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Stats: 2,690,127 members, 6,337,640 topics. Date: Sunday, 13 June 2021 at 10:51 PM
|Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 8:56am On Apr 12, 2018|
GOOD MORNING GUYS, PLEASE HELP ME GO THRU MY LONG STORY AND ADVICE ME ON WHAT TO DO.
I GOT MARRIED ABOUT 5 MONTHS AGO, MY WIFE IS A VERY SPIRITUAL PERSON(MFM). AFTER OUR MARRIAGE, I NOTICED SOM CHANGES IN HER, LIKE NAGGING, GETTING ANGRY OVER LITTLE THINGS AND MOST ESPECIALLY PRAYERS. I DONT HAVE THAT STRENGHT WAKING UP IN D MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO PRAY WITH HER AND ALSO COS OF JOB, WE STAY IN IKORODU AND I WORK AROUND OYINGBO SIDE.
ALSO, WHENEVER ANY OF US WRONG EACH OTHER, I WILL B D ONE TO BEG AFTER DAYS OF KEEPING MALICE IN D SAME HOUSE. IF SHE IS D ONE AT FAULT, SHE WILL NEVER BEG, BUT FOR PEACE TO REIGN, I WILL SHEALTH MY SWORD AND BEG HER.
I ALSO NOTICED SHE CHANGED TOWARDS MY PARENT, SHE DOESNT CALL THEM, NOR ALLOW US GO TO VISIT THEM. THEY ALSO STAY IN IKORODU. BUT JUST LIKE 30MINS DRIVE FROM EACH OTHER. SOMTHING HAPPEND ON FEB 15 THIS YEAR, MY DAD SLUMPED AND I WAS CALLED AROUND 8PM TO COME AROUND. THE NEXT THING MY WIFE WILL SAY IS, CANT IT WAIT TILL TOMOROW.I WAS SHOCKED BY THAT STATEMENT. WELL, MY DAD HAD STROKE, AND WAS IN N OUT OF THE HOSPITAL. OUT OF LIKE THE THREE WEEKS MY DAD SPENT IN THE HOSPITAL, MY WIFE CAME TWICE TO IKORODU GENERAL HOSPITAL TO VISIT HIM NOT ON HER OWN BUT WHEN I GO THERE TO VISIT HIM. I GO THERE EVERYDAY TO BATH HIM BFR GOING TO WORK AND AFTER COMING FROM WORK.MY MUM CANT HANDLE IT ALONE.
FAST FORWARD TO WHEN HE WAS DISCHARGED, I MAKE SURE I GO TO MY PARENTS HOUSE EVERYDAY TO CHECK ON HIM BUT MY WIFE ALWAYS COMPLAINED. TELLING ME A TIME WILL COME, I WILL HAVE TO CHOOSE BTW MY DAD AND HER. I WAS MAD THAT DAY. SHE ALSO COMPLAINS OF MY MUM HELPING US IN SOME AREAS. LIKE, GIVING HER MONEY OR FOODSTUFF,. SHE TEACHES AND CO OWN A SCHOOL WITH HER MUM. NOW, SHE WAS ON THREE WEEKS EASTER BREAK, ALONE AT HOME TILL I RETURN IN D EVENING AFTER WORK,
FOR THE PERIOD OF THAT THREE WEEKS SHE SPENT AT HOME, SHE CAME WITH ME TO VISIT MY DAD TWICE. MY MUM COMPLAINED ABOUT IT BUT I SHOVE HER OFF. MY QUESTION IS THIS.. IS THIS A GOOD BEHAVIOR FROM HER. ANYTIME I COMPLAINED TO HER. SHE WILL TELL ME THIS IS 21ST CENTURY AND THEY CANT EXPECT HER TO KILL HERSELF FOR THEM. THIS IS JUST ONE OF THE VARIOUS THINGS SHE DOES TO ME AT HOME. SHE HAS WARNED ME NEVER TO REPORT HER TO ANYBODY ESPECIALLY HER PARENT WHO WERE NEVER IN SUPPORT OF THE MARRIAGE THEN, COS I HAD TWO CHILDREN FROM DIFF LADIES WHICH SHE KNEW OFF BEFORE THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED
PLEASE ADVICE ME. AM TOTALLY CONFUSED. I WANT TO OPT OUT OF THE MARRIAGE. I AM NOT ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT WITH HER AGAIN.
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Nobody: 9:01am On Apr 12, 2018|
Divorce her. These ladies claiming to be strong Christians mostly in churches like MFM, Deeper Life and alike members can be very heartless my brother. My elder married one and has been living like a refugee in his house. They don't know the bible and the meaning of Christianity which is "Christ like."
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|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Nobody: 9:05am On Apr 12, 2018|
You are the man of your house. You are the head.
1. You don't need her permission to visit your parents at any time of your chosen.
2. Don't compel her to visit your parents but be mindful (I mean observe how she treats your parents and extend such to hers too) when she complain, draw a similarly between her treatment and yours. Her parents might not be as old as yours now, but they will soon get there and then she will understand.
3. Finally, women are like children, treat them as such. There is an appropriate punishment for misbehavior.. I do not mean beating or anything of such.. She is your wife. You know how to punish her.
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Geedhey(m): 9:05am On Apr 12, 2018|
I would want to say she must have shown signs of these while you guys were dating or u didn't know her well enough... bro your marriage is quite still young to be having this kinda trouble.. she's either too self-centered or she's reacting based on some of your actions. Sit her down and have a proper talk with her, women hold grudges a lot so rather than talk she's giving u a attitudes . Sit her down and talk
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 9:06am On Apr 12, 2018|
MORE REASON I DONT PRAY WITH HER AGAIN. COS I TOLD HER WHAT THE BIBLE SAID ABOUT WIVES SUBMITTING THEMSELVES TO THEIR HUSBAND AND RESPECTING THEM. I TOLD HER TO CULTIVATE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS AND SISTER COS YORUBA SAYS OKO BURUKU SHEY NI BUT DONT EVER PRAY TO HAVE A BAD INLAWS. BUT SHE ALWAYS OUTWIT ME.
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 9:08am On Apr 12, 2018|
I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND, I WILL DO SAME TO HER PARENT . SHE IS HEARTLESS.
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Nobody: 9:09am On Apr 12, 2018|
See some pple would come here and say u shld try to sort things out and not to divorce her.
I swear that if the girl i marry stops being who she was before i married her, the way i would divorce her would be so swift that she won't expect it. It is better than to kill someone 's child. My brother, that statement she made about picking your dad over her is worth a divorce. Instead of her to help, shez making matter worst. Divorce that lady asap
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 9:10am On Apr 12, 2018|
HAVE DONE THAT SO MANY TIMES, CALLED HER IN D MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, BEGGED HER. YET SAME THING, I REPORTED HER TO MY PASTOR, HE CALLED BOTH OF US TOGETHER BUT THIS WAS HER RESPONSE THEN, PASTOR, I WILL MANAGE MY HUSBAND AND D MARRIAGE FOR A YEAR AND AFTER THAT, I WILL SEEK FOR DIVORCE. THOSE HER HER WORDS
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Mcy56(f): 9:12am On Apr 12, 2018|
Hmmmmmm. This is serious.
Dont you court for some months before marriage?
You see, some characters are been exhibited while dating but we always overlook them believing that a partner will change.
Now you are fed up with marriage of a lifetime that just began.
Maybe you persuaded her to marry you inspite of your flaws instead of allowing her to decide on her own free will.
Well, start by having a heart to heart talk with her and let her know what you will not take from the onset like this.
If she didnt listen, report her to someone you know she respected a lot so they can talk sense into her (since you cant even report her to her parents). Give her time and see if she will come around.
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 9:13am On Apr 12, 2018|
I SAT HER DOWN LAST WEEK, ASKED HER WHAT OUR PLANS AND GOALS FOR THIS YEAR IS, HER RESPONSE WAS "ME, PLAN WITH YOU, SO U CAN ALSO PLAN WITH YOUR MUM ABI. NO, DO YOUR OWN N LET ME DO MINE
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Blacksodje(m): 9:13am On Apr 12, 2018|
If she truly said that, I would advise you leave her before its a year.
For her to have been so bold enough to tell her pastor such whom I feel she respects being a spiritual person, my brother move on. She seems unstable and stubborn
Note: Besides, before someone runs down to this site to share his or her personal issue, I believe a heart to heart form of communication must have happened.
She seems self centred judging from your OWN SIDE OF THE STORY. Who is more of the bread winner?
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 9:22am On Apr 12, 2018|
JUST BECAUSE MY MUM BOUGHT A FLAT SCREEN TV FOR US A MONTH AFTER OUR WEDDING AS A GIFT, SHE FLARED UP THAT WHY SHOULD SHE. WE HAVE NOT GOTTEN OUR WEDDING PICTURES COS OF THE BALANCE OF 20K TO GIVE THE PHOTOGRAPHER. MY MUM SAID SHE WILL ADD 10K TO THE ONE I HAVE. SHE ALSO FLARED UP. I TOLD HER THAT IF HER MUM GIVES ME SOMETHING, SHOULD I REJECT IT OR IF HER MUM GIVES HER SOMETHING, SHOULD I FLARE UP COS OF THAT? MY WEDDING DVD IS WITH HER PARENT, I HAVE NOT WATCHED THE VIDEO MYSELF, ALL COS SHE WAS THE ONE WHO PAID FOR THE VIDEO MAN. UP TILL NOW MY PARENTS HAVE NOT SEEN EITHER WEDDING PICTURES OR VIDEO. I ASKED HER LAST WEEK, SHE SAID A COPY OF THE CD IS ON D LAPTOP. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AGAIN. HAVE TOLD HER THAT AM ALREADY PRAYING FOR DEATH TO COME SINCE THATS THE ONLY WAY, WE CAN BE SEPARATED. I AM FED UP!!!
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Mcy56(f): 9:23am On Apr 12, 2018|
I think you are at fault here too. Maybe you are a mummy's boy because some men cannot do without consulting their parents first on decisions that has to do with their immediate family.
Also, she must have shown resentment towards your people but you took it lightly thinking you can change her orientation.
Now you have to be very firm with her and spelt it out clearly. Also you are married now, be more manly and committed in your home.
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 9:24am On Apr 12, 2018|
I AM. I WORK AS UBER DRIVER BUT NOW, I GOT A JOB WITH A STOCKBROCKING FIRM. SHE TEACHES IN HER MUMS SCHOOL AND SHE PAYS HEER 10K. I GIVE HER 1K EVERYDAY AFTER DROPPING HER OFF AND BRINGING HER BACK HOME BUT NOW, I DONT HAVE A CAR AGAIN.
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 9:30am On Apr 12, 2018|
I DONT DISCUSS WITH MY MUM. FINE, I MAY BE MUMS BOY, REASON BEEN THAT, THEY SAID THEY CAN NEVER ALLOW ME SUFFER AL COS, WHEN THINGS WAS VERY OK FOR ME THEN, I TOOK CARE OF THEM AND MY DAD USE TO SAY THAT, OF ALL D CHILDREN HE HAS, I AM D MOST MERCIFUL SON AMONG THEM. THE TV MY MUM BOUGHT WAS COS, SHE SAID SHE NOTICED SMY WIFE IS ALWAYS PUT ON A SOBER MOOD ANYTHIME SHE IS WITH THEM, WHICH I ALSO COMPLAINED TO HER ABOUT. SHE EITHER PUTS ON EARPIECE AND LISTEN TO PRAYERS N SONGS ON PHONE OR GO OUTSIDE AND SIT DOWN , WHEN MY MUM IS COOKING N WE VISIT THEM, SHE DOENST ASSIST. I CAN GO ON AND ON. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE KEPT TO MYSELF FOR 5MONTHS
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Mcy56(f): 9:34am On Apr 12, 2018|
Going by your words here, if its true, then the solution has already presented itself.
She's simply not ready for marriage. You must have
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 9:42am On Apr 12, 2018|
Mcy56:YOU HAVE A POINT. ON THE ENGAGEMENT DAY, OR I GUESS AFTER D WEDDING, SHE COMPLAINED THAT D DOWRY PRESENTED TO HER PARENT WAS 10K. SHE WEPT. THAT A WHOLE MASTER DEGREE HOLDER , ALL THE MONEY HER PARENT SPENT ON HER. NOW WE R PAYING 10K.
SECONDLY, I AM AN NCE HOLDER. SHE IS HIGHER THAN ME ACADEMICALLY. SHE IS ALSO 33 YEARS. HEE MUM SPED UP THE MARRIAGE, MY MUM WARNED ME THEN, BUT ....
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Nobody: 9:43am On Apr 12, 2018|
I didn't want to jump to conclusion in my first comment. But now I see the problem. There is only one thing women bow to and that is money or an appearance of it.
I can deduce you are still trying to put things together financially. I was in your shoes like last year. A bulk part of the financial obligations of our wedding was carried by my wife's family. I didn't have much, or close to nothing and I have big dreams.
After we settled into our matrimonial home, she begin to show different character from what I used to know of her. The long story short was that because I used to sleep on the couch while she goes to work,(yours is even better you have a job) she didn't respect me, my family (most likely because she perceived that they don't have money, if not, they should have taken responsibility). It got to a point I told her not to bother herself with what I will eat, so that I can redeem a little respect for my self. That was the turning point. I am now a co-owner of a multimillion establishment with a directory role.
You need to see the change in her now. However, I easily forgive an outsider than a close relative.
My piece is don't let her attitude at the moment trouble your mind. Let your focus be on yourself and your hustle at the moment. After all, she can take care of herself financially. Struggle to be able to do that on your own too and for yourself and your parents. As your condition changes, she will come around by herself. If you are a better person than me, you may forgive her.
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 9:50am On Apr 12, 2018|
MEANEHILE I AM ALSO NOT PERFECT, I AM OPEN TO CRITITISM , BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN THAT HEARTLESS TO HER OR HER PEOPLE.I DONT EXPECT HER TO BE TO MINE OWN PEOPLE.
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Geedhey(m): 10:21am On Apr 12, 2018|
Adebayo4christ:mhen this is strong... how did u Guys end up in first place if she is already tired of u in 5months... did u pressure her to get married to u cos she seems like not into u or u were the fall back option after her suppose dream guy didn't bulge to get married to her
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 10:30am On Apr 12, 2018|
I NEVER PRESSURED HER, RATHER, I WAS PRESSURISE. HER MUM WANTS THE WEDDING 2 MONTHS AFTER INTRO, BUT COS MY PARENT WERE NOT FINACIALLY BOUYANT THEN, THEY PROPOSED WE SHIFT IT TO THIS YEAR, THAT WAS JUNE LAST YEAR AFTER WE HAD INTRO. SECONDLY, SHE IS FROM IJEBU IN OGUN STATE. 3RDLY, WE ATTENDED SAME SCHOOL LESSON TOGERTHER, SHE ATTENDED MY DADS LESSON THEN IN SECONDARY SCHOOL, WE LOST CONTACT TILL WE CAME AROUND TOGETHER DECEMBER 2016. BY MAY, WE HAD OUR INTRO.BELEIVE ME, SHE WAS THE ONE WHO GOT MOST OF THE THINGS WE USE FOR THE WEDDING, SUITS, ENGAGEMENT CLOTHES, THOUGH SHE ADD MONEY TO SUPPORT THE ONE I HAVE. BUT NOW, I DONT SEE HER MONEY AGAIN . MY ELDER SISTER GAVE US A FRIDGE THEN, SHE WAS ANGRY, I CAN SEE THE HURRIEDNESS TO LEAVE HER PARENTS HOUSE THEN, MAYBE COS OF HER AGE OR COS OF THE INSULT THE GETS FROM HER YOUNGER SIS. ALL SAME I LOVED HER THEN, NOW, SHE DOESNT EVEN TALK ABOUT MY CHILDREN, EVEN WHEN THEIR MUM CALLS FOR SCHOOL FEES, SHE GETS ANGRY.
HMMM. I JUST HOPED I HAVE NOT MADE A MISTAKE
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Geedhey(m): 10:50am On Apr 12, 2018|
Adebayo4christ:Now it's clearer her problem is u not having money... just try hustle God will bless your hustle u already in it. She's just feeling disappointed and distressed at your lack of money... on the other hand u should have held your ground on being financially stable be for getting married. A guy needs money to keep a woman happy ooo. she'd probably compare u with some of her friends hubby who r more financially buoyant so she resents u badly. Make money bro.. legitimately though
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by OhiOfIhima: 11:07am On Apr 12, 2018|
Adebayo4christ:You mean she outrightly say somtin like dis from her mouth... Brother it sad u have such a lady, during my friendship time, I encounter such a lady who hardly say sorry if she offend u n still want u to do d same, it wasnt easy.. Am lost here but the truth is that you noticed this her behaviours during you guys dating days but chose to ignore them possibly she will change. Give her time n also why her parents is not in support of you guys marriage?
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by OhiOfIhima: 11:12am On Apr 12, 2018|
Adebayo4christ:Brother, I feel your pain, thank God you have such a marvelous parents if not dis kind woman can frustrate life out of person. You have two kids before, please let that woman go if not, there is possibility for the kids to stay wit u, hmmmm, that ur wife might ruin their life. Am vr sure the kids are not wit u if not...
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by stacyadams: 11:14am On Apr 12, 2018|
Adebayo4christ:am sure u were warned to leave her ,but love no gree u hear word���
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by stacyadams: 11:18am On Apr 12, 2018|
Adebayo4christ:made a mistake already..look after ur kids and leave that woman..
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by bobokeshington: 11:19am On Apr 12, 2018|
Opting out isn't the solution. Just commit the whole situation to God and he'll restore peace into your family
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 11:56am On Apr 12, 2018|
HER PARENT WERE NOT IN SUPPORT COS OF MY STATUS AS A SINGLE FATHER OF TWO AND ALSO AN NCE HOLDER TO A MASTER DEGREE HOLDER.
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Adebayo4christ: 12:03pm On Apr 12, 2018|
stacyadams:MY PRAYER NOW IS THAT SHE SHOULD GET PREGANT SOON. MEANWHILE, I HAVE SEPARATED MY ROOM, I MOVED INTO D SECOND ROOM. SO, SEX IS NOT THAT MUCH. ONE WEEK ONE TROUBLE
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by orangb: 11:00pm On Apr 12, 2018|
Most men commenting on this post are quick to blame the wife, but I'll tell you that the op is at fault.
I've had experience with your type before- Mommy's boy who just can't wean themselves of their Mommy's breast milk .
Why should she have to pay for your wedding?
Why should your mum be paying the balance for the photographer and not you?
Why should your mom be handing over foodstuff to your family?
Why do you have to force her to visit your parents regularly when she knows she is still trying to wean you off your comfort living off your parents as well as prevent them from meddling in your family affair?
Have you thought about her upbringing? Does she call her own family as often as you want her to call yours?
Why at all should you even think of discussing your arguments in your home with your mom?
Please be a man and take charge of your home and restrict the access your parents have to your home. If you have to receive assistance from your mom, do it covertly and not in a way which would make your wife a ridicule in front of your family.
Be a real man not some Mommy's boy relaxing in his mother's laps!
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|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by nelsonebby(m): 11:59pm On Apr 12, 2018|
Just know that you’re in control and no one can force you to make any decision concerning your marriage.
|Re: Help And Advice Needed!!!! by Nobody: 12:10am On Apr 13, 2018|
Damn you bro, you have two kids already, why go into marriage again? Divorce that lady before she kills you, I can see she has a heart of stone but masks it with religion.
Abeg ask one of your baby mamas if she go fit born for me, I go pay.
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