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What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. - Religion - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. (27991 Views)

What Is The Weirdest Testimony You Heard This Year? / What Is The Weirdest Testimony You Have Ever Listened To In Church? / Share Your Any Funny Testimony You Have Heard (2) (3) (4)

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What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by miracle956: 6:56am On Apr 29, 2018
It is a common practice in every church that people come out and give a testimony about something miraculous that happened to them in the course of the week. While some people come out and give testimonies that renders the brethren speechless and touched to the marrows. Some others come out with the most inconsequential of things. Which might be due to attention they want to get or that aw religious they are. imagine someone coming out to give testimony about cockroach appearing in the night and she killing it and now she believes its her enemies that sent the cockroach. Please let us share our experience here.

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Tellemall: 7:09am On Apr 29, 2018
The one where a woman claimed to have seen a vision about a church theme. She was so enthusiastic about it but it seemed rather unlikely with the response her fellow women in the church were giving. Then the next guy to step up wanted to beat her testimony. He spent 15 minutes just trying to tell us he was alone at home because his kids are in uni, he went on to tell us their various jamb scores, we really needed to know his wife was in Ethiopia, blah, blah, blah, he's in a large home alone. OK. Lame way to brag. At the end of it he simply wanted to tell us that he's the one opening the gate for himself. (Do I need to mention the time he came to testify about a dog that fell into his father's grave before they put the coffin in it? Soooooo dumb as there was no testimony, he just wanted to tell us that.)Then the next woman who came on stage wanted everyone to know that she was not left out of it, she mentioned that she likes to fly, that she doesn't use transport. "You know, I don't like to use transport". Isn't air travel a means of transport? I never understood her point until someone mentioned that she was referring to road transportation as"transport" which is stupid not to mention conceited. I'm very serious about these three dumb "testimonies". It felt like each was coming up to try and give a more exciting story than the previous testifier. The last one is actually funny because of her emphasis on transport and how importantly she said it when it actually is stupid.

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by hopefulLandlord: 7:14am On Apr 29, 2018
ALL OF THEM

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by ipobarecriminals: 7:55am On Apr 29, 2018
sad undecided sad the well script scam/fraud ones.U can't help but watch dem displayed their cunning. Afta Dat, nah to dance and drop something thrice. Afta Dat nah special announcement, u'll still drop.i won't mention name

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by trustworthy1(f): 8:34am On Apr 29, 2018
I have once listened to a testimony on TV where one woman said she used to involve herself in salon business (fixing weavon, plaiting people's hair with attachment etc ),but she has repented.

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 8:42am On Apr 29, 2018
Most of them are actually fabricated and unnecessary.

A woman will come out, sing for 5mins, only for her to testify that she slept and woke up today. Like WTF, don't we all have that same testimony?

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by buygala(m): 8:42am On Apr 29, 2018
This particular lady testified about how her uncle in the village who had locked up her destiny and that of her two siblings died the day after she hit and killed a bat while driving at night


Two days later, She and her younger Bro died in a ghastly car accident...

One Sunday she testified about killing a bat uncle....the next Sunday her Obituary Poster was on the church gate

I guess that her uncle achieved in death what he couldn't achieve in life

95 Likes 8 Shares

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by makydebbie(f): 8:42am On Apr 29, 2018
Lol, here to read stories and laugh. grin

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Wizkhalifa2(m): 8:44am On Apr 29, 2018
A woman once testified concerning her son in my church, so the boys peni.s was stolen by would be ritualist, after series of prayers by a pastor, the peni.s was restored. Praise God ryt?. Well it didn't end there, she further said they took the boy to go nd test the peni.s on a prostitute. The whole church went silent. grin grin

308 Likes 27 Shares

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by adextetoo(m): 8:44am On Apr 29, 2018
I have only attended two full services this year, and I know alot here are like me....God help us.

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Pandsho(m): 8:44am On Apr 29, 2018
Thr truth is everyone is just trying to say something to oppress other people in the church. So many lame stories.

6 Likes 3 Shares

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 8:44am On Apr 29, 2018
I hate visa testimonies

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Darey00(m): 8:44am On Apr 29, 2018
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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by UncleJudax(m): 8:45am On Apr 29, 2018
Churches still do that? shocked
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by sandrahnaub(f): 8:46am On Apr 29, 2018
The one a woman gave her husband coconut water to drink and the coconut to eat, blessed from the pastor....and he could later perform because his 'junior' was now able to rise.... grin

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by philosophie(m): 8:46am On Apr 29, 2018
o

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Dcaliphate(m): 8:46am On Apr 29, 2018
A woman once came out to testify how she used to stand in every junction to prostitute and that now she stands just in 1 junction yet still gets many customers. The ensuing silence was of the grave.

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by icebot: 8:48am On Apr 29, 2018
Hmmm...

1 Like 1 Share

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by chibwike(m): 8:49am On Apr 29, 2018
A woman put Lords chosen sticker in her gas..

And she did not fill it for 2yrs

197 Likes 9 Shares

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Lorechino(m): 8:49am On Apr 29, 2018
mods are busy pushing irrelevant topics to FP and buhari still retain the right to call us lazyNigeriaYouth

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by CarlosTheJackal: 8:50am On Apr 29, 2018
if you want to hear funny testimony just attend Sign Fireman church in Surulere.


A woman shared a testimony of how the Prophet asked everyone to raise their money last Sunday that after the prayers she took her 1k to the market and so she spent the money buying two bags of foodstuff and still she was still left with 300 naira.


I was just vexed and i asked a lady close to me if it was possible and she said that nothing God cannot do. I just knew that the lady was more stupid than the woman testifying

184 Likes 11 Shares

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by fleksy: 8:51am On Apr 29, 2018
7Alexander:
Most of them are actually fabricated and unnecessary.

A woman will come out, sing for 5mins, only for her to testify that she slept and woke up today. Like WTF, don't we all have that same testimony?

That is a testimony we all should be proud of...

48 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by UgoFly: 8:52am On Apr 29, 2018
Folunrusho Alakija's oil well testimony.

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by ceeroh(m): 8:52am On Apr 29, 2018
...

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Kingsley1000(m): 8:52am On Apr 29, 2018
THE DAY CHUKA WON 4MILLION FOR BET9JA

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Ellabae(f): 8:53am On Apr 29, 2018
These testimonies something makes the service interesting cheesy. If not the service would be so boring.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by zlantanfan: 8:53am On Apr 29, 2018
Once listened to a testimony at assemblies of God when the testifier was testifying on how the devil inflicted him with sickness that for weeks he couldn't piss, excrete, e bad so te e no fit MESS.

He said that was when he appreciated and knew MESSING was a blessing from God, he said God fully healed him and he was about taking the microphone to his anus to MESS as evidence of the miracle until pastor said no need.

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by UgoFly: 8:53am On Apr 29, 2018
Wizkhalifa2:
A woman once testified concerning her son in my church, so the boys peni.s was stolen by would be ritualist, after series of prayers by a pastor, the peni.s was restored. Praise God ryt?. Well it didn't end there, she further said they took the boy to go nd test the peni.s on a prostitute. The whole church went silent. grin grin

Liezy Nigerian Youth

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by kullozone(m): 8:55am On Apr 29, 2018
How her 96year old uncle who has been sitting on their blessings refused to die, but one month after she went for deliverance the man died. The shouts of joy from the church members affected my ears that day.
The annoying part is that I know this woman's family because the church isn't far from where I stay... Now, four years after, they were evicted from their 'face me I slap you' house because of rent. Abi the oldman don die now maybe na another person don sidan ontop their blessings again.


See how she just accuse the innocent oldman because em rich and she poor.

This one is not funny but annoying, I just had to say it jare. Church people make una free innocent old people oh smiley

34 Likes 3 Shares

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by UgoFly: 8:55am On Apr 29, 2018
7Alexander:
Most of them are actually fabricated and unnecessary.

A woman will come out, sing for 5mins, only for her to testify that she slept and woke up today. Like WTF, don't we all have that same testimony?


what guarantee do you have when you sleep at night that you ll wake up the next morning?

You don't know what God does for you everyday.
No go use mouth kill yourself.

26 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Koph: 9:01am On Apr 29, 2018
Every Sunday NL pushes topics that are targeted at ridiculing Christian practises to front page and everyone jumps in to make all manner of comments. However on Fridays, the topics pushed to the FrontPage for Muslims promotes and propagates the faith, you can not even comment without swearing to an oath of allegiance to the Faith. Are NL moderators on a mission against the Christian Faith?
Let every True Child of God reflect on this before promoting or commenting on post such as this lest you join the enemies to pull down the church, yes the Church has its challenges but that is why Christian need to walk with the Lord to be conformed to his image.

279 Likes 43 Shares

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