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Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... - Family - Nairaland

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Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Chiefly(m): 11:53am On Jan 11, 2018
We've been together for a year plus now and it's a regular occurrence, she's always starting shi* with other guys, other times with other girls then I have to deal with thier men. Whenever we go clubbing, hanging out in a lounge, shopping at the mall, attending weeding ceremonies, infact the last confrontation was right in a cinema hall... it's quite embarrassing. (she seems to only behave at church)..
I've tried to keep her in check and curb her running mouth in these instances but it never works, and whenever she runs her mouth like this at other guys for minutes on end, it’s only ends one way: With her manning up …and expecting me to clobber the other guy for her, ultimately I get into physical confrontations and fights with these guys to diffend her and ultimately my ego.

Most people think It's my inability to control her but step in my shoes and you'll see the only thing I haven't done is hit her (physically), she's too damn stubborn (in this particular area). This is the only issue we have tho, every other thing is quite great. I've always thought she'll change with time but no. No significant improvement whatsoever. Don't know, could it be psychogenic? She was born and raised in the UK tho based in Nigeria now.

NB: *It's an arranged marriage.

So I really need your advice guys (I'd appreciate matured inputs pls from experienced folks).. Cos

Don't need a woman to go around picking fights for me. i gotta find a way to clip this the instant it starts, or figure out a way to stop this bad behavior once and for all...

Edited: Guys forgot to mention - her dad is a Brigadier General
.
.
From a friend.
Lalasticlala let's help a brother.

8 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Nobody: 11:54am On Jan 11, 2018
she is a backup wife in making

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Nobody: 11:58am On Jan 11, 2018
Shes a spoilt rude brat. I undrstand you totally cos im in ur shoes but hitched but ur not God save you if you end up making her a wife. Study her carefully if she isnt changing RUN FOR DEAR LIFE!

41 Likes

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by pocohantas(f): 12:03pm On Jan 11, 2018
1: Narcissism.

2: She loves you much and can't stand anyone annoying you in public. That's why a woman can call her man stupid and feel it's nothing. Let a third party try it and watch her bring White House Down . She always expects you to back her up, because she needs to prove she isn't fighting for someone who gives no fck.

27 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by DozieInc(m): 12:06pm On Jan 11, 2018
Bro you are just her bodyguard nothing more, sooner or later she will get you into real TROUBLE.
Some people are just troublesome, so be ready to keep fighting for your honor or quit and save yourself the trouble.

111 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Chiefly(m): 12:12pm On Jan 11, 2018
OceanmorganTrix:
she is a backup wife in making


Sorry, how do you mean?

1 Like

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Daniel2289(m): 12:14pm On Jan 11, 2018
Is this the kind of life u want to live with this lady.

68 Likes

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Chiefly(m): 12:15pm On Jan 11, 2018
obitee69:
Shes a spoilt rude brat. I undrstand you totally cos im in ur shoes but hitched but ur not God save you if you end up making her a wife. Study her carefully if she isnt changing RUN FOR DEAR LIFE!

Umm. Okay, so how were you able to deal with the situation? Are you guys still together? The major problem is that the union is kinda "Family arranged" if you get what I mean.

1 Like

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Blackhawk03(f): 12:17pm On Jan 11, 2018
pocohantas:
1: Narcissism.

2: She loves you much and can't stand anyone annoying you in public. That's why a woman can call her man stupid and feel it's nothing. Let a third party try it and watch her bring White House Down grin. She always expects you to back her up, because she needs to prove she isn't fighting for someone who gives no fck.

Hahahaha cheesy grin cheesy grin

Babez! She picks fight with others unnecessarily, not because of him. She's just a stubborn goat. Who enjoys show of shame, anyways?

Op, don't stand up for her one day. She picked her fight, let her battle it out with the person. She needs to start taking responsibility for her childish acts, just walk out the moment she starts.

132 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Chiefly(m): 12:22pm On Jan 11, 2018
pocohantas:
1: Narcissism.

2: She loves you much and can't stand anyone annoying you in public. That's why a woman can call her man stupid and feel it's nothing. Let a third party try it and watch her bring White House Down grin. She always expects you to back her up, because she needs to prove she isn't fighting for someone who gives no fck.


Hmm, interesting, I understand what you mean but the problem is not with the dude, he dosent have issues with anyone, he's totally cool - the lady is the one picking the fights herself and the guy has to take the punches at the end of the day tryin to defend her.
Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by pocohantas(f): 12:25pm On Jan 11, 2018
Blackhawk03:


Hahahaha cheesy grin cheesy grin

Babez! She picks fight with others unnecessarily, not because of him. She's just a stubborn goat. Who enjoys show of shame, anyways?

Op, don't stand up for her one day. She picked her fight, let her battle it out with the person. She needs to start taking responsibility for her childish acts, just walk out the moment she starts.

Yea, she could be picking those fights because she thinks it's an insult to her guy. People like that don't know how to let things go. They fail to realise how such physical confrontations can escalate quickly. OP, needs to identify the way she reels him into such fights and distance himself from it. When he makes her look stupid regularly, she'll slow down.


The surprising thing about people like this is, they are excellent lovers when the going is good.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Richy4(m): 12:26pm On Jan 11, 2018
Does her being born in UK got any thing to do with it? I just want to know why you feel that information is important.. as if being born in UK is a license to be mannerless

I might be wrong, you are holding her like a trophy and it's about time u Open your mouth wide and tell her to stop emberassing you.

Stop this UK thing and have a sincere relationship with her, a relationship where you can say your mind. There are millions of people all over the world that has manners.. Treat her like any other woman that u are in love with.with out holding her with (UK high esteem )..If u can't tolerate it, let her go..

138 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Chiefly(m): 12:29pm On Jan 11, 2018
Blackhawk03:


Hahahaha cheesy grin cheesy grin

Babez! She picks fight with others unnecessarily, not because of him. She's just a stubborn goat. Who enjoys show of shame, anyways?

Op, don't stand up for her one day. She picked her fight, let her battle it out with the person. She needs to start taking responsibility for her childish acts, just walk out the moment she starts.


Yeah. Exactly.

Umm, bro.. Guys are generally insecure this days and with the whole Alpha male controversy, dude thinks he always have to prove a point... What if he walks out and things get out of hand.. He'll still face the consequences eventually.

1 Like

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Nobody: 12:32pm On Jan 11, 2018
Chiefly:



Sorry, how do you mean?



she is protecting who is dear to her
you see what she does as embarrassing
she see it as protection

do not call what she do as an embarrassment before her, just call it HURT
don't make her feel bad about what she do for you, convince her you have other measure put in place
(your measure must not be a measure of fighting back also, but should be cuddling her away telling her the good things about herself)
just make her understand


just tell her the only way she can protect you and make you happy is to stop those attitude she always have as a covering for you

tell her how strong she is, but let her know she is more stronger when she walk away from the trouble

tell her what she do only protect your body, but when she walk away without involving in those trouble she protect your body, heart, emotion, personality and soul

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Chiefly(m): 12:40pm On Jan 11, 2018
pocohantas:


Yea, she could be picking those fights because she thinks it's an insult to her guy. People like that don't know how to let things go. They fail to realise how such physical confrontations can escalate quickly. OP, needs to identify the way she reels him into such fights and distance himself from it. When he makes her look stupid regularly, she'll slow down.


The surprising thing about people like this is, they are excellent lovers when the going is good.




To her, she is fighting for you both grin

Wow, never thought about it This way.. You mean she thinks she's fighting for two? ?.. Might be some truth in this cos there are no complains when she's out alone.
Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Chiefly(m): 12:52pm On Jan 11, 2018
Richy4:
Does her being born in UK got any thing to do with it? I just want to know why you feel that information is important.. as if being born in UK is a license to be mannerless

I might be wrong, you are holding her like a trophy and it's about time u Open your mouth wide and tell her to stop emberassing you.

Stop this UK thing and have a sincere relationship with her, a relationship where you can say your mind. There are millions of people all over the world that has manners.. Treat her like any other woman that u are in love with.with out holding her with (UK high esteem )..If u can't tolerate it, let her go..


Edited**** from llekokonit


Ilekokonit:


Actually most black women "raised" in the UK are mannerless as the UK society has little regard for the man. Its no suprise that the UK is the single parent capital of the world.

Their lack of manners or respect for men is the main reason Naija men abroad will continue going back home to look for women who haven't completely lost the African cultural value of respect for their men.

In the UK, women expect to treat men as foot mats and some men are actually happy to wear the skirt whilst the woman wears the trouser.

The poster needs to man up to his family and reject being pushed to his death by an arranged marriage to a nasty piece of work.

If she was in hot demand in the UK, her family will not be so keen in getting her a man from abroad.

Also, any woman who specialises in knocking 2 mens heads against one another will lead to the death of any man who marries her.

Don't just fall for any UK raised black woman because they look innocent. Quite a lot of them belonged to violent gangs and were the communal "babes" of gang members in their teens.

Just google the term honeytrap killing and you will realise that these UK raised black girls are not as innocent as they look. Some of them are as feral as wild animals.

For example, would you guess that the 18 year old UK raised Nigerian school girl below is a killer ?? But that is exactly what she is.

She is also known as 'Missy Maffia' and 'Bang Bang'.

She bought knives and used Facebook to plot a fatal mob attack on a boy.



http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2108185/The-killer-schoolgirl-Facing-jail-weeping-dock-teenager-bought-knives-used-Facebook-plot-fatal-mob-attack-boy.html

Tell him...

I just felt her upbringing might have something to do with the attitude that was why I mentioned it, besides most ladies I know that grew up in the UK always have one attitude problem or the other. #fact. Infact the last gurl I dated myself was also from the UK, she's actually very rude and self centered, she never lives the island (feels she's too fly and stuff for the Mainland) angry
Can you imagine that? You'll have to agree with me that her being a UK citizen was a determinant factor, no?

Back to the original topic.. The whole relationship is in line with some family arrangements, that makes it much more complicated.

6 Likes

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Chiefly(m): 12:54pm On Jan 11, 2018
OceanmorganTrix:




she is protecting who is dear to her
you see what she does as embarrassing
she see it as protection

do not call what she do as an embarrassment before her, just call it HURT
don't make her feel bad about what she do for you, convince her you have other measure put in place
(your measure must not be a measure of fighting back also, but should be cuddling her away telling her the good things about herself)
just make her understand


just tell her the only way she can protect you and make you happy is to stop those attitude she always have as a covering for you

tell her how strong she is, but let her know she is more stronger when she walk away from the trouble

tell her what she do only protect your body, but when she walk away without involving in those trouble she protect your body, heart, emotion, personality and soul


Umm. Wow, Well. This is actually quite beautiful and insightful... In a way.. Thanks for the input really appreciate smiley

5 Likes

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by pocohantas(f): 1:02pm On Jan 11, 2018
Chiefly:


Wow, never thought about it This way.. You mean she thinks she's fighting for two? ?.. Might be some truth in this cos there are no complains when she's out alone.

LOL. I've been there. My ex was just like that, always picking fights on my behalf. Left alone to himself, he was an easy going guy.

He didn't stop till the day he tried it with a MOPOL. We were on our way to the beach and the man made a remark about my shorts. He retorted. Naso them bundle two of us to police station...

Don't ask me what happened cheesy

33 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Richy4(m): 1:47pm On Jan 11, 2018
Chiefly:


I just felt her upbringing might have something to do with the attitude that was why I mentioned it, besides most ladies I know that grew up in the UK always have one attitude problem or the other. #fact. Infact the last gurl I dated myself was also from the UK, she's actually very rude and self centered, she never lives the island (feels she's too fly and stuff for the Mainland) angry
Can you imagine that? You'll have to agree with me that in this case her being a UK citizen was a determinant factor, no?

Back to the original topic.. The whole relationship is in line with some family arrangements, that makes it much more complicated.

Yea the fact that you dated some of UK citizens and you weigh their attitude on a scale and found it wanting does not mean majority were like that.. there are lots of people in the united kingdom that got good manners..especially Nigerians there..

Infact the fact that you included were she was born showcase or gives me the impression that you were treating her with utmost respect which is good..."so good" that you don't have any say to reduce her excesses... and she was capitalizing on the I was born in UK to cover up her "good manners " .....assuming she was born in Nigeria will you have tolerated her bad behaviour?

Arranged marriage or not, U guys should save drama for soap operas...get your act right by telling her to stop emberassing you.. U are not the only ones in the world that hooked up through match making....

How long are u gonna fight all your friends that you knew before her... It was in the 1980s that people hype someone that was born Abroad... even when she got the worst attitude, they said leave her she is raised abroad..just to use her to boast in the village .. not anymore man.. the world is just a global village now... There is still an exit door...You can use it if you can't cope

45 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by HeWrites(m): 1:52pm On Jan 11, 2018
Blackhawk03:


Hahahaha cheesy grin cheesy grin

Babez! She picks fight with others unnecessarily, not because of him. She's just a stubborn goat. Who enjoys show of shame, anyways?

Op, don't stand up for her one day. She picked her fight, let her battle it out with the person. She needs to start taking responsibility for her childish acts, just walk out the moment she starts.

Must you always be on every post undecided


Seems you're jobless

Comman start blogging with me (no money o) grin

4 Likes

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by UjuJoan2: 2:11pm On Jan 11, 2018
Chiefly:


I just felt her upbringing might have something to do with the attitude that was why I mentioned it, besides most ladies I know that grew up in the UK always have one attitude problem or the other. #fact. Infact the last gurl I dated myself was also from the UK, she's actually very rude and self centered, she never lives the island (feels she's too fly and stuff for the Mainland) angry
Can you imagine that? You'll have to agree with me that in this case her being a UK citizen was a determinant factor, no?

Back to the original topic.. The whole relationship is in line with some family arrangements, that makes it much more complicated.

UK bred are usually reserved and conservative.

Why do you tolerate ill manners? Is that how she will raise the kids? I detest women who run their mouth all the time.

Patience is a virtue!

10 Likes

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Blackhawk03(f): 2:27pm On Jan 11, 2018
HeWrites:


Must you always be on every post undecided


Seems you're jobless

Comman start blogging with me (no money o) grin

I don't work for free.

5 Likes

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Peachess(f): 2:29pm On Jan 11, 2018
You should allow them to beat her small, her head go correct. Trust me lol

22 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by HeWrites(m): 2:29pm On Jan 11, 2018
Blackhawk03:

I don't work for free.

Really
Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Blackhawk03(f): 2:35pm On Jan 11, 2018
HeWrites:



Really

Yeah and if I'll be changing job, It must come with bigger pay. More than what I earn now, your offer still up?
Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Blackhawk03(f): 2:42pm On Jan 11, 2018
Peachess:
You should allow them to beat her small, her head go correct. Trust me lol

Gbam! My point exactly! I don't buy into this fighting for two thing, did the guy ask her to fight on his behalf? That's a fvckin red flag! Sit her arse down, speak senses into her head, give her conditions, she listens to him or find her way out. You can imagine being scared of going with your gf because you don't know who you might be fighting off her again...

8 Likes

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by HeWrites(m): 2:45pm On Jan 11, 2018
Blackhawk03:


Yeah and if I'll be changing job, It must come with bigger pay. More than what I earn now, your offer still up?

How much do you earn from your current job?
Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Blackhawk03(f): 2:47pm On Jan 11, 2018
HeWrites:


How much do you earn from your current job?

Enough to cater for me and side wants...

2 Likes

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by HeWrites(m): 2:52pm On Jan 11, 2018
Blackhawk03:

Enough to cater for me and side attractions...
Buh I'd like to know
Maybe its below my offer or above
Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Nobody: 3:15pm On Jan 11, 2018
pocohantas:
1: Narcissism.

2: She loves you much and can't stand anyone annoying you in public. That's why a woman can call her man stupid and feel it's nothing. Let a third party try it and watch her bring White House Down grin. She always expects you to back her up, because she needs to prove she isn't fighting for someone who gives no fck.

Rubbish, Who wants a drama girl? is this the drama I want to live with for the rest of my life after saying "I DO" ? God Forbid.

7 Likes

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Nobody: 3:17pm On Jan 11, 2018
Blackhawk03:


Gbam! My point exactly! I don't buy into this fighting for two thing, did the guy ask her to fight on his behalf? That's a fvckin red flag! Sit her arse down, speak senses into her head, give her conditions, she listens to him or find her way out. You can imagine being scared of going with your gf because you don't know who you might be fighting off her again...

That is how she will start fight one of her inlaws and then expect him to back her up. Please there are many UK born ladies out there, If na UK born ladies dey shack am.

4 Likes

Re: Help! My Fiancee Is Always Picking Fights For Me... by Peachess(f): 3:34pm On Jan 11, 2018
Blackhawk03:


Gbam! My point exactly! I don't buy into this fighting for two thing, did the guy ask her to fight on his behalf? That's a fvckin red flag! Sit her arse down, speak senses into her head, give her conditions, she listens to him or find her way out. You can imagine being scared of going with your gf because you don't know who you might be fighting off her again...
I think she behaves that way cos her man always got her back

2 Likes

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