Editor’s Note:

This is a long post but I encourage you to read to the end. The writer is someone who believes in us and is depending on us for help. SO please read and drop your advice for a dear lady. Someone else might also be in a similar situation.God bless.


Good day admin

I came across your blog on facebook and i like the way you handle issues and your advice to people on their problem that’s why am sharing mine.

I met my biological father for the first time in my life in 2012 being in my early twenties. Both of them were still in secondary school when i was conceived. My mum never told me anything about my dad not even his name when i was growing up. She was married out when i was 4years old so i have to stay with my maternal grandmother. When i started school, my surname was my grandfather’s name. At the age of 8 my mummy came for me and i have to stay with her and my stepfather and that’s when my suffering started. I suffered several form of abuse except....., Read and leave comments on full story on the blog


https://livelystones.com.ng/all-i-wanted-was-my-fathers-love-but-i-received-abuse-pain/

FULL STORY

came across your blog on facebook and i like the way you handle issues and your advice to people on their problem that’s why am sharing mine.

I met my biological father for the first time in my life in 2012 being in my early twenties. Both of them were still in secondary school when i was conceived. My mum never told me anything about my dad not even his name when i was growing up. She was married out when i was 4years old so i have to stay with my maternal grandmother. When i started school, my surname was my grandfather’s name. At the age of 8 my mummy came for me and i have to stay with her and my stepfather and that’s when my suffering started. I suffered several form of abuse except sexual abuse. I also have to change my surname to that of my stepfather. Everyone wanted me to accept my stepfather as my real father but i didn’t like him at all because he treated me different from the way he treats my siblings. I will always tell my friends in school that my stepfather is not my biological father which everyone were made to believe and i will received scolding and sometimes beating when my mum finds out about it, still that didn’t stop me from not believing what they want me to believe. I was always praying to God make me see my biological father one day. When i finished secondary school, one of my senior cousins came to stay with us and one thing lead to the other she told me one day about my father and where i can locate his family. Unfortunately, we have relocated to a far away State, I had no means to travel down there and am also afraid of my mum and step father because my stepfather doesn’t even want to hear that i tell people that he is not my biological father.

*Note….* *My mum never mistreat me, infact she was my best and still is but i didn’t want to hurt her because i believe she might have been hurt by my father that’s why she never wanted to have anything to do with him* When my cousin told me my daddy’s name i went to search for him on Facebook but i couldn’t find him. One day i summon courage to tell my mum that am searching for my father and surprisingly, she told me if that is what i want i should go ahead. She then gave me his full details but still wouldn’t tell me what happened between two of them and i didn’t stretched it. I sent friend request to one of his brothers on facebook but he didn’t accept. I started opening up to my friends about my background and luck came to my side one day when one of my friends told me that he knows who can connect me to one of my father brother. That was the happiest day of my life. That day i knew God answer prayers even though it might take longer sometimes. I started praying that prayer from age 4.

My friend later send me my uncle no. which i texted immediately. I told him my mummy’s name and my father’s name which happen to be his brother. I told him to please connect me with his brother(my biological father). Within 5mins he called me and requested to speak to my mum. My mum wasn’t around at the time i received my uncle’s number so i haven’t told her about the new development. When she came back i told her that i have found my father and she was surprise because she has already told me to forget about it since we tried so many times without good result. She has been telling me that am a woman that when am married i wouldn’t need him again but my curious and desperate mind wouldn’t let me yield to that advice because i wanted to experience fatherly love which i never get from my stepfather.

My father siblings started calling me and requested to speak with my mother first. At the end of the day my father called and talked with my mum. We spoke regularly. I begged my mum not to let my stepdad knows about it because he won’t let me go and base on what i heard my dad is a very stubborn person so he won’t also come for me. My dad and i arrange to meet. I lied to my stepdad that am travelling to meet a friend and i will be staying with her for a while to search for work which he agreed and released my primary and secondary school credentials. I first met with my dad family which were close by and then proceed to a very long distance to meet my dad. I was so happy that my dream has finally come through. He apologized for not showing up in my life since i was born and told me that i was a forgotten issue and that words really Pierce my heart. He said he didn’t know i existed.

I forgave him instantly. I thought i will have a beautiful life that i always dream of not knowing that i just entered hell.
At the time i met him, he and his wife just divorced and i happen to be the only one that was with him. He has two other children which were also not with him at that time. Many people including some of his family members told me that i can’t stay with him for long because he is  very temperamental which I turned deaf ear to it all because i wanted to be loved by my father. My dad is what i called *Narcissist*, he is *egoistic*. Nothing i do pleases him. He will be acting nice and loving in one minute the next he will be lashing out at you for every little mistake you commit. He will abuse me physically and verbally. He will used my past that i told him to abuse me for hours, he will abuse my mum for every slightest chance he got. I saw hell but i can’t leave because i have nowhere to go as i have already told my stepdad that i have seen my biological dad. I felt so alone, i couldn’t tell my mum all am passing through because i didn’t want her to worry. My dad manipulated me into thinking the whole fault of me not meeting him earlier is my mum. He made me to start hating my mum to the point that i stopped talking to my mum for a whole year which i regretted later. He fought with all his sibling, i dare not report him to any of my Aunties and uncles. I endured it all after all am the one that look for him. He always reminded me that he didn’t look for me.

To the glory of God, after two years i got admission into Polytechnic, at least that lessen my suffering but he will still call and disturbed my peace. I pray for him day and night to marry so that he can divert his attention from me, he eventually did marry but the abuse never stop whether am in school or during holidays. He will make me apologise even when he is the offender. The wife too was not left out, he abuses the wife too regularly. I quickly became friends with the wife which didn’t go well with him. He will want me to support/side him when they have issues even when he is wrong but i can’t do that. I like and care for the wife as i do with my own mother. I thought the wife was my friend not knowing she has her own mission. She wanted to send me out of the house so she can bring in her own children. She will laugh and play with me in my present and at the back she will paint me black to my dad. My dad on the other hand if i tell him anything about the wife in confidential he will still tell the wife. To my foolishness, i trusted both of them like my own self. Soon, his second daughter(my half sister) joined us. We will never have peace in our house for a whole day. My dad will never go a day without quarrelling with one of us. The wife started taking side with the husband. My dad always made us feel like we have no life just because we were born out of wedlock. He will accuse me without letting me defend myself. Everything he say is final. But whenever we are outside, he will show us love that his friends will jealous him. He is a young man with grown up children. He will regularly reminds us of how privilege we are to have him as our father, meanwhile he didn’t have any child with the first wife that he married for many years. All three of us he has is from different women when he was in school. When the wife told him she was pregnant again after serious of miscarriages, hell let loose in the house. We became nothing in the house, name has already been given to the unborn child, he said he need a male child because we are three girls. The wife also became thorn on our flesh.

One day, as usual he was reminding us of how privilege we are to have him as our father, we playfully told him that he is also privilege to have us as his children and that he should be grateful to our mothers for taking care and training us to the level we are before we met him. We told him that it’s not easy for someone to just wake up one morning and have grown up children that he too should also be grateful to God just as we are. I jokingly told him that even when am married i will still be collecting allowance from him. All these we said playfully not knowing that our father has taking it personal. He told the wife and his family that we confess to him that we were the cause of his first wife barrenness, he called me 419 that i came to him so he can train me in school( it’s just National Diploma that i have). He painted us black to everyone that cares to listen. The wife also took advantage of the situation and make sure she throw us out of the house. Just that they came out for morning devotion before us, my dad ask to leave his house. He almost threw me out naked. He ceased my phone and lock our room so we were on only one cloth for there days and three nights. My half sister and i slept outside for 3nights. I have pictures and voice record to everything he had done to us, though i have not shown it to any member of the family yet. Am still trying to protect his image. He called our mother and gave them insult of their lives. He wrote to the care taker and the security not to allow us into the compound. After much begging from family, he asked us to write apology letter which we did before he let us into the house. Am sure the wife was very angry when we were allowed to enter the house so she plotted another plan.

Just after two days of the whole drama, i was in the kitchen sweeping and my sister was cooking, the gas finished, when my sister told her about the gas, she just called me rudely to go and fill the gas, i answered her that am coming because i wanted to throw the dirt that i packed after sweeping. Before i came back i just heard her reporting me to my dad that she called me five times and i refuse to answer. My dad asked my sister if she is saying the truth and she told daddy that i answered her even with the first call, before i could say anything my stepmum started abusing me and telling me that he will make the house hell for me, all this happen in my dad present. He didn’t stop her, he even told me to stay put and received every insult she give me when i wanted to step out so i won’t be tempted to reply her. She abused me to her satisfaction. She called every member of our family that she can no longer stay with us, she called my dad that has gone to work that when he comes back he should choose between us and her. To our greatest surprise, our Aunties started calling me # i quote her# She called my name* and said that child that the woman is carrying is so precious to me if anything happen to that child, i and the rest of the family will never forgive you# I was shocked, none of the family members wanted to listen to our own explanation. Anything my dad and stepmum said is final. When my dad came back in the evening he called my sister and i to parlour, after much abuse, he told us that he had a meeting with his family and they concluded that they don’t want us in their family anymore. He gave me two days to leave his house. My sister was still writing her NECO so he ask her to stay with his sister and finish her exam and after her exam he will send her back to her mother. I knew that was what i should have done since but because i was adviced to endure because of my marriage. I was ask to endure so he can give me his blessings for marriage.

I have a fiance which we were planning our introduction at the moment. I kept enduring because of marriage, unfortunately i was thrown out of the house. I wasn’t even allowed to pick my things myself, it was my sister and the security that packed my stuff outside after much begging because they wanted to ceased my belonging. My fiance came to pack my things to his place. I was hospitalized for a week because of the stress and severe beating that i received from my father. I rented my own apartment after one month. I also have to cancelled my introduction.

*To my main concern now*
When we later fix another date for my introduction. I still called my dad to inform him, he refuse to pick my calls. I call my Aunties, they ask me to write him apology letter which i did and way billed to him. I sent him several text messages and WhatsApp messages which he didn’t respond to any. The family sent a representative to come and help us settled the matter, My Aunty was just taking side with him and his wife calling us liars, she told us that it is a privilege for us to have a father, we were not even allowed to talk yet i still knelt and apologized for offense i know i didn’t commit. Maybe, I apologized for being born out of wedlock. My heart is bleeding as am writing this. When he started picking my calls, he gave condition that i must come back to the house before he can say anything about my marriage. We have been dragging this matter of introduction and marriage since September,2017. I was thrown out of the house April,2017.

*NOTE* The wife lost that their precious pregnancy and they are now divorced. I think he has gone back to staying alone.*The worst part is that up till now he still blame me for all that happen in his life. I don’t know what i have done for him to hate me that much. He said i cause all the trouble in his house yet he want me to come back to the house. I have pleaded with his elder brothers to conduct the introduction in their place but they said they can’t do it because my father will come after them later.

Please admin,
What should i do?
Can i do my marriage without him and how?

*NOTE* my fiance’s family are also insisting that my father must agree before they do anything since he is still alive. They even advice me to go back to the house if that is what he want before he agree to my marriage. After all i passed through, i don’t i can spend even a day with my dad. Am confuse.

All good advice will be welcome and appreciated.
Thanks a lot.

[ quote author=LivingFree post=68109795] FULL STORY

came across your blog on facebook and i like the way you handle issues and your advice to people on their problem that’s why am sharing mine.

I met my biological father for the first time in my life in 2012 being in my early twenties. Both of them were still in secondary school when i was conceived. My mum never told me anything about my dad not even his name when i was growing up. She was married out when i was 4years old so i have to stay with my maternal grandmother. When i started school, my surname was my grandfather’s name. At the age of 8 my mummy came for me and i have to stay with her and my stepfather and that’s when my suffering started. I suffered several form of abuse except sexual abuse. I also have to change my surname to that of my stepfather. Everyone wanted me to accept my stepfather as my real father but i didn’t like him at all because he treated me different from the way he treats my siblings. I will always tell my friends in school that my stepfather is not my biological father which everyone were made to believe and i will received scolding and sometimes beating when my mum finds out about it, still that didn’t stop me from not believing what they want me to believe. I was always praying to God make me see my biological father one day. When i finished secondary school, one of my senior cousins came to stay with us and one thing lead to the other she told me one day about my father and where i can locate his family. Unfortunately, we have relocated to a far away State, I had no means to travel down there and am also afraid of my mum and step father because my stepfather doesn’t even want to hear that i tell people that he is not my biological father.

*Note….* *My mum never mistreat me, infact she was my best and still is but i didn’t want to hurt her because i believe she might have been hurt by my father that’s why she never wanted to have anything to do with him* When my cousin told me my daddy’s name i went to search for him on Facebook but i couldn’t find him. One day i summon courage to tell my mum that am searching for my father and surprisingly, she told me if that is what i want i should go ahead. She then gave me his full details but still wouldn’t tell me what happened between two of them and i didn’t stretched it. I sent friend request to one of his brothers on facebook but he didn’t accept. I started opening up to my friends about my background and luck came to my side one day when one of my friends told me that he knows who can connect me to one of my father brother. That was the happiest day of my life. That day i knew God answer prayers even though it might take longer sometimes. I started praying that prayer from age 4.

My friend later send me my uncle no. which i texted immediately. I told him my mummy’s name and my father’s name which happen to be his brother. I told him to please connect me with his brother(my biological father). Within 5mins he called me and requested to speak to my mum. My mum wasn’t around at the time i received my uncle’s number so i haven’t told her about the new development. When she came back i told her that i have found my father and she was surprise because she has already told me to forget about it since we tried so many times without good result. She has been telling me that am a woman that when am married i wouldn’t need him again but my curious and desperate mind wouldn’t let me yield to that advice because i wanted to experience fatherly love which i never get from my stepfather.

My father siblings started calling me and requested to speak with my mother first. At the end of the day my father called and talked with my mum. We spoke regularly. I begged my mum not to let my stepdad knows about it because he won’t let me go and base on what i heard my dad is a very stubborn person so he won’t also come for me. My dad and i arrange to meet. I lied to my stepdad that am travelling to meet a friend and i will be staying with her for a while to search for work which he agreed and released my primary and secondary school credentials. I first met with my dad family which were close by and then proceed to a very long distance to meet my dad. I was so happy that my dream has finally come through. He apologized for not showing up in my life since i was born and told me that i was a forgotten issue and that words really Pierce my heart. He said he didn’t know i existed.

I forgave him instantly. I thought i will have a beautiful life that i always dream of not knowing that i just entered hell.
At the time i met him, he and his wife just divorced and i happen to be the only one that was with him. He has two other children which were also not with him at that time. Many people including some of his family members told me that i can’t stay with him for long because he is  very temperamental which I turned deaf ear to it all because i wanted to be loved by my father. My dad is what i called *Narcissist*, he is *egoistic*. Nothing i do pleases him. He will be acting nice and loving in one minute the next he will be lashing out at you for every little mistake you commit. He will abuse me physically and verbally. He will used my past that i told him to abuse me for hours, he will abuse my mum for every slightest chance he got. I saw hell but i can’t leave because i have nowhere to go as i have already told my stepdad that i have seen my biological dad. I felt so alone, i couldn’t tell my mum all am passing through because i didn’t want her to worry. My dad manipulated me into thinking the whole fault of me not meeting him earlier is my mum. He made me to start hating my mum to the point that i stopped talking to my mum for a whole year which i regretted later. He fought with all his sibling, i dare not report him to any of my Aunties and uncles. I endured it all after all am the one that look for him. He always reminded me that he didn’t look for me.

To the glory of God, after two years i got admission into Polytechnic, at least that lessen my suffering but he will still call and disturbed my peace. I pray for him day and night to marry so that he can divert his attention from me, he eventually did marry but the abuse never stop whether am in school or during holidays. He will make me apologise even when he is the offender. The wife too was not left out, he abuses the wife too regularly. I quickly became friends with the wife which didn’t go well with him. He will want me to support/side him when they have issues even when he is wrong but i can’t do that. I like and care for the wife as i do with my own mother. I thought the wife was my friend not knowing she has her own mission. She wanted to send me out of the house so she can bring in her own children. She will laugh and play with me in my present and at the back she will paint me black to my dad. My dad on the other hand if i tell him anything about the wife in confidential he will still tell the wife. To my foolishness, i trusted both of them like my own self. Soon, his second daughter(my half sister) joined us. We will never have peace in our house for a whole day. My dad will never go a day without quarrelling with one of us. The wife started taking side with the husband. My dad always made us feel like we have no life just because we were born out of wedlock. He will accuse me without letting me defend myself. Everything he say is final. But whenever we are outside, he will show us love that his friends will jealous him. He is a young man with grown up children. He will regularly reminds us of how privilege we are to have him as our father, meanwhile he didn’t have any child with the first wife that he married for many years. All three of us he has is from different women when he was in school. When the wife told him she was pregnant again after serious of miscarriages, hell let loose in the house. We became nothing in the house, name has already been given to the unborn child, he said he need a male child because we are three girls. The wife also became thorn on our flesh.

One day, as usual he was reminding us of how privilege we are to have him as our father, we playfully told him that he is also privilege to have us as his children and that he should be grateful to our mothers for taking care and training us to the level we are before we met him. We told him that it’s not easy for someone to just wake up one morning and have grown up children that he too should also be grateful to God just as we are. I jokingly told him that even when am married i will still be collecting allowance from him. All these we said playfully not knowing that our father has taking it personal. He told the wife and his family that we confess to him that we were the cause of his first wife barrenness, he called me 419 that i came to him so he can train me in school( it’s just National Diploma that i have). He painted us black to everyone that cares to listen. The wife also took advantage of the situation and make sure she throw us out of the house. Just that they came out for morning devotion before us, my dad ask to leave his house. He almost threw me out naked. He ceased my phone and lock our room so we were on only one cloth for there days and three nights. My half sister and i slept outside for 3nights. I have pictures and voice record to everything he had done to us, though i have not shown it to any member of the family yet. Am still trying to protect his image. He called our mother and gave them insult of their lives. He wrote to the care taker and the security not to allow us into the compound. After much begging from family, he asked us to write apology letter which we did before he let us into the house. Am sure the wife was very angry when we were allowed to enter the house so she plotted another plan.

Just after two days of the whole drama, i was in the kitchen sweeping and my sister was cooking, the gas finished, when my sister told her about the gas, she just called me rudely to go and fill the gas, i answered her that am coming because i wanted to throw the dirt that i packed after sweeping. Before i came back i just heard her reporting me to my dad that she called me five times and i refuse to answer. My dad asked my sister if she is saying the truth and she told daddy that i answered her even with the first call, before i could say anything my stepmum started abusing me and telling me that he will make the house hell for me, all this happen in my dad present. He didn’t stop her, he even told me to stay put and received every insult she give me when i wanted to step out so i won’t be tempted to reply her. She abused me to her satisfaction. She called every member of our family that she can no longer stay with us, she called my dad that has gone to work that when he comes back he should choose between us and her. To our greatest surprise, our Aunties started calling me # i quote her# She called my name* and said that child that the woman is carrying is so precious to me if anything happen to that child, i and the rest of the family will never forgive you# I was shocked, none of the family members wanted to listen to our own explanation. Anything my dad and stepmum said is final. When my dad came back in the evening he called my sister and i to parlour, after much abuse, he told us that he had a meeting with his family and they concluded that they don’t want us in their family anymore. He gave me two days to leave his house. My sister was still writing her NECO so he ask her to stay with his sister and finish her exam and after her exam he will send her back to her mother. I knew that was what i should have done since but because i was adviced to endure because of my marriage. I was ask to endure so he can give me his blessings for marriage.

I have a fiance which we were planning our introduction at the moment. I kept enduring because of marriage, unfortunately i was thrown out of the house. I wasn’t even allowed to pick my things myself, it was my sister and the security that packed my stuff outside after much begging because they wanted to ceased my belonging. My fiance came to pack my things to his place. I was hospitalized for a week because of the stress and severe beating that i received from my father. I rented my own apartment after one month. I also have to cancelled my introduction.

*To my main concern now*
When we later fix another date for my introduction. I still called my dad to inform him, he refuse to pick my calls. I call my Aunties, they ask me to write him apology letter which i did and way billed to him. I sent him several text messages and WhatsApp messages which he didn’t respond to any. The family sent a representative to come and help us settled the matter, My Aunty was just taking side with him and his wife calling us liars, she told us that it is a privilege for us to have a father, we were not even allowed to talk yet i still knelt and apologized for offense i know i didn’t commit. Maybe, I apologized for being born out of wedlock. My heart is bleeding as am writing this. When he started picking my calls, he gave condition that i must come back to the house before he can say anything about my marriage. We have been dragging this matter of introduction and marriage since September,2017. I was thrown out of the house April,2017.

*NOTE* The wife lost that their precious pregnancy and they are now divorced. I think he has gone back to staying alone.*The worst part is that up till now he still blame me for all that happen in his life. I don’t know what i have done for him to hate me that much. He said i cause all the trouble in his house yet he want me to come back to the house. I have pleaded with his elder brothers to conduct the introduction in their place but they said they can’t do it because my father will come after them later.

Please admin,
What should i do?
Can i do my marriage without him and how?

*NOTE* my fiance’s family are also insisting that my father must agree before they do anything since he is still alive. They even advice me to go back to the house if that is what he want before he agree to my marriage. After all i passed through, i don’t i can spend even a day with my dad. Am confuse.

All good advice will be welcome and appreciated.
Thanks a lot.

[/quote]clap for yourself you even took time to visit, same way you go the extreme to bring others down in your office. Desperado

LivingFree:
FULL STORY

came across your blog on facebook and i like the way you handle issues and your advice to people on their problem that’s why am sharing mine.

I met my biological father for the first time in my life in 2012 being in my early twenties. Both of them were still in secondary school when i was conceived. My mum never told me anything about my dad not even his name when i was growing up. She was married out when i was 4years old so i have to stay with my maternal grandmother. When i started school, my surname was my grandfather’s name. At the age of 8 my mummy came for me and i have to stay with her and my stepfather and that’s when my suffering started. I suffered several form of abuse except sexual abuse. I also have to change my surname to that of my stepfather. Everyone wanted me to accept my stepfather as my real father but i didn’t like him at all because he treated me different from the way he treats my siblings. I will always tell my friends in school that my stepfather is not my biological father which everyone were made to believe and i will received scolding and sometimes beating when my mum finds out about it, still that didn’t stop me from not believing what they want me to believe. I was always praying to God make me see my biological father one day. When i finished secondary school, one of my senior cousins came to stay with us and one thing lead to the other she told me one day about my father and where i can locate his family. Unfortunately, we have relocated to a far away State, I had no means to travel down there and am also afraid of my mum and step father because my stepfather doesn’t even want to hear that i tell people that he is not my biological father.

*Note….* *My mum never mistreat me, infact she was my best and still is but i didn’t want to hurt her because i believe she might have been hurt by my father that’s why she never wanted to have anything to do with him* When my cousin told me my daddy’s name i went to search for him on Facebook but i couldn’t find him. One day i summon courage to tell my mum that am searching for my father and surprisingly, she told me if that is what i want i should go ahead. She then gave me his full details but still wouldn’t tell me what happened between two of them and i didn’t stretched it. I sent friend request to one of his brothers on facebook but he didn’t accept. I started opening up to my friends about my background and luck came to my side one day when one of my friends told me that he knows who can connect me to one of my father brother. That was the happiest day of my life. That day i knew God answer prayers even though it might take longer sometimes. I started praying that prayer from age 4.

My friend later send me my uncle no. which i texted immediately. I told him my mummy’s name and my father’s name which happen to be his brother. I told him to please connect me with his brother(my biological father). Within 5mins he called me and requested to speak to my mum. My mum wasn’t around at the time i received my uncle’s number so i haven’t told her about the new development. When she came back i told her that i have found my father and she was surprise because she has already told me to forget about it since we tried so many times without good result. She has been telling me that am a woman that when am married i wouldn’t need him again but my curious and desperate mind wouldn’t let me yield to that advice because i wanted to experience fatherly love which i never get from my stepfather.

My father siblings started calling me and requested to speak with my mother first. At the end of the day my father called and talked with my mum. We spoke regularly. I begged my mum not to let my stepdad knows about it because he won’t let me go and base on what i heard my dad is a very stubborn person so he won’t also come for me. My dad and i arrange to meet. I lied to my stepdad that am travelling to meet a friend and i will be staying with her for a while to search for work which he agreed and released my primary and secondary school credentials. I first met with my dad family which were close by and then proceed to a very long distance to meet my dad. I was so happy that my dream has finally come through. He apologized for not showing up in my life since i was born and told me that i was a forgotten issue and that words really Pierce my heart. He said he didn’t know i existed.

I forgave him instantly. I thought i will have a beautiful life that i always dream of not knowing that i just entered hell.
At the time i met him, he and his wife just divorced and i happen to be the only one that was with him. He has two other children which were also not with him at that time. Many people including some of his family members told me that i can’t stay with him for long because he is  very temperamental which I turned deaf ear to it all because i wanted to be loved by my father. My dad is what i called *Narcissist*, he is *egoistic*. Nothing i do pleases him. He will be acting nice and loving in one minute the next he will be lashing out at you for every little mistake you commit. He will abuse me physically and verbally. He will used my past that i told him to abuse me for hours, he will abuse my mum for every slightest chance he got. I saw hell but i can’t leave because i have nowhere to go as i have already told my stepdad that i have seen my biological dad. I felt so alone, i couldn’t tell my mum all am passing through because i didn’t want her to worry. My dad manipulated me into thinking the whole fault of me not meeting him earlier is my mum. He made me to start hating my mum to the point that i stopped talking to my mum for a whole year which i regretted later. He fought with all his sibling, i dare not report him to any of my Aunties and uncles. I endured it all after all am the one that look for him. He always reminded me that he didn’t look for me.

To the glory of God, after two years i got admission into Polytechnic, at least that lessen my suffering but he will still call and disturbed my peace. I pray for him day and night to marry so that he can divert his attention from me, he eventually did marry but the abuse never stop whether am in school or during holidays. He will make me apologise even when he is the offender. The wife too was not left out, he abuses the wife too regularly. I quickly became friends with the wife which didn’t go well with him. He will want me to support/side him when they have issues even when he is wrong but i can’t do that. I like and care for the wife as i do with my own mother. I thought the wife was my friend not knowing she has her own mission. She wanted to send me out of the house so she can bring in her own children. She will laugh and play with me in my present and at the back she will paint me black to my dad. My dad on the other hand if i tell him anything about the wife in confidential he will still tell the wife. To my foolishness, i trusted both of them like my own self. Soon, his second daughter(my half sister) joined us. We will never have peace in our house for a whole day. My dad will never go a day without quarrelling with one of us. The wife started taking side with the husband. My dad always made us feel like we have no life just because we were born out of wedlock. He will accuse me without letting me defend myself. Everything he say is final. But whenever we are outside, he will show us love that his friends will jealous him. He is a young man with grown up children. He will regularly reminds us of how privilege we are to have him as our father, meanwhile he didn’t have any child with the first wife that he married for many years. All three of us he has is from different women when he was in school. When the wife told him she was pregnant again after serious of miscarriages, hell let loose in the house. We became nothing in the house, name has already been given to the unborn child, he said he need a male child because we are three girls. The wife also became thorn on our flesh.

One day, as usual he was reminding us of how privilege we are to have him as our father, we playfully told him that he is also privilege to have us as his children and that he should be grateful to our mothers for taking care and training us to the level we are before we met him. We told him that it’s not easy for someone to just wake up one morning and have grown up children that he too should also be grateful to God just as we are. I jokingly told him that even when am married i will still be collecting allowance from him. All these we said playfully not knowing that our father has taking it personal. He told the wife and his family that we confess to him that we were the cause of his first wife barrenness, he called me 419 that i came to him so he can train me in school( it’s just National Diploma that i have). He painted us black to everyone that cares to listen. The wife also took advantage of the situation and make sure she throw us out of the house. Just that they came out for morning devotion before us, my dad ask to leave his house. He almost threw me out naked. He ceased my phone and lock our room so we were on only one cloth for there days and three nights. My half sister and i slept outside for 3nights. I have pictures and voice record to everything he had done to us, though i have not shown it to any member of the family yet. Am still trying to protect his image. He called our mother and gave them insult of their lives. He wrote to the care taker and the security not to allow us into the compound. After much begging from family, he asked us to write apology letter which we did before he let us into the house. Am sure the wife was very angry when we were allowed to enter the house so she plotted another plan.

Just after two days of the whole drama, i was in the kitchen sweeping and my sister was cooking, the gas finished, when my sister told her about the gas, she just called me rudely to go and fill the gas, i answered her that am coming because i wanted to throw the dirt that i packed after sweeping. Before i came back i just heard her reporting me to my dad that she called me five times and i refuse to answer. My dad asked my sister if she is saying the truth and she told daddy that i answered her even with the first call, before i could say anything my stepmum started abusing me and telling me that he will make the house hell for me, all this happen in my dad present. He didn’t stop her, he even told me to stay put and received every insult she give me when i wanted to step out so i won’t be tempted to reply her. She abused me to her satisfaction. She called every member of our family that she can no longer stay with us, she called my dad that has gone to work that when he comes back he should choose between us and her. To our greatest surprise, our Aunties started calling me # i quote her# She called my name* and said that child that the woman is carrying is so precious to me if anything happen to that child, i and the rest of the family will never forgive you# I was shocked, none of the family members wanted to listen to our own explanation. Anything my dad and stepmum said is final. When my dad came back in the evening he called my sister and i to parlour, after much abuse, he told us that he had a meeting with his family and they concluded that they don’t want us in their family anymore. He gave me two days to leave his house. My sister was still writing her NECO so he ask her to stay with his sister and finish her exam and after her exam he will send her back to her mother. I knew that was what i should have done since but because i was adviced to endure because of my marriage. I was ask to endure so he can give me his blessings for marriage.

I have a fiance which we were planning our introduction at the moment. I kept enduring because of marriage, unfortunately i was thrown out of the house. I wasn’t even allowed to pick my things myself, it was my sister and the security that packed my stuff outside after much begging because they wanted to ceased my belonging. My fiance came to pack my things to his place. I was hospitalized for a week because of the stress and severe beating that i received from my father. I rented my own apartment after one month. I also have to cancelled my introduction.

*To my main concern now*
When we later fix another date for my introduction. I still called my dad to inform him, he refuse to pick my calls. I call my Aunties, they ask me to write him apology letter which i did and way billed to him. I sent him several text messages and WhatsApp messages which he didn’t respond to any. The family sent a representative to come and help us settled the matter, My Aunty was just taking side with him and his wife calling us liars, she told us that it is a privilege for us to have a father, we were not even allowed to talk yet i still knelt and apologized for offense i know i didn’t commit. Maybe, I apologized for being born out of wedlock. My heart is bleeding as am writing this. When he started picking my calls, he gave condition that i must come back to the house before he can say anything about my marriage. We have been dragging this matter of introduction and marriage since September,2017. I was thrown out of the house April,2017.

*NOTE* The wife lost that their precious pregnancy and they are now divorced. I think he has gone back to staying alone.*The worst part is that up till now he still blame me for all that happen in his life. I don’t know what i have done for him to hate me that much. He said i cause all the trouble in his house yet he want me to come back to the house. I have pleaded with his elder brothers to conduct the introduction in their place but they said they can’t do it because my father will come after them later.

Please admin,
What should i do?
Can i do my marriage without him and how?

*NOTE* my fiance’s family are also insisting that my father must agree before they do anything since he is still alive. They even advice me to go back to the house if that is what he want before he agree to my marriage. After all i passed through, i don’t i can spend even a day with my dad. Am confuse.

All good advice will be welcome and appreciated.
Thanks a lot.

Wow, some Men are terrible. Going back there is a NO, NO

Hubby to be relation are insisting the father must be involved. It's a situation i must tell you she is in

yabas:



Wow, some Men are terrible. Going back there is a NO, NO