johnson232:

The issue here is that u guys aren't seeing what op brother in-law did as a mistake, but as a delibrate act. I am not trying to justify what the guy did, but considering it's the first & we all are prone to mistakes. Making a mistake & being disrespectul are two different things.
I think op should have let go after he has apologized. I see no reason for bringing it up again.

I haven't said the BIL did it deliberately... that's another discussion; It is the fact that

1. The husband did not scold his brother especially in front of his wife to ease her embarrassment and asking her why she is making a issue out of nothing ----- Disrespect

2. The BIL barging into his brother's marital room without knocking ---- Disrespect

The apology is not enough... the fact he never does it again.

bukatyne:


I haven't said the BIL did it deliberately... that's another discussion; It is the fact that

1. The husband did not scold his brother especially in front of his wife to ease her embarrassment and asking her why she is making a issue out of nothing ----- Disrespect

2. The BIL barging into his brother's marital room without knocking ---- Disrespect

The apology is not enough... the fact he never does it again.

Let me ask you a question on the highlighted, you seem to understand these men more. Why do some men think it's okay for their wives to be embarrassed publicly, but the culprit has to be scolded privately?

I'm sure a single firm word from her husband would have easd her embarrassment like you implied.

SmartyPants:


actually you are right.

The boy had no right to stand there to apologize...but i think the only person to blame is the husband.

Sure bro....the husband mezz hup big time,he didn't take a stand on the matter.....signs of weakness......am sure a number of us on the forum will learn a tin or 2

Delphi:
Young lady @iyaayi, you don't need to worry cos 'nothing spoil'. I can bet or vouch that your brother-IL did not see anything. I know, to you, he saw you unclad but for me, due to the momentariness/swiftness of the action he wouldn't comprehend what he saw. That is the situation of things. He stood there for some time because he was stupefied. Let me give you two examples; if you've gone to the mortuary, you see dead bodies in their unclad state but true to fact your brain wouldn't comprehend/amuse at their unclad state due to the queerness of the mortuary situation. Secondly, someone involved in an accident may suddenly run amok and people will hold him in place. At that point in time, the victim doesn't know/comprehend what he does. @iyaayi, these illustrations are to let you know that your BIL didn't enjoy your unclad state. Also, he stood there for awhile apologizing because he lost control of any other voluntary action to execute..

Best post n advice so far.

EternalTruth:
haha hahaha amor you no well I swear

NA THE TRUTH MASTER

technicallyrich:
I know that. You have banged more than 20 guys before you got married so what's the big deal if your brother inlaw mistakenly see your unclothedness for the first time not that he has been doing it.
That your husband is a matured man and I belive he would have called his brother secretly to caution him instead of doing it in your front.
Most Women always like to chase their inlaws out so that they will bring in their own family.
Loking for excuse to cause problem between them but your plan don fail.

Are you seriously a lady?

Wawu!

AreaFada2:


Imagine the conconbility!

Very sad but funny what replies are here.

How can a grown ass (same age as a married woman) BIL enter a matrimonial bedroom without knocking?

I'm sure he has his own room in the house. The SIL won't go into his anyhow.

Even the BIL should have quickly left the room apologizing. Not still standing there while SIL dives for cover.

The hubby should have said sternly "please knock on the door each time", apology or no apology. The wife's body is not for whole family viewing.

Our inability to be objective with blood relatives is the cause of many marital issues, especially hubby's relatives.

You need to paste this on the wall.

If I barged in on my sister in law, I will leave immediately not stand moping unless i like what I'm viewing

richyblink1:


Kindly read well or get a recommended glass. I am male for your information, and married as well. My younger brother dare not enter my room without knocking, not to talk of standing after seeing my wife naked. Except he wants to explain his real intentions towards my wife

This is anoda pussy ass niqqa.... So, I should fight my broda because of what? If I have a bro Like u, wetin I wan cum find for ur house.. Mitchew

johnson232:

We are all wired differently bro...U acting that way doesn't make it right....
See the way u talk am sef...Na people like u they kill their brother because of woman...

Read the op with a recommended glass & see her husband's response....that is how any sensible man should act & not threatening thunder....guess your brother is not trustworthy...

I swear, u get sense. If DAT guy na NY broad, I nor go near him ouse

PaperLace:

Let me ask you a question on the highlighted, you seem to understand these men more. Why do some men think it's okay for their wives to be embarrassed publicly, but the culprit has to be scolded privately?

I'm sure a single firm word from her husband would have easd her embarrassment like you implied.

Honestly, i don't understand what runs through the average Nigerian males' mind.

This thread is unbelievable!

CC: Onegai

Barzinime:
& that makes your husband the better person for someone trying to solve the matter without the need for violence?

mad-furious in the sense that he will show his annoyed and give strict warning.d op husband did non of dat.and am nt saying he shud go into d ring and throw blows.

Organs:


Oh girl na wah for you oh. I pity your husband and in-laws. Why cant you just honestly assume it was an honest mistake? Most naija men most expecially yoruba and hausas could be brash and absent minded. You might have trust issues and suspicious of every move someone makes.

Is gud to be cautious,this days u see things happen 4rm pple u list expect dem 4rm.i agree with u i have trust issues alot perhaps it 4rm personal experience.

Ok thanks for explaining better
You're one of the few on here with wisdom.
Answered without an insult

Water101:
mad-furious in the sense that he will show his annoyed and give strict warning.d op husband did non of dat.and am nt saying he shud go into d ring and throw blows.

MissIndependent:
Any man should knock when entering a ladies room locked or not.

#Thatsright

Water101:
Is gud to be cautious,this days u see things happen 4rm pple u list expect dem 4rm.i agree with u i have trust issues alot perhaps it 4rm personal experience.

Its good you admit it. Now time to address it cos you might drive away the good people just because you distrust them, its not them, its you. An after one former girlfriend of mine blocked me from entering her 4 year old daughter's room because the 4 yr old was naked, can you imagine, 4 years old, naked.... anyways i asked her that soo, i cant shower her daughter, she went crazy for me to even ask that question, oh girl na there we share the garri, i carry my own waka leave her with hers. She and her family beg tire, say she get trust issues and phobia of her daughter being abused. She come go register with therapist to deal with the trust issue. I said God forbid, i neva born, i dey consider am cos of other qualities wey i see and the trust issue scatter everything for me, because she thinks in her head that i or any man around her can potentially hurt or abuse her daughter. anyways, i have daughters of my own now and she'd emailed me in 2015 telling me that her daughter had had 2 false accusations of inappropriate behaviour against her peers at age 9. She said she'd messed up her daughter with her trust issues.

Delphi:
Young lady @iyaayi, you don't need to worry cos 'nothing spoil'. I can bet or vouch that your brother-IL did not see anything. I know, to you, he saw you unclad but for me, due to the momentariness/swiftness of the action he wouldn't comprehend what he saw. That is the situation of things. He stood there for some time because he was stupefied. Let me give you two examples; if you've gone to the mortuary, you see dead bodies in their unclad state but true to fact your brain wouldn't comprehend/amuse at their unclad state due to the queerness of the mortuary situation. Secondly, someone involved in an accident may suddenly run amok and people will hold him in place. At that point in time, the victim doesn't know/comprehend what he does. @iyaayi, these illustrations are to let you know that your BIL didn't enjoy your unclad state. Also, he stood there for awhile apologizing because he lost control of any other voluntary action to execute rather did what (apologies) his brain thought best at that time. Your hubby who was there understood the situation at it's best and hence he dished out the best judgmental action. So, cool your temper madam, you're still intact.

Sound and logical analysis!

bukatyne:


Honestly, i don't understand what runs through the average Nigerian males' mind.

This thread is unbelievable!

CC: Onegai

Nothing unusual is running through our mind, just Perception...It's natural...

Barzinime:
& that makes your husband the better person for someone trying to solve the matter without the need for violence?

A simple "Can't you knock?" By Ops husband immediately would probably have sufficed

PaperLace:

Heavens bless you.
See how they are trivialising a married woman's body. They won't want their wives to wear skimpy wears, yet there is no problem with this issue. I even had to ask my husband to be sure I am not overreacting, his face just changed..."what's he doing in our room to start with?"

Maybe she should have just carried on like the BIL wasn't there, the husband would have been the one opening this thread and the comments would definitely be different.

Amen.

Don't mind them.
You can notice it's mostly single guys, some of who are known women haters that seem to support it.
They would support anything obviously wrong as long as the woman takes the blame.

After reading some of these comments, I have come to the conclusion that many Nigerians on nairaland lack home training.

kaymart:


You know what?
It's d guy's approach that made me commented that way though, I mean d guy I quoted.

Back to the main topic, to be honest, I agree with you. you r absolutely right. The saying that the guy stood still and was apologizing while the lady was trying to hide is sth that I won't agree with. I doubt that was truly want the case. How could he have stood still while the husband was also there in the room?
I doubt any sane person in his right state of mind 'lld do that.

Dear Haneefah, what we need to know is that some issues do not require over flogging. Let me be plain with u here, I'm sure the guy who barged in wouldn't be comfortable in the house too, at atleast for a couple of time. He wud hate himself for those period more than you hate him or his mistake. I'm sure he would have reprimanded himself a thousand times in his head.....The husband's reprimanding him wouldn't do much, Infact, if at all, it does, it 'll do the worse. The most effective approach is just to let go. I'm so sure if the guy is sane and in his right mindset, he 'll knock and knock repeatedly any other time has a reason to be in that room again, even when he is so sure that the wife had travelled a thousand miles away from the domain. Besides, he may never come into that room for the rest of his stay in that house.
However, the husband's decision to play it cool goes to show that he understood the brother's intention and he knows what's wud be going on in his brother's mind, he's so sure that the guy would have himself reprimanded all by himself. Remember, he is his little brother ns am sure he knows him better than anyone else.

Going to him or reprimanding him is like opening up a sore. To me, It's absolutely not necessary.

Though, everyone with his/her opinion......

Away from that dear Haneefah.......
are u a practising muslimah? with a good to moderate understanding of the Deen, if u are, pls reach me back.
I think I like ur approach to this issue even though we have slight differences in our approach to it.
You can contact me through text on 08092268498 or better still tell me how to reach u.
Thanks as I anticipate.

You weren't there, it is her story so you saying you won't agree with something doesn't mean it didn't happen.
I am certain the woman would have gotten quickly over the embarrassment if he had said 'I'm sorry' while immediately leaving the room upon seeing she was naked, immediate turn out of the room. He can nau come back later to apologize after she is covered. And let's assume he was shocked and his brain couldn't process he was supposed to leave, the husband should have spoken up, 'leave and do not barge in like that next time without knocking'.
And the case would have died there.
I think the op is more shocked the husband took the matter with such levity.

I get and understand your point too though


About me contacting you or the other way round, sorry, don't bother.

On.purpose or

iyaayi:
My live in brother in law of whom we are agemates barged into my room unannounced this morning. I was totally naked & had to dive under the bed from the shame & shock.

He stood there apologising that he didn't know i was in the room (we had met outside by the clothes line a short while ago).
The most painful part is that my husband who was lying in d bed in the room didn't find it necessary to utter a word.
When I confronted him, he said that shebi his brother had said 'sorry'
I really don't know what to do. I feel let down by hubby's reaction & also ashamed about the whole incident.
pls good folks, what do I do to redress the situation. thank you

shebi d guy apologize abi you want make him brother behead am or be-eye am?mbok

Organs:



Its good you admit it. Now time to address it cos you might drive away the good people just because you distrust them, its not them, its you. An after one former girlfriend of mine blocked me from entering her 4 year old daughter's room because the 4 yr old was naked, can you imagine, 4 years old, naked.... anyways i asked her that soo, i cant shower her daughter, she went crazy for me to even ask that question, oh girl na there we share the garri, i carry my own waka leave her with hers. She and her family beg tire, say she get trust issues and phobia of her daughter being abused. She come go register with therapist to deal with the trust issue. I said God forbid, i neva born, i dey consider am cos of other qualities wey i see and the trust issue scatter everything for me, because she thinks in her head that i or any man around her can potentially hurt or abuse her daughter. anyways, i have daughters of my own now and she'd emailed me in 2015 telling me that her daughter had had 2 false accusations of inappropriate behaviour against her peers at age 9. She said she'd messed up her daughter with her trust issues.

thank you so much with this response!

Today, it is becoming even more difficult to be a man because the media and the heavily financed and supported feminist culture of that we now live in has made many people to mistrust men and see every single man as a criminal rapist even before he ever thinks of immorality.

On this forum sometime ago, a person came up with a thread (i really cannot remember what it was all about), but one reply a lady who is very much like bukatyne in attitude said was: you should ask the little girl if her father was touching her. Anyway, she said this even when from the story, it doesn't look like any kind of abuse was possible.

Today, to ruin a man, just tell the world he is abusing a child. Today, being a single father taking care of a daughter is even more difficult because people will automatically suspect you and go behind to ask the daughter if the father touches her. They think this way because they feel men cannot live without sex and a single father taking care of a daughter will definitely be touching her. Our roles in our daughter's lives is even more difficult to play out. We can't get involved in our daughter's lives like we would have loved to and this is all the fault of the shameful feminist culture we now live in.

bukatyne:


I haven't said the BIL did it deliberately... that's another discussion; It is the fact that

1. The husband did not scold his brother especially in front of his wife to ease her embarrassment [/b]and asking her why she is making a issue out of nothing ----- Disrespect

2. The BIL barging into his brother's marital room without knocking ---- Disrespect

[b]The apology is not enough... the fact he never does it again.

So you advice he scolds the brother in front of the wife to ease her embarrassment?

Apology is not enough, what more do u advice?

donkilidon:
Pls talk to your brother in law directly,tell him to always knock even if it is only his brother in the room.

To me it's a deliberate act,more so he should have walked out the moment he saw u nude.

Except say him dey eye u with style

Abeg always lock your room door when your hubby is out,dis kind guy fit put him plug 4 your socket ooooo

it might not be deliberate. When I was in school our female hostel mates always accuse my roomie and I of coming into their rooms whenever they finished bathing so see if we can accidentally see them unclad.

MiddleDimension:


thank you so much with this response!

Today, it is becoming even more difficult to be a man because the media and the heavily financed and supported feminist culture of that we now live in has made many people to mistrust men and see every single man as a criminal rapist even before he ever thinks of immorality.

On this forum sometime ago, a person came up with a thread (i really cannot remember what it was all about), but one reply a lady who is very much like bukatyne in attitude said was: you should ask the little girl if her father was touching her. Anyway, she said this even when from the story, it doesn't look like any kind of abuse was possible.

Today, to ruin a man, just tell the world he is abusing a child. Today, being a single father taking care of a daughter is even more difficult because people will automatically suspect you and go behind to ask the daughter if the father touches her. They think this way because they feel men cannot live without sex and a single father taking care of a daughter will definitely be touching her. Our roles in our daughter's lives is even more difficult to play out. We can't get involved in our daughter's lives like we would have loved to and this is all the fault of the shameful feminist culture we now live in.

I doubt if feminism has anything to do with people being careful about their daughters.
Let us be honest with ourselves, the world is a dangerous place for children.
Many women today were victims of sexual abuse as a child, by trusted family members, and their parents never even knew about it right under their noses. Some were also violated by their fathers.
I've read of at least 2 different stories on NL of fathers impregnating their biological underage children. The abuse had started years earlier before they even became teenagers. Step children even face worse.
How about this new one now- male children are also no longer safe. The world has become so corrupt, that as a parent, you cannot afford to be careless. You just cannot.
Pedophiles are everywhere and I fear we don't have the records or statistics in Nigeria. They are plenty. They appear like normal people, professionals, artisans, religious etc but their hearts are darker than what you can imagine.
There was a time Amber alerts became a regular almost daily thing in some parts of the US.
I repeat, the world is a dangerous place.

Davash222:

Can't she lock the door knowing she's UNCLAD

Oga, its her bedroom... Her sacred chamber where things dey happen on a coded level and where she can open yansh as she likes and not a supermarket you walk into anytime you like...even her kitchen is scared bros not to talk of her room... BTW, the husband is an idiot... Why not caution his brother to always knock b4 entry ?

Caustics:
what do you want him to do? kill his brother? What is done is done. No need making a mountain out of a mole hill. Escalating it will only make you feel more ashamed. By the way how old are you? cuz after a certain age people seeing you naked shouldnt bother you this much.

Ur comment no make sense at all... She has to speak out so next time that nigga knocks b4 entering her sacred chamber and for her husband to say sometin would have calmed her down... Stay there talking about escalation and not being bothered about being naked until the woman gets raped.... Its called her bedroom and not a dancing floor or a supermarket... Even old mama dey try cover her nyansh not to talk of youngitos... Bros abeg no talk like this again o... No insults intended sha

technicallyrich:
I know that. You have banged more than 20 guys before you got married so what's the big deal if your brother inlaw mistakenly see your unclothedness for the first time not that he has been doing it.
That your husband is a matured man and I belive he would have called his brother secretly to caution him instead of doing it in your front.
Most Women always like to chase their inlaws out so that they will bring in their own family.
Loking for excuse to cause problem between them but your plan don fail.

Ur words are mean ... I doubt if u r truly a woman...

MiddleDimension:


thank you so much with this response!

Today, it is becoming even more difficult to be a man because the media and the heavily financed and supported feminist culture of that we now live in has made many people to mistrust men and see every single man as a criminal rapist even before he ever thinks of immorality.

On this forum sometime ago, a person came up with a thread (i really cannot remember what it was all about), but one reply a lady who is very much like bukatyne in attitude said was: you should ask the little girl if her father was touching her. Anyway, she said this even when from the story, it doesn't look like any kind of abuse was possible.

Today, to ruin a man, just tell the world he is abusing a child. Today, being a single father taking care of a daughter is even more difficult because people will automatically suspect you and go behind to ask the daughter if the father touches her. They think this way because they feel men cannot live without sex and a single father taking care of a daughter will definitely be touching her. Our roles in our daughter's lives is even more difficult to play out. We can't get involved in our daughter's lives like we would have loved to and this is all the fault of the shameful feminist culture we now live in.

Excellent point my brother. I run away from people mostly women with that kinda mentality and yes there are lots of them out there.