He wasn’t always a pastor. At least, when we met eight years ago and fell in love with each other, there was no indication that he was going to become a pastor. His dream was to become a lawyer. He loved to talk to people and loved to argue his case firmly. I didn’t doubt his capability to turn out a lawyer because he was cut for it. The day he proposed to me, the only word I could think about was a yes. I said yes and till date, it remains one of the happiest days of my life.

We dated for about four years until we both agreed to get married. I introduced him to my parents and siblings and he also did same. I remember that afternoon when he came over to see my parent, the only question my dad asked him was; “what do you do for a living.” At that time, he was the administrator for one of the private hospitals in Accra where he had worked for some months prior. But he told my dad; “I’m a lawyer in the making but at this very moment I’m working as an administrator for a hospital.” My dad smiled knowing I was in a safe pair of hands. We planned to get married the next year and started earnest preparation towards that.

Six months before we got married, something happened that changed us forever. I’d gone to visit his home and had slept over. That dawn he looked restless as if something was bordering him. I asked several times but he kept telling me everything was alright. At dawn, just about 17 past 1am, he woke me up from my sleep. I remember the time very clearly because I looked at the wall clock, wondering what it was that he couldn’t wait until morning to tell me. Then he broke the news to me…

“Dear, for about some months now I’ve been receiving messages from God through my dreams. He’s calling me to be his shepherd. I’ve ignored the message for so long but the dream keeps coming. I think it’s about time I heeded the voice of God.” “So are you going to become a pastor instead of the law you’ve always dreamt of becoming?” I asked. He looked at me and said, “It’s not my call anymore, it’s the Lord’s.” I remember how I couldn’t sleep again that night after listening to him. All my life I’ve never thought of marrying a pastor. I know my way of life and it doesn’t suit the ways pastors’ wives are required to live their lives. Not as if I’m the worst sinner. I just don’t like the conformity associated with becoming a pastor’s wife.

The next morning I told him what I’ve thought about all night. I sat in the corner of the bed while he sat at the edge of the bed on the other side and listened to what I had to say. I told him; “You’ve been the love of my life and all this while I thought we had everything figured out until last dawn. You claimed God has called you. I won’t oppose your acceptance of his call but hear me out. If you had to become a pastor, know that I’m also free to become whoever I want to become. I would be under no obligation to act in any manner that’s against my free will. I won’t serve any position in the church and I won’t be under any obligation to act as the mother of the church as it’s expected of pastors’ wives. I want to also live my life—a life free from strings attached to your becoming a pastor. If we can’t agree to this, then it’s better we both go our separate ways.”

Something on his face gave the expression of a shocked man. He didn’t expect to hear what I said but I needed to make things clear from the onset. I needed assurance for my life too. He stood up from the bed, took some few steps towards the washroom, looked back and told me; “You will be fine. You are a good woman and I trust you wouldn’t do anything to hurt my position as a pastor when the time comes.”

That was the last time we had a conversation about that. Life was normal and the relationship grew stronger amid his incessant absence because of the pastoral school he had to attend. Two years into our marriage, he was ordained a pastor in the same church that we had our wedding. Then the storm of our marriage began.

I got pregnant for him when he was in the pastoral school. He convinced me to abort it since he was in school and he’s not.... Continue reading...

So long a letter

You should have married a spouse with life directions and plans you wouldn't be compatible with

You're not in relationship to 'hope' pple are gonna change their life directions for or to 'change' your partner; that's often a recipe for misery, regrets & painful breakups. Pple rarely change for anybody on the long run.