I had what I thought was a lovely relationship with a man I met while in college. He's intelligent, creative, made me laugh alot and he was a very loving person. Always there for me and my family, nothing was too hard for him to do for my family. They all loved him.

To get to the point and to cut the story short. My sister had a boyfriend, they were having problems, they were together for almost 4 years when she found out she was "finally pregnant". When she found out, they started to have some serious problems, to the point they broke up. At that time, we (the family) didnt know what was the real problem as neither of them spoke about it, they just argued then she said they'd had enough and he left.

We were very supportive of her and the unborn child. My boyfriend would "fit in" now as the person to take her around. I sometimes even call him for her to take her places, and as usual, he never refuse, unless he's really tied up. He and my sister started to get so close, but ofcourse not, I wouldnt think anything of it, as she was hurting and he was a caring person, so I thought lightly of their closeness.

When the baby was born, the resemblance was splitting image of my boyfriend, quite interesting I said to myself, looking at the baby in the hospital. I didnt say a word, but obviously everyone in my family including him noticed what I noticed. My mother was the first to break the silence like a week after, she said it was a bother to her.

Surprizinly, both of them admitted to the affair they'd been having, and it was the reason for her and her boyfriend to break up, as her boyfriend found out and left her.

To this day, I havent said a word to the man I as with, it was never the right time to talk about it. I didnt want to hear, it was instant breakup. Going 5 yrs now. I grew very aprart from my family, didnt go there for a full year after the birth of the baby as it was too painfuly to look at the child and remember. He's innocent, and I dont want to hate him. As for my sister, I havent spoken to her as yet either and cant find it in me to forgive her.

Should I put it behind me and forgive my sister. Would you?

No question about the man, he's long history he's not even remembered. I've gotten over him ages.

Carolece:

I had what I thought was a lovely relationship with a man I met while in college. He's intelligent, creative, made me laugh alot and he was a very loving person. Always there for me and my family, nothing was too hard for him to do for my family. They all loved him.

To get to the point and to cut the story short. My sister had a boyfriend, they were having problems, they were together for almost 4 years when she found out she was "finally pregnant". When she found out, they started to have some serious problems, to the point they broke up. At that time, we (the family) didnt know what was the real problem as neither of them spoke about it, they just argued then she said they'd had enough and he left.

We were very supportive of her and the unborn child. My boyfriend would "fit in" now as the person to take her around. I sometimes even call him for her to take her places, and as usual, he never refuse, unless he's really tied up. He and my sister started to get so close, but ofcourse not, I wouldnt think anything of it, as she was hurting and he was a caring person, so I thought lightly of their closeness.

When the baby was born, the resemblance was splitting image of my boyfriend, quite interesting I said to myself, looking at the baby in the hospital. I didnt say a word, but obviously everyone in my family including him noticed what I noticed. My mother was the first to break the silence like a week after, she said it was a bother to her.

Surprizinly, both of them admitted to the affair they'd been having, and it was the reason for her and her boyfriend to break up, as her boyfriend found out and left her.

To this day, I havent said a word to the man I as with, it was never the right time to talk about it. I didnt want to hear, it was instant breakup. Going 5 yrs now. I grew very aprart from my family, didnt go there for a full year after the birth of the baby as it was too painfuly to look at the child and remember. He's innocent, and I dont want to hate him. As for my sister, I havent spoken to her as yet either and cant find it in me to forgive her.

Should I put it behind me and forgive my sister. Would you?

No question about the man, he's long history he's not even remembered. I've gotten over him ages.

Gawd, men


Has your Sister contacted you or made any effort to?

Busy_body:



Gawd, men


Has your Sister contacted you or made any effort to?

She tried but I ignore her, my mother even tell me its time I forgive, but I just cant. She knew we were together so if the man put the qestions to her, she should have let me know, or turn down his offer. She shouldnt have. Men are dogs, I expect everything from them, but I didnt expect it from my own sister.

Now, I see the genesis of the hate

Sincerely though, it's always good to forgive whether or not the guilty party is apologetic.
As hard as it may be, it's the only way to move on in life.

Has your sister tried to talk to you or apologize?

HMMM, let me simmer on that a bit,

My sister never slept with any of my boyfriends and I HATE YOU FAHER!!!!

Easier said than done, but blood is thicker than water,

i know, its ironic, your sis didnt think of it than way when she decided to betray you,

But be the better person and open up communication channels with her,

Haha, I'm ROTFLMAO

It's natural queeneve, any lady who likes me, must be swinging the other way already

I have to stop hating before I can forgive her, as I cant stand the mere sight of her.

I have come to understand the negative and selfish side of man, that almost nothing , shocks me anymore.

Carolece:

Should I put it behind me and forgive my sister. Would you?

Talk about it. Hear her side of the story and probably, his too.
This will help You understand the whole issue, from genesis to the end.
If I were You, I'D love to know why she did it.
Are they still together?

Faher:

Now, I see the genesis of the hate

Sincerely though, it's always good to forgive whether or not the guilty party is apologetic.
As hard as it may be, it's the only way to move on in life.

Has your sister tried to talk to you or apologize?

Thats not the only reason why I hate men. My dad! He was one of the worse men I've ever encountered. He was a w'hore, had so many kids outside the family, and he used to deprive us of basic necessities which he could afford. He beat us (kids and my mom). He was so disrespectful. I may sound cruel, but when he died, it was of great joy to me, I was a happier person when he died, and so were my siblings. My mother took it hard as she loved him dearly, but eventually she got over him after like two yrs and began a happy life with her girls (myself and 4 siblings).

My uncle who lived close to us, he was the biggest w'hore in the community, we used to tell lies for him as many women used to show up at the same time. Then, I didnt look at it as anything as I was too young to understand, but as I got older, it made me understand that the same can/will happen to me.

All the men I know cheat, every single one have kids outside their relationships/marriages, or have women that they are dating outside of the one they have.

Men I work with, they too have a tendency to cheat, its all around me. I just cant see myself in a relationship and trust. There will have to be an intervention from the higher one.

DAMN YOU bleeped UP CAROLECE, IT MUST BE PAINFUL,


HEE HEE@FAHER, I ACTUALLY KINDA LIKE YA,

Missy B:

I have come to understand the negative and selfish side of man, that almost nothing , shocks me anymore.
Talk about it. Hear her side of the story and probably, his too.
This will help You understand the whole issue, from genesis to the end.
If I were You, I'D love to know why she did it.
Are they still together?

I dont think I really want to hear it at all. I just hope some day I will just forgive her on my own. Dont know if they are still seeing each other as I distanced myself from them. The topic just does not come up. I only speak to my mother via telephone, havent seen her for 3 yrs now. I avoid seeing her as she is the one taking care of the lil boy. Dont know if the father is playing any part in his life, I have zero clue what's happening and I dont think its my business.

queeneve:

DAMN YOU bleeped UP CAROLECE, IT MUST BE PAINFUL,


HEE HEE@FAHER, I ACTUALLY KINDA LIKE YA,

That's a first

Faher,

Don't over your head, I SAID KINDA LIKE YA,

Although you like white chicks, I still kinda like ya, and you can handle the cardboards better than you can handle a real woman like me,

Don't go over your league,

There she goes, busting my balls again.
No woman is out of my league

Carolece:

Thats not the only reason why I hate men. My dad! He was one of the worse men I've ever encountered. He was a w'hore, had so many kids outside the family, and he used to deprive us of basic necessities which he could afford. He beat us (kids and my mom). He was so disrespectful. I may sound cruel, but when he died, it was of great joy to me, I was a happier person when he died, and so were my siblings. My mother took it hard as she loved him dearly, but eventually she got over him after like two yrs and began a happy life with her girls (myself and 4 siblings).

My uncle who lived close to us, he was the biggest w'hore in the community, we used to tell lies for him as many women used to show up at the same time. Then, I didnt look at it as anything as I was too young to understand, but as I got older, it made me understand that the same can/will happen to me.

All the men I know cheat, every single one have kids outside their relationships/marriages, or have women that they are dating outside of the one they have.

Men I work with, they too have a tendency to cheat, its all around me. I just cant see myself in a relationship and trust. There will have to be an intervention from the higher one.

Carolece:

I dont think I really want to hear it at all. I just hope some day I will just forgive her on my own. Dont know if they are still seeing each other as I distanced myself from them. The topic just does not come up. I only speak to my mother via telephone, havent seen her for 3 yrs now. I avoid seeing her as she is the one taking care of the lil boy. Dont know if the father is playing any part in his life, I have zero clue what's happening and I dont think its my business.

**Sighs** How much effect the enviroment has on us!!!

Some people care and some dont. I care and I pay close attention to what happens around me. I am not nieve and wont say "that cant happen to me" as everything has already happend anyways. I always expect the worse, if or when I get the best, I cherish it and the person, sing praises and shout hallejulah, but now I am hating to the best of my ability. Until men can show me they can be good then I will change my thoughts about them and my hatred towards them.

Dont know what to tell ya, dont think I'd even have the heart to forgive such a person. Women are their own enemies.

Did you say it's been five years? Since you spoke to her?
It's probably time to move on, then.

Dont get me wrong. Its not possible for me to take this situation lightly because family members are as off-limits as you can possibly get.

When I say, move on, I don't mean sellotape a smile to your face and act like it's all rosy. I mean begin with the first step and pray about it.
As in, pray long and pray hard. Talk to God about it. Nowadays people equate moving on with either getting revenge or seeing the person who hurt you get knocked down by karma's bitchiness or living in a quagmire of self - pity where your life is lived in terms of "Oh, how I wish this person had never come into my life , my life has never been the same ".

I think what your sister did was the most terrible thing any sister can do ,  but would you be willing to imagine how she feels now? Sometimes we don't realize the implications of the things we do until we have done them and by then its faaaaaar too late to change anything. Just speak to her the next time she calls and really talk to her. Ask her all the questions you want to ask her. You will not forgive her immediately, but at least be willing to take that first step.

I pray alot, without prayers I dont know where I would be now. Its going to be hard to take the first step, but I hope I will in the near future though.

@poster
U sound very much like my friend. she is so locked up in her cage that i advised her to become a nun.

U might have encountered the wrong men vis-a-vis ur home, office, school, everywhere; but be assured that not all are the same.

Now back to ur sister, I think U should forgive and forget. I even wonder how you pray

I pray alot, without prayers I dont know where I would be now.

how can U pray with such a heavy heart?

3 years is a very long time staying away from your family. My deductions, I believe U lack focus and progress in your dreams; this is because, your mind is clouded w/ hate.

As a man, I have being such situations not romantically, but in business - however, I didn't stop walking, currently I'm having the greatest fun in my life.

It's high time U confronted the enemy, in other to make peace.

saintneo:


Now back to your sister, I think U should forgive and[b] forget. I even wonder how you pray how can U pray with such a heavy heart?[/b]

My deductions, I believe U lack focus and progress in your dreams; this is because, your mind is clouded w/ hate.

Forget?
So are you telling me because I have a heavy heart I shouldnt or cant pray. Please, this doesnt make sense to me at all. Utterly nonsense!

If you are referring to being successful in life. You also have that wrong, as I am the most successful person in my family (mother and sisters). I have accomplished more than all of them combined, and its not like I am saying this to make it seem like I am praising vanity or being better than them in any way shape or form.

topup:

Oh Carolece, I'm so sorry about this, it sounds extremely painful, I've never been there before, but I do advocate forgiveness, if you can even consider it, you are a very mature and sensible woman. No one is perfect, it does show your sister's immaturity though. Human beings are all different, but if you can forgive her, then do so, this does not mean that you have to be the closest of friends and do all things sisterly - after all it is such an awkward situation which you've been placed in.

I will allow time to help me deal with it. Thanks

It's awful to have something like that dwelling on

a family relationship. Whenever you feel like you're

ready try talking to her about it. You need to get over

it sometime or another. Maybe she'll even come to you

first and talk to you about it.

@Carolece a Simple Sms is alright. jUST SMS Her u forgiving her and she messed up by doing that.from there ur strong heart will start to get melt and pick her call then tell her it over.

Carolece:

I had what I thought was a lovely relationship with a man I met while in college. He's intelligent, creative, made me laugh alot and he was a very loving person. Always there for me and my family, nothing was too hard for him to do for my family. They all loved him.

To get to the point and to cut the story short. My sister had a boyfriend, they were having problems, they were together for almost 4 years when she found out she was "finally pregnant". When she found out, they started to have some serious problems, to the point they broke up. At that time, we (the family) didnt know what was the real problem as neither of them spoke about it, they just argued then she said they'd had enough and he left.

We were very supportive of her and the unborn child. My boyfriend would "fit in" now as the person to take her around. I sometimes even call him for her to take her places, and as usual, he never refuse, unless he's really tied up. He and my sister started to get so close, but ofcourse not, I wouldnt think anything of it, as she was hurting and he was a caring person, so I thought lightly of their closeness.

When the baby was born, the resemblance was splitting image of my boyfriend, quite interesting I said to myself, looking at the baby in the hospital. I didnt say a word, but obviously everyone in my family including him noticed what I noticed. My mother was the first to break the silence like a week after, she said it was a bother to her.

Surprizinly, both of them admitted to the affair they'd been having, and it was the reason for her and her boyfriend to break up, as her boyfriend found out and left her.

To this day, I havent said a word to the man I as with, it was never the right time to talk about it. I didnt want to hear, it was instant breakup. Going 5 yrs now. I grew very aprart from my family, didnt go there for a full year after the birth of the baby as it was too painfuly to look at the child and remember. He's innocent, and I dont want to hate him. As for my sister, I havent spoken to her as yet either and cant find it in me to forgive her.

Should I put it behind me and forgive my sister. Would you?

No question about the man, he's long history he's not even remembered. I've gotten over him ages.

That's good, he's not worth  one second of your time.



Your sister's part in this is almost unforgivable, but, if you are able to forgive then it would be the best thing for you.

I do not have a sister,but if I did I am not sure I would be able to do the above , but I know that by forgiving her it would make my life easier.

Carolece:

Forget?
So are you telling me because I have a heavy heart I shouldnt or cant pray. Please, this doesnt make sense to me at all. Utterly nonsense!

If you are referring to being successful in life. You also have that wrong, as I am the most successful person in my family (mother and sisters). I have accomplished more than all of them combined, and its not like I am saying this to make it seem like I am praising vanity or being better than them in any way shape or form.

OK! That is the more reason you should forget. You are very much ahead of them, take this as an opportunity; you never know what lies ahead.

Busy_body:

Gawd, men
Has your Sister contacted you or made any effort to?

Hey busybody, though, i am one of your fans on NL. So, sorry, i have to do this:

but, shut the f up. Whaddaya mean gawd men? I mean, blood is thicker than water or so they say.
So, what if i am your man and your blood sister now seduces me? Now, we all know it is easier to
seduce a man (most of the time). And what was the sister thinking f**ing her sisters guy when she
has her own for how many years?

Well, i dont know the full story on the other side sha, but i wont rush to condemn women or men.



The kinda problem with carolene is that, she may turn out to become a man-hater or a dyke = i pray
that is not your case sha.
Anyway, my advise is that, if you are not in a relationship, you might as well hang out with a male
friend - even if it is just a platonic rel., just dont lock yourself up.

@madlady, i salute oh. FL and MissyB, great to see you both.

@poster sorry about your experience it is indeed a very sad thing especially when u get betrayed by family, i've bn there so i know exactly how you feel. But wht i did was never lock my self up cos as there are bad,cruel eggs amongst us also there are good eggs with us too. I am now having a wonderful relationship so i believe you will find someone. Your last guy didnt deserve you he's a pig and a silly fellow for him to even have the audacity, courage and temerity to bleep your sis, i blame your sis too cos she knew you and the naughty person. Your psyche too has bn affected cos of all the men around you which you say are all cheats well, see that as opportunities to view the darkside of men so u can equip urself to be strong in times like this cos u will still see others who are as gentle as a lamb.loll. For your sister please forgive her and the hating , is a matter of choice. If u decide not to hate you will not, it is not by force you forgive her and start being all over her case,noo, forgive and give yourself time to trust her or better still let her fight for your trust but once bitten twice shy