAUSE MY DEAR, HE IS OR HE WILL!!!!

JUST MY TWO CENTS!

stats are good but hardly relevant

I beg to differ , stats are very relevant when taken in context ( without going off on a tangent on how stats are important ) my point is if you are looking for a trend the fact is that LDR's dont break up or succeed at a significantly different rate from normal relationships. I think the biggest difference is that it puts a quick end to an unserious relationship, and the couple is quick to point to distance as the reason for the break up instead of the underlying immaturity that caused the break up.

Two years going strong , headed to the altar for me . But please note that this was an individual that I knew for several years prior to the LDR

for d fact dat it does nt work for some of us does nt mean we sud conclude babe or guy if u dont trust hm it wont work bt if u do then give it a try cus it might be d best at least u guys wud cherish every moment u wud ve together

Greatest Nairalanders,

The issue of distance relationship depends on individual so long as there is DEEP AFFECTION on both parties. Ive been and i am still in a Long distance relationship for close to 4 years now, My Gf has been based in the Uk and prior to her leaving the shores of the country, several people have said lots about the relationship ,

Anyway, i still and will always love her so passionately and i think she does too as well cos i think it has to be mutually defined by both parties involved,

Pls guys let's not deceive our selves, it is very very difficult for a distance relationship to last longer, it can only work if the both parties involve are very close to God and know what exactly they want in the relationship, but for guys who are sociable, i mean game guys who love the things of the world 4get it, by the time he or she fails in love with someone who is very nice and homely like the Calabar girls, there is no way the relationship can be the same, gradually communication will definitely be cut down, sometimes phones will be switch off to avoid disturbance, things that befor will be taking in good faith will not be accepted again and flimsy excuses and misunderstanding will creeps in, my advice is that if u are in a distance relationship just pray to God for your partner not to fail in love with someone far better than u both in beauty and character, if he or she does there is no way the relationship can be the same.

Pls guys let's not deceive our selves, it is very very difficult for a distance relationship to last longer, it can only work if the both parties involve are very close to God and know what exactly they want in the relationship, but for guys who are sociable, i mean game guys who love the things of the world 4get it, by the time he or she fails in love with someone who is very nice and homely like the Calabar girls, there is no way the relationship can be the same, gradually communication will definitely be cut down, sometimes phones will be switch off to avoid disturbance, things that befor will be taking in good faith will not be accepted again and flimsy excuses and misunderstanding will creeps in, my advice is that if u are in a distance relationship just pray to God for your partner not to fail in love with someone far better than u both in beauty and character, if he or she does there is no way the relationship can be the same.

again immaturity , relationships that will stand the test of time will. I know of a couple now in their sixties ( actually my aunt and her husband ) , who lived seperately for 15 years while the man worked in Saudi arabia as a doctor and the woman raised her kids . At an age where other men are taking second wives and mistresses when they are in close proximity to their wives , these couple were able to do this. To be frank not all marriages or relationships will succeed , LD or otherwise .

LOL!!!

I am in nigeria right now for a couple of weeks.

And their are all kinds of long distance relationships taken place
all round me as i speak ROFLMAO! Economic hardship is a demeaner of men!!!

Long distance relationships work if the two involved
are resolute and knew themself before distance took them apart
ie one travelled, was re-assigned abroad, went to school abroad etc.

But its always good that the two are almost on equal footing ie can make
choices and are not trapped or solely dependant on the other ie
the guys abroad and the girls is in Nigeria and has to rely on marrying
the guy in nigeria in order to join him abroad or vice-versa.

But i guess its all about foundation, what i have strongly noticed is that when the girl is abroad and the guy is in nigeria, the relationship most of the time works becuase the guy is serious about leaving the country lol!!!

You know if you were not born into a "Middle/Upper or UK/USA Citizen home
the best way to improve your status is to "Marry into one" lol
So many guys i know have done this and its the "subliminal intent"
in so many nigerian relationships lol!!!

Thank you guys soooo much, some of the responses have given me so much more clarity. I do see now that I have to be especially careful and maybe (even though it feels unfair) now is the time for me to carry more than my fair share of the burden. I guess "for better or for worse" is not just for married couples huh?

Its a bit difficult to make definate plans because he is more of a dreamer than I, I am more practical and prefer planning, he is more of a romanticist.

I dont know how to get the message across to him about having a timeline and different alternatives so we can eventually come together.He tends to think i have no faith in his ability when I suggest different approaches.

To the men in the house, what do you suggest I say?

londoner:

Thank you guys soooo much, some of the responses have given me so much more clarity. I do see now that I have to be especially careful and maybe (even though it feels unfair) now is the time for me to carry more than my fair share of the burden. I guess "for better or for worse" is not just for married couples huh?

Its a bit difficult to make definate plans because he is more of a dreamer than I, I am more practical and prefer planning, he is more of a romanticist.

I dont know how to get the message across to him about having a timeline and different alternatives so we can eventually come together.[size=13pt]He tends to think i have no faith in his ability when I suggest different approaches.[/size]
To the men in the house, what do you suggest I say?

Never let it get to the stage where he would think you have no faith in him, men's egos are a very fragile thing. Just hang in there and keep the faith. I am with a Ghanaian dude too and they are known for their calmer composure than Naija men, and boy do I take the piss

unitee:

the truth is no, but then should i tell you it cant don know, been there dear I got burnt I dont know whether trust will ever exist in my voccabulary,

well situations differ you might be luck

The trifling whippersnapper Pastor NA2day has been reduced to the bit on the side, don't want to break his fragile heart but he has to see this so he would finally realise I am the only one who deserves his precious heart

yes it can but it takes serious work, commitment and trust

Busy_body:


Never let it get to the stage where he would think you have no faith in him, men's egos are a very fragile thing. Just hang in there and keep the faith. I am with a Ghanaian dude too and they are known for their calmer composure than Naija men, and boy do I take the piss

I get what you mean, he is at a very fragile time, and I do suggest things just in conversation only because two heads are better than one. I care about him and I dont want to just stand by saying nothing, when I can see something else coming from it which will further hurt him.

A friend will not do that to another friend, how much more a partner?

As I said he tends sometimes to ignore reality, meanwhile we/he still ends up bearing the consequences.