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#Xavier.

The girl you dumped, someone will marry her... Another girl who has been dumped will be your wife.

Its called ultimate cycler


#Xavier.

FUNNY SAYINGS:

1: The way some people have mouth odors this days can even make Moses to wake up and add d 11th commandments which says "thou should brush thy mouth every morning"
Yeeh! Who pour me saliva..

2: Poor people should stop pretending to be rich, u are confusing the Angel of blessings.

3: U will never knw u have kung-fu skills until cockroach run over ur body...
Fada lurd eep ya chid.

4: My pastor delivered a mad man in my church...
Pastor: Sing a song to praise God for ur deliverance.
Mad man: Lafranse Remix yon, Remix yon concor barpepay one corner one corner one corner
Pastor: Wait! Wait!! U are still mad.

5: Some guys can form sha. Carrying laptop bag with ludo inside... Bros u are doing ya sef.

6: Those who dress smartly and smell fine but wear wristwatch that isn't working are among the problems we face in Nigeria.

7: Fingering girls with our fingers ends this year, next year we are using KNIFE
Ewo! Who stone me pant.

8: Nine month ago a woman was pregnant and gave birth to a fool reading this post....
Ode ode ode wait!! b4 u start pouring insult on me. Shey u were born 9month ago abi? Olodo.

9: I have a feeling that very soon am gonna own Banana island..... I've bought banana remaining Island... Small small am making it in life.

10: Satan must be a gay.... Which man would meet a naked lady alone and only convince her to eat an apple
That guy na confirm gay.

#Xavier.

A newly posted pastor was visiting the homes of his church members. At one of the houses,he observed that someone was at home but
refused to answer his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out his complimentary card and wrote ‘Rev 3:20’ at the back of the card
and dropped it. When the offering basket was going round in the church the following sunday, the pastor found out that his card had been returned.
Added to it was this message: Gen.3:10! When the pastor opened his Bible to check out the quotation, he broke down with laughter. Rev.3:20
says, "behold l stand at the door and knock" while Gen 3:10 says, "l heard your voice but was afraid for l was naked".

#Xavier.

I never believed Nigeria was that hard until, i saw my friend eating Bread with “Anointing oil”

#Xavier.

At the ATM earlier today…
After I had withdrawn my money i was shocked when the ATM asked me “Anything for your boy?”

#Xavier.

A King was about to go to war, he locks his wife (the beautiful Queen ), in the room & gives the key to his best friend & says, If I am not back within 4 days, open the room and she is yours….
He sits on his horse & hits the road. Half an hour later he notices a dust cloud & sound behind him. He stops & sees his friend riding very fast towards him.
“What’s wrong ?” King asks.
Out of breath, his friend answers, “It is the wrong Key…!! ”
Men Will always Be Men.

#Xavier.

Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.
THANKS.

#Xavier.

Cat fish pepper soup cost #2,700 and 1 Bag of Cement is #2,700. Your Girlfriend Prefers to eat cat fish pepper soup Everyday. My brother, kneel down where ever you are lets pray. Stretch forth your hands towards the direction of your Girlfriend And shout, "My father!! my father!! Any girl that is eating my mansion in d form of catfish pepper soup CATCH FIRE". oyaa prayer !!!!

#Xavier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPyFQxT-LqE

.

Nigerian Mums Be Like

.

That Moment When The Inspirational Speaker Says "Reach And Actualise Your Goals And Dreams Against All Odds".

That Moment When Your Crush Surprisingly Comes Visiting And Your House Is Untidy After Bragging How Tidy Your House Is To Him Or Her. You Will Be Like..........."I Can Explain, It's Not What You Are Seeing".

Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.
THANKS.

#Xavier.

Omoh, I was so guilty of this.

Savage . This person no get chill sha. But those messages tho

.

AMERICAN GUYS WALLET

1. Dollar bills
2. Id card
3. Credit card

NIGERIAN GUYS WALLET

1. Expired atm card
2 . bet 9ja slip
3. Naira bet slip
4. Tramadol
5. Bet 360 slip
6. National Id card
7. Weed
8. Voters card
9. 12 different passport
10. Toothpick
11. 250 different business card

AMERICAN GIRLS BAG

1. Mobile phone
2. Money
3. Apartment key
4. Atm card
5. Some Chocolate

NIGERIAN GIRLS BAG

1. Hair net
2. Toothbrush
3. Wig
4. Paracetamol
5. Pad
6. Pant
7. Makeup kit
8. Bathing soap
9. Phone charger
10. Andrew liver salt
11. 600naira plus some change

#Xavier.

That moment when after much begging, bae says "Go and lock the door first"

Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
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#Xavier.

When I was child, I was told that if i laugh at people’s conditions, I will be like them in future.
All my life, I have been laughing at Dangote, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet but I’m not like them yet.
What is happening? Or am I not laughing enough??

#Xavier.

A man caught a thief last night in is kitchen. Just when the man was about to raise alarm, the thief said, “Do you remember what I said in the bible? I said I will come like a thief at night.” “I have come again. Blessed are you among men that you’ve stayed awake as I told you.”
Then the man look at the thief, smiled and replied, “Sir, you’ve fallen into the hands of Pontius Pilate again.”

#Xavier.

Malam Sule bought a new bullet proof jeep for N75M. While visiting Warri, he was attacked by armed robbers who rained bullets on his car. To his amazement the car resisted all.
So he started insulting the robbers. One of them gestured that he could not hear him, so Malam Sule brought down his window and shouted: “shege danbura’uba, barawo banza, dan iska ne’ kowei, waka”.
He has since been buried according to Muslim rites.

#Xavier.

A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a N1,000 note on the pillow without thinking.”
“Oh, you shouldn’t worry about that too much,” says his friend. “I’m sure your wife will get over it soon enough.
She can’t expect you to have been saving yourself all these years.”
“That’s not the problem, ” the groom says. “She gave me N500 change!”

#Xavier.

To fart in public is interesting but if you are caught, it can be very embarrassing. so just follow these guidelines & you are on your way to being a star in this profession.


1. When you enter a hall, check the wind direction, if its a closed hall wit AC, better. Maximum impact.

2. Make sure you face the wind direction. …

3. Make sure say you have enough leg space. U will soon know why.

4. Form Ajebor by crossing your legs every now & then.

5. you are ready to execute, try holding it till the time the hall is noisy in case your you fart is the type that sounds like AK47.

6. Now carefully cross your leg, right over left.

7. Elevate the right butt.

8. Release small (sound check)

9. If no sound, allow the fart flow steady.

10. Allow time for proper circulation.


NOTE:

1. Make sure you are not the first person to complain.

2. When people start to shout “Chai!!! E no go better for the person wey do dis kind thing, ” simply contribute by asking “why the person who fart wont respect the presence of others?”

3. Do not complain more than others or you’ll become a suspect.

4. Quietly leave the area and relocate to another zone then repeat the exercise!

#Xavier.

Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.
THANKS.

#Xavier.

A young boy goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money… he calls home.
“Dad” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing!
They actually have a program here in Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad (IIMA) that will teach our dog, Moti, how to talk!”
“That’s amazing,” his father says. “How do I get Moti in that program?”
“Just send him down here with N500,000” the young boy says “and I’ll get him in the course.”
So, his father sends the dog and N500,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
“So how’s Moti doing son?” his father asks.
“Awesome, dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this- they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”
“Read ??” says his father, “No kidding! How do we get Moti in that program?”
“Just send N300,000, I’ll get him in the class.”
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.
At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
“Where’s Moti? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!”
“Dad” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left for the Airport, Moti was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading The Economic Times, like he usually does. Then Moti turned to me and asked, so, is your father still having an affair with that pretty Anty Bola who lives down the street ?”
The father went white and exclaimed, “I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!”
“I sure did, dad!”
“That’s my boy!”
The kid went on to law school, and is now a Lawyer.

#Xavier.

Kenneth Emeana bought a brand new SUV and drove it through the streets on his way to inspect a new house. He parked it right in front of this luxury apartment and went inside.
A mentally unstable man saw the brand new 4X4 parked infront of the house, after looking at it he said to himself- “Which kain person the owner of this car be? Ordinary 4×4 hin no sabi”… and so he took a stone and carved just after the 4×4 “=16.”
After Ken Emeana came out and saw it he got angry but went ahead to spray a new coat of paint on the vehicle.
Two weeks later, as he was packing into the apartment the same mad man crossed the street and saw the SUV parked where it was previously and so he said to himself “Which kain olodo be dis?” and so he took a nail and carved in “=16” after the 4×4 then went on his way.
This time P. Ken was so angry by this that when he finished respraying, he instructed them to write 4X4=16.
2 weeks later the mad man came around once more; when he saw the vehicle he walked up to it and looked at it while nodding his head, smiling he picked a thick metal object and wrote under the 4×4=16 “much improvement my boy” then he marked …Good.

#Xavier.

1. What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?
*Stress is when wife is pregnant;*
*Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant;*
_*Panic is when both are pregnant!*

2. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
*Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away!

3. A young boy asks his Dad: “What is the difference between confident and confidential?
*Dad says: “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that is confidential!

4. A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman
*“Which book has helped you most in your life?
*The woman replied , “My husband’s cheque book!

5. A prospective husband in a book store: Do you have a book called,_ *Husband the Master of the House?* *Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”

6. Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife Darling, Honey, Love.” What’s the secret?”_
*Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her!*

7. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I’d be in your hands all day._
*Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day!

#Xavier.