cecegirl:

yme, please lets forget this bad blow talk. most ladies still single at 30 are single not because life dealt them a 'bad blow' but because they got caught in the greener grass syndrome. if you did deep into their history, you'll find most have been rejecting earlier suitors serious in marriage with hope that a better offer will turn up. unfortunately when they least expect, the steady stream of suitors begin to fade and they're caught in the lurch.


If you notice George, I made mention of self reason which your point would come under; and not bad blow. My reference to bad blow is something catastrophic, something they couldn't control that befell them, so to speak, Life happens.

Childish day-dreaming and chasing birds, hoping for Danzel is of their making.

God help us
@George you cant just accept any suitor that comes your way. If the guy is not a christian or doesnt put God first. Forget him. I dont see that are being picky.
@ YME no i havent reached 30 yet. i am still in my mid to late twenties. my own situation is something i cant control. Just havent been lucky to find the right guy and i refused to be treated like crap. I refused to be in an abusive relationship just for the sake of being married.

Good woman. I hope you learnt some lessons from the last one. Now adjust your list, apply those lessons wisely and move on.

Good luck with your next endeavour.

cecegirl , i like your courage and i was not advising anybody to jump at marriage just because they want to get married at all cost. however, you'll agree with me that most ladies nowadays continue to reject serious suitors out of greed. they are waiting for a millionaire who has a fancy car and many skyscrappers. by so doing they fall into the greener grass trap and only realise it when they turn 30 and then it's too late.

Getting married without aving a reasonable source of income in ur 20's is too early IMO

all these people saying to get married at 21 does it mean that on ur 21st birthday a truck load of suitors arrive at ur door.

a woman who is not married after 25 is not a lessor woman. the number of stories i have heard and seen concerning marriage is a joke - in Nigeria where u all rush to marry and the next day the man is cheating on you, beating you insulting u cos ur not bringing anything to the household and u all smile as if ur really happy. imagine a couple 1 year after marriage the wife gets cancer while she is abroad getting treatment her husband is carrying different women around VI, i saw him myself it is not gist

or is the one that is always coming to my husbands office looking for one admin clerk there while his wife is sitting home with their 3 kids abeg is that life. if you find the right person after 25 then you are blessed and hopefully wit the right person u will have a happy and peaceful marriage - its not a race or competition.

as for some of the ignorant people here and fertility - abeg research the topic well. all women have tests done its not only the over 35s. yes a woman's fertility declines with age does it mean those of us over 30 cannot have children, if you ignorant people has sense you would also know that the quality of the man's sperm also goes bad with age, so we women look out for these things as well. even if a man can father a child at 70 doesn't mean the sperm is good quality - don't u know one of the causes of miscarrage is when the sperm and egg meet and there is a problem - u thing 45 year old sperm is the same as 35 year old. NONSENSE,

ifedy:

Getting married without aving a reasonable source of income in your 20's is too early IMO

tell them abeg - and when the man is beating you, you have no where to go, u can't even muster up transport money to go to ur fathers house as well. domestic abuse in nigeria is epidemic

Wheneva yu'r ready! early 40z. . .

redsky1, a truck load of suitors may not besiege your doorstep at 21 but it's true that most ladies are very selective and that is why they're still single at 30+. no matter how you try to paint it, not every lady who is 30+ is so because she was into an abusive relationship or perhaps was so unfortunate as to be without an prospective suitor at an earlier age. invariably, these ladies had their chance at one time or the other but chose to pass it only now to realise they're past their time.

George_D:

redsky1, a truck load of suitors may not besiege your doorstep at 21 but it's true that most ladies are very selective and that is why they're still single at 30+. no matter how you try to paint it, not every lady who is 30+ is so because she was into an abusive relationship or perhaps was so unfortunate as to be without an prospective suitor at an earlier age. invariably, these ladies had their chance at one time or the other but chose to pass it only now to realise they're past their time.

are men not selective? yes ur right some women are too picky and unrealistic but others just meet bad eggs. i personally feel that a woman should try to make herself useful, we all know how u men are - one day u may try to make ur wife's life hell and will continue doing it cos u know she has nowhere to go and no skills in the professional world. life is not as simple as boy and girl falling in love and living happy ever after we all know the trails and tribulations marriage goes thru in nigeria - i for one am grateful i have my own property and career, so that if anything happened me and my kids will never be at the mercy of in laws.

I wholeheartedly agree with REDSKY1. People think Marriage is a bed of roses and you just live happily ever after. Like I said I know atleast 10 people around me that are divorced now within 2-10yrs of marriage. Its no joke and this added pressure will not help matters

ebonyeyes, you should not confuse issues here. people prone to divorce will still opt for divorce even if they marry at the age of 50! we have seen it happen so don't try and link marrying early to divorce-as you have been trying to do all along.

and redsky, it's really a matter of choice. if you want to pursue a career at the expense of your marriage, fine. but i tell you that you can never get any satisfaction no amount of property you sorround yourself with.

George mate - I'm married - managed to do all that b4 getting married, at the end of the day the property is an investment in my kids future and my career is a safety net for my family, i have already made the sacrifice to stop work for a while to be with my husband so please don't get it twisted.

what we should be talking about is a good marriage not just marriage by force - cos a career will give u a lot more joy than an abusive marriage and please abuse comes in many forms, financial, emotional, mental and physical

redsky1:

George mate - I'm married - managed to do all that b4 getting married, at the end of the day the property is an investment in my kids future and my career is a safety net for my family, i have already made the sacrifice to stop work for a while to be with my husband so please don't get it twisted.

what we should be talking about is a good marriage not just marriage by force - cos a career will give u a lot more joy than an abusive marriage and please abuse comes in many forms, financial, emotional, mental and physical

Preach it sista
Why should i rush into marriage because am getting to my late 20's or getting to 30's or because all my friends are married or engaged. If i find a soulmate at age of 21 and am with a source of income, am good for marriage,

b4 these men start abusing me, i have already said that i would recommend as a woman marrying early but if it doesn't happen at 21 then live ur life and wait for the man God has destined for you. The devil can only delay destiny and not remove it.

L totally agree with redsky, what makes anyone special b/c they married at 18, yet some are very miserable-nonsense, l am studying to better my life and for God to give me the right person not marriage competition b/c all my mates are married-who cares and l always say-MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE ENVIABLE-----
ppl should stop all this bull, it does not matter if a woman marries at 30 or above and career oriented women do not care if they marry at 34 so you ppl should shove your opinions down your throats.

If you are 30 and a female and not married, forget it, it's already too late. Except if your dad is Babangida!

Daddy Mike:

If you are 30 and a female and not married, forget it, it's already too late. Except if your dad is Babangida!

i laugh in french, very ignorant statement - are also one of those that thinks ur blood is too strong to get AIDS.

na wah o, i believe anytime the mind and the heart is ready is ok for marriage

@redsky
Quel idiot, il s'avere que je parle francais tres bien. You id. iot. At 30, gynaecologists indicate that a woman's biological clock begins to run down. Kapish?

[b][/b]AM A GUY, 38 AND STILL SINGLE! ANY HOPE FOR ME THEN FELLAS?

Daddy Mike:

@redsky
Quel slowpoke, il s'avere que je parle francais tres bien. You id. iot. At 30, gynaecologists indicate that a woman's biological clock begins to run down. Kapish?

LMAO.

so its only women that have fertilty problems - i laugh in german.

so my friends that have had stress free pregnancies past 30 obviously have 2 heads. yes its best to have kids between 19-26 but a woman can still get pregnant at 30 - wow, i pity u men that have sisters that are not married yet, if any of them should reach 30 i guess u will take them to the centre of ur village and burn them at the stake.

all i know is if i had married at 21 to my then boyfriend i would be divorced by now. the guy was a male slut

@redsky1

Mes condoleances, Madame, that your man was a male slut. The fact still reamins that in our culture and according to science, marrying a woman 30 and above comes with significant reproductive risks. Mucho gracias!

@ Topic.

A friend got married at 16 simply because she got pregnant and now she's divorced @ just 18!. . . . .shior!

Well, guys = 10yrs
girls = 6yrs

I have this belief that it is never too late for anything to be done if the right steps are taken. However, it is better for a man to marry before age 35. There are a lot of factors that stop people from settling down at an early age, especially in a country like Nigeria where Material Possessions are given a lot of consideration. The main reason why guys marry late in Nigeria is their desire to acquire some wealth and possessions, so as not to be despised by the bride's family. We have this tendency to measure the worth of a man by his possessions in Nigeria.  Many ladies are making the mistake of rejecting men because they don't have enough money or are not handsome, tall and charming. Some ladies also watch their potential man pass by because they think he is not spiritual enough or is not a regular church goer. At the end of the day, the committed '' Christian '' brother turns out to be a chameleon . What I'm trying to say is that there is no perfect man or woman. Marriage is like a building under construction. The couple should continue working on it until the rough edges are straightened out. A lot of marriages in Nigeria today are failing because the couples involved expect too much from each other without taking time to work on each other's weaknesses. Cheers.

Daddy Mike:

@redsky1

Mes condoleances, Madame, that your man was a male slut. The fact still reamins that in our culture and according to science, marrying a woman 30 and above comes with significant reproductive risks. Mucho gracias!

So is marrying a man over 40 years of age. There is scientific proof that the sperm is also weak and can produce disabled children and also comes with significant reproductive risks. However, there are women who did not finish having all their babies in their 20's and had some in their 30's and the children still came out healthy. I have also seen women who had their kids in their 20's and also gave birth to disabled children. No one can predict life! If God says one will have healthy children, then so it will be regardless of what the I-too-knows out there will say.

redsky, you can't eat your cake and have it. even if you're married now and have a career and all that, you can't remove the fact that starting your married life early would have made all the difference. as for your childhood suitor being a male slut, i'd say that was too bad but people change and even for people who get married later in life there is no guarantee that the once adoring man may not turn out to be a 'male slut' too.

and sillyboy, your friend got married at 16 because she was pregnant and now at 18 she is divorced. i'd say that was because she married out of duress. she should never have gotten pregnant in the first place.

O di ka n ne ku, unu ada anu. If you like marry at 100, because u r waiting 4 God himself 4 a husband. Gud Luck. And those comparing urselves to ur mates and all wot not. No two people's destiny is d same, no said, get married cos ur mates r. _{at least not me},

One big problem that no1 has noticed is that women as much as they claim to be "led by d heart" are actually led by the eyes.

My broda if i tell u d criterias wey i don hear, no be small thing o.

nonsense things like, the guy must be driving a an expensive car or even more stupid things as, he must be "cute, with braids and earings or all d other nonsense most women look for" up2 d shape of his nose.

No wonder SOME of them end up in abusive relationships and so forth.

Rule of the thumb. A woman never finds, seek nor choose a man. Because, true to God, I am yet to see the woman that chose right "BY THE HEART"

God help us.

man 10
woman 6

lol,

My own advice is only marry when you know you are mature and ready to shoulder responsibilities.Don't marry because of pressure or money although some basic things have to be in place before you do so like a steady source of income,shelter and a couple of fall-back investments.After-all no one wants to bring their children into this world to suffer. As for me, i think i will be ready on or before i am 28.

redsky1:

LMAO.

so its only women that have fertilty problems - i laugh in german.

so my friends that have had stress free pregnancies past 30 obviously have 2 heads. yes its best to have kids between 19-26 but a woman can still get pregnant at 30 - wow, i pity u men that have sisters that are not married yet, if any of them should reach 30 i guess u will take them to the centre of your village and burn them at the stake.

all i know is if i had married at 21 to my then boyfriend i would be divorced by now. the guy was a male slut

My sister, don't waste your breath anymore arguing with close minded people. Let me tell you something. When I was living in Naija as a child, I noticed that alot of Nigerians don't even even have the slightest clue of what marraige should be all about.  Even if a woman marries at 20 years old, by the time she is in her 40's, the so called husband is already out there carrying younger girls. You can't win as a woman in Nigeria.  There were women who married at the "ideal" age. All because they bore girl children, the man chose to bring in another woman. My aunt is a nurse. She tells us of women who got infected with AIDS all because of their husband's cheating ways. It is better to wait on God's time than to rush into marraige with the wrong person.

Marraige is not something to toil with. Alot of Nigerians like to pressure people into marraige and then when things spiral outta control, they will be the first to tell you stick in it and make it work. As for me, I luckily do not live in such society. As a spinster, I stayed away from Nigerians because I did not want them coming and trying to pressure me into marraige when I knew that it was not God's time. When God's time came however, I met the right person and we got married. The marraige is blesssed with a set of healthy twins (1 boy, 1 girl). And I married in my early 30's. Those saying that once you are above 30 you cannot find anyone, must be joking. That might be the case for those living in Naija but for those of us abroad and who are not into Naija men, the sky is our limit with God on one's side.

@Poster
Wait on God. God gives children and if it is His will that you have children, then no matter what age, you will have them. Children should not be the reason to rush into marraige. You do not want to end up raising kids in a broken home. Besides, life is too short to be stuck in a miserable union. In God's time, He will perfect everything. If you rush and end up marrying the wrong person, you will regret it! Focus on your goals for now and when the right person comes along, you will know. You don't want to end up with a myopic minded man that will treat you like crap. Be wise.

Nwaka77:


My sister, don't waste your breath anymore arguing with close minded people. Let me tell you something. When I was living in Naija as a child, I noticed that alot of Nigerians don't even even have the slightest clue of what marraige should be all about.  Even if a woman marries at 20 years old, by the time she is in her 40's, the so called husband is already out there carrying younger girls. You can't win as a woman in Nigeria.  There were women who married at the "ideal" age. All because they bore girl children, the man chose to bring in another woman. My aunt is a nurse. She tells us of women who got infected with AIDS all because of their husband's cheating ways. It is better to wait on God's time than to rush into marraige with the wrong person.

Marraige is not something to toil with. Alot of Nigerians like to pressure people into marraige and then when things spiral outta control, they will be the first to tell you stick in it and make it work. As for me, I luckily do not live in such society. As a spinster, I stayed away from Nigerians because I did not want them coming and trying to pressure me into marraige when I knew that it was not God's time. When God's time came however, I met the right person and we got married. The marraige is blesssed with a set of healthy twins (1 boy, 1 girl). And I married in my early 30's. Those saying that once you are above 30 you cannot find anyone, must be joking. That might be the case for those living in Naija but for those of us abroad and who are not into Naija men, the sky is our limit with God on one's side.

@Poster
Wait on God. God gives children and if it is His will that you have children, then no matter what age, you will have them. Children should not be the reason to rush into marraige. You do not want to end up raising kids in a broken home. Besides, life is too short to be stuck in a miserable union. In God's time, He will perfect everything. If you rush and end up marrying the wrong person, you will regret it! Focus on your goals for now and when the right person comes along, you will know. You don't want to end up with a myopic minded man that will treat you like crap. Be wise.

Fantastic post.

Nwaka77:


My sister, don't waste your breath anymore arguing with close minded people. Let me tell you something. When I was living in Naija as a child, I noticed that alot of Nigerians don't even even have the slightest clue of what marraige should be all about.  Even if a woman marries at 20 years old, by the time she is in her 40's, the so called husband is already out there carrying younger girls. You can't win as a woman in Nigeria.  There were women who married at the "ideal" age. All because they bore girl children, the man chose to bring in another woman. My aunt is a nurse. She tells us of women who got infected with AIDS all because of their husband's cheating ways. It is better to wait on God's time than to rush into marraige with the wrong person.

Marraige is not something to toil with. Alot of Nigerians like to pressure people into marraige and then when things spiral outta control, they will be the first to tell you stick in it and make it work. As for me, I luckily do not live in such society. As a spinster, I stayed away from Nigerians because I did not want them coming and trying to pressure me into marraige when I knew that it was not God's time. When God's time came however, I met the right person and we got married. The marraige is blesssed with a set of healthy twins (1 boy, 1 girl). And I married in my early 30's. Those saying that once you are above 30 you cannot find anyone, must be joking. That might be the case for those living in Naija but for those of us abroad and who are not into Naija men, the sky is our limit with God on one's side.

@Poster
Wait on God. God gives children and if it is His will that you have children, then no matter what age, you will have them. Children should not be the reason to rush into marraige. You do not want to end up raising kids in a broken home. Besides, life is too short to be stuck in a miserable union. In God's time, He will perfect everything. If you rush and end up marrying the wrong person, you will regret it! Focus on your goals for now and when the right person comes along, you will know. You don't want to end up with a myopic minded man that will treat you like crap. Be wise.

- I agree with your post . . .

- So many Nigerian ladies are allowing themselves to be fooled into the same mistake of wanting to get married early by force by force . . .

- Marriage is not about how fast you get married . . . instead it is about Love . . .

The botomline is; promiscuity is both ways. The fact that nigeria is vehemently paternalistic makes it seem more of the guys' problem. This is not to deny men's tendency to "conquer" romantically. But I heard that the prevailing social paradigm in nigeria, now, is lesbianism. They seem to be more audacious now than ever, especially, in schools. That is one of the easiest route to HIV and other STDs. I am a victim of this. I lost my ex-fiance few wks ago to her High school  best friend because of this phenomenon.