Helllo Nairalanders I need your help please!!!!

I was dating a guy, and I broke up with him on account of the fact that he cheated on me with one of my friends.

When I broke up with him , I stopped talking to him for a while but we became friends again after some time. So later we met up at a park, and got talking, and stuff happened. The problem was that this place was a park and we found this enclosed spot and we had sex.

I know what anyone reading this would think and I know how much it makes me look like a slut but I'm really not that type of girl. He was my first ever boyfriend and i just had a lot of issues at that time that I cannot even go into now.When it was over, I felt really shocked at myself and I even blamed him for it at first because he had texted me some days before we were to meet saying that he was Hot . . . but I never went there with any intention of doing what happened. I really didn't.

But later, I hated myself and him too because I knew it was totally wrong and it shouldn't have happened. I kept getting texts from him all the way back home saying he was sorry for what happened. He knew I was angry with myself and i guess he was trying to make me feel better.

Some weeks later, we were still friends and we still talked and chatted and but one day someone told me that he had been sleeping with some other girl while were going out as well ( meaning that he cheated with 2 girls, not just one) . . . and that he had said some really hurtful stuff about me to others when we first started going out, like that I moan when he kisses me . . . and some other stuff . . .
When I heard all that I ended things with him again and i basically just told him I didn't want anything to do with him any more. I didn't bother to explain cos i felt so humiliated. But later i sent him an email telling him why i said so. I don't know if he actually read it or not cos he didn't reply.

Anyway, fast forward a few months . I found out that after I told him not to talk to me again, he told everyone about what happened at the park. It was so bad that everyone knows the name of the place and all that. I felt so exposed because I've never been the girl chasing guys or doing anything like this . . I'v been in agony ever since cos first of all I lost my virginity to him , that was one of the issues I was dealing with cos I really regretted it ever since. Also, my mom had cancer and for a while i was scared that she was going to die and so many other things were just happening then and he knew that all this was happening to me when the stuff at the park happened. So I dont know why he basically just told all his friends that I was the one who initiated the sex, and even going as far as saying that he didn't want it but that I pressured him into doing it.

I cant say anything for myself except that I was very naive and ignorant and at the time i was also extremely vulnerable.

I feel so humiliated and degraded cos all this happened in the course of 2009 and I feel like my whole life was ruined. I look at 2008 and 2009 and the difference is so sharp. It feels like he ruined my life because I feel like a slut and one of my " friends" used that against me in an argument we had recently.
Also I've noticed that people who never spoke to me before are suddenly talking to me saying my "gist" has spread. But what it is , they wont say.

Can anyone help me with this ? Don't insult me please. I know this post will call for a lot of sarcasm but theres nothing you can call me that I havent called myself already. I just really need to know what to do next cos its been a while and the guy in question even has another girlfriend. I just want to know how to get over this situation. Thanks.

You poor thing The man is probably still mad at you for calling off the relationship thats why he is doing all this. Whats done is done now so you just pick up the broken pieces and keep things moving. Your ex is a jerk and will get what is coming to him one day.

I really dont know how u could've let that sort of thing happen again with ur ex. And in a park of all places! Anyway what's done it's done. There's no way u can retract his story from all the people the jerk had told.
But u can teach him a lesson actually. Why dont u arrange him to be knocked about a bit. I'm serious. He doesnt deserve to go free

Iyabasira, Who has not made mistakes?? No one is perfect, don't beat yourself up about this. Going forward, shine your eyes well well. The next bobo you give yourself to, make sure you mean a whole lot to him, not just because he says it, but by is actions. Someone who loves and respects you will neva do you dirty. Sho ti gbo. Dry your tears, life goes on.


Ebony baby, wa gwan. Hope you had a nice day.

Hey girl, I dey kampe o! Chei we always meet when im ready to call it a night

@poster
stand up for what you did and if the stuff you did is really that bad IN YOUR MIND then dont do them.
if you feel that strongly about what others think about you then you will never go anywhere in life because, guess what, there will always be someone criticizing what you did/do.(thank god you didnt take some unclothed pics with this immature guy)

this whole saga is called "consequences of your actions" and standing by them! you enjoyed having s e x in the park, so what?! you did something that some people might view as "hoe-ish" while others might see as just being "open minded". the catch is to accept that you dont see anything so bad about it.(you didnt then)
BE YOURSELF!!!!

theres nothing you can call me that I havent called myself already.

i think that you have low self esteem or that you are easily influenced if you can write the above statement and maybe you should believe a little more about YOU. if you aint positive about YOURSELF how the hell do you expect others to be?!
you care so much about what others think of you that whatever any NLer says cant help you.


stand for what you are and dont try to be someone you are not.

iyabasira abi what is that your handle? "  "

omo go and take 2 shots of paraga instanta! you need the open eye effects of that drink. " "

because you are suffering from the aftermaths of "coitus parkus" that is the biological name for having S-E_X in a park"  "

or shall we put the root cause of your problems to : sexing a loose-mouthed, infantile jackass? 

omo bone up jare, take responsibility for your actions and move on,

so what if others  are wasting their time saying nonsense about you?

you channel your energies to more productive endeavors and live your life

life is to short to be mopping and thinking of what others might or are saying about you

just my 2 cents !!! 

ikamefa, you are funny but on point. Life is way too short to stress ish like this. In 5 years Iya basira will look on this experience and laugh.

My dear,
next time just be careful who you choose to be with. He is obviously immature and eager to talk about his conquests. I wouldnt beat myself too much about it, shit happens. Some people actually think they are adventurous doing it in the bushes. . You have nothing to worry about, hold your head up high and go find someone that is worth it. Hes just a little child unworthy of your love. Try dating someone older than you. maybe 5 years, and that friend that used something so silly to insult you? desist from any relationships with her. Also try making new friends and moving with new sets of people. He lost a wonderful gem, and is hurt that you dared to dump him. You will find love, just forget him and move on. He already has.

IyaBasira,i am a man and i know quite well this happens everyday.Even to people you least expect.
Dont let this weigh you down before you pick the pieces of your life together.
All you need now is to go for counselling and make sure you dont care about what people say about you cos so many people have encountered worse things than this.Trust me, Its a minor thing just that your own secret has been leaked out.
Guys do it everyday so remove guys issue.Just have to take your time with ur friends cos they will use it against u and pray to have an understanding husband.Then,mind what you tell people about yourself,especially beware of guys at this time cos they will be acting as if they are persuading you but they will want to have their own ways at the same time.
ENOUGH IS FOR THE WISE.

No big diff btw such g&bckside.stuffs like dt happen wen u r d 1 dt cald it quits.he jst wnts 2 get bck @u.it shall cm 2 pass.4get it girl.

@poster
I love that ur BF

hes such a smart guy!

Ebonyeyes:

You poor thing The man is probably still mad at you for calling off the relationship thats why he is doing all this. Whats done is done now so you just pick up the broken pieces and keep things moving. Your ex is a jerk and will get what is coming to him one day.

Gbam!

@ Poster

I know it's hard, but you need to let him go completely. So what if he's spreading tales about you, that's his business. With time everyone will see him as the pathetic loser that he is.

Very few ladies will claim not to have made the mistake you made, but that's life . . you learn from your mistakes!

Don't get hung up over the fact that you lost your virginity to him, yea, he didnt deserve it, but it has happened and you can't take it back. Just let it go!

Why men act like fools when they've got good women as lovers ,surprises me

As for the name calling, no way and may thunder blend the persons nyash like crayfish that will venture to call you a slut, you are not, you are just a victim.

What he is trying to do is bring you down, he wants to make you emotionally unclothed, and he's succeeded, all thanks to you for giving him the chance

Why not call him up, and talk to him, when i mean talk , i mean stand up for yourself and verbally(in a mature way)crush his man-hood with your heels

Take heart dear,
I read your story and I can sense you are feeling great pain. The things we sometimes have to go through all because we loved a guy, its not fair, but thats life.
Take it easy, don't beat yourself up! We all slip all the time and do things out of character; we're only human.
But try your best not to dwell on your mistakes. You made a mistake - so what? Nobody is perfect! Life goes on, don't let your past mistakes define your present or future. All we can do is learn from the mistake and make sure not to do it again!

My advice for you, is just to surround yourself with family and (true) loved ones and just do the things that make you happy. Get your mind off all the things that make you sad. Put your mind in school and do your thing.

As for the guy and those friends spreading rumors, you can never please everybody. People will always talk. People are always trying to bring others down because it makes them feel 'superior'. I know it is very hard/impossible to ignore it when people are saying mean and hurtful things about you but girl just hold your head up high, because I can assure you that this too will pass.

Time will heal your hurting heart.

If you have a religion, this will be the best time to turn to God. I also went through a painful heartbreak and I can assure you, if it wasnt for God and church, I would have gone crazy! theres a passage that goes 'The Lord is near the broken-hearted; he is the saviour of those whose spirits are crushed down'

jennykadry:

Why men act like fools when they've got good women as lovers ,surprises me

As for the name calling, no way and may thunder blend the persons nyash like crayfish that will venture to call you a slut, you are not, you are just a victim.

What he is trying to do is bring you down, he wants to make you emotionally unclothed, and he's succeeded, all thanks to you for giving him the chance

Why not call him up, and talk to him, when i mean talk , i mean stand up for yourself and verbally(in a mature way)crush his man-hood with your heels

rotflmao

Hez such a L!!

take this as a learning experience.  he cheated on you before, there is no reason why you should think he wouldnt do it again.  break off contact with him and go on with your life.  the fact he neede to be friends with you and "bragged" about who he slept with and then told people about what happend in the park after you stopped being his friend shows he had no respect for you in general, you dont need people like that around you.  keep only to friends you know can be trusted and are well intentioned.

Ujujoan:

rotflmao

Honestly ehn, i feel like doing the job for the OP, these are men i wont cry for if "otokoto" kidnapped them for money rituals, i mean how much will one make out of it anyways, the guy is worth only a few nigerian coins

@ Poster. Why are you beating urself ova the head? Lemme give u my motto of life "LIve hard, Live strong, Live with no regrets". Of course, u a woman therefore society places some restrictions on the way u can sexually express urself, but,guess what, Fucxk society!!!! You did what u FELT LIKE in a park, with  a doodle-head of a boyfriend that you loved and thot was mature enough to shut his Fucxking mouth. I mean, who goes around tarnishing his ex's image? That shows how matured he is. Nothing wrong in saying "nasty" things about an ex  after yall break up (Not my style but, hey, we all human when we upset), but the "hateful" comments to be spoken should be carefully chosen. i.e "Oh man, that ho was crazy thats why we broke up" (No need to go further. Youre bitter, your listener gets the point and you didnt go into details), as opposed to " Wow, she used to scream the house down when we fu. . cked. Plus, I did her in the park and she used to moan while I kissed her". I dont know if I'm expressing my point properly, all I'm trying to say is, even if u r bitter theres ways to express your disappointment in the failure of a relationship, other than tarnishing the reputation of your ex flame!!! This is where your moronic ex went wrong.

    What comes around goes around. Karma is a freaking menopausal biatch; watch what happens to him in the not too distant future!!! And, who says u gotta wait for God to help u exact revenge?!! My dear, pretend u atheist and take vengeance into your own hands. If I was you this is what I'll do: I'll spread a nasty rumor about him, say, that he has a STD, he has kids somewhere (this one is to get to the ears of his new gal), he is a criminal. . . anything to tarnish his image just as badly. If u think that is too much work why dont u get some male relatives, or pay some goons in the neighborhood, to seperate his teeth from his gums. Make sure they beat him to a bloody pulp and that they lay the most emphasis on his mouth, since that seems to be his weapon of mass destruction.

    And, as for the ones telling you they got "gists" about you, whenever they tell u this again smile (even tho u'll gladly wring they necks) and say "Ah, what story again, I thot I heard it all already. What they saying this time, that I had se. . Bleep with the President on a plane??" (or something to that effect). Point being, NEVER  show that your upset at the "rumors". Trust me, once u show u could care less it becomes less of a joy telling you the hurtful stories. They keep telling it to u, or insinuating that they got tales about you, cus they know it upsets u. The moment they realize it dont faze u, they gone back off!!!

   Finally, keep your head up, dont let nobody drag u down. Nothing wrong in intimacy, its meant to be enjoyed with someone special and thats all u did. No need for regrets. Now, go about your business, remember your "Atheist", go get your male cousins on speeddial and do wat needs to be done (namely, getting him stumped to a bloody pulp). u dont need God to fight this battle for you. (Wo)Man up and take kia.

bk/babe97:

 
    What comes around goes around. Karma is a freaking menopausal biatch; watch what happens to him in the not too distant future!!! And, who says u gotta wait for God to help u exact revenge?!! My dear, pretend u atheist and take vengeance into your own hands. If I was you this is what I'll do: I'll spread a nasty rumor about him, say, that he has a STD, he has kids somewhere (this one is to get to the ears of his new gal), he is a criminal. . . anything to tarnish his image just as badly. If u think that is too much work why dont u get some male relatives, or pay some goons in the neighborhood, to seperate his teeth from his gums. Make sure they beat him to a bloody pulp and that they lay the most emphasis on his mouth, since that seems to be his weapon of mass destruction.

   , , getting him stumped to a bloody pulp). u dont need God to fight this battle for you. (Wo)Man up and take kia.

This sounds so ridiculous, Agreed the guy had really bleeped up, infact I believe only a kid would have done what he did. Nevertheless, U'r taking it too far, the solution to ur headache is not to cut-off the head. Just leave him to God. xx

^^^^ lol. leave him to God?!?! Hell nah!!! Why aint he "leave her to God" if he thought she offended him when they broke up? Leave him to God indeed. Yeah, I'll encourage her to leave him to God after he gets stomped around, Just like he left her to God by disparaging her character after they split ^^^^

bk/babe97:

^^^^ lol. leave him to God?!?! Hell nah!!! Why aint he "leave her to God" if he thought she offended him when they broke up? Leave him to God indeed. Yeah, I'll encourage her to leave him to God after he gets stomped around, Just like he left her to God by disparaging her character after they split ^^^^

Yeahhh, U are right but I wount still support dat she act dat way. She should just learn to forget dat and move on with her life. Am sure the guy himself would be regretting his actions now. Life is too short to hold on to things, Just move on

blackmann:

i do not classify such guys as Men. he is a wimpish kid. Real men do not kiss and tell. Why would a man sleep with his ex and go about telling pple all because he was caught in the act by others? he deserves to be hanged.

Am so sure the guy will still want to do if this lady agrees to go back to him. From the look of things its obvious he doesn't want to loose the lady but his ego will not allow him say that. I'll just conclude his not man enough. Such men lowers their patners self esteem and its a very bad thing. habba, too bad

So, he had sex with you in the park!  Ki ni big deal,

Abeg move on with ur life jare.  One day, when you are much older, you'll look back and have a good laugh at the idiota _{in spanish}

Dnt worry about it. You lost your virginity to a stupid guy, wrong judgement. the truth, alot of us are guilty of wrong judgement and we let all sort of people into our lives.

Just move on. This would show how strong your character is. Some girls have been raped, boys beaten infront of their babes or kids etc and they still find it in them to walk with their heads up.

Be strong, You had sex with an ex not a random guy, No big deal. in a park- even better, we all love adventrous moves like that. life is too short to be boring.

Long story but the fact of the matter is, does the past define your future?

jay bee:

Long story but the fact of the matter is, does the past define your future?

It should not but, people can be very judgemental.


@Poster, sadly nothing can be done about in now, try to put it out of your mind and move on with your life.

madlady:

It should not but, people can be very judgmental.

Exactly and if u r strong minded then people being judgemental about one's past def wouldn't remove a strand of hair from one's body.
Past is Past. You are a changed person which is what counts.
I am only interested in who you are now and what you are about.