I am someone who grew up as some "good guy", and very religious. NEVER DID IT. somewhere between my youth service and my first few years of work i slipped morally and got really loose with the opposite gender. Never thought i could get that bad, but really i was. Some years later I saw how dangerous that lifestyle was and "repented" again.

Now as a "repented" guy, but with loads of bad deeds behind and an understanding of what excites me in a woman, I am in a fix. The kind of girls that excite me are not in church and if(when) you find them in church,its only a matter of time for you to find that they hardly want to play by the religious moral rules. The only serious relationship i had after "repenting" , though started in a semi-religious manner, later slipped to serious moral compromise. She would pass for a "saint" by every standard outwardly, but was of the position that since i was serious about settling down with her then it was permissible to DO IT.Somehow we had to end it , even though i still strongly feel i loved her.

Now i am in a fix . I have two friends.Both acclaimed "born-again". 

While one  is religious and states her conditions as the basic revelation-see pastor-courtship-marriage-intimacy route, which is what i believe in, she does not excite me and we hardly relate at the same level even in normal conversations. sometimes We could spend weeks without relating on phone, and it doesnt occur to me that i am missing anyone.

The other though confessed "born again" too has  openned up that she will find it almost impossible to keep intimacy  out until marriage. In fairness she admits that she knows the ideal,but that for her, it will not be realistic at this time. I must confess that I find her very attractive too. Aside  the intimacy issue, we relate excellently,though with a few differences once in a while. We relate on phone every time and i cant help missing her when we are not relating.

Now i feel i am running out of time and need to take a decision on one of these two fast. To settle with the very religious one will require a lot of faith, because i am not really excited about her. To settle with the other might involve some compromise and the way it works is anytime one hears any powerful message in church, the first consideration will be  what to do with the relationship as it affects ones spirituality.

Is it me that is confused? am I fishing in the wrong place? and what advice do you have for me.

NB : I know NL that abusive comments cant be ruled out, but somehow i will find a way to learn a lesson or two.please your suggestions

one mopol:

Now i feel i am running out of time and need to take a decision on one of these two fast.

First, You're desperate to settle down . . . .That wouldn't do You any good.
Be patient, take Your time . . . .It's better to settle down [late] with 'Your right one' than rush into marriage with just anyone and jump out before You even say 'I Do'.

You can find Ladies who are attractive, born again with good moral values.

I admire the sincerity of Girl B but I don't see her as 'the one'.
Girl A doesn't do it for You? You musn't marry her .

Conclusion: You musn't be with either of 'em if they don't measure up. Keep looking.

After observing ur post, it seems u re d problem.
It seems as if u don't know wat u want, wat is good 4 u, wat will last &give u d joy u desire.
Take a soul searching period 2 really look at d pro & cons of d 2 sides of coin u have streamline ur choice 2 & c if u re 2 go on or make changes.
Better still change ur ideas.

i'm a bit curious. while you were "astray", how did it feel?  

the problem with you state of mind now is that you can end up someone pretending and when you find out, it might be too late.

do you know you can make a woman what you want her to be?
if yes, then put aside what she says and sculpt her to the perfect woman you want. rather than going around looking for a ready made perfect woman.


just my two cents
cheers

Area_boy:

i'm a bit curious. while you were "astray", how did it feel?  

the problem with you state of mind now is that you can end up someone pretending and when you find out, it might be too late.

do you know you can make a woman what you want her to be? if yes, then put aside what she says and sculpt her to the perfect woman you want. rather than going around looking for a ready made perfect woman.

just my two cents
cheers

Without the person's consent and compliance . . . . .It's Impossible.

let me get this straight ___you are contemplating on two girls
one which you can do without and the other which you cant do without
are you planning on getting married just because she is very religious?
what about compatibility?
dont make the mistake of getting married out of desperation cause it wont only make life hell on earth for you
but might also lead you to so many mistakes which you are definitely gonna end up regretting
so beware,bewise and dont fall a victim
just take your time and you are gonna find your missing rib

Area_boy:

do you know you can make a woman what you want her to be?

nope ou cant so please get that off your head
even if you try to sooner or later her real her is gonna come out

I can understand what you are going through.The things of the Spirit may not seem sensible but is the best for you in the long run.I personally don't think that the second girl is the one for you.The fact that she is born again but she doesn't want to obey God's law of keeping the marriage bed undefiled shows that she isn't really born again unless she wants to be delivered from what may be a stronghold for her.
The first girl sounds boring in the physical but are u more concerned about the physical than the spiritual?
Marriage isn't all about sex.If it were,we would be getting married to some of the weirdest pple on the palnet.When it comes to God ordained marriage,you have to put your feeling outta of it.Yes you may not love her now,but who says you cant love her with time? Would you rather have a woman who loves God and is willing to obey him over her desires than a woman who doesn't? My problem with most young men is that they hardly think about what influence the woman they want to marry may have over their kids, you're thinking only of your selfish desires, how your flesh can be stirred by her, how about the mission you both will have in the kingdom? or the kids you will bring into the world? have u read the story of Joyce Meyer's marriage? or Rick warren? read about the marriages of great men of God and learn from them, you sound like someone who wants to please God with a holy life but is torn by his desires, stand on the shoulders of these men and see if the Spirit won't talk to you about what you need to do, Open your heart and God will honor your desire to lead a Christ worthy life, Good luck,

Many people marries so that they can have legal sex, THAT SHOULDN'T BE THE BASIS OF YOUR
DESIRES TO SETTLE DOWN,

60% OF THE MARRIAGES HAVE ASSUMED TO BE BASED ON CONVIENCE RATHER OUT OF LOVE,

If you go for the one that is very religious,

you will be living a life of endurance and God knows that

you would have cheated on yourself and you will regret it.

but for the one that is honest, has sex and you have feeling for. from every thing she is the better bid.

but i advice you to 4get the two of them.

@all
I appreciate all the responses , I will try and answer some of the questions.

Missy B:

First, You're desperate to settle down . . . .That wouldn't do You any good.
Be patient, take Your time . . . .It's better to settle down [late] with 'Your right one' than rush into marriage with just anyone and jump out before You even say 'I Do'.

You can find Ladies who are attractive, born again with good moral values.

I admire the sincerity of Girl B but [b]I don't see her as 'the one'.[/b]
Girl A doesn't do it for You? You musn't marry her .

Conclusion: You musn't be with either of 'em if they don't measure up. Keep looking.

Thanx. Really sometimes i feel i am being too desperate too. But society and even church are part of the problem. when one hears this "you cant get it until you are desperate like the woman with the issue of blood" messages, it becomes too difficult to keep ones kool.

I respect the girl B's sincerity too and am trying to work on the theory that i can talk her into seeing my point and relax. The trap in that approach however may now be that i might be suspecting that she catches her fun elsewhere. sorry if i offend anyone here.

y me:

let me get this straight ___you are contemplating on two girls
one which you can do without and the other which you cant do without
are you planning on getting married just because she is very religious?
what about compatibility?
dont make the mistake of getting married out of desperation cause it wont only make life hell on earth for you
but might also lead you to so many mistakes which you are definitely gonna end up regretting
so beware,bewise and dont fall a victim
just take your time and you are gonna find your missing rib
nope ou cant so please get that off your head
even if you try to sooner or later her real her is gonna come out

I am considering her not necessarily because she is religious, but becuase she is available and she is not likely to make me compromise some of the values i believe in at least for now. I and somehow feel that with the funny marriage stories one hears, it will be wise not to shut the window of God's mercy by compromising religious beliefs in the process of looking for a wife.

I am aware too that someone that professes sexual purity might be a bigger devil, when issues like forgiveness,tolerance et al, are considered. I also know that friendship is key in this. The funny thing is we were mere acqaintances in church and everything seemed fine until she asked me to define what we were doing.

estrella:

I can understand what you are going through.The things of the Spirit may not seem sensible but is the best for you in the long run.I personally don't think that the second girl is the one for you.The fact that she is born again but she doesn't want to obey God's law of keeping the marriage bed undefiled shows that she isn't really born again unless she wants to be delivered from what may be a stronghold for her.
The first girl sounds boring in the physical but are u more concerned about the physical than the spiritual?
Marriage isn't all about intimacy.If it were,we would be getting married to some of the weirdest pple on the palnet.When it comes to God ordained marriage,you have to put your feeling outta of it.Yes you may not love her now,but who says you cant love her with time? Would you rather have a woman who loves God and is willing to obey him over her desires than a woman who doesn't? My problem with most young men is that they hardly think about what influence the woman they want to marry may have over their kids, you're thinking only of your selfish desires, how your flesh can be stirred by her, how about the mission you both will have in the kingdom? or the kids you will bring into the world? have u read the story of Joyce Meyer's marriage? or Rick warren? read about the marriages of great men of God and learn from them, you sound like someone who wants to please God with a holy life but is torn by his desires, stand on the shoulders of these men and see if the Spirit won't talk to you about what you need to do, Open your heart and God will honor your desire to lead a Christ worthy life, Good luck,

You really got me thinking deeply. Thanx.

@poster
keep on searching!!!

^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thanx man. Advice taken.

first u have 2 babes, n now have the liver to condemn sexx b4 marriage,
hiss

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
From my post it should not be difficult to deduce that the second lady is new, and at this stage she is trying to place the cards on the table before we get deeper. I dont think i have commited some big crime as you are trying to paint here. I have stated the concerns I have with relating with the first girl, which i have made clear to her. I have not been explicit enough to tell her I am considering someone else. I take that blame. but relax its not as bad as you are trying to make it look.

there is no such thing as not that bad, either bad or good

I only said I personally would not do sex before marriage. My position. But if you say considering two people at a time is as bad as dating(sleeping with) one at a time , then thats your position , I cant fault you. I sincerely would have preffered a straight forward advice anyway. thanx all the same.

was kidding but lemme be serious,

u have ur own personal belief n i respect that but i feel u should go for number 2 cos as u said ur attracted to her, n its obvious u prefer her so y settle for someone u mite end up regretting n complaining abt hw u were not even attracted to her the first place?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
thanx.

Do this two girls know you are juggling them? Sad state of affairs.

Ebonyeyes:

Do this two girls know you are juggling them? Sad state of affairs.

juggling ke? una don come o Well the girl B knows girl A, and girl A suspects there is a girl B, becuase like I said we stay off without relating for weeks sometime without any trace that someone is missed.

If girl A doesnt call why dont you try to get in touch? Sometimes I wonder with you guys sha.

I make the calls most times, but for girl A, within 5 minutes i exhaust everything there is to talk about, Except times when i stretch it to just make her feel good. On the contrary girl B can constructively engage me for even 45 minutes. you see what i mean.

Well cant you use the same conversation topics for girl A? It looks like you have already made up your mind, why string her along all this while?

Tough spot to be in. Anyways I will refrain from advising you on this one, but I do feel you real well. If you happen to know the right choice to make, abeg tell me so I keep in my list of options when such comes up again.

deniyor:

Tough spot to be in. Anyways I will refrain from advising you on this one, but I do feel you real well. If you happen to know the right choice to make, abeg tell me so I keep in my list of options when such comes up again.

really? meaning you have been here before. its not funny o

what you are trying to do ,though commendable in this very age,might be impossible or difficult if you keep a long courtship.so i will advise to keep meeting "sisters "continue developing yourself pray about your proposal,propose to the one that you feel excites you when you are ready to marry .make the courtship as short as you can.any sane person should be able to keep herself in a reasonably short courtship otherwise she wont keep herself even as a wife when you are unavailable.


*****caution,personally test her stance on premarital  intimacy before you make your intentions of no intimacy known to her.because she might tend [i]pretendingly [/i]play along while getting her  freak on from someone else just to win your heart for marriage.

one mopol:

really? meaning you have been here before. its not funny o

Oh yeah. I've been there lots. I also experienced it b4 going in to my current relationship. I personally wouldn't say I made the best decisions but I hv always been the type of person that knows decisions hv consequences and you should be able to live with yours. I live with mine, and at the moment, I am content with it. The reason I am avoiding advising you on what to do is simply cos I don't even know if I did the right thing or not, but I did it anyways. Wouldn't want to mislead another brother, it will be on my conscience.

Just remember that some things like sex are what you call a 'one way' street.

My Advise is dat please Go for who gives you joy and who makes you happy.

SisterA decision cannot be concluded for now since you have not made ur intension known to her yet or mayb she may have gone thru some other experiences with some guys which made her to make certain decion(just in my own opinion ooo).

Try spend some time with her (sisterA) too and get to understand her too. We human are flesh and blood so dont allow anybody to fool you with hipocrity oo, i've been there too b4 oo.

As per gurl B if you really feel something deep for her both of you can talk things together, study her and if you feel she is for real you can shorten the lenght of your courtship if you are ready oooo.

But marry whoever you fill makes you happy and gives you sense of fulfilment.

cheers