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Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" - Islam for Muslims (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / Islam for Muslims / Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" (16148 Views)

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Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by aadoiza: 4:02pm On Jun 16, 2017
sarahade:
Women have suffered and we shall suffer no more.
You will continue to suffer, 'cos it's a man's world grin grin grin
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by Nobody: 4:03pm On Jun 16, 2017
aadoiza:

You can believe all that balderdash, after all there is freedom to guzzling down crap. And I kinda like the fact that stars are now amazingly thousands of light years away and no longer millions or billions, undecided undecided thanks for that info.

I can't wait for them to move within tens or units of light years, that'd be marvellous don't you think? cool cool cool
What is this one saying? Some stars are thousands of light years away, some millions and billions. However, it's harder and almost impossible to study the ones that are billions of light years away due to the capacity of the telescopes at hand. I know you're really trying hard to believe your lies but sorry to kill your joy- The VY Cannis Majoris and Red Dwarf are both within our reach and the facts about them are 100% authentic, no speculations.

Not until you are awakened to the fact that these theories about nature are mostly premised on conjectures, obfuscations, delusions self-aggradisement, and what not; will you achieve enlightenment and catharsis and bliss and spirituality.
Funny how you people start beating about the bush and vomiting irrelevant impertinent verbiage whenever you get boxed in an argument. Who asked you for all these shït? grin

3 Likes

Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by sarahade(f): 4:07pm On Jun 16, 2017
aadoiza:

You will continue to suffer, 'cos it's a man's world grin grin grin
We shall see.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by ilyasmuy: 5:00pm On Jun 16, 2017
MisterLomantic:

Oh my! You've gotta be fvcking kidding me. Whenever those hypocrites find an L in the Quran, they distort the truth with their dishonest opinions in form of Tafsir. There are two basic inferences from that verse- 1. Allah called stars lamps. 2. Stars are missiles which Allah launches an Jinns whenever they come to listen to the future so they can relay it to fortune tellers. But once again, you're trying to cover the book's shortcoming by wrapping the issue into another lie. Notice the plurality of Shaitan there- Shayateen. The devil is one single angel which leads to one conclusion- The Shayateen used there refers to Jinns. So don't try to serve the lie about the Devil here. Stop lying about your religion, people deserve to know the truth.

Don't mould a simple verse into another complex matter. Alameen means god of the worlds, which is "Aljinn wa L'Inss" ( The Jinns and Humans, which can simply be translated as The Seen and Unseen). There was no acknowledgement of other planets nor universe what so ever. Don't feed people lies.

You first said Allah called stars stone. You are now changing it to missile. You are not even sure. How does "we have made stars as stone for devil" translates to star = stone.

Secondly you are ignorant of arabic so you dont understand the meaning of Alameen. Your argument is soo lame, Even if alameen means world of human and jews does that negates he is the God of angels and other planets.

Example... Buhari is the father of Zahra. Does that negates he is the father of other children....
Allah is the lord of Man....Does that negates he is the lord of jinns

Can you find "only" in the expression.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by ikupakuti(m): 5:03pm On Jun 16, 2017
AlBaqir:


Here the meaning is right (beat) because of its context take in your hand. Unlike the previous ayah in surah Tahrim which followed with "mathalan" and which means to set forth, to illustrate. And in Surah Nisa which could mean something else apart from beat, to cast aside, to separate from.

So, Quran uses the word "dharaba" in so many places with different meanings as per the context.


AlBaqir I know the word has variants grin Unless we intend lieing to ourselves, the context in which Q4:34 was used is the same as that of Q38:44 i.e husband/wife affairs boardering on rebellion. So, why must we now shop for a substitute for it ?

POINTS

#1: In that Q38:44 God commanded AYUB (as) to fulfill his oath of beating his wife, now if that was wrong would God have requested him to fufill it just because of a oath ?

#2: Did you considered the DALEEL NUZUL of that vs 4:34 ? Shey you know it was actually to settle a ‘beating‘ case btw a man & his wife ?

#3: This actual variant of DHARABA was interpreted by the holy prophet (saw) himself as evident in his farewell sermon as was reported in the books BUKHARI, MUSLIM, TIRMIDHI, IBN HANBAL, IBN MAJAH, even al-JAUZI in his al-BAYYAN, these are his words as recorded in ibn MAJAH book 9 no. 1851

فاضربوعن ضربا غير مبرح


do you still think that specific interpretation of that word is just a preference of the mufassiruna & not from the holy prophet (saw) ?



# So don't you think that if that ayah in surah Nisah truly meant to beat, will Nabi not abide by the law and command of his Lord?

# Rather instead of beating any of his erring wives who caused him so much trouble, he separated from them for 29 days (a whole month).

Why can't you emulate this instead of beating which he never ever did? Nabi was described as "working and walking Quran".


Your answer to my last question on the former post will determine the answer to this.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by faheez(m): 5:19pm On Jun 16, 2017
no need for too much talk, just go ahead and do what you think is right..
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by tintingz(m): 5:30pm On Jun 16, 2017
ikupakuti:
@albaqir

#Yes, there are customs & conventions that have crept into religion & are mistaken for it but here we are talking about a clear Quranic ruling perfectly understood & applied by predecessors as supported by documented history & like I stated it wasnt an issue until now, why ?

#The emphasis on women being treated with care was actually due to the fact that, they are subjected to the control/guidance of men, such recommendation were also made in respect to other subjects too (non women) & it does not negate the application of necessary disciplinary measures when the rights of God are trampled on.

#Its like the minority holding this view failed to grasp the wisdom behind a man (as the leader of his home) to discipline his erring wife. Take for eg

Should your wife consume alcohol, would you/she rather get the ruling in that vs applied or get her reported to an open court to get her flogged 40/80 lashes and get ridiculed publicly ?

# Anybody can get their ar.se whooped, all they need do is commit an offence that attracts such. If the holy prophet (saw) could recommend beating for children (girls inclusive) by the parents then whats so special about wives/women ?......typing
This man is very archaic and brainwashed. He's a potential wife beater

Women are grown and adults not kids, how can you be beating someone grown up? Does beating help or solve the problem? If the husband did wrong should the wife also beat the husband?

This home leadership gibberish are really turning some men into hulk Hogan prícks.

Kids are not puppet youyou can't just beat them because they err, you talk to them, counsel them like a father not beating them like cows, children now have rights, go and beat a child and if reported to the authority(children right), sorry is your case.

Women are not slaves nor kids, they also have brain like men, beating is not the solution, thank goodness, women are now speaking out, you can go to Saudi Arabia where they beat women publicly, doing that here in Nigeria will face court charges(domestic violence).

Say no to domestic violence!

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Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by Nobody: 5:37pm On Jun 16, 2017
ilyasmuy:

You first said Allah called stars stone. You are now changing it to missile. You are not even sure. How does "we have made stars as stone for devil" translates to star = stone.
Jeez. Learn to read between lines dude. It's a missile in the sense that Allah casts it at the Jinns whenever they go to the heavens to listen to the "future". Imagine, future events don turn hip-hop songs wey dey leak. grin Secondly, what's in the verse is actually "Shayaateen", plural of "Shaitan". The Devil is only one person, so the "Shayaateen" there is referring to Jinns and not the devil at all and/or alone.

Secondly you are ignorant of arabic so you dont understand the meaning of Alameen. Your argument is soo lame, Even if alameen means world of human and jews does that negates he is the God of angels and other planets.
You dare say I have no understanding of Arabiyya when you can't even figure out the difference between Shaitan and Shayaateen. And when and where the hell did I say "god of humans and jews" Learn to read and understand, I didn't throw in the point of him not being the god of other planets. My point is simple and here it is, so read again- The Quran didn't mention life outside earth nor the existence of planetary/celestial bodies, so where the hell did your scholars pull out the word "universe" from. Rabal Alameen ≠ Lord of the Universe. Not even close.

Example... Buhari is the father of Zahra. Does that negates he is the father of other children....
Allah is the lord of Man....Does that negates he is the lord of jinns
No one asked you for all these, it was never mentioned that Allah is the god of other planets nor universe. So why are you guys forcing the title in. Isn't it actually Haram to say things the Quran didn't say?

1 Like

Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by aadoiza: 5:42pm On Jun 16, 2017
MisterLomantic:
What is this one saying? Some stars are thousands of light years away, some millions and billions. However, it's harder and almost impossible to study the ones that are billions of light years away due to the capacity of the telescopes at hand. I know you're really trying hard to believe your lies but sorry to kill your joy- The VY Cannis Majoris and Red Dwarf are both within our reach and the facts about them are 100% authentic, no speculations.

Funny how you people start beating about the bush and vomiting irrelevant impertinent verbiage whenever you get boxed in an argument. Who asked you for all these shït? grin
Oh blimey! You really think this is an argument and you're supposedly winning? Come off it buddy, I just revel in exasperating a bunch of scientist arse-licking zombies grin grin

And now you believe some are actually millions and billions light years away. Na no go kill person with una infantile hypocrisy tongue

What is the name of this particular star hovering over my house right now Oh perhaps it's the brown giant or the molar magority grin grin

It's a pity the world has been sold and fed nonsense in the name of Science, and the gullibles would come online to brazenly and shamelessly regurgitate it. angry angry
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by tintingz(m): 5:45pm On Jun 16, 2017
MisterLomantic:
These are not speculations mister

These are plain facts. And to say they're billions of light years away is an exaggeration. A lot of them are just thousands of light years away and closer than people think. And you should ask yourself how the unit "light years" came to be if those people really do not "know" what they speak of.

If you don't believe, refer to info provided by different space exploration organisations

But think again, even if they're wrong (which they aren't), it's simply ridiculous for a god who "knows and sees all" and does not dwell on earth to think a star is the size of a stone

I thought he created them!
Lol grin grin grin

1 Like

Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by tintingz(m): 5:50pm On Jun 16, 2017
sarahade:
Women have suffered and we shall suffer no more.
Thank goodness, women now have right and now speaking out, it is only troglodyte country like Saudi Arabia still beat women publicly like cows.

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Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by aadoiza: 5:53pm On Jun 16, 2017
sarahade:

We shall see.
We no dey see anything. Man is superior to woman, and that is an axiom, but with the feminism programming instilled in most people's head they 'd term it chauvinistic, misogynistic or some other fancy words they can come up with. Who cares anyway, as long as man remains the boss cool cool.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by Nobody: 6:10pm On Jun 16, 2017
aadoiza:

Oh blimey! You really think this is an argument and you're supposedly winning? Come off it buddy, I just revel in exasperating a bunch of scientist arse-licking zombies grin grin
No one said anything about winning the argument. For you to have mentioned that, it means you're feeling threatened and insecure about losing. Very simple and subtle psychological observation grin

And now you believe some are actually millions and billions light years away. Na no go kill person with una infantile hypocrisy tongue
Hehe. Funny how y'all turn against science whenever it deals you a blow. grin Anyway, stars being millions/billions of light years away isn't about belief. This ain't no B.O.B shït, it's a damn fact.

What is the name of this particular star hovering over my house right now Oh perhaps it's the brown giant or the molar magority grin grin
Awww. Now that's you being naïve, Science already floored you and you're now trying to salvage the situation with dry humor. grin If you really wanna know, go buy a telescope sha.

It's a pity the world has been sold and fed nonsense in the name of Science, and the gullibles would come online to brazenly and shamelessly regurgitate it. angry angry
Why are you pained? grin It's actually very simple, prove just one of those scientific claims wrong!
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by sarahade(f): 6:19pm On Jun 16, 2017
aadoiza:

We no dey see anything. Man is superior to woman, and that is an axiom, but with the feminism programming instilled in most people's head they 'd term it chauvinistic, misogynistic or some other fancy words they can come up with. Who cares anyway, as long as man remains the boss cool cool.
A man is superior because women allow them.
Thank God it's 2017 we know better you can't use religion as a tool anymore.
Have you seen the latest advertisement for baby Daddy a.k.a sperm donor nobody needs a man when you can have men.
We will see who needs who in 10 years.

1 Like

Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by sarahade(f): 6:24pm On Jun 16, 2017
tintingz:
This man is very archaic and brainwashed. He's a potential wife beater

Women are grown and adults not kids, how can you be beating someone grown up? Does beating help or solve the problem? If the husband did wrong should the wife also beat the husband?

This home leadership gibberish are really turning some men into hulk Hogan prícks.

Kids are not puppet youyou can't just beat them because they err, you talk to them, counsel them like a father not beating them like cows, children now have rights, go and beat a child and if reported to the authority(children right), sorry is your case.

Women are not slaves nor kids, they also have brain like men, beating is not the solution, thank goodness, women are now speaking out, you can go to Saudi Arabia where they beat women publicly, doing that here in Nigeria will face court charges(domestic violence).

Say no to domestic violence!

Nobody can beat my children (not even their father).
Na wahala be that.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by tintingz(m): 7:03pm On Jun 16, 2017
sarahade:


Nobody can beat my children (not even their father).
Na wahala be that.
Lol, just marry a reasonable man, know his character, most men especially african men emulate their archaic father and religious, cultural influence them.

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Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by aadoiza: 7:41pm On Jun 16, 2017
sarahade:

A man is superior because women allow them.
Thank God it's 2017 we know better you can't use religion as a tool anymore.
Have you seen the latest advertisement for baby Daddy a.k.a sperm donor nobody needs a man when you can have men.
We will see who needs who in 10 years.
Ad for baby daddy grin grin. And you believe that that is tantamount to or a reflection of modern-day, feminist-influenced gender equality?

The more I see stuff like this, the more convinced I am about the stupidity of the world. Nobody is talking about religion here but a different perspective from western hogwash.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by aadoiza: 8:18pm On Jun 16, 2017
MisterLomantic:
No one said anything about winning the argument. For you to have mentioned that, it means you're feeling threatened and insecure about losing. Very simple and subtle psychological observation grin

Hehe. Funny how y'all turn against science whenever it deals you a blow. grin Anyway, stars being millions/billions of light years away isn't about belief. This ain't no B.O.B shït, it's a damn fact.

Awww. Now that's you being naïve, Science already floored you and you're now trying to salvage the situation with dry humor. grin If you really wanna know, go buy a telescope sha.

Why are you pained? grin It's actually very simple, prove just one of those scientific claims wrong!
When you boxed someone to a corner, do you know what it means in pugilism? Now you know why I used 'winning'

Science is great. No gainsaying about that. I'd never doubt the theories postulated to support its inventions. That is I why wrote their' theories about nature'. I guess you were too eager to deliver deadly blows on your cornered virtual opponent.

Forming a badly intended preconceptions is no for Nairaland scientists like you.

As far as the nature goes, I'd believe what see, feel and cherry-pick whatever strike me with the aura of genuineness from all realms, and not wean on some guys' idiosyncrasies and ridiculousness in the name omniscient science. Hmm, I like that. The word Science is probably a derivative of omniscient, wow!! shocked shocked
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by usermane(m): 4:30am On Jun 18, 2017
ikupakuti:
....the word DHARABA in that vs actually means BEATING & the Quran also reported it application in Q38:44 in the case of AYUB (as) & his wife.

Peace.

First, Ayub can't be striking his wife as there is no mention of his wife in the verse.
Secondly, the object to be struck is not even mentioned and therefore translating dharaba as "strike" here is not tenable.

Look through the numerous verses like 7:160 where dharaba can only be interpreted as strike, there is always mention of the object to be struck. Not in 38:44

1 Like

Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by Riduane: 9:13am On Jun 18, 2017
sarahade:

A man is superior because women allow them.

Still doesn't change the fact that men Are superior to women.

Don't tell me you are now a feminist undecided undecided

Thank God it's 2017 we know better you can't use religion as a tool anymore.
Have you seen the latest advertisement for baby Daddy a.k.a sperm donor nobody needs a man when you can have men.
We will see who needs who in 10 years.

This is utter gibberish! sad
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by Riduane: 9:18am On Jun 18, 2017
sarahade:


Nobody can beat my children (not even their father).
Na wahala be that.

Joker.

tintingz:
Lol, just marry a reasonable man, know his character, most men especially african men emulate their archaic father and religious, cultural influence them.

And is there anything bad beating a stubborn kid
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by sarahade(f): 10:10am On Jun 18, 2017
Riduane:


Joker.



And is there anything bad beating a stubborn kid
Please don't quote me in any post.
If you like kill your children they are yours but you can't and will not tell me how I will raise Mine.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by sarahade(f): 10:11am On Jun 18, 2017
Riduane:


Still doesn't change the fact that men Are superior to women.

Don't tell me you are now a feminist undecided undecided



This is utter gibberish! sad
Well I've always been a feminist and will always be sir.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by Riduane: 10:17am On Jun 18, 2017
sarahade:

Please don't quote me in any post.


And if i continue quoting you , what will you do?

If you don't want to be quoted, why don't you stay in your house or on Facebook where your fellow slay queens enjoy themselves?

yeye.


If you like kill your children they are yours but you can't and will not tell me how I will raise Mine.

I simply asked him a question and not even you. Who cares anyhow you planning to raise your kids. Just read the story of Evans and grab some sense from it. undecided
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by sarahade(f): 10:30am On Jun 18, 2017
Riduane:


And if i continue quoting you , what will you do?

If you don't want to be quoted, why don't you stay in your house or on Facebook where your fellow slay queens enjoy themselves?

yeye.




I simply asked him a question and not even you. Who cares anyhow you planning to raise your kids. Just read the story of Evans and grab some sense from it. undecided

Na you should learn from it.
I know you've achieved something today by quoting me.
What has Evans story got to do with raising kids.
Please go and sit down jare.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by tintingz(m): 11:14am On Jun 18, 2017
Riduane:


And is there anything bad beating a stubborn kid
Beating a stubborn will not solve anything, rather know why the kid is stubborn, there are children psychologist everywhere, you can consult them, African parents don't bother to know why this kids are stubborn, most them(African parents) thinks they are possessed with stubborn demon. grin

Beating kids will even add to thier stubborness

Beating stubborn children is the more reason we have touts, street boys, osanle(runaway children) turning into thieves and prostitutes.

My dad once threaten my kid brother with beating, in the next one hour he ran away from home for like a week we were looking for him, we went to the police, news paper to announce it, if you see how my dad was worried lol he never beat my siblings again, he(kid brotha) later called that' he is with a soldier in baracks, he came back finish his secondary school, right now he has joined the military.

If I see my kid acting stubborn, I will find out why he/she acting stubborn, beating is not the next thing, most of us grown up with beating are always scared of our parents especially fathers, kids have this curiosity in them, it is not normal for kids to sit alone and looking dull.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by Nobody: 11:15am On Jun 18, 2017

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Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by Riduane: 1:40pm On Jun 18, 2017
tintingz:
Beating a stubborn will not solve anything, rather know why the kid is stubborn, there are children psychologist everywhere, you can consult them, African parents don't bother to know why this kids are stubborn, most them(African parents) thinks they are possessed with stubborn demon. grin

Beating kids will even add to thier stubborness

Beating stubborn children is the more reason we have touts, street boys, osanle(runaway children) turning into thieves and prostitutes.

My dad once threaten my kid brother with beating, in the next one hour he ran away from home for like a week we were looking for him, we went to the police, news paper to announce it, if you see how my dad was worried lol he never beat my siblings again, he(kid brotha) later called that' he is with a soldier in baracks, he came back finish his secondary school, right now he has joined the military.

If I see my kid acting stubborn, I will find out why he/she acting stubborn, beating is not the next thing, most of us grown up with beating are always scared of our parents especially fathers, kids have this curiosity in them, it is not normal for kids to sit alone and looking dull.

This post is funny though. cheesy grin

Well i don't mean beating to the extent of the kid running away from home.

And one of the more reason why i like my dad to this day is how he brought us up. He's a very patient man that before he takes up pankere to beat you, then know that you've totally exhaust his patience.

When i was kid for example, whenever we're having holiday, i would play around. I would trek miles away from home in search of all sort frivolities. I only come back home when it's getting. At first, he would only scold me, he would narrate how dangerous it is going far away from home. That i would end up joining bad gangs and so on. Sometimes he would threaten me with police, that police arrest people that wander about.. I don't get scared of his sermons. By next morning, whenever he's gone to work, I'd be off again. Then later on, i started taking my siblings along. Sometimes we go on in search of where to pluck fruit. We would jump people's fence. Still
yet he would only warn me. Then my stupidity developed into gathering other kids in the hood and taking them for the hunt, you see the moment their parents started coming to my house to warn me against taking their kids out, that was when my dad starTed showing his other side. He would beat me for not staying at home, although with a lot of counselling. At a point in time, he handed me over to a fashion designer in the street. I was to be learning fashion designing at age 8 or so.. Lol. The man will also add beating whenever i do any mess up.

To cut the whole shit short, i had to stop being a stubborn boy because i knew the consequences.

Who knows if he hadn't shown a lot of concern to my stubbornness, maybe i would have been in one of those garages playing dice with my gangs now. Who knows maybe i would have been friend with bad guys with all sort of despicable acts.

And are you really talking about a children psychologist ? Seriously in Nigeria ? grin grin

No one is saying children are expected to sit alone and be looking dull. Rather kids should be scolded for doing wrong things even after receiving corrections on countless occasions, else they get used to wrongdoings till they can't be corrected again.

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Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by tintingz(m): 6:05pm On Jun 18, 2017
Riduane:


This post is funny though. cheesy grin

Well i don't mean beating to the extent of the kid running away from home.

And one of the more reason why i like my dad to this day is how he brought us up. He's a very patient man that before he takes up pankere to beat you, then know that you've totally exhaust his patience.

When i was kid for example, whenever we're having holiday, i would play around. I would trek miles away from home in search of all sort frivolities. I only come back home when it's getting. At first, he would only scold me, he would narrate how dangerous it is going far away from home. That i would end up joining bad gangs and so on. Sometimes he would threaten me with police, that police arrest people that wander about.. I don't get scared of his sermons. By next morning, whenever he's gone to work, I'd be off again. Then later on, i started taking my siblings along. Sometimes we go on in search of where to pluck fruit. We would jump people's fence. Still
yet he would only warn me. Then my stupidity developed into gathering other kids in the hood and taking them for the hunt, you see the moment their parents started coming to my house to warn me against taking their kids out, that was when my dad starTed showing his other side. He would beat me for not staying at home, although with a lot of counselling. At a point in time, he handed me over to a fashion designer in the street. I was to be learning fashion designing at age 8 or so.. Lol. The man will also add beating whenever i do any mess up.

To cut the whole shit short, i had to stop being a stubborn boy because i knew the consequences.

Who knows if he hadn't shown a lot of concern to my stubbornness, maybe i would have been in one of those garages playing dice with my gangs now. Who knows maybe i would have been friend with bad guys with all sort of despicable acts.

And are you really talking about a children psychologist ? Seriously in Nigeria ? grin grin

No one is saying children are expected to sit alone and be looking dull. Rather kids should be scolded for doing wrong things even after receiving corrections on countless occasions, else they get used to wrongdoings till they can't be corrected again.

Lol, funny story, so you were dexter and the gang. grin

Anyways, the case of your dad is quite different, he's patient with you before he took action, but one thing for sure is that you will be scared of him, there will be no father-son bound, you can't talk your mind to him, i dont know how you relate with your dad but this is the psychological effect kids been beating regularly by parents.

There are many children psychologist here in Nigeria but African parents don't consult them because of ego and what people will say about how they can't train a child, they prefer taken them to pastors, Alfas that will do demon beating experiment on them grin, I watched an interview of a child psychologist, he stated why parents should stop beating their kids, and there are different types of punishment.

Punishment like scolding, beating, threatening only works on kids when the parents are around, but when they are not they go back to their children activities, there are ways to train, discipline a child without beating or any physical abuse the more reason parents need to see or read children psychology books.

Punishment doesn’t mean physical punishment. Physical punishment like smacking doesn’t teach children how to behave and can hurt children.

Does punishment work?

Punishment by itself doesn’t really work. It teaches children only what they shouldn’t do. It doesn’t guide them towards what they should do, so it doesn’t work in changing their behaviour. It might also have negative long-term effects on children.
http://m.raisingchildren.net.au/articles/punishment_and_children.html

You can see the difference? Punishment itself only teach children on what they shouldn't do but doesn't guide them on what they should do.

Some parents only yell at kids, "don't go there, don't go out, don't steal, don't do this don't do that" but they won't tell them the reasons why they shouldn't do those things, they won't guide them.

Most African parents scold their kids to sit somewhere quietly looking dull which is wrong, it has negative effect on the kid like low self esteem.

Throughout my growing up, I don't have this bound with my father, he loves quoting hadiths and bible on beating, in fact to him beating, physical punishment is the only way to train a child.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by Riduane: 7:33pm On Jun 18, 2017
tintingz:
Lol, funny story, so you were dexter and the gang. grin

Anyways, the case of your dad is quite different, he's patient with you before he took action, but one thing for sure is that you will be scared of him, there will be no father-son bound, you can't talk your mind to him, i dont know how you relate with your dad but this is the psychological effect kids been beating regularly by parents.


Honestly, it's not the case with him. His beating of me back then didn't for once take the father son relationship from me. He's got a way that no more how much he beats you, you will still have no option but to love him, because i remember before getting up from bed the next day after i must have received his beatings, he'd have gotten all sorts of sweets, akara and so on to compensate me. He would tell me how he loves me, and how he doesn't want me to end up with the bad boys on the street. He would promise to do anything for me in so far i am ready to stop being stubborn. Before i know it, my hatred for him is gone and sometimes even feel pity for him. I hate making them sad.

Although your position above is right as i have experienced it with my brother. I stayed with him when i was in high school. This one always enjoy beating me. Although i don't hate him any longer but our rapport is dead. We only talk to each other when necessary. My dad, however, i owe a lot of thanks for the way he brought me up.

There are many children psychologist here in Nigeria but African parents don't consult them because of ego

I really don't think it's because of ego, rather it's because it really doesn't make sense.

In my opinion, i think this psychologist thing can only work well outside of Africa or anywhere where the poverty level is low with a serene environment devoid of all sort of things that can corrupt the minds of kids.

In the first place, the psychologist cannot know the kid more than their parent and besides, children tends to forget things easily. No matter the counselling and whatever the psychologist is going to do, things will hardly change in an environment like Nigeria..

I'm not denying the fact that it can work but it's going to be a long step to it.

and what people will say about how they can't train a child, they prefer taken them to pastors, Alfas that will do demon beating experiment on them grin,..

This is no doubt a stupid thing to do.. Mum once wanted to take me to alfa so i can be staying with him, but dad never agree.


I watched an interview of a child psychologist, he stated why parents should stop beating their kids, and there are different types of punishment.

Punishment like scolding, beating, threatening only works on kids when the parents are around, but when they are not they go back to their children activities, there are ways to train, discipline a child without beating or any physical abuse the more reason parents need to see or read children psychology books.

Punishment doesn’t mean physical punishment. Physical punishment like smacking doesn’t teach children how to behave and can hurt children.

Does punishment work?

Punishment by itself doesn’t really work. It teaches children only what they shouldn’t do. It doesn’t guide them towards what they should do, so it doesn’t work in changing their behaviour. It might also have negative long-term effects on children.
http://m.raisingchildren.net.au/articles/punishment_and_children.html

You can see the difference? Punishment itself only teach children on what they shouldn't do but doesn't guide them on what they should do.

That's punishment alone. Punishment with a lot of talkings and lots of advice on what to do often guides children for their betterment. I'm a living witness to that. Like i said, i was very stubborn that if not for what i passed through, i would have ended up with criminals in the society today. Alhamdullilah i didn't.

Some parents only yell at kids, "don't go there, don't go out, don't steal, don't do this don't do that" but they won't tell them the reasons why they shouldn't do those things, they won't guide them.

Most African parents scold their kids to sit somewhere quietly looking dull which is wrong, it has negative effect on the kid like low self esteem.

Throughout my growing up, I don't have this bound with my father, he loves quoting hadiths and bible on beating, in fact to him beating, physical punishment is the only way to train a child.

grin grin grin

and did you visit any psychologist before you changed ?

My father believes beating is part of training a child, however he does much of talkings, even to this day.

I think I will talk more with my sturbborn kids too, and beat them whenever the need arises, else they become a spoilt brat.
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by Demmzy15(m): 9:16pm On Jun 18, 2017
tintingz:
Thank goodness, women now have right and now speaking out, it is only troglodyte country like Saudi Arabia still beat women publicly like cows.
grin grin grin grin
Re: Understanding The Verse Of "Beating One's Wife" by tintingz(m): 9:50pm On Jun 18, 2017
Riduane:


Honestly, it's not the case with him. His beating of me back then didn't for once take the father son relationship from me. He's got a way that no more how much he beats you, you will still have no option but to love him, because i remember before getting up from bed the next day after i must have received his beatings, he'd have gotten all sorts of sweets, akara and so on to compensate me. He would tell me how he loves me, and how he doesn't want me to end up with the bad boys on the street. He would promise to do anything for me in so far i am ready to stop being stubborn. Before i know it, my hatred for him is gone and sometimes even feel pity for him. I hate making them sad.

Although your position above is right as i have experienced it with my brother. I stayed with him when i was in high school. This one always enjoy beating me. Although i don't hate him any longer but our rapport is dead. We only talk to each other when necessary. My dad, however, i owe a lot of thanks for the way he brought me up.
You still have the bond with him after he beats you because he praises you with gift after you listened to his words, most fathers don't do that.



I really don't think it's because of ego, rather it's because it really doesn't make sense.
It is ego, ask a archaic father if he will take his child to see a psychologist, he will respond like how can I take my child to someone and train him/her, I can do that myself. Now that's ego.

In my opinion, i think this psychologist thing can only work well outside of Africa or anywhere where the poverty level is low with a serene environment devoid of all sort of things that can corrupt the minds of kids.

In the first place, the psychologist cannot know the kid more than their parent and besides, children tends to forget things easily. No matter the counselling and whatever the psychologist is going to do, things will hardly change in an environment like Nigeria..

I'm not denying the fact that it can work but it's going to be a long step to it.
Lol, it seems you don't know what "psychology" means. A psychologist in a particular field have study how humans behave, when a psychologist sees you he/she already knows your character. When a parents go to see a child psychologist they will asked about the character and behavior of the child to know the problem of the child. A child psychologist knows children behavior even more than the parents. The psychologist will invite the kid study the kid and give the parents some guidelines on how to control the child behavior, leave your child to a psychologist and see how the child will love the psychologist.

Psychology is the study of human behavior no matter how the environment is, a psychologist knows what to do to control any kind of behavior, it is their specialize field work.


This is no doubt a stupid thing to do.. Mum once wanted to take me to alfa so i can be staying with him, but dad never agree.
Very stupid thing to do, Nigerian teachers, Alfas, pastor don't apply psychology to their training, in western countries, their school teachers get close to each pupils to know their problems, they relate like friends, but here in naija na beating.

That's punishment alone. Punishment with a lot of talkings and lots of advice on what to do often guides children for their betterment. I'm a living witness to that. Like i said, i was very stubborn that if not for what i passed through, i would have ended up with criminals in the society today. Alhamdullilah i didn't.
Do you know that most stubborn kids grew/grow up to be smart? Most stubborn kids are smart, the more reason western countries parents don't have problem with their stubborn kids because when a child is not stubborn they will be bullied in school.

To me physical punishment doesn't change a child behavior instead it worsen it with negative effect. Because you were beating to stop going out the street to avoid joining criminals doesn't mean one can't be criminal when they grow up, there are many circumstances that can led people into criminal acts.

grin grin grin

and did you visit any psychologist before you changed ?
Believe me, I'm still having the psychology effect of beating till date, I can't sit and discuss with my dad about life, future, the bond is not tight, I use to avoid him when I was a kid. But he has changed now, sometimes he use to tell us about his life during his youth. He's a kind, responsible father, he knows his duty as a father just that he's very archaic and religious.

My father believes beating is part of training a child, however he does much of talkings, even to this day.

I think I will talk more with my sturbborn kids too, and beat them whenever the need arises, else they become a spoilt brat.

I personally don't like beating kids, I see it has waste of time and leaving bruises on little kids, if you beat them they will still go back to it, punishment like grounding them from doing some things, writing essays that will keep them busy because if you beat them the moment you leave the house they will forget the beating like speed of light.

In U.S for example, the way their kids will talk to you will seems they are spoilt brat because they talk like adults but to them they are seeing smart kids, kids that are spoilt are over pampered kids.

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