@poster,
if you are my sister, I will seriously compel you to take a break from that man. That to me is the first logical step. You cant solve any problem in a tensed environment.

You need to reevaluate yourself and he need it too.

Just two weeks ago, I told a friend to pack up similar affair, and she did! She is not married to the guy though. It is much easier for the singles than the married. I just pray he wont bring you a deadly virus as a gift for your endurance.

leaving or walkin out of ur marriage is never d best option,there is no marriage anywhere witout its own problem,there is no perfect marriage anywhere,these are ur trying times,its only a phase,try and adk urself what u tink u aint doin rite,jus ask urself honestly n see if u find some faults,no matter how small u tink d fault is,right ur wrongs n talk 2 him,u 2 courted for 4whole yrs so 4 him 2 have choosen u aint a mistake,show him all d love he needs,try talkin 2 him witout raisin ur voice,u know ur husband better, u took an oath2 be together 4better 4 worse so dont throw all that away, the elders whose marriages we look up 2 today u wont believe the hurdles they crossed to get this far so my dear dont stop praying and askin god 2 save ur marriage,a 3rd party most times is never an option, i wish u all d best of luck

Congrats Poster. pls always remember that we men are little boys in big bodies, always wanting affections, praises and our egos being massaged.

I enjoyed every page of this thread. See why I prefer family section to romance section.

Analytical, you are the man!

Congratulations Damys


Oya take a break from under or is it on top of that man and come and tell us how you did it? Was it you doing "yanga" and "i don't send" or which was it


And how are things with the inlaws, hope all is well

@busy_baby,
Been a while.

May d good Lord b ur strength, Rem time heal wounds.

You know while I was reading your story I was waiting for you to mention he is from a polygamous home. Dear, I have a close friend(I am closer to her than any friend I have ever had) that is in the exact same situation that you are in right now. From my findings, I got to realize that most men from polygamous homes never seem to respect their wives. They treat them with utmost disdain. I am not saying this because my friend's hubby is from a polygamous home, I am saying this because most men I have seen that are from polygamous homes never seem to respect their wives. They grew up seeing their dads treat their mothers anyhow, so they more often than not treat their wives the same way. I would advise you to hold on and pray fervently. I believe there is nothing impossible with God's intervention. My friend accepted her fate and decided to stay with him. She just ignored him. She works, takes care of her 2 beautiful daughters and just lives her life. So my friend. Just live your life. Pray, work hard, and don't even bother him about anything. I am sure with time he will come to his senses. Good luck friend.

I've been reading through the opening post, and subsequent responses.

OP: There are so many obstacles your husband is placing in your path, so many messages he's sending (albeit veiled messages) that he doesn't want to be with you. He doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. He sees you as an adversary, rather than a loving partner. He doesn't want to see you succeed, he feels threatened by your growing independence, and will do all he can to thwart your success.

If it were just the odd thing, like he cheated once, and was often home late, a bit short-tempered, I'd advice you find a way to work around things, and get your marriage back on track. As it stands, I wouldn't know where to start advicing you to try "repairing the damage". The fact he's cheating, and leaves love text messages for you to find, speaks volumes. He's a guy, and I doubt he's that savvy. Those text messages would normally be deleted, but they're not. Reason? He wants you to find them, and get upset. He's waiting for you to ditch him, rather than him send you packing. That way, you'll always come across as the bad woman that left her husband, making him appear the victim.

His relationship with his family, especially his mother is another issue. There are issues between himself and her, that you know nothing about, things that were never resolved before you two got married. Why would a man be scared of his mother? Why won't he talk to her on the phone when you're around? He sounds like a weakling, a mummy's boy, who will only feel good when he's bullying others physically weaker than himself, preferrably one that won't fight back - you.

I'm going to throw the cat out amongst the pigeons here, and cop a lot of verbal abuse, I'm sure, but - leave this man!! He's no good for you, your relationship's destructive, and will not get better, it's too far gone. How can things improve, when your hubby won't talk to you?? Do you wish to hang around, till he gives you an STD, or worse, from his mistresses? Your welfare, and that of your daughter are at stake here. I know it's hard, and his continual thwarting of your success and lack of funds can make things even harder, but it has to be done. I don't know how much savings you have, but even if it means borrowing from friends, relatives etc, you've got to do it! Don't hang in there, trying to be the good, obedient little wife till he kills you.

No one goes into a marriage, with divorce in mind. But sometimes, it's the only available option. You're still young enough to start again, we live in modern times, so don't be worried about future partners not wanting to be with you, because you're divorced, and have a little girl.

Best of luck.

I totally agree with a statement from siena. From all what you said, it is quite clear he cheats all the time not some of the times and with multiple partners for that matter. Would you want an STD ? There is HIV, the incurable one. Please take a break like he advised. You would not wanna cry over spilt milk when the worse happens. Good luck.

@Siena, it's pretty obvious you didn't read through all the responses!  Your post and advice is so un[/b]Siena, almost like you didn't write those.  I have read many of your posts.  As we speak, the OP's marriage is so blissful right now.  She gave a testimony of the good times they are having now!  Read through.

BTW, how is the pretty baby doing?  Congrats.

@Cryptic, I am happy to deflate that generalisation you have up there!  I came from a polygamous home!  I don't treat my wife with disdain or disrespect.  She is my jewel.  I adore her.  We just marked 9 years of marriage.  Whatever anyone wants out of life is his/her responsibility.  Though background may affect one's outlook on life, onus is on the [b]individual (with emphasis) to effect a change to stem any negative outlook fostered by background.

@ Analytical: I didn't read through all the responses, I got as far as page two, and that was enough. Glad she's got things back on track though.

Sienna and mum are both doing fine, thanks.

@Sienna, I guess I understand where you are coming from now.  I didn't realise there is a Part 2 on another thread!    My reply was based on the update on this thread.

---

Wrote that before your reply. I just discovered a Part 2 somewhere. I guess things took another turn after the make-up. I need to go through that story now.

@analytical. Glad you acknowledged the fact that background may aftect one's outlook in life. I read the post and maybe like 3 people's responses. I did not go any futher than that.I said most, and not all men from polygamous homes. It's quite great that you have chosen to love and respect your wife(How many men do that?) I am happy for you. I wish you the best in your marriage. You said a part two somewhere ? Could u pls post the link ? Cheers.

glo12: You don't leave your matrimonial home for any reason. Remain there and be Focused . Be a good wife no matter what, be patient and always pray. With time, things will come back to normal. Thats all i can advice you to do.

OMG.....for real?

cold:
Are u ok   What's with all this chauvinistic crap u're spewing,so she must remain in this marriage even if it's goin to cost her her life?

I am as baffled, etc as you
I wonder ooo
Poster, you must not be in a place where you are unhappy, life is too short oo
I mean anywhere, matrimonial home or any other place, even a particular place of worship
Wake up, and may God be with you

Damysa: Thanks for all your responses so far

unfortunately there is no body I can tell except God
he is from a polygamous home and his mum has left is his father after 9 children and now live with a much younger lover. He just got to tell me in one of our quarrels that his mom never supported his marriage to me.

His folks are in the village and have never spent a night at his house but he keep saying "not wonder my family hates u" "no wonder they say u are not respectful" and I keep wondering who are these people cos I only met few of his folks when he took me for introduction. I was very friendly with everyone and even eat together with his mom. When we got back to Lagos I ask wot his people's opinion was he said everything was fine and we went on and got married. Now he keeps saying my people said u are a bad woman, u are this and that, no wonder they said he shouldnt marry me and funny enough I dont know these people, and he did not even tell me till almost 2 yrs. perhaps this explains why his mom was not forth coming during our marriage preparations, when I ask him he said since his father was going to be involved she will be silent cos she doesnt want to have any issues with the father. He assured me every thing was OK.

I also notice that he fears his mom alot and he will never talk on phone with his mom/siblings in my presence and I wonder why?

From a polygamous family? Too bad. He will still marry more because what is following him is a generational curse that affected his father hence his action. Your days are numbered because will will add more to it. This is 2013 and you posted this 2010, let us know if you are still there

Hello demensa.....u are not doomed....get that out of your head. See this "problem" as a challenge. Be good to him.....just be good to him....he said you don't respect me him and all that...good. At least he has said something. How have you acted to prove otherwise? Make it work dearie.....i will join you in praying. Pray for him. Shalom

so, how are you now?