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What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. - Religion (3) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. (30146 Views)

What Is The Weirdest Testimony You Heard This Year? / What Is The Weirdest Testimony You Have Ever Listened To In Church? / Share Your Any Funny Testimony You Have Heard (2) (3) (4)

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Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by martineverest(m): 9:37am On Apr 29, 2018
kullozone:
How her 96year old uncle who has been sitting on their blessings refused to die, but one month after she went for deliverance the man died. The shouts of joy from the church members affected my ears that day.
The annoying part is that I know this woman's family because the church isn't far from where I stay... Now, four years after, they were evicted from their 'face me I slap you' house because of rent. Abi the oldman don die now maybe na another person don sidan ontop their blessings again.


See how she just accuse the innocent oldman because em rich and she poor.

This one is not funny but annoying, I just had to say it jare. Church people make una free innocent old people oh smiley
really sad...... poverty and bad govt have made many Christians foolish in church

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 9:39am On Apr 29, 2018
adextetoo:
I have only attended two full services this year, and I know alot here are like me....God help us.

Seriously, today is my second and last week was my first. I went to church like 5 times last year nd I intend to beat that

2 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by martineverest(m): 9:39am On Apr 29, 2018
johnmario50:
There is this testimony of a certain lady in one church, where she came out to testify that ever since she place d sticker of General over seer on her gas cylinder, she has not refilled her gas.
Bro u can't imagine the sudden uproar that accompanied it that day from the congregation.
*She gat no chill*
lord chosen testimony that caused uproar

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Omuneizzy6(m): 9:40am On Apr 29, 2018
Church praaaaaise the loooord
jesus christ has done a miracle in my life and that of my family.
You see, i have been thinking on how to give fowl(Chicken) to this our daddy here ( pastor) but the devil is too mean, I had felt and trained this fowl after so many years, this fowl grow up and when i prepare to give to pastor the fowl died.
I told the devil,you are a liar. I went to the market to buy another fowl and after i reach my house the fowl died.
I never stop i went and buy another bigger fowl getting to my junction the fowl died on the way...
I told daddy to pray for me that i dont know what is happening to my life and my family. So he prayed for me....
Now i am here with fowl money to redeem.... Church praaaise the lord.....

4 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by OBTMOS(m): 9:40am On Apr 29, 2018
At Christ embassy. A lady said she was been chased by a dog and when she turned back, the dog was holding money in the mouth, exact amount of money she was looking for to pay her school fees.........Jesus, I felt like living that church immediately but na my babe carry me go so I no wan fall her hand.

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by CarlosTheJackal: 9:41am On Apr 29, 2018
PrimadonnaO:



God bless you for this!
I know that NL has been attacking the Christian faith unjustly but i think we need to call out the excesses going on in the church because we can't continue to condone it if we really need genuine Change in the Church.


Why didn't you attend service?

2 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by tetula123(m): 9:41am On Apr 29, 2018
Koph:
Every Sunday NL pushes topics that are targeted at ridiculing Christian practises to front page and everyone jumps in to make all manner of comments. However on Fridays, the topics pushed to the FrontPage for Muslims promotes and propagates the faith, you can not even comment without swearing to an oath of allegiance to the Faith. Are NL moderators on a mission against the Christian Faith?
Let every True Child of God reflect on this before promoting or commenting on post such as this lest you join the enemies to pull down the church, yes the Church has its challenges but that is why Christian need to walk with the Lord to be conformed to his image.
f*ck seun and all his Mod. your comment is an eye opener, can't believe I was actually laughing till I saw your comment.

8 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Olatara(f): 9:42am On Apr 29, 2018
Wizkhalifa2:
A woman once testified concerning her son in my church, so the boys peni.s was stolen by would be ritualist, after series of prayers by a pastor, the peni.s was restored. Praise God ryt?. Well it didn't end there, she further said they took the boy to go nd test the peni.s on a prostitute. The whole church went silent. grin grin
Liar.
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 9:45am On Apr 29, 2018
Wizkhalifa2:
A woman once testified concerning her son in my church, so the boys peni.s was stolen by would be ritualist, after series of prayers by a pastor, the peni.s was restored. Praise God ryt?. Well it didn't end there, she further said they took the boy to go nd test the peni.s on a prostitute. The whole church went silent. grin grin
Smart woman. It had to be tested to determine if the returned penis had been damaged grin

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Eleganza33(f): 9:45am On Apr 29, 2018
Lol no vex maybe na vegetables she go buy
CarlosTheJackal:
if you want to hear funny testimony just attend Sign Fireman church in Surulere.


A woman shared a testimony of how the Prophet asked everyone to raise their money last Sunday that after the prayers she took her 1k to the market and so she spent the money buying two bags of foodstuff and still she was still left with 300 naira.


I was just vexed and i asked a lady close to me if it was possible and she said that nothing God cannot do. I just knew that the lady was more stupid than the woman testifying

2 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by CarlosTheJackal: 9:46am On Apr 29, 2018
princetunex:


Seriously, today is my second and last week was my first. I went to church like 5 times last year nd I intend to beat that
There is great joy being in the Lord's presence. I never attended church for ten straight years as an adult because i was forming agnostic but today there is no greater joy that fills my heart than being in God's presence.


please try to improve and see the riches and glory of God in your life

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by CarlosTheJackal: 9:49am On Apr 29, 2018
Eleganza33:
Lol no vex maybe na vegetables she go buy
Vegetables of #700 won't fill up two bags
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 9:51am On Apr 29, 2018
CarlosTheJackal:
There is great joy being in the Lord's presence. I never attended church for ten straight years as an adult because i was forming agnostic but today there is no greater joy that fills my heart than being in God's presence.


please try to improve and see the riches and glory of God in your life

I'll improve. thanks

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by TrumpDonald2: 9:54am On Apr 29, 2018
Koph:
Every Sunday NL pushes topics that are targeted at ridiculing Christian practises to front page and everyone jumps in to make all manner of comments. However on Fridays, the topics pushed to the FrontPage for Muslims promotes and propagates the faith, you can not even comment without swearing to an oath of allegiance to the Faith. Are NL moderators on a mission against the Christian Faith?
Let every True Child of God reflect on this before promoting or commenting on post such as this lest you join the enemies to pull down the church, yes the Church has its challenges but that is why Christian need to walk with the Lord to be conformed to his image.

Well, its because you Christians are making mockery of Christianity. Tell me if the comments people are making are false? Churches are springing up on daily basis, with false doctrines, breeding hatred and greed among members etc. When people like Freeze try to draw our attention to the wrongs of these 'god of men', its people like you that will still condemn him.

Bottom line, Nairaland Mods are not to be blamed. Your so called Pastors are.

15 Likes 4 Shares

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Eleganza33(f): 9:55am On Apr 29, 2018
CarlosTheJackal:
Vegetables of #700 won't fill up two bags
lol it also depends on d type of bag she went with.

3 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by coldFLARES1(m): 10:02am On Apr 29, 2018
Some Sunday in 2005 or there about, at the Church if God Mission, Praise Centre in Warri, an elderly man (in his 80's) came out to testify about how he overcame an health scare.

In his opening remark, Papa told the church that Jesus/God told us to occupy till He came and didn't ask us to go and meet him, as a result he would he here alive till Jesus comes to meet him.

It got me really laughing.

4 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 10:03am On Apr 29, 2018
7Alexander:
Most of them are actually fabricated and unnecessary.

A woman will come out, sing for 5mins, only for her to testify that she slept and woke up today. Like WTF, don't we all have that same testimony?
Hahahahaha
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by iboboyswag(m): 10:07am On Apr 29, 2018
Koph:
Every Sunday NL pushes topics that are targeted at ridiculing Christian practises to front page and everyone jumps in to make all manner of comments. However on Fridays, the topics pushed to the FrontPage for Muslims promotes and propagates the faith, you can not even comment without swearing to an oath of allegiance to the Faith. Are NL moderators on a mission against the Christian Faith?
Let every True Child of God reflect on this before promoting or commenting on post such as this lest you join the enemies to pull down the church, yes the Church has its challenges but that is why Christian need to walk with the Lord to be conformed to his image.

Oga goan siddon! Is it the mods that make testimony time in most churches a clownish affair or maybe they are responsible for the gluttony that is being exhibited by almost all of the cloaked brethren?

Until the church look inward and purge itself of its greed and cancer... The people are not blind and they will continue speak what they see.

Show us the light, and we won't speak of darkness!

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by ChiefSweetus: 10:08am On Apr 29, 2018
Koph:
Every Sunday NL pushes topics that are targeted at ridiculing Christian practises to front page and everyone jumps in to make all manner of comments. However on Fridays, the topics pushed to the FrontPage for Muslims promotes and propagates the faith, you can not even comment without swearing to an oath of allegiance to the Faith. Are NL moderators on a mission against the Christian Faith?
Let every True Child of God reflect on this before promoting or commenting on post such as this lest you join the enemies to pull down the church, yes the Church has its challenges but that is why Christian need to walk with the Lord to be conformed to his image.
I am glad someone beat me to this. It shows there are still some discerning and perceptive minds yet to delete their accounts. Nice one bro. Cannot overemphasize the relevance of your comment/observation.

5 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by tenmariner: 10:09am On Apr 29, 2018
An elderly man once gave a testimony for under 23 Nigeria team winning tru penalty shootout..

I just deh nod my head that day.

2 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by philip0906(m): 10:13am On Apr 29, 2018
TrumpDonald2:


Well, its because you Christians are making mockery of Christianity. Tell me if the comments people are making are false? Churches are springing up on daily basis, with false doctrines, breeding hatred and greed among members etc. When people like Freeze try to draw our attention to the wrongs of these 'god of men', its people like you that will still condemn him.

Bottom line, Nairaland Mods are not to be blamed. Your so called Pastors are.
You miss the context. The poster rightly admitted that Christians and Christianity has its own issues. But...

Just look at the problems caused by Islam around the world, from terrorism to radical extremism to violence and unrest, yet on Fridays you'll never see ONE thread or topic that depicts Islam in bad light or attempts to make mockery of the religion. Worst still you have to swear allegiance to Allah before making any comment.

That's what the poster means.

4 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Hapigirlxoxo(f): 10:15am On Apr 29, 2018
trustworthy1:
I have once listened to a testimony on TV where one woman said she used to involve herself in salon business (fixing weavon, plaiting people's hair with attachment etc ),but she has repented.

Lol. So all those hair stylist are sinners. Nawa oo. Over religious is even a sin sef

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by zicoraads: 10:23am On Apr 29, 2018
Koph:
Every Sunday NL pushes topics that are targeted at ridiculing Christian practises to front page and everyone jumps in to make all manner of comments. However on Fridays, the topics pushed to the FrontPage for Muslims promotes and propagates the faith, you can not even comment without swearing to an oath of allegiance to the Faith. Are NL moderators on a mission against the Christian Faith?
Let every True Child of God reflect on this before promoting or commenting on post such as this lest you join the enemies to pull down the church, yes the Church has its challenges but that is why Christian need to walk with the Lord to be conformed to his image.
Seun, this is the unbridled truth. Lalasticlala, there exists certain issues in Islam that are controversial and can also be debated on. You protect them, but pour scorn on us.

Seun, you can practice whatever you decide to practice without pouring scorn on Christendom.

9 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Dheco(m): 10:24am On Apr 29, 2018
Wizkhalifa2:
A woman once testified concerning her son in my church, so the boys peni.s was stolen by would be ritualist, after series of prayers by a pastor, the peni.s was restored. Praise God ryt?. Well it didn't end there, she further said they took the boy to go nd test the peni.s on a prostitute. The whole church went silent. grin grin

Guy, You Can Lie For Whole World
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by sandrahnaub(f): 10:28am On Apr 29, 2018
blakky97:
you are very pretty and i like you. can we be platonic friends. nothing involved.
Okay smiley
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by sandrahnaub(f): 10:29am On Apr 29, 2018
Mznaett:


O*M right? grin
Lol yes o
Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by yoyouyou(f): 10:31am On Apr 29, 2018
Koph:
Every Sunday NL pushes topics that are targeted at ridiculing Christian practises to front page and everyone jumps in to make all manner of comments. However on Fridays, the topics pushed to the FrontPage for Muslims promotes and propagates the faith, you can not even comment without swearing to an oath of allegiance to the Faith. Are NL moderators on a mission against the Christian Faith?
Let every True Child of God reflect on this before promoting or commenting on post such as this lest you join the enemies to pull down the church, yes the Church has its challenges but that is why Christian need to walk with the Lord to be conformed to his image.


Makes me sad, I tell you. Especially the cyber attacks on our Fathers in the faith. It's sad.

1 Like

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by Nobody: 10:37am On Apr 29, 2018
Wizkhalifa2:
A woman once testified concerning her son in my church, so the boys peni.s was stolen by would be ritualist, after series of prayers by a pastor, the peni.s was restored. Praise God ryt?. Well it didn't end there, she further said they took the boy to go nd test the peni.s on a prostitute. The whole church went silent. grin grin

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by BluntBoy(m): 10:38am On Apr 29, 2018
CarlosTheJackal:
There is great joy being in the Lord's presence. I never attended church for ten straight years as an adult because i was forming agnostic but today there is no greater joy that fills my heart than being in God's presence.


please try to improve and see the riches and glory of God in your life

I hope you feel God's presence everywhere around you and not just when you go into a church building?

I notice many Christians have limited God's presence in their lives to a church building.

8 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by BluntBoy(m): 10:42am On Apr 29, 2018
yoyouyou:



Makes me sad, I tell you. Especially the cyber attacks on our Fathers in the faith. It's sad.

Who are your fathers in the faith? Those men who call themselves are no different from you. How can you call them fathers in the faith. If the Apostles and the other unnamed disciples called themselves our fathers in the faith, it would be understandable because they were the ones that brought the faith to us as directly handed down to them by Christ Himself.

3 Likes

Re: What Is The Funniest And Most Unnecessary Testimony You Have Heard In Church. by davidbanner(m): 10:42am On Apr 29, 2018
Wizkhalifa2:
A woman once testified concerning her son in my church, so the boys peni.s was stolen by would be ritualist, after series of prayers by a pastor, the peni.s was restored. Praise God ryt?. Well it didn't end there, she further said they took the boy to go nd test the peni.s on a prostitute. The whole church went silent. grin grin

brother why u lying, brother why u lying, why u fucking lying,, oh O my God!
Jon Bosco , u too dey lie

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