--------------------------
Since 'how was ur night?' is the most used question on FB, so can I ask how was ur night friends? Lol.. Let's smile joor! -------------------------
Please,Why is it that when women cut their hair, their makeup becomes ten times heavier and the earrings three times bigger? Why? --------------------------
If ur boyfriend is using GLO subscription, marry him, Patience is in his DNA. --------------------------
Leggings with no Ass ... Is like a wallet without cash. Argue with ur ancestors. ---------------------------
Psquare will be singing 'nobody ugly' as if they have been to Imo Poly. Umuagwo. --------------------------
Ladies, please avoid guys that speak big grammars. I would have said most of them are naturally stingy but I dont do gossip. -------------------------
Dear Calabar boys, it is ' fifty naira notes each' not ' pipty pipty naila'. --------------------------
Some girls know 1000 ways to catch a guy cheating, but don't know 5 ways to keep a Guy happy. --------------------------
When you get home and find out that somebody ate the food you were thinking about all day.. But why Lord? -------------------------
GF: what do you think of our Love Martin : count the stars in the sky. GF: wow.. It is infinty. Martin : No! It is a waste of time. -------------------------
Life is too short to ask a stammerer for directions, my brodas and sistas. --------------------------
I know a girl here who used 6,500 naira to snap studio pictures last 2 weeks just for her birthday. Up till now, she has just 14likes and 3 comments. It is a pity. --------------------------
have you noticed ? Nigerian beggars now sit close to the ATM machines.. --------------------------
Please, to all those girls who wear too much make-up.. Take it easy biko nu.. It is a face not a colouring book. -------------------------
Funny guys are dangerous sha.. You will laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh and laugh, next minute u take off the pant. -------------------------
You are Tagging Me With your BF Pics, For What? Am I him? Are Him Me? Me Are Him? He Are Me? No Wait.. He I am? I he Him? I Me Him? Answer Me ehn! --------------------------
Welcome to strange world of social media where we open #Facebook, more than #Holy_Book (Quran/Bible)... May God forgive our shortcomings. -------------------------
Only on facebook here 45 years old man thanks 17 years old girl for accepting his request, but never thanks his wife for feeding him. ------------------------
We live in a strange time where the #rich has more rooms than children and the #poor has more children than rooms. -------------------------
That same friends that can't #lend you 2000 naira while you are #alive, will #pay 5000 naira for #RIP_T-shirt when you die. #ThatsLife -------------------------
Living in the favourable and unfavourable situation is called "PART OF LIFE", But smiling in all those situations is called "ART OF LIFE". ------------------------
My Igbo brothers love money so much that their "morning greetings" is now "Nwanne money o" and their reply is now "onye isi money sir". -------------------------
why is it that in every zeeworld movies, one idiot go loss his/her memory? Na so mad pple plenty 4 india? -------------------------
Apart frm kongi and shayo, which other bastard do u know? -------------------------
bros, If u need my number tell me, dont ask me if am on whatsapp! -------------------------
funny how parents become grandpareents nd all of a sudden, dey realise der ar oda ways 2 train a child apart frm beating a child mercilessly. ------------------------
Nigerian movies av taught me dat one day a rich woman wud knock me down with his fine car nd we wud fall in love thereafter. ------------------------
My Ex GF be lyk, martin i am dating u, nd it is only u. The other guys u see or hear about are the ones dating me, arh swear am not dating dem back. ------------------------
Do you know? Research has proven dat some evil FB friends will never like ur post even if u take a selfie in heaven. ------------------------
Mums has always been greatest savage.. Martin : mummy I no belle full ooo. Mum: Drink water ! -------------------------
It takes divine intervention to differentiate between 'don't stop' and 'don't. Stop'. ------------------------
Guys, do u know dat 75% of d girls u walked past today stared at ur zip nd imagined d size of ur hung? Ladies do dis subconciously. Abi na lie? ------------------------
Truth be told, i av neva seen a muslim make jokes with muhammed d way some christians make jokes wt our Lord Jesus Christ.. ------------------------
Dear Nigerian Landlords, it is Quit notice not Quick notice. Small thing, i go give u quick notice oo.. -------------------------
My broda, If a female doesn't inbox u back, jus know she has viewed ur profile pic and said 'no no no'. ---------------------
A girl is neva single, either u take her frm some1 or share her with some1. ---------------------
In Nigeria, behind every successful man is a good woman behind every successful woman is people wondering who she slept with. ----------------------
Bae, please don't fall in love before u pray ova dat relationship. ----------------------
Most Nigerians does not know the diff between education and schooling. ----------------------
U are eating wt ur Boo nd u are tagging me.. Ayam not understanding, am I to wash plates? Ansa me now.. -----------------------
Some girls think they are not attractive because they don't look like the girls that get worshipped on social media nd that is unfortunate. -------------------------
Girls, dnt u get sad when you open a packet of peanut, only to find it is 30% filled? That is exactly how guys feel when they open ur padded breasts. -------------------------
Someone said, 'they will marry one igbo man's daughter and he will use the bride price to bring up the remaining 11 children. Ndi igbo is this true ? --------------------------
Boyfriend that can't be snatched isn't a boyfriend.. Na Goat him be. --------------------------
Some girls really think having a big ass is a Master's degree. --------------------------
Come facebook, which one is help fadairo chidi and 17 others celebrate their birthday. Am I their father? -------------------------- Must you check his DP before u will reply him ehn Aunty slayMama. --------------------------
My neighbour just brought in one fine girl laidat, nigga is running upandan to be nice. oh Lord, let the girl be on her period. Fornication aint allowed. I am not jealous, i am jus concerned. ---------------------------
Late replies are actually the worst. U tell someone u are upset at '07:09pm' and they ask why at ' 11:36pm'... I am okay now aunty.. Lemme alone. ------------------------
Just know you are single when you don't care if your phone is dying. ------------------------
My broda take life easy, jollof rice wey dey for bottom pot today go dey for top of inside cooler tomorrow. -------------------------
When babe tells u ' u know I love u right?' . Just ask her how much she wants. No time.. -------------------------
Even people in Naija with me are updating 'winter is here'. My dear, stop that nonsense. -------------------------
Buy flowers for Naija babes and they be lyk, baby return it nd use d money to send Airtime.... True or False? -------------------------
American mentality..
Daughter: Mum, i am going to visit my friend.
Mum: okay darling, dnt forget to get d cookies.
British mentality...
Mum: okay Janey, be home before 8pm Nigerian mentality...
Daughter: mama, i wan reach nnkechi side oo.
Nigerian Mum: have u done ur home work? Have u watch the plates? Have you cut the ugu leaf? The beans i ask u to pick nko? To carry belle dey hungry u abi? Infact, kneel down there! Hands up nd close ur eyes. --------------------------
Any Lawyer you see that is very smallish in nature, please fear them o. They can send u to jail free of charge. --------------------------
When a relationship ends, the competition of who pretend to be happier on social media starts.. Fact! -------------------------
If u are single like me, stop worrying. God is saving us for special people. People worth the wait. People who will never take us for granted. -------------------------
u tell a Nigerian about ur problem and dey turn it into 'problem olympics'. Dey be lyk.. 'arrhh, ur own even better, na my own worst pass'. ----------------------------
Responsible ladies look attractive not SEXY! Those are two diff things, guys be careful what u desire.
----------------------------- If u av neva been betrayed before in ur life, then u must be the one who av been betraying others.
------------------------- If she does not kiss you before sex, believe me she is a runs girl.
-------------------------- If ur birthday is 9months from your fathers birthday, just know dat ur mum used you as birthday Gift. --------------------------
Slay Queens will be failing exams like mad but will be passing pregnancy tests with flying colours! -------------------------
#i greet una ooo (Lefulefu&shaybbaby) (Shinarlaura&gypsey) (Lalas247&Erhm)
Every other friens I hail una ooo;

Martin0:
--------------------------

Since 'how was ur night?' is the most used
question on FB, so can I ask how was ur night
friends? Lol.. Let's smile joor!
-------------------------

Please,Why is it that when women cut their
hair, their makeup becomes ten times heavier
and the earrings three times bigger? Why?
--------------------------

If ur boyfriend is using GLO subscription, marry
him, Patience is in his DNA.
--------------------------

Leggings with no Ass ... Is like a wallet without
cash. Argue with ur ancestors.
---------------------------

Psquare will be singing 'nobody ugly' as if they
have been to Imo Poly. Umuagwo.
--------------------------

Ladies, please avoid guys that speak big
grammars. I would have said most of them are
naturally stingy but I dont do gossip.
-------------------------

Dear Calabar boys, it is ' fifty naira notes each'
not ' pipty pipty naila'.
--------------------------

Some girls know 1000 ways to catch a guy
cheating, but don't know 5 ways to keep a Guy
happy.
--------------------------

When you get home and find out that
somebody ate the food you were thinking
about all day.. But why Lord?
-------------------------

GF: what do you think of our Love
Martin : count the stars in the sky.
GF: wow.. It is infinty.
Martin : No! It is a waste of time.
-------------------------

Life is too short to ask a stammerer for
directions, my brodas and sistas.
--------------------------

I know a girl here who used 6,500 naira to snap
studio pictures last 2 weeks just for her
birthday. Up till now, she has just 14likes and 3
comments. It is a pity.
--------------------------

have you noticed ? Nigerian beggars now sit
close to the ATM machines..
--------------------------

Please, to all those girls who wear too much
make-up.. Take it easy biko nu.. It is a face not
a colouring book.
-------------------------

Funny guys are dangerous sha.. You will laugh,
laugh, laugh, laugh and laugh, next minute u
take off the pant.
-------------------------

You are Tagging Me With your BF Pics, For
What? Am I him? Are Him Me? Me Are Him?
He Are Me? No Wait.. He I am? I he Him? I Me
Him? Answer Me ehn!
--------------------------

Welcome to strange world of social media
where we open #Facebook, more than
#Holy_Book (Quran/Bible)... May God forgive
our shortcomings.
-------------------------

Only on facebook here 45 years old man thanks
17 years old girl for accepting his request, but
never thanks his wife for feeding him.
------------------------

We live in a strange time where the #rich has
more rooms than children and the #poor has
more children than rooms.
-------------------------

That same friends that can't #lend you 2000
naira while you are #alive, will #pay 5000 naira
for #RIP_T-shirt when you die. #ThatsLife
-------------------------

Living in the favourable and unfavourable
situation is called "PART OF LIFE", But smiling
in all those situations is called "ART OF LIFE".
------------------------

My Igbo brothers love money so much that
their "morning greetings" is now "Nwanne
money o" and their reply is
now "onye isi money sir".
-------------------------

why is it that in every zeeworld movies, one
idiot go loss his/her memory? Na so mad pple
plenty 4 india?
-------------------------

Apart frm kongi and shayo, which other bastard
do u know?
-------------------------

bros, If u need my number tell me, dont ask
me if am on whatsapp!
-------------------------

funny how parents become grandpareents nd
all of a sudden, dey realise der ar oda ways 2
train a child apart frm beating a child
mercilessly.
------------------------

Nigerian movies av taught me dat one day a
rich woman wud knock me down with his fine
car nd we wud fall in love thereafter.
------------------------

My Ex GF be lyk, martin i am dating u, nd it is
only u. The other guys u see or hear about are
the ones dating me, arh swear am not dating
dem back.
------------------------

Do you know? Research has proven dat some
evil FB friends will never like ur post even if u
take a selfie in heaven.
------------------------

Mums has always been greatest savage..
Martin : mummy I no belle full ooo.
Mum: Drink water !
-------------------------

It takes divine intervention to differentiate
between 'don't stop' and 'don't. Stop'.
------------------------

Guys, do u know dat 75% of d girls u walked
past today stared at ur zip nd imagined d size
of ur hung? Ladies do dis subconciously. Abi na
lie?
------------------------

Truth be told, i av neva seen a muslim make
jokes with muhammed d way some christians
make jokes wt our Lord Jesus Christ..
------------------------

Dear Nigerian Landlords, it is Quit notice not
Quick notice. Small thing, i go give u quick
notice oo..
-------------------------

My broda, If a female doesn't inbox u back, jus
know she has viewed ur profile pic and said 'no
no no'.
---------------------

A girl is neva single, either u take her frm
some1 or share her with some1.
---------------------

In Nigeria, behind every successful man is a
good woman
behind every successful woman is people
wondering who she slept with.
----------------------

Bae, please don't fall in love before u pray ova
dat relationship.
----------------------

Most Nigerians does not know the diff between
education and schooling.
----------------------

U are eating wt ur Boo nd u are tagging me..
Ayam not understanding, am I to wash plates?
Ansa me now..
-----------------------

Some girls think they are not attractive because
they don't look like the girls that get
worshipped on social media nd that is
unfortunate.
-------------------------

Girls, dnt u get sad when you open a packet of
peanut, only to find it is 30% filled? That is
exactly how guys feel when they open ur
padded breasts.
-------------------------

Someone said, 'they will marry one igbo man's
daughter and he will use the bride price to
bring up the remaining 11 children. Ndi igbo is
this true ?
--------------------------

Boyfriend that can't be snatched isn't a
boyfriend.. Na Goat him be.
--------------------------

Some girls really think having a big ass is a
Master's degree.
--------------------------

Come facebook, which one is help fadairo chidi
and 17 others celebrate their birthday. Am I
their father?
--------------------------
Must you check his DP before u will reply him
ehn Aunty slayMama.
--------------------------

My neighbour just brought in one fine girl
laidat, nigga is running upandan to be nice. oh
Lord, let the girl be on her period. Fornication
aint allowed. I am not jealous, i am jus
concerned.
---------------------------

Late replies are actually the worst. U tell
someone u are upset at '07:09pm' and they ask
why at ' 11:36pm'... I am okay now aunty..
Lemme alone.
------------------------

Just know you are single when you don't care if
your phone is dying.
------------------------

My broda take life easy, jollof rice wey dey for
bottom pot today go dey for top of inside
cooler tomorrow.
-------------------------

When babe tells u ' u know I love u right?' . Just
ask her how much she wants. No time..
-------------------------

Even people in Naija with me are updating
'winter is here'. My dear, stop that nonsense.
-------------------------

Buy flowers for Naija babes and they be lyk,
baby return it nd use d money to send
Airtime.... True or False?
-------------------------

American mentality..

Daughter: Mum, i am going to visit my friend.

Mum: okay darling, dnt forget to get d cookies.

British mentality...

Mum: okay Janey, be home before 8pm
Nigerian mentality...

Daughter: mama, i wan reach nnkechi side oo.

Nigerian Mum: have u done ur home work?
Have u watch the plates? Have you cut the ugu
leaf? The beans i ask u to pick nko? To carry
belle dey hungry u abi? Infact, kneel down
there! Hands up nd close ur eyes.
--------------------------

Any Lawyer you see that is very smallish in
nature, please fear them o. They can send u to
jail free of charge.
--------------------------

When a relationship ends, the competition of
who pretend to be happier on social media
starts.. Fact!
-------------------------

If u are single like me, stop worrying. God is
saving us for special people. People worth the
wait. People who will never take us for granted.
-------------------------

u tell a Nigerian about ur problem and dey turn
it into 'problem olympics'. Dey be lyk.. 'arrhh,
ur own even better, na my own worst pass'.
----------------------------

Responsible ladies look attractive not SEXY!
Those are two diff things, guys be careful what
u desire.

-----------------------------
If u av neva been betrayed before in ur life,
then u must be the one who av been betraying
others.

-------------------------
If she does not kiss you before sex, believe me
she is a runs girl.

--------------------------
If ur birthday is 9months from your fathers
birthday, just know dat ur mum used you as
birthday Gift.
--------------------------

Slay Queens will be failing exams like mad but
will be passing pregnancy tests with flying
colours!
-------------------------

#i greet una ooo
(Lefulefu&shaybbaby)
(Shinarlaura&gypsey)
(Lalas247&Erhm)

Every other friens I hail una ooo;

Lol.. mo be small thing oo

Martin i dey see u

shinarlaura:

Lol.. mo be small thing oo
Martin i dey see u

Hahahah nor be small tin ooo Na me see u tire eee
The ministry must to grow na