greatwomenworld:
what prompted my post was a phone call I had with a male friend which turned into a debate .

He is about getting married and says something like one doesn't need to date for a long time before getting married ,maximum 6 months because there's nothing you want to know about your spouse, you will eventually find out everything when you become husband and wife living under the same roof .

Trust me, I debunk the notion because I am of the strong opinion that rushing in is dangerous. You need to know the person you want to settle with to a very large extent before tying the knot. The time you spend doing that, is up to you. but I am particular about the " LARGE EXTENT ".

I used my previous relationship as an example, I once dated someone who if not for longtime relationship and closeness, I wouldn't know that he abuses drugs.
Well, if I had rushed into marriage with such person, I'm sure I would be regretting because this guy was an addict. I cannot stand it.

talking about why people change after getting married, I really don't think that people change, we just haven't discovered who they really are until we find ourselves living together then the true colour start to display.

that's my opinion.

Tell me yours , I want to learn from you, i might have a wrong mindset.

lonelydora:
It depends on what you call change. I don't believe in long relationship, reason I met my wife in January and did traditional in April then white wedding November.

All I need to know about any woman is about 80% of the characters I can/cannot condone. I don't need ages to confirm what she may hide till marriage if she likes.

ImaIma1:
You don't have to date for years to know someone is on drugs,etc.
What is important is what you actually do with the dating time. Are u people just going out seeing movies, eating out, having fun,etc?
Get to really know each other...talk and ask questions, observe behaviours and pick up vibes. It is not about just having fun. Open your eyes and the inner eyes too.

babyebi:

Some persons think after marriage is time to relax, that is the beginning of work. Marriage is work it out. It is time to work, domestically, morally , financially , spiritually and other wise. Most lady's feel have entered na, so let me be there. Hmmmmm lies. But let's try to leave a good lives and stop pretending , the problems most spouse trying to impress each other while dating, after marriage you see different person entirely, but that's hypocrisy. Let me say it again, marriage is work it out

greatwomenworld:
what prompted my post was a phone call I had with a male friend which turned into a debate .

He is about getting married and says something like one doesn't need to date for a long time before getting married ,maximum 6 months because there's nothing you want to know about your spouse, you will eventually find out everything when you become husband and wife living under the same roof .

Trust me, I debunk the notion because I am of the strong opinion that rushing in is dangerous. You need to know the person you want to settle with to a very large extent before tying the knot. The time you spend doing that, is up to you. but I am particular about the " LARGE EXTENT ".

I used my previous relationship as an example, I once dated someone who if not for longtime relationship and closeness, I wouldn't know that he abuses drugs.
Well, if I had rushed into marriage with such person, I'm sure I would be regretting because this guy was an addict. I cannot stand it.

talking about why people change after getting married, I really don't think that people change, we just haven't discovered who they really are until we find ourselves living together then the true colour start to display.

that's my opinion.

Tell me yours , I want to learn from you, i might have a wrong mindset.

ImaIma1:
You don't have to date for years to know someone is on drugs,etc.
What is important is what you actually do with the dating time. Are u people just going out seeing movies, eating out, having fun,etc?
Get to really know each other...talk and ask questions, observe behaviours and pick up vibes. It is not about just having fun. Open your eyes and the inner eyes too.

Zither:


Knew something like this would come up. I don't do online romance or relationships or that kind of thing. Besides, I have no idea what you look like and on top of that you're married. As regards stalking you, you should know by now that family section is a small place and we bump into a particular name often numerous times as we read through new or trending topics. The occasion for coincidental meeting abounds in such online community. Lastly, if you took the time to make a short investigation into my personality by looking through my comments you would have dispelled the notion of my stalking you because it is a stark contrast with my religious belief as a Christian.

I however believe I courted this reaction from you by unnecessarily throwing compliments your way. It achieved the opposite effect intended which was to convey my respect and appreciation of your wisdom.

Besides, following a member of this forum is likened to stalking them and it is the norm but you will confirm that I never followed you as a member. What else should I say but that you've got it all wrong.

naijaboiy:
Sometimes you date a person who hasn't really discovered him/her self and you think that's the true personality of that person and then along the line they discover who they truly are and bring it out for you to either tolerate and stand by them or get frustrated and do something drastic.

Many people don't really know who they are and so they can't even explain what happened or what they did that made the marriage change shape but the other partner will see it as pretence.

No matter how long you spend courting a person if you both haven't come to that self realization of your true selves and make a decision on how to compromise with each other, there will be problems in marriage.

$2

MrBrownJay1:
Very simple:
After marriage, partner feel comfortable in their own life wrongly believing they don't need to woo/impress/date their partner any longer, since they are married to them now...

They also get physically lazy, thinking that they don't even have to be attractive to their partner, thus That's when potbellies and babywhales shapes creeps in.

ImaIma1:


Zither are you stalking me?

djfabmusik:


but are you aware some people can be very secretive which means getting married immediately after 4 to 8 months after dating could be kind of danger so you need more time that was the reason op get to know his guy was a drug addict

ImaIma1:
You don't have to date for years to know someone is on drugs,etc.
What is important is what you actually do with the dating time. Are u people just going out seeing movies, eating out, having fun,etc?
Get to really know each other...talk and ask questions, observe behaviours and pick up vibes. It is not about just having fun. Open your eyes and the inner eyes too.

KanwuliaExtra:
Because "things" change after marriage.
Simple.
You go with the "flow"!

KanwuliaExtra:
Because "things" change after marriage.
Simple.
You go with the "flow"!

bukatyne:
1. Spouses just begin to see what 'love' blind them to in courtship

2. One of the party discovers he/she was deceived into the marriage

3. Spouses begin to discover themselves and actually change.

ImaIma1:
You don't have to date for years to know someone is on drugs,etc.
What is important is what you actually do with the dating time. Are u people just going out seeing movies, eating out, having fun,etc?
Get to really know each other...talk and ask questions, observe behaviours and pick up vibes. It is not about just having fun. Open your eyes and the inner eyes too.

lonelydora:
It depends on what you call change. I don't believe in long relationship, reason I met my wife in January and did traditional in April then white wedding November. 5 years down and our love is still waxing stronger.

All I need to know about any woman is about 80% of the characters I can/cannot condone. I don't need ages to confirm what she may hide till marriage if she wants.

Once I am okay with her sex life, cleanliness, religious life, cooking skills, education level, family background, I'm ready to walk down the aisle, no time to waste.

HARDDON:


Physical changes..... Best reponse so far.....

Add these to the fact that everything changes in marriage n human changes are nothing but adaptive responses to dis change.

N changes in marriage are in two folds: positive n negative. I know d op is on d negative one



We also have character change..... i that used to just wear my sexy male bumshorts , sneakers , tshirt n roll out , now hv to learn how to dress responsibly, tell wify wherever i'm going n when i'd b returning. I cant justblow money on booze n brews on fridays anyhow again. I cant just have random gurls sleep ova again. I cant sleep out again. I wear my marriage band everyday n everywhere....luckily for Deeper life folks, they dont wear none

More responsibility in terms of caring for a wify n kids. More planning time. Thinking time

More WE than I statements

These r on d positive


On the negative,

because of alot of concurrent sporadic changes arround u, latent behavours u neva knew u had spring up...... your sweet wify gets preggy n from no where, ur sweet doll began to nag . u endured till she delivered hoping it wud stop, it neva did, u cudnt take it one day n to shush her, u gave her just one resounding slap! N true to it, it worked. B4 u knew it, u, that wudnt hurt a fly wen u were single, are now a wify batterer.

U started witholding money, she started talking to outsiders. B4 u knew it, u both r strangers sharing same bed.

U took to drinking n wudnt touch her , she ran into her Ex n got fvcked really hard, beginning of her outside swift legs n lies.....who can see in crimsom red?


Can you really tell why people change? Too many reasons

It cud be as a result of marriage itself ....people respond to d sudden bond differently , external influence, overbearing spouse, nagging , hiden xtas b4 marriage, dormant traits that got woken etc

Only God can lead us right

greatwomenworld:
what prompted my post was a phone call I had with a male friend which turned into a debate .

He is about getting married and says something like one doesn't need to date for a long time before getting married ,maximum 6 months because there's nothing you want to know about your spouse, you will eventually find out everything when you become husband and wife living under the same roof .

Trust me, I debunk the notion because I am of the strong opinion that rushing in is dangerous. You need to know the person you want to settle with to a very large extent before tying the knot. The time you spend doing that, is up to you. but I am particular about the " LARGE EXTENT ".

I used my previous relationship as an example, I once dated someone who if not for longtime relationship and closeness, I wouldn't know that he abuses drugs.
Well, if I had rushed into marriage with such person, I'm sure I would be regretting because this guy was an addict. I cannot stand it.

talking about why people change after getting married, I really don't think that people change, we just haven't discovered who they really are until we find ourselves living together then the true colour start to display.

that's my opinion.

Tell me yours , I want to learn from you, i might have a wrong mindset.

WhiteLavender:

nice theory, really got me thinking.
How have you been? Its been ages. Its a new monika, dont try too hard.

Yea, a theory actually formed from experience and tell-tales.

I've been good. You? I'm really trying hard not to try "too hard". Help me recall please.