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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. (30555 Views)
What Is The Weirdest Testimony You Heard This Year? / What Is The Weirdest Testimony You Have Ever Listened To In Church? / Share Your Any Funny Testimony You Have Heard (2) (3) (4)
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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Peterpanny: 4:05pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
Lorechino:oga ade shut up your mouth dia |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by lawboss: 4:16pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
Koph:God bless you...whoever you are,where ever you are.Amen.....am just watching this platform called naira land. 1 Like |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Kennitrust(m): 4:23pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
Lorechino:what do want? Why can't you try at least for once try to forget your many problems |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 4:33pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
PrimadonnaO: It amuses me no end when we talk as if all "Christian" denominations have or profess the same faith. They don't. 1 Like |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by DreamSonInlaw(m): 4:38pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
Choose Church Of a man who narrated how he was almost robbed in Bayless but at the end he was able to take the robbers to the police station |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Lorechino(m): 4:41pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
Kennitrust:is like u studied English ? |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Lorechino(m): 4:42pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
Peterpanny:is it ur mouth? |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by PrimadonnaO(f): 5:51pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
5thElement: The foundation ought to be the same... |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by PrimadonnaO(f): 5:57pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
CarlosTheJackal: Let's all treat sacred matters with the sanctity they deserve. It's not everything that should be turned into a joke...It's not in every matter that logic is made fore. |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by PrimadonnaO(f): 5:58pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
CarlosTheJackal: Hmm. |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by CarlosTheJackal: 6:32pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
PrimadonnaO:*palm on my face* i guessed wrong |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Tellemall: 7:03pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
Crixina: Why can't they simply say, "I traveled to my hometown". Instead "I took a flight to my state of origin, and there was turbulence... In the air there is a lot of turbulence." Instead of "I was on my way to so and so when I had an accident," you'll hear, "my job is as a chairman of blah blah and in my convoy of seventeen cars I was with my driver blah blah" It's pointless. Why do Nigerians make a big deal about flying and driving? Aren't these normal things for people to do? The way they say it is as though they're so privileged to get past a boarding gate. Don't we all drive, have drivers and fly across continents? You are right. It is so lame. 1 Like |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by miracle956: 7:12pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
Paradigm777:pls dont take my post wrong. I had the purest of intentions in mind. I never knew it would be turned into a religious hocus pocus. |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 7:40pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
PrimadonnaO: But unfortunately the differences are as fundamental as they are many. A close observer from outside might even say it's not likely that the various Christian Churches worship the same God. I mean, look at the difference in mode of worship from one denomination to another. It'd be like saying that the Christians and the Moslems worship the same God. 1 Like |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Jessyjack(f): 7:42pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
zlantanfan: you would not understand this testimony until you become a victim of it...(Godforbid)... if you want to know more and why you should be grateful God for it... just inbox me and I will tell you my testimony... awaiting your reply... thanks |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 7:47pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
PrimadonnaO: But do Christians treat Christianity as a sacred religion? There's another very interesting thread on this forum that showed various pastors doing stupid things like asking their congregation to eat grass, placing huge speakers on them, walking upon them, giving them petrol and rat poison to drink, etc. Tell me, if you were a moslem, would all those attract you to Christianity? Would all these Pentecostal churches with their famous loudspeakers blaring even in the night disturbing our sleep all because of night vigils and miracles for sale antics draw a true seeker of God to Christianity? I doubt that much. 1 Like |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by PrimadonnaO(f): 7:49pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
5thElement: True. But regardless, the unifying factor for Christians, the world over is the belief in Jesus Christ as the Lord and Saviour, the belief in His life, death and resurrection...in His greatest principle of Love for all mankind. Every other doctrine postulated by various denominations is supposed to be in tandem with the above. |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by zlantanfan: 7:59pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
Jessyjack:really, I guess I never really understood |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by PrimadonnaO(f): 8:00pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
5thElement: It is sad that Christianity has become akin to liberalism in a negative way. It's true also, that a lot of Christians don't treat Christianity as a sacred religion. In one way or the other, we've all erred in this regard. I can't claim to be a saint. But then again, we're all humans and we're flawed, irrespective of religion. But what really hurts me the most is how these perverse new generational churches are carrying out all sorts of misdeeds, such that it has now become a point of reference to ridicule the church. If we'd all be objective enough, then we'd agree that even though there are bad eggs, and so many, unfortunately, it still doesn't suffice yo ridicule the faith...to peddle all the hasty generalizations and attack on the church and every spiritual leader out there. |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 8:40pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
PrimadonnaO: The problem is not about the actions of the pastors or the people per se. You see it goes much much deeper than that. There's a phrase that sums up what I'm trying to say aptly. "Lex Oratio, Lex Credendi" Translated from Latin to English it means that your mode of worship is determined by your beliefs. That is why you'll see Shango worshippers who while performing their own rituals of worship have some of them bring out fire from their mouths. You see them , eye balls wide open, nostrils flared, a representation of the god of thunder, lightning and fire that they worship. Taking a look at the noisy and intrusive manner of worship of the average Pentecostal Church, please tell me which God you think we serve there? What most people don't realize is that they go to church for entertainment. They choir sings wonderfully well, songs that make us feel good and they take pride and joy in having performed well to the admiration of the PEOPLE. The pastor gives motivational speeches, that tells you more about how you can leverage your supposed relationship with God to be comfortable if not rich in this life and we feel good and we praise the pastor. The singing, the dancing, the clapping are all good for our entertainment. But to keep thinking that we are doing it for God or that God needs our entertainment is to lie to ourselves. There's no moment of quiet to allow the same God that spoke to Elijah in the little breeze speak to our hearts. And we wonder why we have at least 2 to 3 different churches on every Nigerian street yet our country is a frigging mess. Honestly I'd pick one if the Eastern religious practices like meditating in the lotus position quietly for 30minutes over a year's worth of Sunday service in any Pentecostal Church anywhere in the world. It is more likely that God will speak to me in that quietness than in a situation where the pastor is busy hawking miracles or calling for seed sowing. 2 Likes |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by PrimadonnaO(f): 9:09pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
5thElement: Oh, no... |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by DonCortez: 10:12pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
7Alexander: Maybe you're not aware people sleep and never wake up. |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 10:36pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
PrimadonnaO: What?! Too much at once? Sorry. |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by PrimadonnaO(f): 10:46pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 11:04pm On Apr 29, 2018 |
PrimadonnaO: It may sound so but it's the truth It just needs people to step back and view this with a different eye. Next Sunday in Church, step your mind back. Pretend you're coming in for the first time. View those Church activities that you are so used to from the eyes of a stranger. Just sit back and ask yourself, " what are we doing here? Is this truly the worship of the Triune God or just us entertaining ourselves and having a good time?". And don't forget that there is a huge huge difference between emotional feelings aroused by some song or by some clever turn of phrase by the pastor and the clear touch of the Spirit of God. The first wears off when you leave the Church even before the sun of that day has set. While the latter burns away every minute imperfections within man so much so that that fortunate being become a new creature, a new being reborn and made perfect in God. 1 Like |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nimirayz: 12:02am On Apr 30, 2018 |
I also noticed that Muslims hardly comment on threads like this, but allow Christians to continue making mockery of themselves... 2 Likes |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Jessyjack(f): 8:39am On Apr 30, 2018 |
zlantanfan: yeah..... if God hadn't intervened, the testifier wouldn't have survived it... he would have been operated on and unless God intervenes, anyone operated dies.... people don't survive it.... only 1 in every 100 person who had the operation survives..... I'm a witness. |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by zlantanfan: 9:15am On Apr 30, 2018 |
Jessyjack:Thank God for you, strange sickness though |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by kyutepanda(f): 4:43pm On Apr 30, 2018 |
Dcaliphate:holy mary lol |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Coolgent(m): 6:58am On May 01, 2018 |
Fabricated lies abi testimony . I am comming mak I go concoct my own |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 8:36pm On Feb 21, 2019 |
chibwike: You dey craze lwkmd |
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Ndipe(m): 10:15am On Dec 08, 2019 |
Life is a testimony. quote]Most of them are actually fabricated and unnecessary. A woman will come out, sing for 5mins, only for her to testify that she slept and woke up today. Like WTF, don't we all have that same testimony?[/quote] |
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