ElsonMorali:


No need to be scared dear.

Let me give you a little hint in case you really love him to the point of marriage.

When you meet his parents show the usual form of Yoruba respect, kneel with both knees when greeting them.

Don't ever call any of his siblings by name even If you are older than them.

Learn How cook Yoruba delicacies.

Finally, I hope you can speak Yoruba, If not, start learning.

But remember, respect and humility is key.

All the best.

am sure u're talking to your yoruba brother forming Igbo

midfinger:
Mr Igbo wannabe -shut your hole up!!

.

E pain am.

I will not say because I am Igbo I will not say it as it is.

Yoruba dey cheat, Igbo sef dey cheat too, leave that thing

As long as you are a man, the tendency for you to cheat is there, and it has nothing to do with tribe.

dingbang:
All those saying they can't marry from another tribe, its very obvious their parents didn't do their jobs well in preaching to them about unity in diversity. It all starts and ends with the family. . if I as a father tell my children to embrace all tribes, I have don my duty as a patriot of Nigeria..

no parents go about preaching unity in diversity to their children instead of sound morals. Everybody is meant to marry from their tribes. It is even the Bible. Inter tribal marrige cause identity crisis for children. If anyone cant find someone to marry out of millions in his tribe, let him remain single instead of having to tell your children that their father's or mother's people live a thousand kilometers away or in another country.

Afam4eva:

Every prospective couple will have to decide what is best for them. Just like some people get married because of their partner's good behavior, others get married because of hips or boobs. In the same way you have to decide which is important, consent or love. It's the decision of the couple to make.


Like i said, it;s her choice to make. If she's ready to take what comes to her from his family because of love, then why not.


People kick against inter tribal marriage for several reasons which includes but not limited to the fact that they want someone who understands them based on cultural terms.

There are merits and demerits of inter tribal marriage but it's still boils down to the people involved. If an inter-tribal couple break up after one year in marriage, it's not necessarily because they're from different tribes but because they failed to work on their marriage just like other marriages of people from the same tribe.

If they broke up because of tribal misunderstandings then it's because they allowed their misunderstandings get to them. It's no different from couples having financial problems.

Good one. you addressed the issue at hand

Noneroone:
am sure u're talking to your yoruba brother forming Igbo

Whether it is my Yoruba brother forming Igbo or it is an Igbo lady in love with a Yoruba guy, my advice is valid.

I'm sure majority of the Igbo ladies on this forum either have Yoruba husbands or fiancees or they wish to marry a Yoruba chap.

Either way my advice is legit.

obiezed:

All these people saying ""IBO'',''IBO'',will it kill you to type Igbo,some of us find it offensive,I have never seen an IBO person in my over 4 decades of existence.

OK then, maybe "Ipob" or "flattttino" will do

There are good and bad people in every ethnic group. Fact

marrying a good person from your ethnic group is better than marrying a good person from another ethnic group. This summarizes it.

Kellibae:


Now look at ur lines "some of them" but u said "many" do it in imo..
Now i can see biasness in ur comment.
U shot urself in d leg.

Now i bliv u are not igbo forget the igbo u speak.
Anyone can speak igbo.

u are an irritating bastard sorry that's not an insult it's just what u are

ElsonMorali:


Whether it is my Yoruba brother forming Igbo or it is an Igbo lady in love with a Yoruba guy, my advice is valid.

I'm sure majority of the Igbo ladies on this forum either have Yoruba husbands or fiancees or they wish to marry a Yoruba chap.

Either way my advice is legit.

your advice is not valid. One doesnt have to learn a whole new language before she gets married if all were well. If you succeed what of your children? What language or culture should they follow? Inter tribal marrige should result as few personal exception and is never preached as u guys are doing inspite of its glaring shortcomings.

Graccccccccy:
I concur. I am a product of Inter tribal marriage (Yoruba Father-Igbo Mother). English is what we speak in my house. The other language i can speak fluently is Yoruba and little Igbo. Whenever i visit my Mom's Village, though i am loved and welcomed, language is still a barrier. We have to travel all the way from Kwara to Abia whenever there is a social function. When relatives are around, an interpreter has to been there. My mom's family will tell me to marry Igbo when i am ready while my Father's people will say "Ma lo ile Igbo oo" lol. Recently, one of my lectures looked at me and said "graccccccccy you have this confused look, your parent are from where?" So, i would say just marry from your tribe.

Thanks a million for sharing your experience. Good one.

Noneroone:
your advice is not valid. One doesnt have to learn a whole new language before she gets married if all were well. If you succeed what of your children? What language or culture should they follow? Inter tribal marrige should result as few personal exception and is never preached as u guys are doing inspite of its glaring shortcomings.

Lol. You must be bitter about something.

Anyway, read the first post I quoted again and you'll realize that your post is very unnecessary.

Nicho118:
are you ok?

Please learn how to address others.

henryhemon:


From everything you have given as reasons why you shouldn't marry from another tribe,it shows:
1. You very small minded.
2. You have very small dreams
3. You are bush man
4. You don't see pass your small confine.
5. You need many years of growing up to do.

You are entitle to your opinion just as I am. I gave those advice from the experiences of people close to me. I have friends who married from other tribes and even those that married from other countries and know what they are going through.

Please write like someone from a very good home and stop those derogatory statements against others.

Noneroone:
no parents go about preaching unity in diversity to their children instead of sound morals. Everybody is meant to marry from their tribes. It is even the Bible. Inter tribal marrige cause identity crisis for children. If anyone cant find someone to marry out of millions in his tribe, let him remain single instead of having to tell your children that their father's or mother's people live a thousand kilometers away or in another country.

Good one.

michaelandre:
u are an irritating bastard sorry that's not an insult it's just what u are

Becox u are a fatherless doesnt mean everyother person is.. sorry for ur predicament

ElsonMorali:


Is that a fancy word you just picked up?

I'll rather not be nasty to you anymore, so give it a rest OK?

Well..u already did so wat difference does it make and i dnt care bcox i dnt take words at hrt! words ar just words n doesnt kill!
Goodday

Noneroone:
There are good and bad people in every ethnic group. Fact

marrying a good person from your ethnic group is better than marrying a good person from another ethnic group. This summarizes it.

U are just making sense on every comment u make here.. i respect u sir!.
Its only fools dat cant understand the wisdom behind ur comments.

All these goes to show that indeed, Nigeria is still a very immature society. Big shame.

I have stayed in other African countries, and in one (I won't mention the name) I came remember any of them who was a "pure blood" yet the social cohesion is on point.

Over there, the mother's culture matters as much to the child as the father's own, so they speak both the mother's language and the father's language, and the educational policy of the country supports this too, because they take teaching of indigenous languages seriously, unlike Nigeria

So you have a society that is cohesive, and they switch between languages effortlessly. I respect them for that mehn, respecting each other, and it has formed a national identity for them, as many are mixed, so it's the country first, then the tribe.


But the case in Nigeria is very shameful
The father's family may want to blot out cultural influences from the mother's side, and do all sorts of stupid things, to cut long story short, lack of respect for the other culture.
In Nigeria, there is still strong clannishness amongst the people
So with all these happening, you wonder why there is a lack of social cohesion in Nigeria

For those of you contemplating inter tribal /racial marriage, if you both recognise that the culture of both of you is important in the life of the children and not try to down play the one from the other side, there will be less tensions.
And if extended family has a strong influence in your family, you will have to stand up to them, because it's your life and not theirs.

For me, I'm open minded to possibilities; and thank God for the family I come from.

That's my opinion

Lest I forget, this is not for everyone tho. Those from clannish and myopic families should stick to each other While those from open minded families shoukd stick to what works for them.
Mixing the two categories above will cause headache, heartache and commotion

good one

Fresia01:
I'm Igbo dating a Yoruba guy.. .i love him BUh I'm still scared.. ...

Don't be scared dear, don't let all this write-ups put unnecessary fear into you, stand your ground.

obikirinoni:


I met a girl on nairaland, she works in Ibadan with a telecommunications company, I work in Lagos with an international organization.

I liked her despite her tribe, when she heard my tribe, she said hell noooooooooooooo.

That was the end of the fairytale.

I want to do amebo, whats your tribe and whats her tribe

obikirinoni:


I met a girl on nairaland, she works in Ibadan with a telecommunications company, I work in Lagos with an international organization.

I liked her despite her tribe, when she heard my tribe, she said hell noooooooooooooo.

That was the end of the fairytale.

I want to do amebo, whats your tribe and whats her tribe

2dugged:
From things I have seen in my young life,I have realised that its not about the tribe but the setting of the family,there are good and bad people in every tribe, however I personally can never even date a Hausa man not to talk of marry(reasons best known to me),but with the exception of hausas,a good man from any other tribe shoudnt be an issue, learning the language and adapting to the cultureof one's spouse may take a while,but its not impossible,the problem is most tribalistic parents don't give their in-laws the chance. my former boss made all his daughters marry from their tribe ,two of the thrwee of his son in-laws turned out to be assholes, infact the last societal wedding lasted for 36 hours ,$5000 gift given to the bride by her aunty broke up the marriage under 36 hours,she was lucky to be alive from the beating Mr tribe man gave her

Yeah, you are right.
Good and evil is not limited or peculiar to one tribe

majekdom2:
apparently you lack exposure and prolly living in penury. Get exposed this is 2017!

By God's grace, poverty is totally out of my picture. I travel on plane domestically not less than 30 times in a year, mainly from Lagos/Ibadan - Abuja and have my own business and people in my payroll. In addition, I have been to Jerusalem twice. Wise up please.

NoToPile:
I am quite surprised people are not stating what may be the real challenges and what they are talking about is stereotype that has no basis.


Cultural challenges are the main things that may cause problems in an intertribal marriage and it starts mainly from interference by inlaws.

1. The wedding ceremony proper: An intertribal marriage may begin to have issues from the planning of the wedding, traditions culture , this is the way is done have made a lot of marriages never to even see the light if day.
E.g The church to wed, as simple as this may sound it has causes a lot of disasters in intertribal marriages especially Yoruba to Igbo and it happens majorly when the hubby is Igbo and the bride is Yoruba.

Yoruba culture is The wedding holds in the brides church or better still brides fathers church. And in IBO culture its not compulsory to be in the church of the brides parents , quite a lot of people do it where the hubby and his peeps are.

My friends are in this dilemma , his mum insisted it must hold in their family church (catholic), the guy himself is not a catholic , the girl doesn't mind wedding in catholic but her Dad is an elder in the baptist church and culturally ( the way yorubas do it) the wedding should hold in the brides/brides father church as it is believed the man is coming to pick her from her church.The groom is Igbo and bride is Yoruba.

The groom spoke to the brides father and the brides father told him that even when the brides elder brother married a foreigner they had to travel to the UK to marry her that they are the ones that have to go and pick her that that is how it is done in the SW.

The grooms father is indifferent about the whole thing and has said they should do it how it is done but the grooms mother is insisting it must be in their church and she is also insisting that the church must be 3 months after the traditional , which is not even going down well with the groom and bride because of costs the couple feel they shd do t he trad and white possibly the same day or a day interval (which sounds cost effective) but she wants 3 months interval.

After much persuation the brides father agreed they shd go do the white at catholic but he may not attend everybody was a bit received that they has been a meeting point but later on the brides brothers met and said no.

I told the groom to plead with his mum since its not a cultural necessity to wed in the grooms church where he comes from but he said his mum didn't buldge, his dad has spoken ti the woman severally and she's still insisting, she even prefers if its in the east.I said can't they scrap the church stuff out and go to registry after the trad and my friend said his mum insisting on church .

Now everybody is back to square one since early last year.

Now I do believe that my friends mum has some personal issues apart from cultural differences, because I really can't even understand why she's insisting on 3 months interval when the couple don't want it that way.

I pray that engagement doesn't sink because of this issue.


2. Naming ceremony, some peeps don't have an official naming ceremony after 8 days of birth in fact this has caused some issues in some churches because bilically the child should be named on the 8th day but for some cultures its not so.
Now if you marry from that place you may find it odd not to name your child on the 8th day even if you feel its the Christian thing to do and if you don't apply wisdom it can generate a lot of problems.


3.Names to give children, sounds simple but once saw a thread about this.

4. Visit to village , personally I still don't understand why Igbo's congregate at their villages every December , now if you want to marry and Igbo person for example you should be ready to follow him every year as a lady.

5. So many other cultural differences, languages spoken to children etc etc.

The challenges in intertribal marriages don't come from the couple themselves most times but it comes from the relatives of the couple. Most times no body is right or wrong its just the way its done in their place.

So if you want to go into an intertribal marriage you should be ready to let go of a lot of things find a way of merging both cultures together so that you as a couple will be happy and most importantly avoid family interference.

Most importantly if you have Christ and marry into a true Christian family you won't have tribal issues because most times some people value tradition more that christaininty and if one wants to clash with the other they place tradition first.

I applaud your wisdom.

Well composed write-up.

Thanks

kolaish:
My candid advice to the men/women that cares: do not let this so-called 'love sentiments' blindfold you into marriage. You are going into a relationship that will last for more than 40 years, so why choosing to spend that long years of marriage struggling to hold it together. There are so many more beautiful and good ladies from your tribe, so, why not choose from them and enjoy a fruitful marriage with peace.

See the following:

1. if you are a yoruba man and your wife is igbo, what language did you think your child will adopt and speak fluently; certainly igbo and not yoruba. That means your child will not be able to speak your own language.

2. Your family will not have an official local dialect, except english.

3. You stand the chance of always going very far (more than 7 hours journey) whenever your partner is having a social function. Think of the transportation costs and its stress.

4. Anytime your in-laws are around, you will look like a stranger because you cannot hear them when they are discussing in their dialect.

When people propagate examples using stereotypes, it becomes totally myopic. Even if both parents hail from different tribes, who says the children cannot be bilingual? I know several families where the parents come from different ethnic groups, and yet all their kids understand both languages perfectly. I also know families where both parents come from the same ethnic group, yet their kids cannot speak a word of their local language or dialect, except English. Probably because they have become really Westernised. Children learn what they are taught. Most children that you see speaking only English, were just not taught how to speak their native languages by their parents.

I had a friend who corrected this deficiency by insisting that his kids spend their Christmas vacations in the South-east, while they spend Easter in their mum's hometown in the West. One of his older relatives who also lived with the family helped them with their domestic chores, and ended up teaching those kids their native dialect. The entire family lives in Lagos. After doing this for 5 years, the kids now speak the languages of both parents perfectly, and can understand both dialects well.

As for distance, please stop using that as an excuse. Every single day, people travel from one state to the other in this country, across the breadth and length of the land either for work, trade, commerce or political reasons. So why can't they do the same for valuable relationships? And there is air-travel now, so what else? In Nigeria, if you have the funds you can easily fly from East to West, or North to South in about 1 hour, or less than 2 hours. A few areas also have train services, so what is the excuse? I bet if someone told you that a contract worth a few millions was being kept for you in another town, about 7 hours drive away, you would hop into the nearest vehicle to make that journey without thinking twice!

And if your in-laws are enlightened, cultured respectful people who are not narrow-minded, they would speak to you in a language you understand. Most folks in Nigeria understand pidgin, from the youngest to the oldest, so na wetin remain? And what law says you cannot learn another language to a reasonable extent, enough to hold a conversation or dish out greetings, if you have to? Are people forbidden from learning the language of their spouses, after marriage? Chai!!

My neighbour Oghenetega who is Urhobo grew up in Lagos, and speaks pure Yoruba in addition to her native language. Are you saying that if she marries a Yoruba person, she would not be able to cope with her in-laws or in her marriage?

Kellibae:


Well..u already did so wat difference does it make and i dnt care bcox i dnt take words at hrt! words ar just words n doesnt kill!
Goodday

Is that why you are decidedly an ethnic bigot? Because "words don't kill"? Hmmmm...interesting.

2dugged:
From things I have seen in my young life,I have realised that its not about the tribe but the setting of the family,there are good and bad people in every tribe, however I personally can never even date a Hausa man not to talk of marry(reasons best known to me),but with the exception of hausas, a good man from any other tribe shoudnt be an issue, learning the language and adapting to the culture of one's spouse may take a while,but its not impossible,the problem is most tribalistic parents don't give their in-laws the chance. my former boss made all his daughters marry from their tribe ,two of the thrwee of his son in-laws turned out to be assholes, infact the last societal wedding lasted for 36 hours ,$5000 gift given to the bride by her aunty broke up the marriage under 36 hours,she was lucky to be alive from the beating Mr tribe man gave her

I concur. Na you talk am well, pass.

henryhemon:
From everything you have given as reasons why you shouldn't marry from another tribe,it shows:
1. You very small minded.
2. You have very small dreams
3. You are bush man
4. You don't see pass your small confine.
5. You need many years of growing up to do.

Una no go kill person with laugh for dis place....

AreaFada2:
I am not babalawo to know.
But most of them said they wanted to avoid those things by marrying outside of tribe.

But they got even worse marrying outside.

But perhaps they turned down guys that might have been better within tribe by deliberately choosing to go outside. At least, the siblings who married within tribe remain married, and from what is known, those ladies appear to have got a better deal.

Therefore maybe your question should have been directed at the ladies who were biased against their own tribe. They used the experiences of some relatives from a previous generation to negatively judge their own tribe. Maybe they should have realised that whether within or outside tribe, things can go awry. My unscientific observation is that for those who married around same time within tribe, divorce rate is much lower than those who went outside. Maybe just a coincidence, but it is as it is.

Marriage is not that easy. You need every support structure you can get. Friends, family, etc.
While love is great, it can be fickle and can also fade. Mills & Boon love exist only in Mills & Boon.

Let's not fool ourselves: race, tribe, religion are still very important factors people consider when marrying. I have seen it across many countries. What would be ideal in 21st century and what happens in reality do not always sync.

For those who got a bad deal marrying outside their tribe, there are several others who got great deals (or an even better deal) by also marrying outside their own tribes.

Everyone's case is different. So free your mind, bro'. Challenges such as race, language, ethnicity etc., can always be navigated and solutions can also be found if such situations are tackled with wisdom, understanding and empathy.

Marriages that occur within the same ethnic group can also be very tricky, especially for women as there is often an assumption that the newly-wedded spouse already knows all the do's and don'ts of their ethnic group, when in fact that person may not be aware of what they are.

Culture is dynamic and it changes, within each ethnic group. Acculturation and exposure also have a part to play in what we know and how we behave. Any errors of omission or commission by a member of the same ethnic group could be viewed in a hostile manner and treated as if it were done on purpose, instead of being blamed on ignorance if the said offender had hailed from a different ethnic group.

I have seen people from a particular ethnic group who claimed they cannot marry outside their group, but ended up getting married to foreigners when they went abroad, and such marriages were needed to regularise their stay. There is nothing new under the sun. Some worked out, others did not. There is no law cast in stone that says once you marry within your ethnic group, you are guaranteed a happy and successful marriage.

Abudu2000:
OK then, maybe "Ipob" or "flattttino" will do

Permit me to thank you for furthering the forces of disunity.you efforts do not go unnoticed.

Amoto94:
I see nothing wrong in interethnic marriage if I find the qualities I'm looking for why won't I marry her. I dey look for an Igbo woman to marry and a Yoruba plus Hausa to complete my One Nigeria agenda. Ngozi123 react to this

What's this got to do with me?