meticulously searching for the deep, dark secret in OP's post.

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

op, u no holy pass, infact she fought to keep her baby, damning all comsequencies but unfortunately, she lost it (i truly admire that) .I don't see anything dark in this. Besides, if she is withdrawing from you sexually, then that should tell you that she is still healing....just like you. Anyway, on whether to marry her or not is your decision to make and nobody else's, just don't lead her on and add to her baggage

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

My friend behave yourself. If you cant handle it now then you wont be able to handle it then. Walk

infogenius:
It's so good u have a lady that holds nothing back and tells u about her past.
I like such persons.

Everyone have regretful pasts which includes u and I. But learning and improving on such event
s in our pasts is the most important of all because it makes us better individuals.

If you still love her and u're led to marry her, please go ahead and do marry her,without asking questions.

After all she didn't walk out on u when you told her u put another lady in the family way and still went on to abort it just 2 weeks ago. Rather She showed remorse despite cheating on her big time.

In this case, u are the concern and not her based on ur sex escapades and history.

Sincerely this guy has got a good wife and he didn't know it.The future and the rock on which marriage stand is communication because it gives you a rest of safety .You better stay with this woman before you encounter some asshole that can lie for Africa

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

PLS MY FRIEND GO AHEAD & MARRY THIS LADY. IF WHAT SHE TOLD U WAS AN ABSOLUTE,THEN STILL SAY YES TO HER AND MARRY HER. SHE WILL BE VERY GOOD FOR TOMORROW.

If the confessions from both parties weren't don't just for test sake then I don't see anything wrong with all these revelations who doesn't have a dark side of life....its should rather be a good thing that your spouse made such confession so the both of you can deal with it and also not to hear about it from some else....abeg go ahead and marry her jor! Only if her quantities are up to 60% of your expectations then manage the remaining 40% bro....Congratulations!

cyberguy72:
But she has been giving it to other guys na.

Has been giving?

She gave after her 2 failed attempts at a relationship with the OP.

So because she denied OP sex and then after some time (years most likely ) she got involved with other guys and had sex and OP finally came back to her and she still has a no sex policy she's a bad person.

How are you sure that its not the experiences she had with those guys that made her say no sex before marriage to the OP the 2nd time and how are you sure that its not because she felt she's too young or not redy forr sex that she denies the OP during their uni and pre uni days because what we are talking about here is years and should be around 6 years or more if she dated her uni boyfriend for 4 years.

His problem is still sex that's all.

Excuse you... Wth is wrong with you...she didnt get pregnant when you where with her... Yes she aborted an unborn child, so did you... She did the same thing you did...i dnt see y u are asking dis... . . . Actually i see y u are angry....she refused to have sex with you.

I wish owner of this thread would read this....

Though sex isn't the basis for which a relationship should be built on but the truth is, from ur narrative, she dated u twice before this time and didn't consider u good enough to share any form of intimate bond with but was willing to distribute her common wealth to others and even ended up losing a pregnancy for another man along the way. Whenever u think about marriage, she comes to mind for you, but can the same be said about her? I think u are just having a hangover from ur teenage love affair and nothing more. She knows she has a grip on you and that's why she doesn't feel threatened by any action you take cos deep within you are bound to run back to her.

This is what I've experienced. Leave sex and emotions out of it. Give objectivity a chance, It's obvious you're really having a sleepless night over her but the truth be told, if she has an option to choose from, SHE WILL DUMP YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN without ever having to get down with you...... Only ladies can explain the myth behind this but as you read this comment, the lady i once had this experience with is happily married to another man. Remember, am not thinking for you..... just sharing my experience

She was in school for how many years?
He dated the other guy in school for 4years.
When did she get pregnant for the second guy?
From this you should know the truth. Either a test or facts.
Please, it does not stop you from marrying her.

OP..., OP!!!

You dey hear me?!
Don't marry her.

You remind me of a girl, that I once knew.
See her face whenever I, I look at you.
You won't believe all of the things she put me through.
This is why I just can't get with you.

Thought that she was the one for me,
Til I found out she was on her creep,
Oh, she was sexing everyone, but me.
This is why we could never be.

Usher Raymond- U Remind Me

speaking as a Neutral body!!! the Girl is the one that suppose to thinking your tots right now and not d other way... my point is if you can't accept her now with her confession ...you can't live with the tot thereafter so pls justify your reasons before you make an error.

She told you a dark secret in confidence and you came here to tell us. Bia young man, you're not ready for marriage.


By the way, she had a stillbirth unlike you that committed murder deliberately. Its even your own that is the "dark secret" if you don't know. Mtcheew.

Nerdg don't marry her
Dmerciful, frugal, Frankyboy1 and a bunch of others has said all there is to say. Read their advice.
Just end it.

she is even trying to manipulate you, "what does she mean by saying, she hopes she won't regret telling you this?"

mtchewwwww. nonsense
Don't marry her

Sanchez01:

I hate sharing opinions on issues as this but I could not just resist seeing your post. All you wrote are assumptions and you somehow found a way to make it look good to the point that you asked him to go ahead and marry her. I totally disagree.

1. Sex was always an issue with them and led to break up on several occasions.

Possible Meaning: Her moral compass must be golden or perhaps she never really lived the dude and never found him sexually attractive.

2. She dated her campus boyfriend for four years BUT got pregnant for ANOTHER. Note the 'ANOTHER' is neither the OP nor the campus boyfriend whom she dated while in school, assuming her course is a four year course.

Possible Meaning: There is no way I would believe she dated her campus love for four years without having sex with him.

3. She got pregnant for another man and made up her mind to keep it against her parents wishes. Sadly, she lost it 7 months after.

Meaning: This is the man she loves. A lady could do something crazy that would beat one's imagination for just that one dude and you would get to wonder why. The answer is simple. The man is definitely the only one person her life revolves around. How about we also ask why she never continued with the man after she lost the baby?

My submission: Attraction of all forms matter in relationship. She never really loved the OP was never attracted to him. For reasons, I believe it is safe to say nothing has changed.

She strikes me as one of these ladies who prioritise marriage as the ultimate and would not be bothered to settle down immediately. The red flag here is that she would likely bring the 'no sex' form forward to be filled like she did in the past while she didn't waste time in giving others.

The OP was never really a back up plan even. He is the next available bus she could hop into.

Your theory is also based on assumptions.
I'm still of the view that it's not about the op. He cheated and dumped her. She felt she had no option but to give into sex in her next relationship.
If she so dislikes the op and can't think of sex with him then why has she agreed to marry him?? Pls don't say money cos in the long run money or not once they are married she must sleep with her husband.

cococandy:
How exactly do you imagine yourself better than her or in a position to judge her?
Please explain your thought process to me.

She didn't even have an abortion. She had a still birth. so you're judging her for having had sex before she met you meanwhile you've been a hoe about town? Explain yourself sir.

Don't also forget she was double dating. She dated a school mate for 4 years an got pregnant for someone else during d same time. The confusion for op is not the pregnancy. It is dat sex probably is no big deal for her as she even gives two guys unprotected sef. There is more to her dan he sees. What else might he not know?

lovelygurl:


Oh boy go back and read!

Op got her RELATIVE pregnant and aborted the pregnancy!

This thread only proves most women lack comprehension. No wonder most village meeting of old avoid the presence of women.

He never got her relative preganant. nothing close to that was written.

You should modify your post so more people won't think you are an idiot.

dowjones:


This thread only proves most women lack comprehension. No wonder most village meeting of old avoid the presence of women.

He never got her relative preganant. nothing close to that was written.

You should modify your post so more people won't think you are an idiot.

Oh yh I am going to take an advice from a fool who says MOST women lack comprehension because of MY mistake

Story story. I can't laugh abeg

obyrich:
I won't marry her if I were you. However, do as your heart directs you.

Like seriously?
First u sleep with her neighbour she forgived u and u finally got a girl pregnant as if that's not enough u even went ahead to commit murder and she still forgive u, now u r considering whether to marry her or not because she told u a little of her dark secret .. My dear u r d worse sinner, I won't even look at u and that ur ring talk more of marring u

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

The red flag is that part where she was dating a school bf, cheated with another man and then got pregnant before having a still birth. Bro, if that's true, then you are in a fix. Regardless of the fix, do what makes you happy but you should be willing to accept whatever comes with your decision.

Another salient concern is the fact that she denies you sex but gets it elsewhere. That's intolerable by my own standards. No explanation justifies that act.

AntiWailer:
Leave her alone.

You are lucky she told you.

I met a wonderful sister of God back then. We were talking about secrets and relationship.

She told me it is not wise for a lady to tell a guy any past.

That she has lost a lot of potential suitors cos of her body count that is over 150. (Yes u heard me right) she wrote their names.

She is married now. The guy she married she told me she lied to him that she was raped twice and that was all.

150? Who am I to judge?

ogahug:


Her getting pregnant must have been a regrettable mistake to her. However, she was courageous to keep the pregnancy though she suffered a still birth.

Guy, if you love her and you are at home with her virtues, then go for her and marry her without any delay. She has just scored 'A' in sincerity which is very good. I sincerely commend her for refusing you sex when you made advances on her because if she had yielded you would have impregnated her, aborted the baby and dumped her. You are only considering her now because she looks chaste. Maybe God actually allowed all that passed to make her available for you today. If you leave, then you will go and look for another Angel somewhere else.

This is the height of disconnect between thought of a guy and that of a lady...... Sincerely, they're both sack of maggots when measured with moral and religious virtues. This guy's hitch is that while the girl was giving him a NO, she goes out to give a YES to other guys ro the point that she got a stillbirth. This means they wouldn't have been a thread like this if the baby had been delivered alive.... To advise him to marry out of pity is the worst thing that will ever happen to him bcus after satisfying that long awaited sexual urge the girl, some inevitable crappies start showing up(as expected mostly after marriage) he will start regretting and things might get worst from there. I challenge the concerned person to say he is seriously not considering backing out already before sharing this online. You don't win a battle you have chosen to lose right before it even begins.

obyrich:
Don't mind the OP. The babe is a manipulator and he can't see it because of love. Once he pricks her now reality will dawn on him.

When you see experienced people talk, you can't help but appreciate them. You wrote well.

devil has used bought of you then, and the Pawer of God is at work now. so asks God 2 4give each other, then go for marriage. nobody is above temptation but only his grace (the most high).

smartleo:

Sincerely this guy has got a good wife and he didn't know it.The future and the rock on which marriage stand is communication because it gives you a rest of safety .You better stay with this woman before you encounter some asshole that can lie for Africa

That is how they exchange wife for gf every time. Tomorrow now he would meet and marry his saint only to run back to NL and complain how women can be deceptive and keep secrets. This is why. Exactly why women hide things. But she did good for herself sha. Better he leaves now than start acting up after marriage.

verygudbadguy:


Common guys, marriage is not always the way we see it. I see the babe as someone with conscience. She could have kept those secrets to herself but she z quite aware that secret are burdens and she laid them before you.
Be realistic, if you get to know about these things after she had given birth to one or two, would you quit the marriage or kill yourself Nerdg? She is trying to change the future even if she could not change the past.

Cc: Decatalyst

Don't mind me. Maybe its because I like FULL honesty.

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

Nobody holy pass, this may be d least of her secrets. Jst conduct relevant fertility tests on her to ensure her womb is intact b4 u marry her or better still give her belle b4 marriage to be sure she can conceive

decatalyst:


Don't mind me. Maybe its because I like FULL honesty.

Sunmolar:

you're a lucky man. thank God she revealed it to your. ladies know how to conceived/concealed things till after marriage/eternity. you
're a man make your choice that you wouldn't av to regret after marriage, because marriage itself is another thing you will bear Til eternity. listen to your inner mind & pray before you choose. when you see the rightest one you will av inner peace as an evidence. not the beauty

This case strong gan.

cutepaul:
chai this one dey pain......she refused u her puna and was busy distributing it upandan........kai.....op this one pain you well...

Painful men. E sure me say the girl na fine girl as @op love am so.