"Am I antisocial?", I always wonder.

I mean, I know I have very strong introvert traits and mentality but I'm deeply bothered about my inability to socialise and maintain conversations. I even hardly start conversations and I know I'm lacking.

It's not even that certain characteristic don't favour me. I'm 20 years old, dark, tall, 500L med student.

Even my monthly dough ranges between 40-60k.

I should be alright but I'm not. The closest I was to being in an actual relationship was choked by lack of communication. I hate calling, only texting.

Saying "Hello" to people is like an uphill task to me. I barely have friends except leeches that just wanna suck.

I'm not even a bookworm actually, I try to live the happiest possible way but this is my Achilles heel. The genesis of my problems.


I once had problems that could have been solved by talking to someone or some persons but it evolved to depression and suicidal tendencies. I'm afraid it is starting to happen again, I need help talking.

Dude, Just look Good, Clean and appear confident. Who says you need to say a word?

when having a convo try to be eloquent, sense of humor, and if it's a girl. Flirting helps.

jeez science student are mostly unsocial. It's a medical condition


Am the master when it comes to association. I can talk with you for 5 seconds and you'd like me. It's a gift.

Everything has a beggining. Time lines are very helpful in helping us piece together aspects of our life that impact on how we relate to people as well as why people relate the way they do to us. Do we say what we mean? How we view ourselves and how the world views us. It’s probably not the same. I don’t think you are anti-social, you are crippled by self doubt, most likely have social anxiety might be on the spectrum by all means that is not a disability in it’s self . What you need to learn is a way of communicating that suits you. Why do you fear rejection so much?

Hey man, I totally understand what you're going through as an Introvert myself. I guess you feel more at ease when you are all by yourself

Anyway it's normal to feel the need for association and as such you have to have some decent amount of convos with people. So here are tips I'll give to you. Trust me it works

1. Smile - It might seem stupid but it does have a way of signaling to people that you're a friend/guy that they can approach/talk to/hang out with

2. A little good morning/hello/whats up etc is a pretty good way to break the ice and set you on a path to talking with people

3. Pick interest in other things (not your regular stuff). eg. I'm not a fashion freak. I actually detested it but since many people love it so much (esp the chicks) I picked up on it. And boy it made me many friends.

4. Don't be too serious about talking with people. Just take it like you're talking with a baby. Be goofy, play, take it easy. Take off the pressure!

5. Be happy inside. Happiness radiates and people find you more approachable when you're happy

I hope these points work for you 'cos it certainly has worked for me.

MissRaine69:
Everything has a beggining. Time lines are very helpful in helping us piece together aspects of our life that impact on how we relate to people as well as why people relate the way they do to us. Do we say what we mean? How we view ourselves and how the world views us. It’s probably not the same. I don’t think you are anti-social, you are crippled by self doubt, most likely have social anxiety might be on the spectrum by all means that is not a disability in it’s self . What you need to learn is a way of communicating that suits you. Why do you fear rejection so much?

Rejection is bad for me because my brain plays it in so many angles.

I hate asking for things, I hate begging the most. If I actually ask for something and a person says no, I'll feel very terrible and never ask anything from the person again.

LeiderJa:


Rejection is bad for me because my brain plays it in so many angles.

I hate asking for things, I hate begging the most. If I actually ask for something and a person says no, I'll feel very terrible and never ask anything from the person again.

You just have to try and overcome these

LeiderJa:


Rejection is bad for me because my brain plays it in so many angles.

I hate asking for things, I hate begging the most. If I actually ask for something and a person says no, I'll feel very terrible and never ask anything from the person again.

And dis tin dey always make me stand out,I hate begging or receiving helps and e Don always make me try 2 be no1 4 everything I do!4 grls mata I dey always c dem as headache bt if u fit cope 2 runs dem na beans.

LeiderJa:


Rejection is bad for me because my brain plays it in so many angles.

I hate asking for things, I hate begging the most. If I actually ask for something and a person says no, I'll feel very terrible and never ask anything from the person again.

you are not alone in this my brother but don't take everything to heart

That's your innate personality,be yourself,never struggle to be like others,learn to love yourself for who you are.If you exhibit this inferiority complex,it will ruin your entire life.It is better to listen more and talk less,it makes you a wise dude,Never force yourself on others.Be yourself.

LeiderJa:


Rejection is bad for me because my brain plays it in so many angles.

I hate asking for things, I hate begging the most. If I actually ask for something and a person says no, I'll feel very terrible and never ask anything from the person again.

Why will you not hate begging when as a student you are given 50 to 60k every other month.I can see that you have some traits of too much self pride.this attitude will scare people from you.Do you know that asking for something from your neighbour is a form of relating with that person,even if he declined.it's not everything you ask from life that it gives to you.

If you've actually spend 5 years in higher institution and your social life hasn't improved then it is Finish, nothing anyone can do about it.

even though I detect some lies and exaggeration in your post, nothing anyone here can do to improve your social life.

my piece of advice is... relocate to one ghetto in Lagos and spend just a month there..... Thank me later.

Thanks to those who have brilliantly contributed to this discussion.
Poor social skills is a serious problem which has to be tackled with utmost sense of urgency.
There are aetiological factors, symptomatology and consequences of the deficit behaviour.
It may be as a result of poor identity formation, poor self esteem, poor social efficacy, low self concept, authoritarian parenting, negatively suppressed past experiences etc.
Such individuals with poor social skills do not go far in life careerwise because of their inability to relate consistently W with people, they remain unmarried or select wrong mates as spouses, they are afraid of negative evaluation or criticism, they suffer mood swings, and enjoy loneliness. They are afraid of travelling or changing jobs as they will likely meet new faces. They are not sure of themselves. Among others.
You need attention of a Counselling or clinical psychologist.
You need to learn how to act scripts. You need coaching and mentoring. You need to patiently seek for a stable friend from your genderfolk before crossing the lane to other side. Don't rush wooing a girl. Be patient to let the relationship evolve. If the girl likes your personality, she will be madly in love with you.
Take time to rehearse most things you think of saying. Expect that your views cannot be correct and valid always. Be bold and confident about life.
This is my humble submission as a behaviour change expert.

bayooz:
Thanks to those who have brilliantly contributed to this discussion.
Poor social skills is a serious problem which has to be tackled with utmost sense of urgency.
There are aetiological factors, symptomatology and consequences of the deficit behaviour.
It may be as a result of poor identity formation, poor self esteem, poor social efficacy, low self concept, authoritarian parenting, negatively suppressed past experiences etc.
Such individuals with poor social skills do not go far in life careerwise because of their inability to relate consistently W with people, they remain unmarried or select wrong mates as spouses, they are afraid of negative evaluation or criticism, they suffer mood swings, and enjoy loneliness. They are afraid of travelling or changing jobs as they will likely meet new faces. They are not sure of themselves. Among others.
You need attention of a Counselling or clinical psychologist.
You need to learn how to act scripts. You need coaching and mentoring. You need to patiently seek for a stable friend from your genderfolk before crossing the lane to other side. Don't rush wooing a girl. Be patient to let the relationship evolve. If the girl likes your personality, she will be madly in love with you.
Take time to rehearse most things you think of saying. Expect that your views cannot be correct and valid always. Be bold and confident about life.
This is my humble submission as a behaviour change expert.

Thanks

coputa:
Why will you not hate begging when as a student you are given 50 to 60k every other month.I can see that you have some traits of too much self pride.this attitude will scare people from you.Do you know that asking for something from your neighbour is a form of relating with that person,even if he declined.it's not everything you ask from life that it gives to you.

You're like one of those that mistake introversion or quietness for pride. Not cool.

LeiderJa:


Rejection is bad for me because my brain plays it in so many angles.

I hate asking for things, I hate begging the most. If I actually ask for something and a person says no, I'll feel very terrible and never ask anything from the person again.

You can’t live your life as an island
At some point you will require something from someone we all do at some point in life it’s called asking for help. Askid for help does not necessarily entail begging. And period are well within their rights to say no.

You cannot expect life to be without rejection that’s unrealistic. This fear started somewhere and it is crippling you.
What was your childhood like?
Parents- your relationship with them especially your mother.
What’s your relationship like with siblings if you have any?
What was school like? Did you struggle to make friends?
Bullied?
What do you enjoys doing?
How would an outsider describe you?

You have too much ego.

You need to start breaking it like egg against the wall.
Start doing weird things
Embrace rejection, get rejected so much to d point that it doesnt matter to you anymore.
Start walking around naked
Just do sth very embarrassing and stick to it.

Same as me

bayooz:
Thanks to those who have brilliantly contributed to this discussion.
Poor social skills is a serious problem which has to be tackled with utmost sense of urgency.
There are aetiological factors, symptomatology and consequences of the deficit behaviour.
It may be as a result of poor identity formation, poor self esteem, poor social efficacy, low self concept, authoritarian parenting, negatively suppressed past experiences etc.
Such individuals with poor social skills do not go far in life careerwise because of their inability to relate consistently W with people, they remain unmarried or select wrong mates as spouses, they are afraid of negative evaluation or criticism, they suffer mood swings, and enjoy loneliness. They are afraid of travelling or changing jobs as they will likely meet new faces. They are not sure of themselves. Among others.
You need attention of a Counselling or clinical psychologist.
You need to learn how to act scripts. You need coaching and mentoring. You need to patiently seek for a stable friend from your genderfolk before crossing the lane to other side. Don't rush wooing a girl. Be patient to let the relationship evolve. If the girl likes your personality, she will be madly in love with you.
Take time to rehearse most things you think of saying. Expect that your views cannot be correct and valid always. Be bold and confident about life.
This is my humble submission as a behaviour change expert.

This is me...Weed helped me become bolder but. I got addicted and it landed me in a rehab..since i got out iv been so less confident and hardly know what to say in a social situation