Be very careful and be a man. It worked for me. I’ve put my own mother in law in check after I noticed her influence on my wife.

BE A MAN.

Personally the only time my children below 10years can sleep outside the home inclusive of grandma house is if my enemy is sick,traveling,we all are holidaying with grandma or seriously indisposed.... The grandma should be satisfied with daily day time visits.the child is just too young to spend the night outside without the supervision of her mother or dad there

Well pal, whether you are married to a white or black lady it doesn't really make any difference. In my opinion, a child of 2.5yrs old cannot spend a night out without the mother or father present in the house. In my own case, my wife (Oyibo) will not even allow it for the fact that baby is still too young to be left alone all night.

Am I the only one that's not feeling the grandmother love?


I was never close to any of my grandparents, so there's that.

OP, you don play betnaija tire. Which one be 2.5

Mudley313:
Abeg, I need some advice concerning this matter

Me and my wife just quarreled because her mother asked for our only daughter who is two and half to sleep at her place and I said NO because I was not too comfortable with the idea. My wife is an only daughter and the mother is single with no husband or boyfriend. We give her all the time she wants alone with our child but she just seems obsessed with having her alone for a sleepover and my body no catch dat one. Her reason is she wants to bond more and she was very close with her own garandma blah, blah, blah. But this woman has been very manipulative in me and her daughters relationship in the past because they're abnormally close. Although she has pipped down a bit, I just don't want to create an opening for her to start that with my own daughter cos why would she insist for an all-night? what is wrong with spending time during the day time? what's so special about night time? Is it just to be able to have total control?

Anyway, I go appreciate una feedback and advice well well if anyone here have experienced such before and I don't want to come out looking like I'm overreacting

P.S. By the way, my wife na oyinbo, so I just wanna gather a proper naija perspective on the matter. Thank you in advance!

Don't fúcking try it. There is the abstract and the concrete in life. Nature abhors vacuum. Never give in to a request that has a weak explanation.

As long as you hold the same stance with your mum.



I am surprised this thread is on FP and only 3 pages, I can only imagine the bashings if it was a wife who didn't allow her daughter to spend the night at MIL place.

cococandy:
Well why not say what it is before asking for people’s opinions.
I’m sure most people including me will see no problems with kids spending a night or two at their grandparents’ unless there is a solid reason not to.
So far you have given no reason except to say you went through stuff.

Until then,

As usual, you can never make any reasonable comment without some high levels of gender bias.

I know exactly what you and your co-horts would do if you notice an extreme closeness between your MIL and your husband and same measure of closeness between your MIL and your only child of 2 years.

Grandma wants to bond with my child because she bonded with her grandmom.. What kind of excuse is that? Such can only come from a highly manipulative person.

Since you're mind is made up why did you ask for advice. LOL

Mudley313:


My mom actually came to help when the child was first born and there was a lot of clash over house and kitchen rules and we tried our best to respect that so everyone can be happy. My dad was actually an only child also and my mom said the mistake she made was not put her foot down with her own mother in law when she needed to at the beginning until it was too late.

For those saying I'm selfish, me I know what I went through from this manipulative woman before I was able to marry here child and now that a grandchild has solidified our union more she seem to be insecure looking for a way in. This is why I asked, why night? If not for a way of looking for a way to exert back control.

I know what I've been through and my child will not be used as a pun for all that childish manipulative moves. Better to be safe than sorry. She can have her all she want during the day; weekdays or weekends. If that one nor reach, me I nor no wetin to talk put for the matter again

Having sleep over @ granny's house shouldn't be a problem but if you're not comfortable with the idea because of the girl's age then ur wife will have to explain ur concerns to her mom. But bonding can also occur without sleeping over, granny can take the little girl to the park or spend the entire somewhere.

Don't try it bro.....



Her intention is to abuse the innocent baby....infact don't ever allow her to have privacy with the lil girl.



Don't mind all these Indomie Generations comments.

VULCAN:
Since you're mind is made up why did you ask for advice. LOL

Like I've explained earlier, I only opened this thread cos I just was not comfortable with the idea and only completely made up my mind after I thought more about it and talked to others and that's why you see that post. From the reply here, it seems to be a personal preference thing probably based on family background and probably the gender of the poster.

We have settled it and stuck with a compromise whereby the child's mother will be there with them. No wahala

MrEgghead:
I deserve hot slap for these hogwash of a reply.. My father is an unrepentant fool, selfish and egocentric being

I agree

sisisioge:
Haba, no issue. Spending the night at Nana's shouldn't be an issue especially since they are oyinbos. I'm sure your lil one will be fine there. Mama lost her only daughter to you, biko allow her bond with yours too nau.

By the way, it will give you an opportunity to bond more with your wife

sisisioge:
Haba, no issue. Spending the night at Nana's shouldn't be an issue especially since they are oyinbos. I'm sure your lil one will be fine there. Mama lost her only daughter to you, biko allow her bond with yours too nau.

By the way, it will give you an opportunity to bond more with your wife

i agree with you bro,you making sense,i can see some bleeped comment above me

There's nothing wrong with ur lil baby sleeping with granny. Although you made mention of manipulation, i don't think she'll try something stupid with your daughter. She should know better than that. The sleepover will help them bond. But you can reject the offer only if you'll not allow your daughter stay with ur mum overnight too. Though i guess you're this protective cos of her age

Mudley313:
Well, from what I can tell it seems to be a preference thing (everyone with their own individual preference, I guess). For me, I'm sticking to my guns and will hopefully try and do it in a way in which everyone is okay at the end.

Thank you all for your advice!

Its all depends on u and when ure feel ready and comfortable with it. U can say no. Ow and later if u see hood reasons say yes later bt don't let anyone dictate unnecessarily in ur house. However its good the child bonds with his grandmum at some point. My sis kid dis so with my mum at about 3years tho it tool her hubby time to agree on dat bt seeing my mums goodwill and intent he allowed. Theses days if hes off for a trip cos my sis isn't arrnd he takes d kid to her for weeks. So i guess it depends

Mudley313:
Abeg, I need some advice concerning this matter

Me and my wife just quarreled because her mother asked for our only daughter who is two and half to sleep at her place and I said NO because I was not too comfortable with the idea. My wife is an only daughter and the mother is single with no husband or boyfriend. We give her all the time she wants alone with our child but she just seems obsessed with having her alone for a sleepover and my body no catch dat one. Her reason is she wants to bond more and she was very close with her own garandma blah, blah, blah. But this woman has been very manipulative in me and her daughters relationship in the past because they're abnormally close. Although she has pipped down a bit, I just don't want to create an opening for her to start that with my own daughter cos why would she insist for an all-night? what is wrong with spending time during the day time? what's so special about night time? Is it just to be able to have total control?

Anyway, I go appreciate una feedback and advice well well if anyone here have experienced such before and I don't want to come out looking like I'm overreacting

P.S. By the way, my wife na oyinbo, so I just wanna gather a proper naija perspective on the matter. Thank you in advance!

Listen to your heart but do it wisely. Alot of things happens in the mid night.

It's good you are cautious. You are a good father!

The OP says he has his reasons and I feel him

Mudley313:
Abeg, I need some advice concerning this matter

Me and my wife just quarreled because her mother asked for our only daughter who is two and half to sleep at her place and I said NO because I was not too comfortable with the idea. My wife is an only daughter and the mother is single with no husband or boyfriend. We give her all the time she wants alone with our child but she just seems obsessed with having her alone for a sleepover and my body no catch dat one. Her reason is she wants to bond more and she was very close with her own garandma blah, blah, blah. But this woman has been very manipulative in me and her daughters relationship in the past because they're abnormally close. Although she has pipped down a bit, I just don't want to create an opening for her to start that with my own daughter cos why would she insist for an all-night? what is wrong with spending time during the day time? what's so special about night time? Is it just to be able to have total control?

Anyway, I go appreciate una feedback and advice well well if anyone here have experienced such before and I don't want to come out looking like I'm overreacting

P.S. By the way, my wife na oyinbo, so I just wanna gather a proper naija perspective on the matter. Thank you in advance!

Pls fear mother in-laws when it comes to wanting a spent night.

my friend mother in law visited and told the husband that she want to go visit her sister with the daughter and my guy allowed them... later by 10pm they called that they won't be back not knowing she took the daughter that's heavily pregnant to a herbalist in another state entirely... the wife gave birth a week later and within three days, the baby died. The woman killed the baby to stay longer.

the wife later told the husband everything that happened and all the mark they did on her stomach..

Thank God the wife has given birth to another but my guy banned the mother in law from coming close to the house anymore.

Pls don't let her initiate your daughter into the unknown cos your daughter is not yet grown to tell u anything incase

elektra:
Oyinbo people don’t seem to see anything wrong with sleepovers. They even send their kids to non relatives for sleepover so I am not surprised that grandma wants a sleepover.
You said she can bond with your baby all through the day but not over the night, what do you feel grandma will do overnight that she can’t do during the day?

I seriously wonder.

Nigerians are a paranoid bunch. When we were younger some people went and spent the whole holidays at their grand parents, uncles or aunties place. No biggy. Just say you don't like your mother in law. Simply. May God not make u have grand kids who u won't have access to because ur daughter's husband feels it's not okay. I say this because you haven't given a good reason for ur bias... Manipulative in ur relationship with ur wife is different... That's her being a parent wanting what she feels is best for her daughter. Now u want to punish her for dat by putting a time limit on time spent with her grand child.

So what you're trying to reveal to us is that, you feel very uncomfortable with your child having a sleep over at your mother-in laws, because she is neither married nor has a boyfriend?.
@ Op. Does your mother-in law strike you as someone who practices sexual perversion or has it being revealed to you that she is someone who might be a witch it involved on a cult?.Or better yet, a woman who uses charms?.....If none of these things I mentioned are being practiced by your mother-inlaw. Then you need to grow the hell up.





Hold up@ OP!.... Your wife's mother in law is Caucasian?. Come and see free babysitting job that this man is rejecting oooo.I wish to marry a Caucasian so that my kids could spend their weekends with their grand-ma. Is your wife a stay at home mom?. Don't you appreciate date nights or alone time with your wife?. Why don't some people like good things. Abeg. This man is rejecting free service.

You claim she is manipulative?....So what?....Do you think she would use your 2 plus old child against you?.Give her things to love her more than you? .
You know she can't harm your child cos she would spend the rest of her life in jail. Let her be.

You're creating more problems for yourself, because your MIL will now have leverage to manipulate your wife against you by making her think that you hate her. ( Mom-inlaw).

Think it through, before you make a mistake that will surely affect your marriage, because this event will surely come up in the future.

Gender bias? Go take your meds.

Talking about gender bias did you even read your own comment? Projecting your thoughts on others.

Acidosis:


As usual, you can never make any reasonable comment without some high levels of gender bias.

I know exactly what you and your co-horts would do if you notice an extreme closeness between your MIL and your husband and same measure of closeness between your MIL and your only child of 2 years.

Grandma wants to bond with my child because she bonded with her grandmom.. What kind of excuse is that? Such can only come from a highly manipulative person.

Mudley313:


My mom actually came to help when the child was first born and there was a lot of clash over house and kitchen rules and we tried our best to respect that so everyone can be happy. My dad was actually an only child also and my mom said the mistake she made was not put her foot down with her own mother in law when she needed to at the beginning until it was too late.

For those saying I'm selfish, me I know what I went through from this manipulative woman before I was able to marry here child and now that a grandchild has solidified our union more she seem to be insecure looking for a way in. This is why I asked, why night? If not for a way of looking for a way to exert back control.

I know what I've been through and my child will not be used as a pun for all that childish manipulative moves. Better to be safe than sorry. She can have her all she want during the day; weekdays or weekends. If that one nor reach, me I nor no wetin to talk put for the matter again

Dude, I can quite understand your suspicion of the manipulative MIL. Fact is many oyinbo people still find it hard seeing their children marry dudu. They can try all tricks in the book to scupper things.
But usually they become totally in love with their grandkids. That is when they become a bit mellow. I guess it helps them overcome the "pain" of their son/daughter marrying dudu.

Before someone shouts "but my oyinbo MIL/FIL totally love me", they mostly do it for their son's/daughter's happiness. Not necessarily because they love you or accept you wholeheartedly. If you have lived with them and shared a household with them you will know. I have been to weddings where the oyinbo inlaws-to-be refused to attend. Because they disapproved of the marriage. Without ever meeting the black bride/groom-to-be.

As for the visit, the child is too young. But be diplomatic. Maybe you should ensure that your wife is staying over with the little girl at her nan's. Each time. Until old enough. like 8 to 10 years old.

remexy:
Nigerians are a paranoid bunch. When we were younger some people went and spent the whole holidays at their grand parents, uncles or aunties place. No biggy. Just say you don't like your mother in law. Simply. May God not make u have grand kids who u won't have access to because ur daughter's husband feels it's not okay. I say this because you haven't given a good reason for ur bias... Manipulative in ur relationship with ur wife is different... That's her being a parent wanting what she feels is best for her daughter. Now u want to punish her for dat by putting a time limit on time spent with her grand child.

don’t mind him. He thinks we are idiots.
Beating around the bush without actually saying what the MIL did wrong.

It is very important to follow your natural instincts. I perceive that something in you is not comfortable with this sleep-over happening. Follow your instincts and find a wise and diplomatic way to decline this sleep-over. You also need to evaluate what your inner-voice is telling you-is it speaking to you out of fear from what you have heard of other's experiences? or is it out of your own negative experiences? If you confirm that it is your instincts that are speaking as opposed to your fears, then by all means, don't let your daughter go for the sleep-over. However, make sure that both the grandparent and the grandchild have a healthy relationship as usual.

Mudley313:
Abeg, I need some advice concerning this matter

Me and my wife just quarreled because her mother asked for our only daughter who is two and half to sleep at her place and I said NO because I was not too comfortable with the idea. My wife is an only daughter and the mother is single with no husband or boyfriend. We give her all the time she wants alone with our child but she just seems obsessed with having her alone for a sleepover and my body no catch dat one. Her reason is she wants to bond more and she was very close with her own garandma blah, blah, blah. But this woman has been very manipulative in me and her daughters relationship in the past because they're abnormally close. Although she has pipped down a bit, I just don't want to create an opening for her to start that with my own daughter cos why would she insist for an all-night? what is wrong with spending time during the day time? what's so special about night time? Is it just to be able to have total control?

Anyway, I go appreciate una feedback and advice well well if anyone here have experienced such before and I don't want to come out looking like I'm overreacting

P.S. By the way, my wife na oyinbo, so I just wanna gather a proper naija perspective on the matter. Thank you in advance!

OP Ur child is way toooo young to stay outside the presence of her parents....its a good idea to let your wife go with your daughter... Ur daughter is in a tender and fragile stage and must be protected jealously!!
Thumbs Up OP

The baby's age sef seems like an android version.... 2.5...���

Mudley313:


I agree

Don't ever quote me again.. wicked man..

Take it or leave it. You have already stated the solution.

She may easily initiate her during their time - Night

Female to Female thing.

Your wife may even be aware of what is going on too.

Mudley313:
Abeg, I need some advice concerning this matter

Me and my wife just quarreled because her mother asked for our only daughter who is two and half to sleep at her place and I said NO because I was not too comfortable with the idea. My wife is an only daughter and the mother is single with no husband or boyfriend. We give her all the time she wants alone with our child but she just seems obsessed with having her alone for a sleepover and my body no catch dat one. Her reason is she wants to bond more and she was very close with her own garandma blah, blah, blah. But this woman has been very manipulative in me and her daughters relationship in the past because they're abnormally close. Although she has pipped down a bit, I just don't want to create an opening for her to start that with my own daughter cos why would she insist for an all-night? what is wrong with spending time during the day time? what's so special about night time? Is it just to be able to have total control?

Anyway, I go appreciate una feedback and advice well well if anyone here have experienced such before and I don't want to come out looking like I'm overreacting

P.S. By the way, my wife na oyinbo, so I just wanna gather a proper naija perspective on the matter. Thank you in advance!