bawomolo:

you didn't answer the question though, how is marriage a commitment in a country where i can easily amass multiple wives?
isn't sticking with a woman for 8 years a sign of commitment?

why do i have to "put a ring on it" before she thinks i'm committed. i doubt any guy would  spend 8yrs with a woman just for the fun of it.

i have a feeling this chick wants to get married because of societal pressure and all her friends are getting married too.  27 isn't too old by the way so all that biological clock talk is bullshittt.

women have kids into their late 30's and early 40's so getting married because your biological clock is ticking is a dumb move.

h202 - u no well, na your area father be rebel?

well, like you said, society matters. But then guy is who is with one woman for 8years and had not cheated on her seems to me to be a man that would stick to one woman if he eventuallly gets married. She knows him well and we can deduce a thing or two from his words. Examples are where he told her she could go with another man from "that if i have found someone who wants to marry me i should go but that the guy will have to settle him".   and also, he does not want to talk about the future etc. He obviously doesnt want to go any future than where they are. Common now, you are a guy and you can read between the lines. Hence my advice to her. Never to force him to marry her for whatever her reason might be cos she could regret that move and also for her be true to herself. She either continues to stick with it or just move on without him.

PS: I do agree that nowadays, the ring means nothing.

As far as I'm concerned, there are only two ways you can tell what this guy's intentions are towards her.

1) When she woke him up, he first of all said " Is there anyone who wants to marry you? "

2) Then he said , "You don't want me to progress" ( after she discussed with him some girl who gave him her contacts or whatever)

Am I the only one seeing this GIGANTIC RED FLAG ?? ?? ??

First of all, he asks her if she has any guy who is chasing her. Meaning he wants to be the only guy in her life. Insecure, but natural. This statement alone probably wouldn't mean anything.
But then he says " You don't  want me to progress"  . .  .  what does that mean? Simply that he is not progressing where he is and that he is looking for fairer pastures.
Put together with the first statement, it means " I want to be your one and only , but I will keep a plan B on the side who has better prospects ."
A guy who loves you will not get contacts from some girl and then defend himself with saying that you are the reason why he ain't progressing. 

Maybe I'm naive, but no matter how long you've been with someone, if you truly loved them, you would be singing the tune of " She's just a friend ".

The most funniest part of it is that the guy told him that if there is anyone else that will marry her, the person will have to pay to him.

Is he trading you or what?.

Imagine that kind of stupid statement.

A man choose a woman based on the way she makes him feel. The number of years dating has nothing to do with it. A man can marry a woman after 3weeks of dating in my own case it was just 9months my level changed to wify!

Honestly speaking, marriage is not by force even if u got pregent and have a child for him. On the other hand, he feels ur not the one he would like to spend the rest of his life with or didnt see u as the woman that will make his life better. So pls check urself, be honest with urself and move on to find ur happiness instead of waitng for him to tell u face to face that hes not gonna marry u.

Move on babe and evisage for the future!

MRbrownJAY:

i dont have anything against marriage, i have something against FORCED marriage for the sake of women's insecurities.
also, longing for a spouse has never been the problem, people all over the world do it, the problem is marrying the first donkey just to satisfy needs other than LOVE, even Religion is not more important than LOVE, in marriage. . . . . . . because only LOVE will keep that man from disrespecting your union.
we see these fakes by the millions every sunday going to church and then beating their wives up before going to s h a g their mistresses.

remember there is absolutely NO honor in marrying a donkey just so that you can show your ring all over your office.
read on NL about the lady who wanted to have an extravagant wedding that she couldnt afford just to look "successful" in the eyes of everybody. read about the lady whose husband has 10mistresses and treat her like dirt but yet, she is not willing to divorce (na HIV go divorce them if she doesnt open her eyes quickly!). read about men and women willing to marry the ugliest ducks out there just because "thats what everyone does and it shows that you are the man".
if thats what YOU call honourable then let me be WITHOUT honor!

Why are you going off point?   
I have never condoned the idea of forced marriage or marriage without love.
The fact that people are getting married for the wrong reasons does not in anyway invalidate the honour of the marriage institution. It is the [b]individuals [/b]who are to blame and NOT the marriage institution. Marriage IS and WILL ALWAYS be an honourable thing to do! That is why no matter how liberal society gets, it will always be around.

And by the way, religion is all about love - love of God and love of each other.
And speaking from a christian perspective, as the Bible says, it is better to get married than to burn with lust.

In relation to the posters problem,
from what you have said in your posts; marriage is all about love right? So why cant the poster's boyfriend get married to her? After all, isnt it 'love' that has kept them together all these 8 years? Why cant and shouldnt they take the next step if they are so in love and committed to eachother?

Poster

You should forget the man right away and move on ,you are only 27 for God sake ?

my God marriage is not for everybody. Just because u been with someone for 8years without a marriage proposal dont mean he dont love u.

I do not know, your religion, BUT
For those of us who are Christian/Muslim, Marriage is not just  piece of paper!! Marriage is the ONLY way our relationships can be approved by God. Outside marriage, Intimacy and child rearing are all seen as a sins before God's eyes and He will surely judge us for it.
Why do you think people look down on ladies if they have children out of wedlock? I'm sure YOU will not look at an unwed mother and a married mother in the same light.
Marriage makes things more solid and honorable; face the fact!
I thought your religion said no sex or dating b4 marriage? We dont know from the poster how financially viable her boyfriend is . Most women think of marriage as an accomplishment , while most men see marriage as a journey, men think with their pocket. Most women put their long term goals and objectives together. A man thinks this way, I go to school, get a job, or start a business, make and save  money, have a place/home,  start a family. This usually gets accomplished within 35yrs, so this guy is still within that age bracket. So marriage comes last in the way most men think, while women start talking about marriage from high school. So you have to go back and check if any of these conditions is missing or has not been met

As per happiness and marriage, there is no correlation. Leave this man and spend the next 5yrs of your life looking for the next 'husbands" and men can smell desperation. Mind you that you are going spend some time with any future "husbands" and  you guys  may like to test the milk b4 buying the cow and you are going to have a hard time figuring out what is the time value of money in a relationship?

if ur a woman and 8 yrs gone ur guy is not talking marriage den fleeeeeee, he's going to leave you for a younger fresher girl soon. don't be caught unprepared, besides y dont U start talking marriage? wat rule says u cant?

H2O2:

For the sake of argument,

IF I started dating a babe at age 15 do I have to get married to her by the time we're 23, just because it's been 8 yeras?

ROFLMAO

H2O2:

For the sake of argument,

IF I started dating a babe at age 15 do I have to get married to her by the time we're 23, just because it's been 8 yeras?

if u read it properly u will see she isnt young

they started dating when they were both adults

@ibejiibeji,

Wake up and smell the coffee. And take to your heels. From his words, actions & his attitude, guy's future plans does not have a script with your name written in it.

If a man truly loves you, he would want to make it official and have you for keeps by taking you to the altar.

It doesn't take a man 8 years to make up his mind about a woman. he is just using you to warm his bed. When he is ready to tie the knot, he will throw you over for someone fresh & hot that he finds more exciting.

He has had 8 years to take your relationship to the next level, but he hasn't. Can't you read between the lines and look for someone who would value & respect you??

I know a chap who dated a girl for 15 years without marrying her. Each time the word marriage came up, he would dodge. He later met a young lady and married her 4 months after their 1st meeting. The fomer girlfriend was left to pick up the pieces of her messed up heart. . . . .a word is enough for the wise.

ebonyz:

ROFLMAO

right sweetie?

ayettymama:

if u read it properly u will see she isnt young

they started dating when they were both adults

if 27 isn't young then i obviously have a different definition of what young is.

this isn't the medieval times where people had a lifetime of 50 years.
societal pressure is turning our ladies into desperados.

If a man truly loves you, he would want to make it official and have you for keeps by taking you to the altar.

i guess steadman doesn't love oprah.

Consider the time spent together as marriage. Enjoy what you have and don't lose sight of the bigger picture. A marriage certificate does not guarantee a solid relationship.

Nonsense argument all for the sake of [i]I'm modern, I think outside the box, ehn I'm openminded, what's that yeye word again. . .[/i]liberal. All Crap!!!

Oh girl, I don't need to tell you that man is not a serious person. Ehn I know you are blinded by love, but for him to push you to someone else, that should have helped you clear your eyes small.

stillwater:

Nonsense argument all for the sake of [i]I'm modern, I think outside the box, ehn I'm openminded, what's that yeye word again. . .[/i]liberal. All Crap!!!

Oh girl, I don't need to tell you that man is not a serious person. Ehn I know you are blinded by love, but for him to push you to someone else, that should have helped you clear your eyes small.

Thank you jare

@topic
8 long yrs?
what are u still doing with guy? u ask him abt marriage, he said u dont want him to prosper?
men will say anything to evade marriage.

TOPE2000!:

Thank you jare

@topic
8 long yrs?
what are u still doing with guy? u ask him abt marriage, he said u dont want him to prosper?
men will say anything to evade marriage.

stillwater:

Nonsense argument all for the sake of [i]I'm modern, I think outside the box, ehn I'm openminded, what's that yeye word again. . .[/i]liberal. All Crap!!!

Oh girl, I don't need to tell you that man is not a serious person. Ehn I know you are blinded by love, but for him to push you to someone else, that should have helped you clear your eyes small.

It seems y'all women have forgotten there's CREDIT CRUNCH out there.
One needs a financial advisor before proposing these days.
Give the man a break.

~Sauron~:

It seems y'all women have forgotten there's CREDIT CRUNCH out there.
One needs a financial advisor before proposing these days.
Give the man a break.

The last time i chked credit crunch only really started last yr, meaning he could have done it earlier but still didnt. so ur point is?

TOPE2000!:

The last time i chked credit crunch only really started last yr, meaning he could have done it earlier but still didnt. so your point is?

Contrary to what you think. . . .Most people have been battling with the credit crunch long before it became OFFICIAL.

~Sauron~:

It seems y'all women have forgotten there's CREDIT CRUNCH out there.
One needs a financial advisor before proposing these days.
Give the man a break.

Marriage has turned to business venture.

~Sauron~:

Contrary to what you think. . . .Most people have been battling with the credit crunch long before it became OFFICIAL.

The recession just started in naija sef, so he hasnt been battling with shyte. he can always do a small registry wedding. say the truth the guy has no intentions of marrying the girl, for chissakes they have been dating since she was 19 now she is 27, i really dont know what she is waiting for sha?

TOPE2000!:

The recession just started in naija sef, so he hasnt been battling with shyte. he can always do a small registry wedding. say the truth the guy has no intentions of marrying the girl, for chissakes they have been dating since she was 19 now she is 27, i really dont know what she is waiting for sha?

Must he marry her to prove he loves her? The dude wants a grand wedding so he is biding his time till things gel for him.
Meanwhile, recession has been in Nigeria since 1983. Naija peops didn't just realise what it was.
The single most important factor is this guy has been with this babe for EIGHT YEARS. . .If he's unserious, he wouldn't have been with her for this long.

agabaI23:

Marriage has turned to business venture. 

It is now to some guys ooooo
i dont even know why i would be dating a guy for 2yrs forget 8yrs and not talk abt marriage.
any serious man will talk abt marriage with you if he really want you . . . .some women sha. 8yrs n no ring? HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The sex musta been superb for her to put up wit crap

people keep talkin abt oprah

u dnt compare oprah to normal people

the poster isnt oprah

(i hope not anyways)

the opster is a woman that wants to get married

her man doesnt

such a simple equation!!

~Sauron~:

Must he marry her to prove he loves her? The dude wants a grand wedding so he is biding his time till things gel for him.

The least he can do is her marry her, the girl has given him her best yrs . so what is so difficult in making a honest woman out of her? grand wedding my buuutthole. the guy isnt going to marry her n the earlier she realise that the better, she still has time.
I hate men like that, he knew quite well he wasnt going to marry her n yet he didnt put her out of her misery, God punish him
effing coward!!!!!

Meanwhile, recession has been in Nigeria since 1983. Naija peops didn't just realise what it was.
The single most important factor is this guy has been with this babe for EIGHT YEARS. . .If he's unserious, he wouldn't have been with her for this long.

Oh pls he is only with her cuz of the conveniency, plus he is a coward

TOPE2000!:

The least he can do is her marry her, the girl has given him her best yrs . so what is so difficult in making a honest woman out of her? grand wedding my buuutthole. the guy isnt going to marry her n the earlier she realise that the better, she still has time.

8 years = Best years?

I hate men like that, he knew quite well he wasnt going to marry her n yet he didnt put her out of her misery, God punish him
effing coward!!!!!

Put her out of what misery? He loves her!!!

Oh pls he is only with her cuz of the conveniency, plus he is a coward

What nonsense convenience?
For all you know, this guy might be the person paying her LIFE bills.

TOPE2000!:

It is now to some guys ooooo
i dont even know why i would be dating a guy for 2yrs forget 8yrs and not talk abt marriage.
any serious man will talk abt marriage with you if he really want you . . . .some women sha. 8yrs n no ring? HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The intimacy musta been superb for her to put up wit crap

Marriage is not for everybody.
Why can't you just cohabit with a man, make children and live happily ever after?
Must you wear a wedding ring?

~Sauron~:

8 years = Best years?

Ofcus, hes been sleeping-with her for 8yrs, since she was a teenager.

Put her out of what misery? He loves her!!!

Did u read the poster's post at all? did u read where the poster said when he asked him abt marriage, he asked if she has met someone else cuz the dude has to pay him for everything he has put up with since they were together, what a useless man

What nonsense convenience?
For all you know, this guy might be the person paying her LIFE bills.

Pay her bill ko, he guys loves the regular free intimacy, food and making her feel worthless

Marriage is not for everybody.
Why can't you just cohabit with a man, make children and live happily ever after?
Must you wear a wedding ring?

Yes, marriage is not for everybody so why cant the guy be man enuff to tell the girl how he feels abt marriage right from the start of their relationship better still why cant he look for another chic who doesnt want marriage too ss they can live in sin for the rest of their lives?

TOPE2000!:

Ofcus, hes been sleeping-with her for 8yrs, since she was a teenager.

They have been sleeping with EACH OTHER.

Did u read the poster's post at all? did u read where the poster said when he asked him abt marriage, he asked if she has met someone else cuz the dude has to pay him for everything he has put up with since they were together, what a useless man

That's just pure fuckery.
The poster said that to buy y'all SYMPATHY. If we listen to the dude's version, he will say something totally different.
How can any man utter such blasphemy about settlement? Na him born the babe?

Pay her bill ko, the guy loves the regular free intimacy, food and making her feel worthless

They both LOVE shagz.
I did not read where the gurl said she was raped or sexually molested.

Yes, marriage is not for everybody so why cant the guy be man enuff to tell the girl how he feels abt marriage right from the start of their relationship better still why cant he look for another chic who doesnt want marriage too ss they can live in sin for the rest of their lives?

Some things are better left unsaid.

stillwater:

Nonsense argument all for the sake of [i]I'm modern, I think outside the box, ehn I'm openminded, what's that yeye word again. . .[/i]liberal. All Crap!!!

Oh girl, I don't need to tell you that man is not a serious person. Ehn I know you are blinded by love, but for him to push you to someone else, that should have helped you clear your eyes small.

before you go into relationship, you are supposed to inquire about your partners view on marriage, intimacy etc.
the OP didn't do her homework so why is she complaining. 

calling it "nonsense" argument doesn't discredit the points made by the way.   Can't sticking by someone for 8years be seen as commitment?
and don't make fun of the word liberal or i would hunt you in your dreams.

ayettymama:

people keep talkin abt oprah

the opster is a woman that wants to get married

her man doesnt

such a simple equation!!

then leave?

i dont even know why i would be dating a guy for 2yrs forget 8yrs and not talk abt marriage.

would you be willing to get married in a registry?

Girl846:

Why are you going off point?   
I have never condoned the idea of forced marriage or marriage without love.

what you want is for a guy to marry his 8yr long gf EVEN if he doesnt want to just for the sake of this gal's insecurity of living with a man unmarried. to me, thats forced married as we have already pointed the millions of reason why aman shouldnt/is not ready to marry. unless everything is RIGHT,people shouldnt marry(obvioulsy not everything is right in this scenario)

The fact that people are getting married for the wrong reasons does not in anyway invalidate the honour of the marriage institution. It is the individuals [/b]who are to blame and NOT the marriage institution. Marriage IS and WILL ALWAYS be an honourable thing to do! That is why no matter how liberal society gets, it will always be around.

of course it invalidate the honor of that institution because unbeknown to you,there are "rules and regulations"and if you do not follow them then your union is considered worthless.
- if a woman marries a man just because of his money: [b]there is no honor in this union!
- if a man marries an ugly duckling just to keep his family and friends happy and then sneek around  to s h a g his real love:  there is no honor in this union!
- if a person gets married but doesnt know "the rules and regulations" of the institution he just joined:    there is no honor in this union!

any 2 donkeys out there can get married the catch is: can they stand by the laws of marriage?!

And by the way, religion is all about love - love of God and love of each other.

of course religion is about love BUT that religious love alone cannot keep a marriage on its righteous path.
 

And speaking from a christian perspective, as the Bible says, it is better to get married than to burn with lust.

open your eyes, people today are getting married AND STILL burning with lust thus my word on being READY to get married. i am sure all these men in 9ja that got married and have zillions of mistresses would be great marriages in YOUR eyes.

In relation to the posters problem,
from what you have said in your posts; marriage is all about love right? So why cant the poster's boyfriend get married to her? After all, isnt it 'love' that has kept them together all these 8 years? Why cant and shouldnt they take the next step if they are so in love and committed to eachother?

love alone is not the reason why people should get married, you also need compatibility, the right time, trust, honesty, the will to commit to that ONE person forever, the means to take care of the household etc etc etc
we all know that anyone can fall in love with someone that  they knew was wrong for them.
most battered women are in love with their bf and thats why they take the beating without saying a word. should they marry the guy just because they LOVE him? be realistic please, love is just PART of the foundation. like i said earlier, EVERYTHING has to be right.
in the poster's case,he probably hasnt found that spark that would have confirmed to him that this is the right time to do it. yes he may someday fall in love with someone else and marry her but lets not forget that in the mean time they would have shared +8yrs of TRUE happiness, something that most married women out there cant boast of having!
this guy is the real deal, poster knows it and thats why she is still there. if she thought that she could get someone half as good as him, she would have been gone by now.

bawomolo:



then leave?

are u asking or suggesting??