She is 25 and has never been in a relationship.Each time a guy asks her out she turns him down, even if she really likes him.There is this guy right now whom she likes a lot, but she has made up her mind that when and if he asks her out she is going to turn him down.

I asked her if she is scared of relationships and she said no.I am beginning to wonder if the problem is not psychological.

she is scared of dating either she wants to admit it or not

maybe she is a lesbian and just covering up, or she has a deep rooted fear of dating because of her religious beliefs or she just enjoys mastrubating by her sefl

I dont think she is a lesbo even though I can never vouch for a person 100 percent, to a large extent I know she is not.As for her masturbating, that's a possibilty but she herself must know that that wnt help her in the long run

omega25red:

maybe she is a lesbian and just covering up, or she has a deep rooted fear of dating because of her religious beliefs or she just enjoys mastrubating by her sefl

not lesbian type,
i actually do d same my self,
it's neither psycological,
simply we do distrust men, well d once she's been with or she's seen maybe they didn't give her a sense of woman, or protection like for me, so i tend 2 turn them down after d first or rather second date.
actually she should just go for one and hope 4 d best

Godmother:

I dont think she is a lesbo even though I can never vouch for a person 100 percent, to a large extent I know she is not.As for her self-servicing, that's a possibilty but she herself must know that that wnt help her in the long run

well then maybe she is one of the few visonaries in nigeria who have finally figured out that you dont have to be married with kids for your life to be fufilled then again she might have hiv (god forbid) which might make her not want to put herself out there due to all the negatives that comes with that

@poster
isnt she suppose to be your friend? well why dont you simply ask her WHAT MAKES HER TURN THESE GUYS DOWN?
what is it that she is so scared of? what kind of man, person could make her change her mindset? is it who they are or WHAT they are(men)? maybe she is scared of being hurt? maybe scared of not being good enough?

the list is endless but you have to ask questions and hope that she opens up to you and let you know where the problem lies, hoping that someone can help. . . . . . . . . . . . . there is definitely a problem somewhere especially if she finds the guys attractive.

the longer she waits to confronts her demons, the harder it will be to get on with "normal" life.

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
isnt she suppose to be your friend? [b]well why dont you simply ask her WHAT MAKES HER TURN THESE GUYS DOWN?[/b]what is it that she is so scared of? what kind of man, person could make her change her mindset? is it who they are or WHAT they are(men)? maybe she is scared of being hurt? maybe scared of not being good enough?

the list is endless but you have to ask questions and hope that she opens up to you and let you know where the problem lies, hoping that someone can help. . . . . . . . . . . . . there is definitely a problem somewhere especially if she finds the guys attractive.

the longer she waits to confronts her demons, the harder it will be to get on with "normal" life.

I think the poster already has, but if the friend hasn't admitted the problem to herself, then she won't be able to admit it to her friends, no matter how close they are.



@ OP; As Mr brownjay has said, she has to be willing to confront her demons first of all, if she doesn't think there's a problem then she won't see a reason to try to solve anything. As her friend you heve to let her see that she has a problem, then help her seek personal and professional solutions to the problem.

3ndy:

not lesbian type,
i actually do d same my self,
it's neither psycological,
simply we do distrust men, well d once she's been with or she's seen maybe they didn't give her a sense of woman, or protection like for me, so i tend 2 turn them down after d first or rather second date.
actually she should just go for one and hope 4 d best

dat's not a very nice thing to say

this is very simple.
she simply hasnt found a need to.
i mean, who wants to deal with men's unnecessary wahala?
like some previous thread said, its really not by force to get into a relationship.

She might have been raped before !!! I suggest you take her for counseling !!!

Enockia:

dat's not a very nice thing to say

maybe not,
but that's not my fault, it's somehw impossible 2 find a nice nigerian guy, that's 4 me who live in italy,
4 d nigerians in nigeria don't really know but i guess that the way u behave in ur country doesn't defere 4rm u behaviour in the country u move to,
so, i haven't still change my mind.

i no fit shout

Pleeeese link me with her. I think i've FINALLY found a trust-worthy wife! Hope she turns down intimacy with guys too, not just dating. I've always thought that only this sort of woman (and frigid women too) can be trusted not to stray when married.

pro01:

Pleeeese link me with her. I think i've FINALLY found a trust-worthy wife! Hope she turns down intimacy with guys too, not just dating. I've always thought that only this sort of woman (and frigid women too) can be trusted not to stray when married.

i beg to defer,
that's an awkward way of thinking, if a woman get's all she needs from her husband and loves him very much then there's o way in hell she's gonna betray him,

its just the fear of getting hurt, but hw can a swimmer be scared of the pool, no risk no lesson, but dont rush her she will get there when she is ready

3ndy:

i beg to defer,
that's an awkward way of thinking, IF A WOMAN GETS ALL SHE NEEDS FROM HER HUSBAND and loves him very much then there's o way in hell she's gonna betray him,

What makes you think you can find ALL you need from one single human being? People have to forgo or sacrifice some desires for life itself to be possible. But women always want to eat their cakes and have it! Is it 'cos you want to leave room for and/or pre-create justifications for your likely infidelity that you gave the proviso "IF a woman gets all she needs, "? So when your husband sooner or later (by virtue of his naturally imperfect humanity) becomes incapable of meeting ANY of your numerous material, physical, psychological, emotional or social needs, you would have found a 'cogent' reason to jump into the arms and bed of another man!!! You thus presuppose that you (and your fellow women) are perfect like Christ, so you should derserve god-like perfection in return; any inadequacy on the man's part therefore entitles you to meet that need in another man.

This is truly appalling. Is there any hope to find a loyal and understanding wife? Pleeese.

pro01:

What makes you think you can find ALL you need from one single human being? People have to forgo or sacrifice some desires for life itself to be possible. But women always want to eat their cakes and have it! Is it 'cos you want to leave room for and/or pre-create justifications for your likely infidelity that you gave the proviso "IF a woman gets all she needs, "? So when your husband sooner or later (by virtue of his naturally imperfect humanity) becomes incapable of meeting ANY of your numerous material, physical, psychological, emotional or social needs, you would have found a 'cogent' reason to jump into the arms and bed of another man!!! You thus presuppose that you (and your fellow women) are perfect like Christ, so you should derserve god-like perfection in return; any inadequacy on the man's part therefore entitles you to meet that need in another man.

This is truly appalling. Is there any hope to find a loyal and understanding wife? Pleeese.

You definately cant find all you need from one person.No one is perfect, even me writing.The thing is that if the person you are with can make you happy to a reasonable degree then that goes

AHH FINALLY it seems we are growing up in naija to realise that all these marriage bull aint gonna cut it!
its not for everyone, she just may happen to be the type.

BUT

that is one thing, one the other hand she may just be messed up upstairs, esp if she is the type who then crosses 30-35 then gets beefed up against the world cos she aint married (u know all this hyde and jekyll personalities) in one breath she wants conformity and the pleasures that it sometimes brings, and at the same time she cannot cope with the thought of being hooked.

bottom line is, sorry to say, she is wired badly upstairs and she need help badly and quickly too. HAVENT U HEARD, NO PAIN, NO GAIN. THE GOOD THINGS (SWEET THINGS) IN LIFE COME WITH PAIN!! FCK, SH*T, PEE, MESS, LOVE, CHILDBIRTH ETC ETC ETC

A SHIP IS VERY SAFE IN THE HARBOUR RIGHT?, we all know the answer to this question, but lets ask ourselves.is that where/what a ship is designed for,
a big NO NO, aship is designed to sail the waters, not sit still in the harbour,

most cases of this i hv heard is either

1.the chic is a virgin
2. she has been r-ape-ed b4, [hate that friggin word despoil!!! n self service= mas-tur-bation!!!---seun take note!!!!!]
3.she is a lesbo,
4.she is a weirdo
5. cos of her beliefs
6. she hasnt found the right dude, [but u gotta hv a few dates naa b4 u know if the guy is right or not]

the theories too plenty abeg, its her life, let her live it the way she wants to, no b force say she go date b4 im marry!!, some peeps actually get married without dating

pro01:

What makes you think you can find ALL you need from one single human being? People have to forgo or sacrifice some desires for life itself to be possible. But women always want to eat their cakes and have it! Is it 'cos you want to leave room for and/or pre-create justifications for your likely infidelity that you gave the proviso "IF a woman gets all she needs, "? So when your husband sooner or later (by virtue of his naturally imperfect humanity) becomes incapable of meeting ANY of your numerous material, physical, psychological, emotional or social needs, you would have found a 'cogent' reason to jump into the arms and bed of another man!!! You thus presuppose that you (and your fellow women) are perfect like Christ, so you should derserve god-like perfection in return; any inadequacy on the man's part therefore entitles you to meet that need in another man.

This is truly appalling. Is there any hope to find a loyal and understanding wife? Pleeese.

meeeennnn wotz ur probz, did anyone betray u??
my if was a generical IF,
i mean, when u're satisfied with ur hus and wife, u won't definately run in some others hands, either u're perfect or not, and u definately ar NOT

re
eithe