If you are in my shoes, what would you do? Let me briefly paint the scenario for you guys:

a couple of weeks ago, a friend(cousin) of mine came to my office to show me his new laptop. I then proceeded to install some of the programs i had for him. When i was through, he asked me to instal Yahoo Messenger on it too. He came with his girlfriend(fiancee) and introduced her to me. She was a little bit distant that day and did not pay much attention to us, but i got all the details supplied about her to me including her messenger ID. I added her to my contacts soon after. A few days ago she accepted my request to add her, not knowing who i was.

Last week, she came online and to my surprise buzzed me.Before i could respond, she asked 'asl?'.i realized she did not recognize me and decided to have some fun. we started chatting, and before you could say Jack Robinson she fell like a pack of cards, sent me her pix immediately, sent her number asking me to call her so we can arrange where to meet, promising me she would be worht my while, and so on. I was amused at how she just fell for a supposed stranger. Told her i was in Lag. she still insisted she wuld make it there(she's in Jos).

Right now, I have every info about her and its an obvious conclusion that she is an easy catch or 'lay' as some would say. Now wise folks, think hard. put yourself in all positions. What is the ideal thing to do? Identify myself to the girl and warn her? Go directly to my cousin and inform him? Let sleeping dogs lie? Make your input please.

@ goldenray

first of all, let me just start by saying: what a traitor?? i mean the girl . i'm not a fan of girls who can't keep their things to themselves

well my dear, in my opinion you should tell your guy about it because obviously she's not contented with him. I guess she dosen't want to put all her apples in one basket but the problem here is that she dosen't care who gets hurt in the process

your telling her would have been a very good idea, because i do believe people deserve a second chance, but what are the chances that your treathning her will make her stop her hunt for guys??    50/50 ,

isn't your friend worth more than that?? dosen't he deserve someone who loves him, someone who thinks he's man enough to have her all to himself instead of a girl who spends her day chasing guys from one town to the other

come to think of it, how are we sure she dosen't have one in Enugu and one in Abuja, afterall you just found this one out because it was you, dearie it could have been any other guy

its ok to chat and even atimes flirt online, but exchanging numbers, sending pictures and even willing to travel the long distance just for someone you don't even know, geez. that is mere desperation

i would have blamed it on the terms of "distant relationship" but then you don't live in Jos, do you? and yet she didn't mind travelling down to pay you a visit
gosh, the girl is just a cheap handkerchief short and simple

Now if you ask me, whether she deserves a second chance or whether she deserves to be forgiven should be left for your friend to decide.
He's the one in the relationship, so please don't take his "right of choice" away from him

if you were in his shoes, what would you have expected a friend to do?? save you from a disaster or lead you beind the light??

i get ur drift cute-ass. Your position is very clear on this and I must say am impressed that a Female could come up with such a stand. I already assumed females would forever find excuses to side themselves. You might be suprised at what other girls might have to say. As for the guys, you understand my position better. What do you think?

Funny thing. Talk of the devil. The girl just came online now and buzzed me. Unfortunately I have not received enough advice on what to do yet. I guess i will just hang on until you guys send your comments. Lemme go flirt some more

Are they married? No. So she has every right to make friends with new guys. If you don't want your girlfriend to date other men, you should marry her. An unmarried lady should be free to explore. That's my submission.

abi ooo

are they married??

Seun:

Are they married? No. So she has every right to make friends with new guys. If you don't want your girlfriend to date other men, you should marry her. An unmarried lady should be free to explore. That's my submission.

                 
so what you want to tell me is that when you meet a girl you like you'll just marry her immediately

whatever happened to courtship??

so when people are not married, they're automatically allowed to cheat??

so that means every girl should have four guys spread all over the world incase one fails, she can always marry the third??

why is it then a problem if a guy is cheating on his girlfriend??

Seun, sorry to say this, but your post amazed me beyond explanations

and you peace you also think its right. well who am i to talk you out of it but

as you make your bed so shall you lie on it

Wow, I am quite surprised at this new development. @ seun and Mypeace: You guys really think if dating couples are not married, they are free to roam and do as they like? Gosh! This must be the new Liberation movement you are forming here. Well just so you know, while chatting with her again yesterday, a friend of mine who works for CelTel came around. I mentioned it casually to her that my friend was around and wanted to say hi( i actually gave him the gist). She asked me to go ahead and give him her ID. they soon commenced chatting. I had to go out then. My friend later called me at night to inform me that she fixed a date with him for this weekend and asked him not to tell me! , Just after a few minutes of chatting online with someone she does'nt know! Now Seun, Mypeace, you call that a normal thing to do? You tell me

so what you want to tell me is that when you meet a girl you like you'll just marry her immediately

Of course, I'll "date" her, but I won't expect her not to "date" other guys from time to time. Life is too short to focus all your attention on one person who might wake up one day and tell you the relationship is over!

whatever happened to courtship??

Courtship doesn't have to be exclusive. It becomes exclusive when your married wedding plan is in motion.

so when people are not married, they're automatically allowed to cheat??

It's not cheating if you're not married. You can't eat your cake (remaining single) and have it (monogamy!)
However, if you're sleeping with multiple partners, you must guard against the increased risk of STD infection.

so that means every girl should have four guys spread all over
the world incase one fails, she can always marry the third??

Exactly! (Isn't that what most girls already do?) I'm tired of hearing about desperate 28 year old girls who were dumped by their boyfriends after 6 years of courtship. A wise person should always have a plan B and plan C!

why is it then a problem if a guy is cheating on his girlfriend??

It's not "cheating" if you are not married, unless the guy has explicitly promised not to see other girls and you have stopped seeing other guys. However, isn't that is what marriage is all about in the first place? So I see no need for such promises, because they will almost always be broken. If you want exclusivity, get married!

Seun, sorry to say this, but your post amazed me beyond explanations

That's because I'm an amazing guy.

and you peace you also think its right

Of course, it's right. Otherwise, what is special about marriage? Is it just a meaningless ceremony?

goldenray: This must be the new Liberation movement you are forming here.

If liberation means the freedom to use common sense, then I'm not ashamed to be accused of that!

So please, leave your cousin's "girlfriend" alone. She has every right to search for the best fish in the ocean.

my God. This has eaten deeply into his blood, _{shakes head in pity}. May it not happen to you Seun. Do you have a girlfriend at all?

Seun, is everything alright?

Anyway, poster, without blinking twice, please tell your cousin about this. I will do the same if it was just a friend of mine, let alone my cousin.

@seun

Seun, well now let me hold your words against you

this is what you said on another thread:

The first guy is out of the question because, as someone has said, a leopard never changes its spots.

so if this lady or any other lady is used to having 100 guys attend to her need, what are the chances she'll remain monogamous in her marriage?? I'll say 20%  . .

I'm sue you want to know why i said that, well the answer is from your lips and i quote a leopard never changes its spots

you said something about a girl of 28yrs being witha guy for 6yrs and get dumped, well its her fault then, why waiting for the guy that long??

after a couple have courted for a decent number of years, and the girl knows she's not getting any younger, for the fact that you never know what tomorrow has in stock, tell your boyfriend you can't wait any longer.

if he's not doing anything about it, then walk out as decently as possible and wait for prince-charming, now if the guy did love you, he would do something about it

Any girl that is of age, and has dated a guy for 1-2 years and the guy hasn't mentioned the "M" word, look for the nearest exit because he's not serious

I'm 21 but my boyfriend knows that when I'm 23 and he's not doing anything about it, I'm gone

I know people fall in love with other people while in a relationship, its natural. But there's nothing natural about a girl hunting after guys. the girl is just as cheap as it gets
now who would want to marry that kind of a cheap handkerchief

last but not least her polygamous life style might ruin her chances of being with her one and only, she might still end up lonely and miserable after having all those options, why?

because no guy wants to get married to a ho re?? 

@cute-ass

Again u've spoken my very mind. Cldn't have put it better.
Wisdom sure resides in ur bosom.^{metaphorically speaking}

Bolarge:

@cute-ass

Again u've spoken my very mind. Cldn't have put it better.
Wisdom sure resides in your bosom.^{metaphorically speaking}

i'll take that as a compliment,

and you know what??

i'm blushing

Aside from being such an 'easy-going' girl (to put it in a nice way) she also seems to be silly. How would she imagine that your friend would keep the date secret from you?? After all, he knew her since 1h (maybe) and he knew you since a lot longer.

Now I also advice you to tell your cousin everything! _{And I hope you keep archive for messenger cuz many at times, love is blind oo!} I am sure he doesn't deserve to be deceived and the girl also needs a lesson, not a blessing (as marriage can be - what's more wonderful than having a family of your own?). There is no point in dragging this forever. The sooner you take this off your case, the better.

cute-ass:

i'll take that as a compliment,

and you know what??

i'm blushing

That's the whole idea.
You really in Norway?

ok. Seun apart, I think the general consensus is to tell my cousin the whole story. Now how am i supposed to do that? parables? Give him straight? The guy is very energetic and emotional. You need to see him to understand me. The way I tell him will surely result into something, against the girlfriend on the one hand, and probabaly on me too. Whats the best approach?

ME CONCLUDES THE PREVIOUS POSTER JUST SHACKED PARAGA, _{two drums of it}

Bolarge:

You really in Norway?

why yu wan know where she @ _{Bolarge, am suspecting you ooo}

My guy,na crime to ask?

well i would say goldenray tell your cousin or friend about it so he dont get his hopes on the wrong girl.

as for cute-ass, for someone as young as you are, you are simply marvellous, your opinions are always appreciated and straight to the point.

as for seun, though i dont totally agree with him but i think we are all entitled to our own opinions.

Bolarge:

That's the whole idea.
You really in Norway?

Bolarge:

My guy,na crime to ask?

yes ooh dearie, i'm in norway. freezing my ass off. can't wait for summer.lol
and no its not a crime to ask

joycexz:

well i would say goldenray tell your cousin or friend about it so he don't get his hopes on the wrong girl.

as for cute-ass, for someone as young as you are, you are simply marvellous, your opinions are always appreciated and straight to the point.

as for seun, though i don't totally agree with him but i think we are all entitled to our own opinions.

thanks honey, i'm floating with the compliment.
meant a whole whole lot

hi cuteass

sup with u

Cute-ass, the girl in question has not slept with those other guys.
For all we know, she's may just be planning to keep them as friends.

Common Seun dont act so naive. Just friends indeed. Someone who promised me the whole 'goodies' if I pay her flight ticket to come over pay me a visit? Nah! Not just friends,

You really comment like an Atheist Seun. Are you trully one? I can't beleive a young chap like you can have developed into an atheist in so short a time. Its certainly not African. Declare the truth now so we'll know what to do for you,

Seun:

Cute-ass, the girl in question has not slept with those other guys.
For all we know, she's may just be planning to keep them as friends.

@ Seun

friends??
she's volunteering(practically begging) to travel all the way from jos to Lagos to meet someone she doesn't know, and you call that "friends" ??

i just have to say this: your girlfriend (to be) will really die with a smile on your face, and believe me she wouldn't leave you for another guy because as long as she's with you, she can explore the world and beyond lol
How luckier can she get??

Remember: a guilty mind fears no accusation

if the girl you're defending had "just friends" in mind with either of the guys, why then was it so important for her to remind the "third" guy not to let the "second" guy know about their "friendship date"

and whoever told you she's not planning to sleep with them??

abeg the girl is nothing more than a cheap handerchief

So they won't cause all this trouble, of course! (since she knows that they are not understanding)

Personally, I think the story is a fabrication of goldenray's mind. He keeps on adding more outrageous "details" each time in order to compel me to stop siding with the girl.

lmao@y'all

Seun:

So they won't cause all this trouble, of course! (since she knows that they are not understanding)

why would she be running after them in the first place, doesn't she have better things to do than travelling from one place to the other in "search" of "friends"
can't she keep her behind one place??
and believe me if she seemed sincere, nobody would be causing any troubles. If my boyfriend told me about his female friends, it would be ok. But there'll be suspicions when he finds it necessary to keep it a secret.

BTW i've already told you your girlfriend is one lucky lady

Seun:

Personally, I think the story is a fabrication of goldenray's mind. He keeps on adding more outrageous "details" each time in order to compel me to stop siding with the girl.

this might be fabrication, yes. But there are 1001 girls like this that won't keep their decency to themselves

it ends up brigning a bad name to females in geneal, and that's not funny at all

why would she be running after them in the first place, doesn't she have better things to do than travelling from one place to the other in "search" of "friends" can't she keep her behind one place??

It's possible that she doesn't have better things to do with her time, but that doesn't make her actions wrong.