Holywizard:
I'm an Ibo dating an Ishan, Edo state girl.
De girl dey See Me as a prospective husband. my fear

Lol.....u have Edo midnight service drones watching you...no try anything funny o

laudate:


When people propagate examples using stereotypes, it becomes totally myopic. Even if both parents hail from different tribes, who says the children cannot be bilingual? I know several families where the parents come from different ethnic groups, and yet all their kids understand both languages perfectly. I also know families where both parents come from the same ethnic group, yet their kids cannot speak a word of their local language or dialect, except English. Probably because they have become really Westernised. Children learn what they are taught. Most children that you see speaking only English, were just not taught how to speak their native languages by their parents.

I had a friend who corrected this deficiency by insisting that his kids spend their Christmas vacations in the South-east, while they spend Easter in their mum's hometown in the West. One of his older relatives who also lived with the family helped them with their domestic chores, and ended up teaching those kids their native dialect. The entire family lives in Lagos. After doing this for 5 years, the kids now speak the languages of both parents perfectly, and can understand both dialects well.

As for distance, please stop using that as an excuse. Every single day, people travel from one state to the other in this country, across the breadth and length of the land either for work, trade, commerce or political reasons. So why can't they do the same for valuable relationships? And there is air-travel now, so what else? In Nigeria, if you have the funds you can easily fly from East to West, or North to South in about 1 hour, or less than 2 hours. A few areas also have train services, so what is the excuse? I bet if someone told you that a contract worth a few millions was being kept for you in another town, about 7 hours drive away, you would hop into the nearest vehicle to make that journey without thinking twice!

And if your in-laws are enlightened, cultured respectful people who are not narrow-minded, they would speak to you in a language you understand. Most folks in Nigeria understand pidgin, from the youngest to the oldest, so na wetin remain? And what law says you cannot learn another language to a reasonable extent, enough to hold a conversation or dish out greetings, if you have to? Are people forbidden from learning the language of their spouses, after marriage? Chai!!

My neighbour Oghenetega who is Urhobo grew up in Lagos, and speaks pure Yoruba in addition to her native language. Are you saying that if she marries a Yoruba person, she would not be able to cope with her in-laws or in her marriage?

Good write up no doubt. But that is your experience and what I have written is the little experiences I have gathered over time.

Wait a minute, the question is: why going through the stress of all you have written when you can actually have it easy marrying from your tribe. My marriage is over 16 years now and I have less stress training my children the way I want because my wife is from my tribe. I am a businessman and rarely stays at home, so if I married from other tribe, how will my wife who supposedly does not hear my language train them in my mother's tongue and vice versa.

All of our social functions are just a stone throw away and not thousands km away. Again, remember traditions differ, I followed a friend to Ogoja for his in law burial, we saw hell because of the demand of the community before they bury the old man (my friend was totally annoyed and regretted marrying from them, I have to pet him in most cases).

myking95:


Lol.....u have Edo midnight service drones watching you...no try anything funny o

let's see sha

myking95:


Lol.....u have Edo midnight service drones watching you...no try anything funny o

are they that bad?

Holywizard:
I'm an Ibo dating an Ishan, Edo state girl.
De girl dey See Me as a prospective husband. my fear

ok, u don enter

ElsonMorali:


Whether it is my Yoruba brother forming Igbo or it is an Igbo lady in love with a Yoruba guy, my advice is valid.

I'm sure majority of the Igbo ladies on this forum either have Yoruba husbands or fiancees or they wish to marry a Yoruba chap.

Either way my advice is legit.

...smh!!..'you are sure majority of Igbo ladies on this forum either have yoruba husbands or fiance or they wish to marry one' indeed ....The amazing thing is that you actually believe this from the bottom of your heart..weird indeed.

Nicho118:
ok, u don enter

like seriously she is generally good. we are still serving though but de level she is making plans for the future is very scary.

henryhemon:


Bigots give advise according to the level of their understanding why they don't achieve much in life,now your own problem is the language your kids will speak. The problem with your likes is they think everyone should be small minded like them.

Poor confused soul. One isn't a bigot based on what they believe. Next time, just say what you support and not try to violate the opinion of others. I ain't responsible for your misfortune, simpleton!

Holywizard:
like seriously she is generally good. we are still serving though but de level she is making plans for the future is very scary.

it's good o..but don't break her heart...if u do. hmmm na God fit save u

ElsonMorali:


Is that why you are decidedly an ethnic bigot? Because "words don't kill"? Hmmmm...interesting.

Wel im different here... words cant remove a hair from me as long i kno wat the person is saying are lies..

BTW How does my own opinion make me an ethinc bigot..
Afteral igbos are more open to intertribal marriage dan anyother tribe in nigeria.
Which u kno very well

kolaish:
Good write up no doubt. But that is your experience and what I have written is the little experiences I have gathered over time.

Wait a minute, the question is: why going through the stress of all you have written when you can actually have it easy marrying from your tribe. My marriage is over 16 years now and I have less stress training my children the way I want because my wife is from my tribe. I am a businessman and rarely stays at home, so if I married from other tribe, how will my wife who supposedly does not hear my language train them in my mother's tongue and vice versa.

All of our social functions are just a stone throw away and not thousands km away. Again, remember traditions differ, I followed a friend to Ogoja for his in law burial, we saw hell because of the demand of the community before they bury the old man (my friend was totally annoyed and regretted marrying from them, I have to pet him in most cases).

So you believe there is no stress marrying from your own tribe? Na wa, o! Every marriage has its own peculiar challenges, demands and stress, whether you marry from your own tribe or not. Like I said before, language, cultural and ethnic difference can be resolved with wisdom, understanding & empathy.

If your wife is from another ethnic group and cannot understand your language, what stops you as a man from getting an elderly relative from your side to live with you and teach your own children your language? Or you can take them to your hometown regularly for short breaks and holidays, so they can get used to the language.

Distance can no longer be used as a barrier, because now there are various modes of travel from airplanes to ferry services and even rail, in some areas.

As for the experience your friend had in Ogoja, accept my sympathy. Obviously, his own spouse who hails from Ogoja had failed to familiarise himself/herself with the customs and demands of their people, especially when it comes to burial rites. And he/she had also failed to inform your friend on what to expect from their people. This was caused by a lack of communication, tact & diplomacy on both sides.

Every community and ethnic group has their own peculiar burial rites, customs and demands which varies from one place to the other. Even if your friend had hailed directly from Ogoja, do you think he would not have found it difficult to meet the cultural demands of those people?

Noneroone:
no parents go about preaching unity in diversity to their children instead of sound morals. Everybody is meant to marry from their tribes. It is even the Bible. Inter tribal marrige cause identity crisis for children. If anyone cant find someone to marry out of millions in his tribe, let him remain single instead of having to tell your children that their father's or mother's people live a thousand kilometers away or in another country.

hmm. Smh. The world has developed beyond this o. With thriving interracial marriages now, you are there still protesting over intertribal marriages! Nigerian marrying a fellow Nigerian o.

laudate:


So you believe there is no stress marrying from your own tribe? Na wa, o! Every marriage has its own peculiar challenges, demands and stress, whether you marry from your own tribe or not. Like I said before, language, cultural and ethnic difference can be resolved with wisdom, understanding & empathy.

If your wife is from another ethnic group and cannot understand your language, what stops you as a man from getting an elderly relative from your side to live with you and teach your own children your language? Or you can take them to your hometown regularly for short breaks and holidays, so they can get used to the language.

Distance can no longer be used as a barrier, because now there are various modes of travel from airplanes to ferry services and even rail, in some areas.

As for the experience your friend had in Ogoja, accept my sympathy. Obviously, his own spouse who hails from Ogoja had failed to familiarise himself/herself with the customs and demands of their people, especially when it comes to burial rites. And he/she had also failed to inform your friend on what to expect from their people. This was caused by a lack of communication, tact & diplomacy on both sides.

Every community and ethnic group has their own peculiar burial rites, customs and demands which varies from one place to the other. Even if your friend had hailed directly from Ogoja, do you think he would not have found it difficult to meet the cultural demands of those people?

Yes, I agree with you. But, honestly, I have relative peace in my marriage. That is not to say that others who married from other tribe does not enjoy same. But, I can only advice someone based on what I have experienced and see others go through. That is why I will always say "Marry from your tribe"

Imagine the teacher asking your child from which tribe are you? Then your child will say, my father is a yoruba man but my mother is from Igbo/hausa. Why not save the stress. Even the prophets that are of old (Abraham, Isaac and Jacob) married from their tribe, So, what is my problem if I cannot marry from my tribe.

Raincolour:

hmm. Smh. The world has developed beyond this o. With thriving interracial marriages now, you are there still protesting over intertribal marriages! Nigerian marrying a fellow Nigerian o.

but the world has not developed to a stage where a Igbo can be a governor of lagos or vote their choice candidates without being asked to drown in lagoon? Hypocrite.

missKiffy:

I want to do amebo, whats your tribe and whats her tribe
I want to do amebo, whats your tribe and whats her tribe

Its obvious miss Kiffy. You need not ask, you already know.

Kellibae:

Wel im different here... words cant remove a hair from me as long i kno wat the person is saying are lies..

BTW How does my own opinion make me an ethinc bigot..
Afteral igbos are more open to intertribal marriage dan anyother tribe in nigeria.
Which u kno very well

If I tell you my own life experiences concerning this issue you'll be totally amazed.

Trust me I've had a girl's family ostracize her because She was dating me, a Yoruba guy, an "_ngbati _ngbati".

Lol.

Just don't open that can of worms. Some things are better left unsaid.

Ngokafor:




...smh!!..'you are sure majority of Igbo ladies on this forum either have yoruba husbands or fiance or they wish to marry one' indeed ....The amazing thing is that you actually believe this from the bottom of your heart..weird indeed.

What's weird about the truth?

Why do you think your guys call us "Yoruba demons"? To scare the likes of you from forming alliances with us. Why else?

Anyway If you accidentally find yourself falling for a "Yoruba demon", don't fight it dear. It's a sign of wonderful things to come.

Just look at the watery Yoruba replies on this thread. Smh. These guys put me to sleep

No wonder these thugs drag y'all on the ground..

God save una say I no quick see this thread.

laudate:


For those who got a bad deal marrying outside their tribe, there are several others who got great deals (or an even better deal) by also marrying outside their own tribes.

Everyone's case is different. So free your mind, bro'. Challenges such as race, language, ethnicity etc., can always be navigated and solutions can also be found if such situations are tackled with wisdom, understanding and empathy.

Marriages that occur within the same ethnic group can also be very tricky, especially for women as there is often an assumption that the newly-wedded spouse already knows all the do's and don'ts of their ethnic group, when in fact that person may not be aware of what they are.

Culture is dynamic and it changes, within each ethnic group. Acculturation and exposure also have a part to play in what we know and how we behave. Any errors of omission or commission by a member of the same ethnic group could be viewed in a hostile manner and treated as if it were done on purpose, instead of being blamed on ignorance if the said offender had hailed from a different ethnic group.

I have seen people from a particular ethnic group who claimed they cannot marry outside their group, but ended up getting married to foreigners when they went abroad, and such marriages were needed to regularise their stay. There is nothing new under the sun. Some worked out, others did not. There is no law cast in stone that says once you marry within your ethnic group, you are guaranteed a happy and successful marriage.

I agree with almost all you wrote.

But despite increasing inter tribal and inter ethnic marriages, the vast majority still marry within. I can only talk of the experiences of those I know. Not of those I do not know. My submission never claimed to be a scientific position.

Centuries ago, when most people still lived and died within one village or a small geographical location, my ancestors already married from faraway tribes.
Aunts married outside in the 1950s already.

My observation of unsuccessful inter tribal marriages mostly fall within the past 15 to 20 years. And strictly only females marrying men of other tribes.
As for women we married from other tribes, it has been phenomenal success. Especially Igbo women.

Ugosample:


.

E pain am.

I will not say because I am Igbo I will not say it as it is.

Yoruba dey cheat, Igbo sef dey cheat too, leave that thing

As long as you are a man, the tendency for you to cheat is there, and it has nothing to do with tribe.

U claim to be Igbo ?I agree ,show me any of your comments in this forum that indicates in the affirmative.

Graccccccccy:
Poor confused soul. One isn't a bigot based on what they believe. Next time, just say what you support and not try to violate the opinion of others. I ain't responsible for your misfortune, simpleton!

Between us who looks misfortuned? Please stop making foolery of yourself.

as good as this sounds, it is a wrong advice

ElsonMorali:


No need to be scared dear.

Let me give you a little hint in case you really love him to the point of marriage.

When you meet his parents show the usual form of Yoruba respect, kneel with both knees when greeting them.

Don't ever call any of his siblings by name even If you are older than them.

Learn How cook Yoruba delicacies.

Finally, I hope you can speak Yoruba, If not, start learning.

But remember, respect and humility is key.

All the best.

obikirinoni:


Its obvious miss Kiffy. You need not ask, you already know.

So am guessing she's Yoruba and you are Igbo

mmsen:
There's no problem.

Every day I see one stupid post or another about how someone married oyibo so why should there be an issue if two Africans marry each other?

Africans dont love each other, for goodness sake they were the only race that sold their people to the white man. Let us not pretend, our tribalism is worst than Europe racism. I know people that hate a certain tribe but want a wife from the same people they hate. Soonest, she bears the wrath of his hate. (flogging with belt, demanding meals, ironing and making tribal hate comments about her tribe, making hate tribal jokes)

FemiFimile:


Africans dont love each other, for goodness sake they were the only race that sold their people to the white man. Let us not pretend, our tribalism is worst than Europe racism. I know people that hate a certain tribe but want a wife from the same people they hate. Soonest, she bears the wrath of his hate. (flogging with belt, demanding meals, ironing and making tribal hate comments about her tribe, making hate tribal jokes)

What are you talking about - Europeans were slaughtering each other for hundreds of years. Did the Germans and other Europeans not put European Jews into concentration camps? Did they not kill their fellow Europeans before that because they did not practice the right brand of xtianity?

It's unfortunate that you know such people but it is evident that you don't know much about the rest of the world or human history.

ElsonMorali:


Lolest.

They asked all animals with horns to queue up, snail is also showing face.

I wonder who the unfortunate female who would marry you will be. Please send my heartfelt condolences to her already.

Just imagine marrying your daughter to a man, and after a year or so, She has to start looking for another husband because the one She married is stuck in a jail in Malaysia awaiting the hangman's noose.

Abegi comot hia.

Maybe that's why your women are so eager to have their kids' genes mixed with some other "dirty oily cowardly genes".

U and I know age is a factor otherwise, none of dem will agree to mix with "dirty oily cowardly genes". There comes an age whereby a woman will hurriedly follow just about any man that propose marriage. U have advertised and shouted from the mountain about ur obsession for igbo people and also their women. U are very easy for our girls, u present no challenge wat so eva, u are ready, willing, waiting and dieing for igbo.

Other scenario na money matter. (financial marriages)

Noneroone:
but the world has not developed to a stage where a Igbo can be a governor of lagos or vote their choice candidates without being asked to drown in lagoon? Hypocrite.

Do you know a certain Nwabueze in Lagos state? Now can that even happen in the southeast? Southeasterners are bias more than you can think of bu let's not go there.

mmsen:


What are you talking about - Europeans were slaughtering each other for hundreds of years. Did the Germans and other Europeans not put European Jews into concentration camps? Did they not kill their fellow Europeans before that because they did not practice the right brand of xtianity?

It's unfortunate that you know such people but it is evident that you don't know much about the rest of the world or human history.

Oga forget that thing
Africans were slaughtering themselves too through those centuries.
Europeans at least admit that some of theur actions were wrong and they try to atone eg the reparations and other things
Africans on the other hand have committed worse atrocities against each other, refuse to atone for it, and ecen see nothing wrong with it.
Sudan? Nigeria? CAR? DR Congo? Even the current attacks in South Africa against fellow Africans.

Forget that thing, the guy you quoted has a big point.
Africans don't love each other, And believing otherwise is self delusion
The endless catfight amongst Africans on Twitter is just a microcosm of the thing
What am i even saying sef?

Even this thread is an evidence
go to politics section on this forum and see too

Africans have to change for us to progress

Ugosample:


Oga forget that thing
Africans were slaughtering themselves too through those centuries.
Europeans at least admit that some of theur actions were wrong and they try to atone eg the reparations and other things
Africans on the other hand have committed worse atrocities against each other, refuse to atone for it, and ecen see nothing wrong with it.
Sudan? Nigeria? CAR? DR Congo? Even the current attacks in South Africa against fellow Africans.

Forget that thing, the guy you quoted has a big point.
Africans don't love each other, And believing otherwise is self delusion
The endless catfight amongst Africans on Twitter is just a microcosm of the thing
What am i even saying sef?

Even this thread is an evidence
go to politics section on this forum and see too

Africans have to change for us to progress

Rwanda never happened in his twisted mind. Let us not even mention Biafra. In his mind Europe sold their brothers to African as slaves. Denial is the worst from of delusion.

White men will tell u that he has a slave fantasy, that is y he prefers black women, becos bleeping dem makes him feel powerful and dominating.(fetish) Yoruba men should tell us wat exactly is their case, becos we know dey hate igbos already.

missKiffy:

So am guessing she's Yoruba and you are Igbo

You shaa want me to say it.

In her words,

Hell noooooooooooo

Ndiofe:


Rwanda never happened in his twisted mind. Let us not even mention Biafra. In his mind Europe sold their brothers to African as slaves. Denial is the worst from of delusion.

White men will tell u that he has a slave fantasy, that is y he prefers black women, becos bleeping dem makes him feel powerful and dominating.(fetish) Yoruba men should tell us wat exactly is their case, becos we know dey hate igbos already.

Point of correction tho
that your last statement is a hasty generalisation that is not correct
Some of them could be mumu sha
But not all Yoruba people are like that tho.
That's it.
I grew up in a multicultural environment, so I'm talking based on that

This thread should be the Dilemma of Yoruba- Igbo Inter- tribal Marriage.


As you can see them above me spreading their hatred for each other.

Believe me if violence should break out between Igbos and Yorubas, it will be too bloody cos out of the abundance of your heart you guys have been typing rubbish on nairaland.

I have even been drawn to the mud a few times.

Why Hate people so much.