When a Courtship Ends

THE CHALLENGE

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“I thought I had found the right person for me. ‘I could spend
forever with this guy,’ I told myself. But after two months of
dating, I had to break up with him. I couldn’t believe that what
started so great could end so fast!”—Anna. *
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“It seemed as if we couldn’t be more alike. In my mind, I
already had us married. As time passed, however, I began to
realize how different we were. When I saw what a huge
mistake I was making, I broke up with him.”—Elaine.
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Have you been through something similar? If so, this article can
help you deal with the experience.

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WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW
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A breakup can be painful, even for the person who
initiated it. “I felt terrible!” says a young woman named Sarah,
who broke up with her boyfriend after six months. “One minute
this person was in my life and in my future; the next minute he
was gone. Then I’d hear songs that were special to the two of us,
and that would remind me of the good times we had. I’d be at
places that were special to us, and I’d feel the pain of his absence. I
felt all of this even though I was the one who initiated the
breakup!”
A breakup, though painful, can be a good thing. “You don’t
want to hurt the person,” says Elaine. “On the other hand, you
realize that eventually it would hurt both of you if you were to
pursue a courtship that just isn’t working.” Sarah would agree. “I
think if you aren’t happy with someone when you’re dating him,
you probably won’t be happy married to him, so breaking up is
for the best,” she says.
A breakup does not make you a failure. Really, a successful
courtship ends in a decision, not always in marriage. If either you
or your partner has serious misgivings, the right decision may
well be to break up. If that happens, the fact that the relationship
has failed does not mean that you have failed.
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You can move on!
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How?

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WHAT YOU CAN DO

Acknowledge the pain. “I lost more than just a friend; I lost my
best friend,” confides Elaine, quoted at the outset. When you break
up with someone who was that close, a period of grieving is
normal. “A relationship has ended,” says a young man named
Adam, “and there’s always some pain involved in that, even if you
know it’s for the best.” You might feel similar to King David of the
Bible. “All night long I soak my bed with tears,” he wrote during a
period of anguish. (Psalm 6:6)

Sometimes the best way out of
pain is through it, not around it. Acknowledging the reality of your
own feelings can be the first step in healing.—Bible principle: Psalm
4:4.
Associate with people who care about you. Admittedly, that
may not be easy. “At first, I didn’t even want to see people,”
admits Anna, quoted earlier. “I needed time to recover, to go over
everything in my head and make sense of it all.” In time, though,
Anna saw the wisdom of spending time with close friends who
could build her up. “I have a better frame of mind now,” she says,
“and the breakup isn’t as devastating to me as it was before.”—
Bible principle: Proverbs 17:17.

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Learn from what happened. Ask yourself: ‘Has this experience
revealed any areas in which I need to grow? What, if anything,
would I do differently in my next relationship?’ “After time passed,
I could better analyze what happened,” says a young woman
named Marcia. “However, I had to wait until I could look at things
rationally rather than just emotionally.” Adam, mentioned earlier,
feels similarly. He says: “It took a year for me to get over the
breakup. It took even longer for me to turn the experience into
something constructive. What I went through taught me a lot
about myself, the opposite sex, and relationships. I feel much less
pain now about the breakup.”
Pray about your anxiety. The Bible says that God “heals the
brokenhearted; he binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3) While he
is not a celestial matchmaker—nor can he be blamed when a
courtship ends—God has an interest in your well-being. Pour out
your feelings to him in prayer.—Bible principle: 1 Peter 5:7.
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KEY SCRIPTURES
“Be agitated . . . Have your say in your heart, upon your bed.”—
Psalm 4:4.
“A true friend . . . is born for times of distress.”—Proverbs 17:17.
“Throw all your anxiety on [God], because he cares for you.”—1
Peter 5:7.
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“THE HEART DOES HEAL”

“When my boyfriend broke up with me, I felt guilty,
confused, lonely, and even worthless. Being hurt at heart is
one of the hardest things to deal with. But God didn’t create us
with the ability to love simply to torture us with it. He also
made us with the ability to heal. It takes time to fall in love with
a person, and it takes time to recover when your relationship
with that person ends. But it can be done. The heart does
heal.”—Marcia.
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Courtesy: http://chatinent.com.ng/index.php?showtopic=31&st=0&#entry40
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